One oft heard desire is that one wants to be 'free'. To
be released from responsibilities one is tied to - the daughter-in-law
wants freedom from the mother-in-law, husband wants freedom from the wife
and wife from the husband, employees want freedom from employment, kids
want freedom from school and parents etc etc.
The reason for the desire for freedom is normally this - that the victims are not 'allowed' to be themselves. That they are being moulded in a certain way
through structures and rules which go against their natural tendencies. This
force fitting them into a different mould causes them to give up, resent
authority and want to flee. Someplace where they can be 'themselves'. Where
they are allowed to be themselves.
The fact of the matter is that unless one is physically chained or
restricted, one is free to be themselves. I mean one is always 'themselves' -
we don't lose ourselves because of some rules or structures do we? It is a
choice for us to make whether we want to be ourselves or not. In spite of the
rules or structures. Or, if the rules get too heavy, to bear with them and
still retain ourselves, in other times.
But most times we take our resentment against rules and expectations as the end
of everything. We protest against the rule and cease being ourselves as a form
of rebellion. We cause immense harm to ourselves in these protests because its
more important to prove that we are wronged - than to stay happy, healthy (ourselves!). The
resentment eats away slowly and one can well kiss that real person good bye.
None of this is the perpetrator's fault. Whatever the
perpetrator demanded is one thing but to take the resentment to all levels is
plain stupidity. Instead, it might help to find a way to be free of the 'need to
be demanded of such sacrifices' - so one can be oneself. It is better to ask
yourself - what is the need within me that makes this person make these
demands. If you can address that, you can be yourself.
Free.
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