2015. English
Tech entrepreneur makes millions of bucks but has no friends - no one wants to be his best man at his wedding with this too-good-to-be-true girl. So he hires a man from the Best Man Inc which provides best man services - with interesting consequences for all concerned!
Ease (in my definition) is things sorting themselves out without us getting too hassled about it. Big and small, things, they all get sorted. We just walk in and things are happening just right. From finding parking places to conversations that could have potentially gone bad but turned out easy, ease is great to have in our life.
Can it be had by choice? By design?
I believe we can work ourselves into that state of consciousness. To me ease is a consciousness thing i.e. ease outside reflects ease inside. If my insides are conflicted, angry, suspicious and rigid, I cannot expect ease outside in my life. (If life is not experiencing ease outside, check how it is inside).
Let me take one step back - what's the opposite of ease? Again, in my broad definition, its rigid. Holding on too tight to things as opposed to holding them with ease (suffocating your partner as opposed to holding them gently).
So some basic differences between being 'easy' inside as against being 'too tight' inside.
1) Ease is about being light and loose with everything, being flexible, looking at things as 'hmm interesting' however earth shaking they may be. Rigid is about holding on too hard to things, being inflexible, not happy with the slightest change in plan or outcomes.
2) Ease is about being open to all outcomes even after giving the best and not getting attached to one outcome.Being rigid is holding on to one outcome and not letting go of it to the extent of losing sight of any other outcome or possibility.
3) Ease is seeing more opportunities thanks to being flexible and open. Rigid is not seeing any opportunities or solutions and giving up.
4) Ease is about seeing other possibilities. Rigid is end of story.
5) Ease allows you to step back when there is a setback and allowing things to happen, not interfering with the process - or rather taking ego out of the picture. Being rigid is going harder, interfering more with the process, and messing it up - going with ego.
6) Ease is sensing the subtle energy. Being rigid is just being hard.
7) Ease is about non-judgment. Being rigid is about judgment.
When faced with a setback, a person with ease is thinking - hmm, that's interesting, wonder what it means. There is a loosening of the grip, of allowing the energy to correct. There is surrender (which is not giving up) with the faith that the right solution will show up.And even if does not, it is the right solution.
In that state of mind, when the mind is light and loose, in a state of surrender, open to all possibilities, having given up control (no ego) - there is ease inside.
When there is ease inside, ease shows up outside in our life. Nothing seems wrong anymore. Without our hard energy judging, forcing things, most things happen easily. Miraculously almost. One wonders, hey I just stepped out of the way and it happened even better than I could have wanted to.
Is it about being happy with what one gets - like a compromise? No, when there is ease inside we actually have the most elegant, the best solution that we could not even imagine or conceive.
Somewhere at the bottom of it all I feel that so much about ease is about trusting the process of life, of this grander intelligence around us. And it always comes up with the right, the easier solution.
Practice 'ease inside'. Get 'ease' outside.
2019. English.
Caught in a boy club of sports agents Ali Davis realises she has to more than prove herself to be made partner. It would be great if she could read men's minds and voila, she gets the power thanks to Sister, a cocaine snorting medium. It has some unhappy consequences but hey, it turns out good in the end what with Ali finding love and a great career!
2015.
The thing is that I like British comedies because there is something inherently funny in the way they speak and go about life that I find quite compelling and that swung it this way. 34 year old young woman without love meets a guy who is looking for a blind date by pretending to be the blind date and they hit it off. There are consequences obviously and some interesting twists and turns but it all ends happily which is what we are always rooting for!
Yaay. Oh, by the way, the title 'Man Up' is the man telling the girl to man up and take a chance in life and not stay at the fringes! To love and lose is better than not to have loved at all he says.
I got my share of laughs so I am quite happy!
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2013. English. Comedy.
Jennifer Aniston was the big draw to watch this on OTT but it turned out to be decent enough. A couple of loser kidnappers kidnap the wife of a guy (Tim Robbins) who is stashing away cash by cheating the system and find that there is no love lost between the husband and wife and that in fact he had served her divorce papers which she is not aware of. Meanwhile the husband has a love interest with one super chaalu girl called Melanie and well, in the end, it all works out well. Its funny in parts and is quite watchable. Aniston does make it worth the watch as expected.
2023.
Vinod signed up immediately for the film based on some review he had read someplace and when Vinod does impulsive things like this, it must be good. I had made up my mind to watch anyway so it was perfect that Vinod wanted to go too.
Nikhil Nagesh Bhat's debut film based on an experience he had while travelling on a train from Patna to Pune is completely worth the money. The 1 hr 45 mt film is packed with action in a running train and every second looks so real and authentic. Of course its also the goriest I have seen in a film but then it seems fully justified considering the situation the protagonist, an NSG Commando (played by Lakshya) who is trying to protect his fiances family which is on the train from a gang of 45 armed dacoits. He has his friend, another commando for help and they seem to be holding the dacoits until they provoke the commando by doing the unthinkable. It's like Bhat got a protagonist to handle the trauma of whatever happened on the train journey he experienced then.
If you have the stomach for such action and blood, don't miss.
Cecelia Ahern is the bestselling author of 'PS I Love You' - a movie I want to see before the monsoon ends. She writes beautifully and her understanding and description of human nature really impressed me and many times I was left wondering - hmmm, how did she get all that across so well in so few lines.
The Book of tomorrow is a story of Tamara - a most interesting and rebellious sixteen year old with the mind of a thirty or even forty year old. The books starts sometime when her father has died - killing himself with whiskey and drugs unable to face business losses. Tamra is devastated and so is her mother. They move in with her uncle (her mother's brother) and his wife Rosaleen in a large estate. Tamara meets some interesting people - Marcus, who runs a travelling library and who gives her a book that writers her tomorrows today, Sister Ignatius, Wesley, a rebel with a mature head. Things stir well in the pot until some truths from the past come forth.
Cecelia writes well and her characters stand out clearly - Tamara is very well etched in my mind and so are many of the other characters. The visuals of the place are too. Mostly the angst that Tamara feels stays as well. I think that's quite a lot to achieve for a writer in a book. However on the other side, I felt let down a bit by the ending.
No home. They live on the divider under the Ameerpet Metro station. A young family - the parents look like they are migrants and in their early twenties, two young kids, no belongings worth mentioning. No roof, not enough clothes, don't know where the next meal is coming from, no thought beyond the next meal or the next few hours. No house, no gas, no power, no water - and still they are happy sharing the few morsels they seem to have somehow got their hands on.
Togetherness. Sharing. Enjoying the moment.
Happiness.
And all around them people zip about in their cars, from homes, families, everything they can ask for but still deeply unhappy, unsatisfied, unwilling to share.
2024.
Based on a true story of 19 year old Nahir Galarza who was convicted for the murder of her boy friend when it looks like she is covering for her father who appears to have committed the crime. Nahir accepts that she killed her boyfriend by mistake but the story does not fully add up - the court is however convinced and sentences her to life. Nahir however tells another version where she accuses her father of the crime but the court does not take cognisance of it. She is still in jail and her case is in the Supreme Court.
2024.
Vijay Sethupati is the stubborn, justice-seeking barber whose life entangles with that of an electrical shop owner by day and leader of a dacoit gang by night Anurag Kashyap with unpleasant ramifications for both. Many twists and shifts in time frames makes it a bit of a puzzle which we happily decode by the end and are also glad that karma has a weird way of coming back and biting us. Lots of violence and gore.
2018.
A year after the daughter finds herself pregnant and opening the spruced up hotel Bella Donna to a grand opening so everyone is invited except the grandmother who of course will come and there are flashbacks and how Mom Donna met the three loves of her life and settled down on this beautiful island and of course Donna's two old pals and many more interesting characters and most of all ABBAs timeless songs that we can sing along with.
Quite nice but without Meryl Streep half the energy is gone though Lily James seems infected with it pretty much.
Enjoyable hugely.
2022.
Comedy. A seventy year old (Jane Fonda) arrives at the funeral of her childhood friend and threatens the widowed husband that she will kill him. An old friend of hers (Lily Tomlin) and the deceased woman's tells her she will help her kill him by getting her a gun. Why the two women want to kill the husband and whether they succeed or not is the story.
The two seniors are a delight to watch as are all the other older actors who walk in an out of the screen.
2023.
The real life story of the Uruguayan football team that went down in a plane crash in the Andes in 1972. 16 of the original forty five survive 71 days in the freezing cold with no food - they have to choose to eat the flesh of the dead to survive. An incredible story of survival.
Harini is a well-known, published ecologist with books on ecology to her credit. In her foray into crime thrillers Harini brings to life Bangalore of the 1920s, with a female protagonist Kaveri, a liberal, supportive husband in a traditional and conservative society and some murders.
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It is set in Bangalore with horse carts, long walks, gardens, Britishers and such. Kaveri's husband is a doctor and they are present when a murder takes place at the club. Kaveri sees certain things and certain people who are involved and pursues her leads. More murders, more intrigue, a relentless and intrepid investigator in Kaveri and the murders are solved.
Harini touches upon several issues of the day - religion, traditional beliefs, gender bias, caste bias, the British approach to Indians while also keeping a running commentary of the independence movement going on. Not to forget the ecological references to plants, shrubs, flowers. She fully succeeds in bringing to life a Bangalore of the 1920s. I was quite thrilled to learn that the Bull Temple was constructed to appease a bull that was running amok.
Picked it up from A's collection which is now my favorite hunting ground for light an easy reads and found this. Into the first 60 pages I had mu doubts but I slugged on.
January Andrews is a romance writer who has lost faith in love after she found out that her father had had an affair when her mother was suffering with cancer meets childhood crush and a literary fiction writer Augustus Everett who is living next door to her father's love nest. They end up challenging each other to write the other genre and I am not sure what happened to that challenge. Things hot up after the initial trouble and they both find that they complete one another - after finding some truths about each other.
Intense. Sandra Bullock is released after a twenty year prison sentence for the murder of a sheriff and wants to meet her only living relative - her young sister who was five when she was arrested. The turn of events unfold a deadly truth. Ends beautifully.
Sandra Bullock is compelling.
2019.
Fun, with lots of interesting twists. Bernadette, an award-winning architect, withdraws and goes into a mental downslide when one of her major projects is bought by a real estate dealer and converted into a vacant parking lot or something. Her behavior goes from strange to worse and includes causing damage to the neighbour's house by letting the hillside from her residence slide over, dealing with some weird virtual assistant for all her needs (turns out to be a Russian mafia), taking some prescription drugs etc. Anyway, pushed to a corner by her husband who insists that she check into a hospital for her mental health she runs away - to the South Pole. I liked it.
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It's based on a novel based on a real incident circa 1947 - Elizabeth Short a small time actor was gruesomely murdered - the killer has never been caught. The press somehow called it the 'Black Dahlia' case based on a film called called Blue Dahlia or something.
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The film is based on the murder but takes off into a convoluted plot around it and its no surprise that the film didn't do well and de Palma suffered a bit. But it got nominated for some award and that's why I saw it. Wish I hadn't.
One page into it and I realised 'Masoom' was adapted from it. But still reading the original story was wonderful. Erich Segal tells the story well of a family that is suddenly confronted with an uncomfortable secret.
The Beckwith's are considered the perfect family - both Robert and Sheila are academics and they have the perfect life with their two school going daughters. Until Bob gets a call from France saying that Nicole died and left behind a son fathered by Bob when they met briefly. Bob is urged to meet the boy and despite his initial reluctance agrees to meet him. He confesses his affair to Sheila who gets mad initially but then agrees to let the boy stay with them for month. How the polite, sad ten year old Jean Claude's arrival throws up a bunch of emotions unknown to the Beckwiths and how they make peace with it, is the rest of the story.
'Masoom' was a brilliant adaptation of the novel. Haven't seen the English version though. Ticked off!
Billy Crystal stars in this story he wrote about a comedy writer dealing with steadily oncoming dementia, the pain of having lost a wife he loved so much, a difficult relationship with his kids and some people at work he cannot stand. But then he finds a young singer, a feisty woman who brings a lot of love, the present moment and fun into his otherwise falling apart life. Ends up coming to a good place. Nice music.
Enjoyed it.
Sally Rooney is considered one of the top 100 influential people in the world according to Time (one wonders how they figure that out) and is considered one of the brightest literary talents in the world right now. I found 'Normal People' in Anjali's shelf and started reading it.
It starts off with two characters Connell and Marianne who study in the same school. Connell's single mom works as a cleaner in Marianne's mansion. Marianne is considered to be a social misfit, ugly, but she has a special charm for Connell. The two have a relationship based on Connell's trust that Marianne would not go and tell everyone about it - in school he is popular as an all rounder who plays football and also studies well and is good looking. Marianne keeps the secret which means that Connell completely acts like he does not know her outside of their relationship. They break up when he decides to ask a popular girl out for the school gala without asking Marianne because he is too embarrassed to be seen with a loser like her.
They go to college where the roles reverse. Rich Marianne gets popular because of he money and social status while Connell is lagging behind as a poor boy. They continue to have their secret affair/friendship going while dating others. It continues throughout the book - the bond these two share is deeper than any other they experiment with but they never come out with it until the end - she with her deep insecurities which make her put up with severe abuse in all her relationships, almost craving it, and he stops trying to look good for others and listens to what he wants. He ends up writing, she ends up going back to him as she is. They remain friends, always coming back to one another, somehow finding a space to be themselves, to be ok with their insecurities and fears and not be judged for it.
Its told very nicely and brings out the vulnerabilities and frailties of both the characters, subtly showing the honesty and the dishonesty they share. Definitely a book one will not forget - you may forget the characters but that feeling remains, something we all may have experienced, and that is what Sally Rooney achieved through 'Normal People'. It is for all the times when you were sure but something made you hold back.
2023. Hindi.
Bored with his monotonous IT job, young Gaurav shoots his mouth off about how bored he is and God listens to him - his boss fires him. Back at home he finds a moment of epiphany and starts a startup called 'Maa's Magic' or something to that effect where he delivers mom-cooked food to bachelor boys working in the big city. Startup succeeds, grows big enough to control him, he fires the moms and hires machines, loses business friends and girl, and then comes back with moms blessings. Those friends of his were good fun.
Nice and warm though predictable. But then we have seen so much that it is difficult not to predict. Or whatever. Overall, nice like the mom's dabbas.
2021. The movie is based on the marriage and the troubles faced by author Roald Dahl with his film star wife Patricia Neal. Olivia is their first daughter (named Olivia Twenty because when she was born Dahl had twenty dollars in his pocket.
The family has a good life until their son has an accident when he is four and suffers brain damage. Then Olivia dies of measles which devastates Dahl who dotes on her. He shuts off the world, his wife, his children and retreats into a lonely world. His loss of Olivia distances him from his second child Tessa. When Patricia leaves him seeking space from his behavior and wanting to restart her career with a film with Paul Newman, she comes after her to America. Neal ends up winning an Oscar for her part in that film 'Hud'. The couple see happier times for a while after that.
Much of Dahl's personality comes out in the film - his writing in his secluded room, sharpening his pencils, his muse a little boy who appears and seems to guide him, his penchant to eat chocolates and makes balls of the silver foil, scotch at hand, his extreme sensitivity to criticism. The walks to the local chocolate shop with his children, their suggestions for his book including a river of chocolate etc are endearing. Neal fell sick and was nurtured to good health by Dahl and a band of associates. Both Dahl and Neal supported vaccination for measles heavily.
Watch.
Written in 1891, the byline for Tess of the d'Urbervilles is 'A Pure Woman'. One can guess how Thomas Hardy must have approached this subject in times of extreme sexual repression and gender bias. Tess obviously goes through the stigma of being impure which brings up the question of what is pure and impure.
The story begins with a bang when Tess's father who does not do much for a living except drink, finds out from the local parson that they are not the Durbeyfields as they mistakenly call themselves but are related to the noble d'Urberville family. This does not bring any great fortune to the family except a sense of grandeur. Tess, the oldest of their daughters, somehow manages to kill the only horse they have in an accident and is forced to seek employment to help the family finances. Her mother asks her to go to a well off family who go under the name of d'Urberville to seek employment. Turns out that this family has appropriated the title to elevate themselves socially. Anyway the young man from the family pursues Tess relentlessly and makes her pregnant against her will (rapes her in other words) and leaves her. The girl loses the child, picks up a bad reputation and goes to work in a faraway farm where another young man falls in love with her and she with him. When he proposes marriage she tries to tell him the truth but he refuses to hear and soon after the marriage confesses to her that he has had an affair with an older woman sometime in the past. She confesses to her affair upon which he takes umbrage and tells her that he cannot be married to her and leaves her. Tess is all alone, her father dies and the family is turned out of their house, when the first chap who fathered a child with her, arrives to make amends by asking her to marry him. The husband who went away to Brazil also returns to make amends by which time Tess, the eternally confused, marries the first guy. When the second guy (the husband meets her) she says she hates the first guy and can only love her husband who deserted her, and kills the first guy. The husband and wife run away for five days and spend a great honeymoon before the law catches up with her. Before she is hanged she tells her husband to marry her younger sister who is a pure woman. Thus ends Tess's story.
It's incredible how these guys think and behave, how she easily reduces herself to be their servant, how she is judged and how she judges herself. But those were the times and I am certain that it must have been a controversial one because the woman takes revenge on her perpetrator even though he tries to make amends by giving their family shelter and offering to marry her. Complicated lot if you ask me.
2011. Tom Hanks, Julia Roberts.
A nice breezy feel good romantic comedy about a divorced retail store clerk who gets fired because he has no college education and his English Professor at the college he joins. Add in a friendly neighbour, some fun loving students who help him redefine his life in a scooter gang, an old navy link who runs a restaurant, and you can see that the movie leaves you warm and fuzzy. Just what the doctor ordered on a cold, rainy day.
Julia Roberts is brilliant. Tom Hanks his usual self.
Loved it.
2008. British.
Set in London, it is about Poppy, a happy go lucky school teacher played by Sally Hawkins. You have to see it to believe how happy go lucky Poppy is. Nothing seems to dim her happy attitude to life - her being 30, unmarried, not in a relationship, rude strangers, her bike being stolen (her only regret being that she did not get to say bye to the bike), her judgmental sister, a crazy driving instructor who falls in love with her in his crazy manner and so on. Poppy goes about being happy, adding a smile to the world, and somehow considers it is her mission or a gift given her disposition. Got to see a bit of London thanks to this film.
The judgments her driving instructor Scoot makes about her - her attitude, her smiling, her clothes, her shoes, lead him to think that she is interested in him and he begins stalking her. When confronted he denies it and lies outright to her. Poppy can see how she can be misunderstood by people but continues to be herself. In fact the poster of the film shows her on the back of man - her brother-in-law, who develops a back ache because she jumped on to him from behind. Obviously he is not as upset about it as his judgmental wife is!
Eminently watchable
2018. Lebanese.
The story is about a 12 year old boy Zain who is in jail for stabbing a man who married his 13 year old sister who dies in pregnancy complications. Zain sues his parents for having him, for having been born. Through Zain's short life we see the struggles of those who live in the slums of Beirut, refugees who come from Africa with no papers and who are at the mercy of the law. Zain runs away after having failed to protect his sister from marriage and finds a young Ethiopian woman who has a small child out of wedlock, living on forged papers. The best parts of the movie are about Zain taking care of the one year old baby while the mother goes out to work. It's a hard look at life.
Zain is brilliant. The film is directed by Nadine Lebaki and has won much critical acclaim, including a 15 minute standing ovation at Cannes!
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2016. Disturbing.
A writer sends his newly written manuscript to his ex-wife who left him to marry a rich and unfaithful husband. She reads the disturbing novel about a man who is stopped on the road while driving with his wife and daughter by three hoodlums. The hoodlums rape and kill his wife and daughter and try to kill him as well but he escapes. He returns after an year and with the help of a cop who is dying of cancer kills them all, and dies in the process. In real world, the ex-wife plans a meeting with him but he does not show up. The novel seems eerily similar to his life because he loses his daughter (aborted), wife, and himself.
Disturbing is all I can say. Mike Shannon as the cop is very convincing.
Gouri is one of those free spirits doing many things and living life like she wants to on her own terms (I think, from what I have known of her). She writes brilliantly, edits, conducts workshops, counsels, cooks and does many other things with far greater passion than most people do. And she does it all with ease.
I've read her fiction which is brilliant, her parenting books which have sound, practical advice, her book on her dog and now her book about food - Belly Dancing is A Romp Through the World of Food. And so it is.
It's not your regular cook book thought she throws in a few recipes here and there. Its mostly a collection of articles she wrote over the years for various publications. Its a 250 page book which takes you on a culinary journey from traditional food to fusion food, Irani cafes to Fexting affairs, the rise of cook books and chefs in India, people she met like the Azmi's house, what to do with food stuff that did not come out exactly right and so on.There's a story about how she was making some dish that needed lots of milk for her kojagiri purnima and the milk went bad or something and she called the dairy and the owner landed up with fresh milk at her doorstep and saved the day. There are stories about the new equipment overtaking the kitchen. She mulls over the jhoota business and how chefs sometimes eat off the ladle and put it back, praises poori bhaji, jackfruit yams, vada pav, missal and so on. She dwells on how no one can make a chicken sandwich simply like they do in Marzorin (one other place I find that type of sandwich is at Secunderabad Club) and all we get now are heavy duty club sandwiches.
Get the drift. Its all about her experiences with food and since she is well researched it all reads so good. I learned many things, got an insight into many cultures, people, sellers, cooks, consumers and so on. As with all her books this is just her and her spirit talking - light, breezy, stuffed with delicious content, witty and immensely readable. Well done Gouri.
2021. Produced by Will Smith among others, it had six nominations and won the Oscar for Will Smith as best actor. It's the story of a 'man with a plan' - Richard Williams who decides that his two daughters Venus and Serena will be tennis stars after he finds that a tennis pro made 40k in one tournament. As a security guard he was making 50k so he figured that's the way to go. Richard sticks to his plan stubbornly, meeting people, coaching his kids, laying down ground rules like staying humble, not slacking off on effort, pushing hard, keeping education important, not getting satisfied or greedy and most importantly to have fun while doing it - and thanks to his and his wife's and step daughters help and assistance they end up making the plan come true.
Cannot have a better example for what happen when one plans properly and executes the plan on priority basis. Smith is brilliant. The movie is riveting and does not let up for a moment. If you want to make your kids into champions - watch the movie and learn.
1993.
The life of a happily married (but broke) college teacher (Bill Pullman) and his wife (Nicole Kidman) gets thrown into a turmoil when an old school friend of his, a doctor (Alec Baldwin), comes into their life. What happens after the good doctor enters their lives is a tale of intrigue, passion, betrayal and malice.
However I must submit that despite being entertaining I find it difficult to believe the complex route the two lovers take to make the money - they could have found easier ways. Too many holes in the plot.
But like I said, entertaining, so forget about that.
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2007.It's surprising how I never heard of this film. Tam Hanks plays Texas senator Charlie Wilson who loves a good life until he meets a friend Joanne Herring (Julia Roberts) who gets him to take some interest in the Afghan situation where the Russians were taking control. Charlie goes to Pakistan and Afghanistan to humour her but ends up being fully committed to the cause. Together with his new found associate Gust Avrakotos (Phillips Hoffman)who is an expert on the Afghan war, he manages to raise US intervention in Afghanistan from 5 million to billions of dollars in running the covert war named Operation Cyclone which finally drove the Russians back.
Incredibly, its a true story. Wonderful viewing.
2024. Very unique. The film starts in a ground by a railway track with some rundown buildings next to it and ends there. bunch of college kids gather there to play some tennis ball cricket. The captain's girlfriend comes there (she's the narrator) with the sister of the second best player (she's quite a live wire and should have had more to do) and another friend. One of the guys in the team has a bat which he lets no one else touch - it was a gift from his father who dies in COVID soon after. They soon have a tiff with a bunch of older guys and end up playing a bet match which changes all their lives.
Loved it.
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Many times we get overwhelmed and the brain ceases to work. We just freeze. Work stops, stress builds, we seek ways to tackle stress and end up in a bigger mess most times. I was thinking of a recent situation when a huge task needed to be done, many things needed to be addressed and i was feeling burdened and overwhelmed.
My body gave up and I fell sick.
At that time I got this thought that instead of worrying about a situation where I will not be able to handle the job, I better take it moment by moment and take care to do what's in my control. So I got in touch with my doctors, took medicines, rested - did all i had to - and stayed in the moment. Let's see.
Turned out that my initial approach of being tentative soon became more confident and I could do more than I thought I could. Everyone pitched in and helped and things went smoothly.
My big takeaway - things are not as bad as they appear if you take them moment by moment. instead of worrying, stay present and things work out better than you thought. It's also the best stress buster - staying present in the moment (which means not thinking about the scary scenarios of the future).
2018
A small town kid who loves playing marbles aims high - to take the village school to an international level - and actually gets the school on the international map with a marbles gold! It's a cute movie.
2024.
We join Riley's world when she is 13. Her now stable emotions of joy, sadness, anger and disgust have created a sense of self and she is happily going along when puberty strikes and a host of new and complex emotions land up - anxiety, envy, disgust and ennui - and they make Riley do things she normally would not. Well, until she gets a grip on herself.
So much is stuff that teenagers go through that at many times we were laughing at how similar the circumstances are - clearing up rooms, mobile usage, apathetic answers, belligerence at being questioned. Anjali said she could not stop crying when she saw what Riley was going through - perhaps identified with herself. It ends with the thought that yes, we all have these complex emotions that make us behave less than perfect but that's ok - we love our kids just as they are.
Brilliant as always.
Peter Mayle has written about England, France and America and his works have been translated into twenty two languages! Now I had not known this but I did like the cover and the title and wondered many times how this book got into my book shelf and why i had not read it. Many times it made it to my discard list and suddenly last week I got this mood to read just this kind of book, picked it off the discard pile and read it. It was well worth it.
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Peter writes about a year in Provence in France. Apparently most Britishers dream of going to France which seems to be a touristy destination and own a house there. Peter and his wife did actually buy a house in Provence and lived there. Its an old house with stone masonry and none of the new age fittings do they really spend a lot of time sprucing it up. There are incidents with neighbours who also double as service providers as they till their land, build boilers, redo the house, etc. In their delightful interactions we get a sense of the French from an insider's point of view - warm and hostile(ready to shoot if needed), friendly and stubborn (won't make way on the road), hospitable and yet suspicious. Peter and his wife wade through delightful foods and wines and stuff in their year at Provence.
Written in a witty manner and from January to December (which is a first for me), A Year in Provence really slowed down things for me as I enjoyed the French countryside along with the Mayles. Now it can go back to that pile and hopefully will regale some lost soul like me.
After a long time I got to watch a heart warming, feel good Telugu movie which keeps it simple but stays true to its heart. The eternal confusion of should-I-follow-my-passion or do what-the-world-is -telling-me-to-do and stick to the safe path is explored deeply and makes a clear point perhaps as strongly or better than most films - go for it. Its one life after all.
The story is about a young musician Arjun who dreams of making it big as a musician while making the kind of music he believes in. He faces the usual challenges from within the family which most artist's do - but sticks to his beliefs. While his mother hopes he will do the normal thing and settle down, his father supports his dreams tacitly, gently nudging him, while being silently supportive. That was beautifully nuanced I felt because there is a thin line between openly supporting the child and taking that dream away from the child and making it the parents' own - which pretty much makes the child resent the whole thing - and/or holding that space so lightly that the child fully owns it and goes through the journey herself and feels the joy and satisfaction of having 'earned' it. Arjun's dad Suresh (played by Suresh) brings perfect balance while being that Dad. It aptly resonates in the dedication at the end - to all fathers who support silently (not the loud ones).
There is no romantic angle, just a nice professional getting together of people who share a passion. The music is beautiful and carries you through in waves, drags you in. Nothing is overplayed as in the emotions are not squeezed dry (the contrast is shown in the way the director of commercial films explains a scene to the dazed boys, so dazed that he wants to eat a family pack biryani). In fact everything is underplayed which is good which leaves you filling in the gaps, even wanting more (better this than feeling its been stretched too long). There was not a moment when I felt distracted or felt the momentum slack - conflict, humour, drama - life playing out. The characters and credible and believable - you identify and relate to their confusion and their dilemmas. The actors pulled it off very well - the protagonist Priyatham Maanthini fits the role perfectly, the female lead Anjana Balaji equally so, and so did almost every character. No one looked out of place really. I loved it.
For debutant director Vamsi Jonnalagadda this movie must give a lot of confidence as he kept it simple (which is difficult) and perhaps lived the message he was trying to give through the movie - whatever happens, enjoy the moment, we have earned it. For him and the crew and everyone associated with the movie which shows a lot of heart, and all those with dreams and passions out there, go out and enjoy the journey. Well done Vamsi and team and may you make more such movies and express yourself fully. No one can walk the path but you, no one will understand what makes you come alive like you do. So just do it fearlessly, freely. Like the title says, write your own story. Like you all just did.
2023. Bunch of old dads - one married to a younger woman and who becomes a dad in his late years (and has anger issues), one who is divorced and living with a young girl friend and another who is an ex playboy now fully controlled by his wife - struggle to stay relevant (or rather live up to their young macho selves) and find that they need to change because baby, the times, they are changing.So Jack finally controls his anger issues, the commitment phobic guy commits to marriage and the hen pecked guy stands up to his overbearing wife.
Fun. Not in a classic way though.
Been on my mind to watch this movie and finally found it on Eros. It's the tale of a childhood romance that goes all the way - which means death to one or both parties. In this case the boy dies because he is the one who is in love (to love obviously is not good for health) while the girl who is merely amused with him (she slaps him 16 times for no reason and this fool suffers it all), uses him for whatever stuff she needs to get out of, rejects his marriage proposal because he is a Hindu (and more because he is an illiterate fellow), falls in love with a Hindu student leader (with big dreams of becoming PM one day) posing as a Muslim and when that fellow dies picks up his cause which is to form a national party and then realises that the fellow from Benares has taken over the leadership from her just because he wants to be near her. Benares babu also goes to die because she tells him to but he obviously does not listen to her when she says their marriage won't work.
In the end everyone gets what they wanted subconsciously - Sonam Kapoor gets failed love and failed leadership and most likely ends up as a Prof in some college, Dhanush does not get love but gets a lot of drama and dies, Abhay Deol gets nothing, Swara Bhasker gets nothing. Love is a dangerous thing my friend. Especially if you fall in love with this Sonam Kapoor's character which I realised killed two good guys.
Told from the perspective of a Joint Commissioner (Nana Patekar) the movie recounts the 26/11 attacks on Mumbai by Pakistani terrorists. From their capture of the fishermen's boats and killing them all to mindlessly shooting and killing unarmed and innocent people to the capture of Kasab and his death by hanging it paints a realistic picture of what happened. I wondered who made it look so real and realised it was Ram Gopal Varma's film.
It's a book that has been highly recommended by many friends - most notably R Sridhar and my nephew Abhishek. I love the word 'Ownership' and ever since I understood the meaning of that word, I try to live it a much as I can. However I am not a fan of 'extreme' as a word because it does switch to one side and we tend to lose balance which is important to get the right result but that's nitpicking. I'll stay by this - anyone who talks 'ownership' gets my attention simply because it is a world of no excuses, no blame. Do it, or shut up.
Jocko and Leif fought in the Iraq war as part of the US Navy Seals units in the war torn Al Ramadi area. Having successfully completed what they set out to do, they returned and started a leadership firm 'Echelon Point' which spreads the idea of 'Extreme Ownership' which seems alien to most in corporate settings. Actually to most grown ups.
The book discusses 12 principles of 'Extreme Ownership' which as we discussed earlier is about a life where we fully own the role given to us and do whatever it takes to achieve the result we want. It is a space where we cannot blame or give an excuse - just deliver the results. The authors cite an example from the war where they used the principle and one example from corporate life where they have used it. Makes it very relatable. Right up front they say that if there is one single most important factor to get a team to work and produce results it is the leadership. If the leader does not know what 'ownership' means, your team will not deliver in all likelihood.
The principles then.
I. WINNING THE WAR WITHIN
1) Extreme Ownership
As a leader, even if your team member messes up, it is your responsibility. You have to take the fall and say I could not communicate better or lead better. In the example they share, they end up almost killing their own soldiers due to a mistake in the lower ranks. When the inquiry is set up to find accountability, they own up and say it is my fault as the leader (even though it means they could get sacked). The leader must own everything. Whatever is happening within his team is a reflection of him as a leader. Own it, accept it. Find out where you are being like that.
Whatever the situation, take responsibility to fix it,whatever it takes, and get the results you want.
2) There are no bad teams, only bad leaders
The authors cite an incident during SEAL training when the leaders of of two teams, one doing well and other other doing badly, are switched. The team that is doing badly comes second with the new leader showing clearly that a good time with a bad leader can be compromised and a bad team with a good leader can do well.
Good leaders must enforce standards they say. It is not what you preach, its what you tolerate - hold them accountable.
3) Believe
Leaders must be true believers in their mission. They must align their thoughts and vision to the mission. Only when they start believing in the purpose, in the why, will it transfer to the front line. Not words, but belief transfers to others. In fact leaders at all levels must believe to win. They must know 'why' they are doing what they are doing.
The example they give is that of how there is initial resistance to carry Iraqi soldiers who are untrained and not at the level the US Army was - but once the leader realised that only if the Iraqi army is trained enough to take care of the situation will the US Army leave. Once the leader believed the need of the hour, he could translate to the others in his team.
4) Check the Ego
The enemy is not inside the wire. It's about getting the job done. Keep your egos is check and get the job done.
They cite the example of how the army and the SEALS were of different cultures but how the SEALS decided to check their ego and wear uniforms, get army regulation haircuts and follow other discipline as the army does. The idea it to work against the army outside the wire and not the ones inside.
LAWS OF COMBAT
5) Cover and Move
Cover and move means team work. Each member of the team is critical. Everyone helps each other to achieve the mission.
The situation they faced was when they were stuck in a vulnerable building and evacuated into potential fire. While the team used their own resources to cover and move forward, they forgot to use the services of another team's sniper who could have covered them more effectively. The team is everyone on your side.
6) Keep it simple
Keep plans simple so everyone understands the why, what and how. Simplifying is crucial to success ad it keeps everyone on the same page.
Keep plans and communication simple.
The example they give, I liked the corporate one better, is when a company draws up a complex bonus scheme that no one understands and instead of productivity going up, actually decreases. Once they simplified the plan and explained it, they got the desired results.
7) Prioritise and Execute
When in a crisis - relax, look around, make a call. Prioritise first and then execute. Senior leaders must hep subordinate team leaders. Communication both up and down is critical.
In the war they find themselves caught in a vulnerable building and decide to evacuate before they are targeted. On the way out they find one soldier falling onto a concrete floor some 20 feet below lying motionless. They had to prioritise and they did
1) Set security for full team
2) Find a way down from exposed rooftop
3) ensure full head count of all persons after exiting
4) Rescue man down
8) Decentralised Command
Every team to have 4-5 members with a clearly designated leader. Even in a corporate setting they look at having no more than 7 in a team. Every tactical level team leader to understand not just what to do but why they are doing it.
Subordinates can communicate with senior leaders and recommend decisions outside their authority.
The authors recommend that the idea team man is one who tells the seniors what they will do instead of asking them what they want them to do. (Come with your plans, don't simply follow. Own it, not just follow.)
Decentralised command is the key to success as it makes a leader out of everyone in the team and brings 100% ownership from them.
III) SUSTAINING VICTORY
9) Plan
Planning begins with mission analysis. What's the mission? Start from the overall end state, the purpose of the mission. Know what is the Commander's Intent. Then plan using all assets.
They cite the example of a boy who is kidnapped by the opposition and how, once the commander's intent is clear, they plan in detail and swoop in and rescue the boy safely.
10) Leading up and down chain of command
This is important because it means extreme ownership - which means you have to manage your boss and the juniors and get them to do what you want them to. It is your responsibility to explain to them and see that they understand and act in favour of the mission in the most effective manner. You cannot blame them tomorrow.
One of the most important job's of a leader is to support the boss. On the mission tell your boss what you are going to do and similarly get your rubs to understand what the mission is.
11) Decisiveness and Uncertainty
A leader must decide in an uncertain environment with limited information. Make the decision based on information available. Swift decision making is often the difference between victory and defeat.
12) Discipline equals freedom
Discipline is the pathway to freedom. (Just as I believe taking responsibility is the pathway to freedom).
Discipline brings with it the necessary thought process which eliminates a lot of duplication and that itself is freeing. Discipline is the most effective use of one's time and that certainly frees up both energy and time.
In this chapter they list out the dichotomies that a leader must exhibit and live to be a good leader. Its a nicely compiled list.
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Excellent read. I loved it.
My student Madhavi gifted me this signed copy from her mother, writer D. Satyavani, and it was such a pleasurable read in so many ways. One, the honesty and subtlety of the thoughts and two, for what that same parts that it evoked in me. 'Manasu Oosulu' is collection of 50 articles and essays - about the musings of one's mind and heart (manasu probably is a combination of both), each one profound and honest and filled with deep insight. Many of the articles have been published in the 1990s in Andhra Prabha. Its a time I can relate to very much as a college going youngster then. I was pleasantly surprised to find that many of the thoughts are very relevant - shows that the mind and heart do not become irrelevant with time and tech.
It starts with an examination of the many things the heart holds, the many shelves we have in our heart (which is such a visual, evocative thought), one for each role, for each experience. She mulls over the pleasure of reading works of great authors, of poets, of singers and the way each one has occupied a shelf in her heart. She wonders about time and how we are constantly stuck either in the future or the past - never in the present which is where life waits for us. She wonders about the small wonders of life - roses, songs, values - and that's where they say god lies (I had thought Arundhati Roy's 'God of Small Things' would dwell on this subject but it was different). She quotes Browning who says 'Grow Old With Me' - there's much to explore in life yet..the best is yet to come. Or Harindranath Chattopadhyay who insisted that the heart is always young (he was such a delight). So many wonderful writers and books and poems she refers to and I could not help but be swept away in the romance of the times, of the thoughts.
There's stuff about sharing a coffee, small joys and then she quotes Wordsworth and his 'The Still Sad Music'. She wonders about the paradoxes of life and how they are all so necessary to make life what it is. The sweet pain of struggle is what makes the journey so much more satisfying. She enters the dark world of cockroaches which step out at night to go about their lives freely. She insists that we look up at the blue skies every now and then - and not forget to breathe when life overwhelms us. She worries about the role models we have and whether they are good enough (if it was bad then, its worse now). She talks about the pleasure of reading books - filled with stuff that they are waiting to share with us. She wonders at the loud and explicit and the whether it could be done subtly, through a natural path of self discovery - especially ideas related to sex. I loved that bit of a reference to the Beatles (I made the connection for myself as it is one of my fav songs) in her article 'From me to you' - which is about going from the me to you - or rather opening our hearts to the world so we discover an entire universe.
Samuel Beckett, Descartes, Raja Rao, Chalam, Devulapalli ...Satyavani garu refers to many great people and their thoughts that influenced her. Reading the book took me back to a time when I was young and growing up in Eluru and Telugu books were being read at home - I read them too tucked away in the corner room away from prying eyes, or under the huge dining table or on the rooftop in the shade of the mango tree glancing at the blue skies every now and then. It was a time that was secure, optimistic, open, compassionate, dreamy. And it's a special shelf in my heart that opens when I read good Telugu literature. I am so glad that I read this book. Thank you Satyavani garu and thanks Madhavi for the thoughtful and wonderful gift. I really cherish it.
Watched this on Netflix. I didn't know there were fake hitmen posing as real hitmen and getting people who wanted to hie hitmen behind bars. Some way of preventing the crime I suppose. Anyway we have this bachelor Professor of Philosophy and another such subject who moonlights as a fake hitman. Naturally he falls in love with a client and things turn interesting.
What's more interesting is that the story is based on a real life hit character - a Vietnam veteran who also donned several hats on whose life a novel was written. Th movie is produced by Richard Linklater.
While writing the journal I suddenly came across this thought - we ask for becoming rich, for increasing the inflow and stuff like that but actually the inflow is only an enabler. It's not what I should be asking for.
I should actually be asking for what I want to do once I get the inflow. I get money and do nothing with it is pretty dumb. Or I don't know what to do with it or how to use it. Why am I asking for money or wealth then? I think that is the case with most people, they want an abundance of stuff with no idea why - that's just greed!
I would like to flip it over now and ask for the experience that I want - like if I want to enjoy a nice place to live in I can ask for that dream house, a vacation, a car, an outing, a loving relationship, a lovely life by myself, a great meal, good friends whatever. I will probably get them without having to buy them - I could get a house on rent or inherit one (I did), somebody could sponsor a vacation (yes, all the time), can gift a car (my brother did), an outing (many), loving relationships (so many) - if you are getting all these you are rich. Definitely richer than someone who has all the money but no idea what to do with it - as in really enjoying the experience as opposed to buying the experience to show off.
Yes, having a great inflow is brilliant but like Socrates says in 'The Way of the Peaceful Warrior' bring rich only means that you have enough to take care of what you need. To know what you need is wisdom. And knowing that you get what you need from the Universe, from whoever is providing you, is true abundance. True receptivity.
So then, focus on the experience and not the means to get that experience. Leave that to the Universe and just accept the experience when it comes your way.
This is a follow up to the earlier post on recalibrating in the middle of heated stuff. Now that's a big relief for the intense types who only know how to be intense to also know that they need not be intense all the time and can be quite chill and casual and even downright irresponsible at times. The downside is that they can go the other side and let go of effort altogether.
These intense types I tell you.
So one can go right back and say -
1) Recalibrate your feelings from 10 to 2. Take it easy. Relax. Don't get too attached. Have a good time.
2) Maintain effort at 10. (Only to the extent required - because most intense types think that effort means taking care of the whole world. It's only taking care of your aspect and keeping that going.)
Now that the aspect of recalibrating feelings which lead to attachment has come up we are in familiar territory of Mahabharata and the Bhagavad Gita - do your action (and don'toverthink about your relatives and stuff, just do your stuff dude) and forget about the feelings and attachments.
The mantra to a good life. At work, at relationships, at life.
I realised recently that there is a danger in taking everything so seriously. At times when we are involved in doing something well we take it too seriously and get too tight and uppity about it. In games people get very serious and tight and that affects their game. I remember how Sachin Tendulkar once spoke about how he would concentrate so hard on the ball 100% of the time that he would get drained out. Then he figured how to switch on and off. Focus hard only when the ball is delivered and it comes to you, and then relax. Don't have to focus all the time.
This is what I realised yesterday.
There are things that I like to own and do in a certain way - be it my work, or how I am with people, or how I do things. I aim to do it right, to add value, to make it better. But then its a lot of pressure and it has negative effects. People don't like serious, school master like people around them telling them what is right and what is wrong. In the middle of a conversation where I was feeling a lot of stress I could see this dial in my head - 'due, you are at a 9 in terms of your involvement here' dial it down to 2.' And that's it. Once I recalibrated my approach to that conversation, I found it was quite easy to be able to laugh about it and not get too serious about it.
That's it. Just recalibrate.
I do the same thing with my work. I take it very seriously and that perhaps affects the rest of my team as well. Yes, I need to take it seriously but not all the time. I can hold it easy and crank up seriousness when I need to. I know that my style is to get fully involved and perhaps it needs practice to make this change, but I will get there.
Right now the recalibration dial is a great tool. I am fine with being at 2. I do not need to hold the world up. I can do it when I need to.
What a relief to live at 2. So the next time you are in an intense place, recalibrate, let go and shrug the burden off.
Chill. Laugh.
Or more likely from what you think is the right thing to do. I find myself caught up in a tangle of expectations followed by disappointment and stuff like that. I realised that my expectations are high in places where I believe I am behaving a particular way - and expect others to reciprocate.
Chances are they won't. Simply because they do not know about my self-image or my self-imposed rules.They will just be themselves.
So how do I free myself of my expectations?
Simple. The oldest trick in the book. Break that image, burn that book of self-imposed rules and just be whatever you want. When there is no giving, there is no expecting or receiving.
From 'I am like this' which means 'they should be like this' you go to 'I am like nothing and I'll be whatever' and they can do what they want! See!
In fact it can really free you, free your space, free your energy.
Stop holding on tight to these old ideas. Let go. Be whatever. There's no expectations when there's nothing you are being. It's all fun.
Let go of old baggage. Begin a new story. Cut the self image.
Free yourself. My guess - life will be more enjoyable this way.
Saw these three warriors this morning on their way to school perhaps. Or maybe a ground. Animated conversations they were having.
Hope the young lads fare well in their lives.
