By Anjali Paruvu


I thought I'd sewn up all the tears in my blue dress
I'd used thread made of shining chloride
It took me months to repair, their nails were so sharp,
and now I'm sitting wondering what the point was

I thought I had made the taps all leak-proof
I double-checked and triple-checked so many times
But then I woke up one day and felt the world slide
Like everyone was moving and I was left behind

I thought that the skeletons of my past would die
I never thought they could climb out from a grave so deep
Then why is it that suddenly I feel like I'm the creep
Why does the look of my face disgust me?

I thought I'd got my restart
I thought I could abandon all the ghosts of my past
But here they are again, shining in my face
I don't know if I'm confused or silently weeping in pain

And all I want to know is - was it my fault?
Was it my fault that caused the earth to crack?
Are these little lies from a darker source
Or is this as far as my shallow heart goes?

And everybody tries to solve my problems so I stopped
I can't be weak, that'll break my soul again
They used to call me 'sensitive' for crying as a child
So I stopped, now where the hell am I?

I don't know where my friends have disappeared
Did they abandon me or did I isolate myself?
My mother's the only one who knows no one stayed

Was I born this way or did the world change me?
Did I hear people wrong or did they really wrong me?
And I'd rather be right than have people who love me
And I'd rather cry than live with myself again
And I'd rather die than to be alone again

Top Speed

Have I been put in a rat race
One with endless mice
All just like the others
Blinders on both sides

I'm so sick of running as fast as I can
Haven't taken a breath in a while

When was the last time I looked to my side
At the remnants of the people I liked

I don't know how to escape these walls
How does a locksmith break his own lock
And everybody's trying to get in my head
But if I give in, will I give up?

I can't find the path to a happy life
One with light
I only know how to run all the time
If I stopped, would I be able to start again?

Anjali Paruvu is a poet and blogger from Hyderabad, India.