Thought for the Day - 5 Things I Believe About Love

An interesting question asked by someone who read 'If You Love Someone' - tell me five things you believe about love. And five things why you wrote 'If You Love Someone'.

Five things I believe about love

1) That love is not about possession, it is about seeing the person you love grow to their highest potential, do what they love doing, and being supportive about it. (And in that process, if required, giving up what may be best for you - for the person you love.)

2) Love is selfless, about placing the other person ahead of you, thinking for them, being thoughtful in every way - to me thoughtfulness is the best expression of love

3) Love is sacred, inviolable, it is about respect, gentleness, care, understanding

4) Love is about actions (not flowery words or empty, grand gestures), about promises kept, about showing up, about being there so that the other person knows you are there for them, egging them on, even if you do not subscribe to their choices

5) Love is about giving yourself up wholeheartedly, and if circumstances demand it, giving up your life for the person you love if its best for them

Five reasons for writing 'If You love Someone'

1) To explore the idea of love as I understand it - that Aditya can give up what he knows is the greatest love he can ever hope to find, giving up the one person who totally gets him because he feels it is in her best interest - (and in doing so gives up a chance to heal himself - he chooses the harder route)

2) To explore the idea that a man and a woman can share such love - platonic, innocent and divine – with great understanding, compassion, love - something which most people do not seem to find in most relationships.

3) The idea that a man and a woman can trust their bond/love enough to give it all up for thirty years - to explore and grow as individuals - a grand, naive experiment that can go completely wrong and turn into a lifelong regret, or give a great reward of having explored each other's destinies fully without burdening each other

4) To explore the idea that women tend to lose themselves in their marriages and are rarely allowed to fulfill their potential unless the husband separates, or dies (the number of women who do justice to their potential after separating is evidence). Meghna falls into the trap, gives up her job to help her husband and finds herself regretting it. And while there, to inspire a thought for women, to keep themselves first and not get subsumed or lost in unsupported, unfulfilling relationships and marriages.

5) To explore the idea that a man and a woman can meet as adults - at fifty - without judgment, social conditioning, just as friends who share something beautiful between themselves. When asked by her husband if she will return, Meghna is forced to give an honest answer and she says - 'I don't know'. In a perfect world she need not wait for Pankaj to die to claim her life or freedom, and she can retain her choice of coming back or not, without guilt, shame or judgment.

...

Good questions. And it felt good to revisit a project, I cherished.

And Music Comes Back Big Time - Titanium

It's been a long time since a song took me over like this - remember 'Danger Zone' that I played on repeat for days on end, 'I'd die without you', 'Somewhere I belong', 'Something about you', 'Sairaat', 'Zehnaseeb', 'Manmarziyan'...ah so many. And then I hit upon this song which I heard before but on Anjali's playlist and it stuck - all day. Loud, sing along, groove along stuff. Shout aloud in your car stuff.

And loved the lyrics too. Powerful stuff. Empowering stuff. Freeing stuff.

Fire away, fire away

Shoot me down but I get up

I'm bullet proof, nothing to lose

You shoot me down but I won't fall

Ricochet, you take your aim

You shoot me down but I won't fall 

I am Titanium

 

Thought for the Day - The Old Fades, The New Comes In Afresh

That life is dynamic is what we all know. The best way to live it is to love each moment as a new one. To be grateful to everything that the new brings in. 

The way to a life of pain is to want anything to be as it is. People change, circumstances change. Friends die, family does, relationships die. What can make life painful is wanting things to be the same. What was good yesterday may not be good anymore today. If we look back it will hurt. 

The way to live life as joyfully as before, as one can remember, is to shed the past behind and to embrace the new that comes in. And it will because nature abhors a vacuum.

Clear up space inside. There will be those from the past who will approach you with the same warmth and love. And there will be those who are new who will do the same. When we remove the decaying parts that are inside, we create space for the new.

Stop looking behind. Look ahead. There's a whole life ahead of you. Of the new. The old fades like a jaded photo. The new comes in like a garden of freshly bloomed flowers. 

Open your arms and take it all in.

Acts of Love - Siblings

 My favorite series - of children - friends or siblings. Such innocence and love. I saw these two walking by, the sister all serious, bothered by something and the older brother having a protective arm around her. Good to have brothers like him!

 Stay like that kids. Don't grow up.

Hyderabad by Walk - Ramzan Walk at Mallepally

 I have been waiting for this walk for a long time and I was glad I could make it - else I would have to wait out another year. Deccan Archives organised the walk - scheduled for 9 pm to 1130 pm. Meeting point was Subhan Bakery which was as crowded as it can get. Despite the late hour and the traffic it was a pretty decent crowd that showed up. From Deccan Archives there was Fatima who was leading the walk, with Dheeraj and Daniel helping along. 

Subhan Bakery - 9 pm

We waited at Subhan Bakery for a while until everyone assembled and then dived right into the first dish of the walk - haleem. We shared the haleem to save up space for the other goodies to follow. Haleem was brilliant, crowd on the road crazy but well, anything for a haleem. 

Haleem at Subhan

We then hopped across the road and headed to the famous Yousufain Dargah where the two Sufi saints Syed Shah Yousufuddin (from Egypt) and Syed Shah Shareefuddin (Palestine) are buried. The two Sufi saints were part of the Mughal army that was trying to break into Golconda and were not able to. One story is that in a storm all the tents are blown away save one tent - and that is the tent where the two saints are praying. Recognising that there was something special about the two, Aurangzeb requests them to somehow get access to Golconda - and well the rest is history. 

Yosufain Dargah

The painting - the two saints and Aurangzeb before them

Their dargah is very popular (Fatima said they were not buried but the Earth swallowed them) - many people visit the dargah from all over. We went in - I saw one painting of the scene where Aurganzeb is requesting the two saints. Fatima also took us to the grave of the famous Urdu poet of the Nizam era - Dagh Dehlvi (1831-1905).

Cute little cafe

Al Hamdulillah Hotel

From the Yousufain dargah we took the roads less travelled by and soon came to a chowk where the crowd picked up and headed off towards Al-hamdulillah Cafe, most famous for years for its many kebabs and biryanis. We split the group and some went to the Al-hamdulillah Hotel while some of us went to the shop opposite which had some delicious shami kebabs and kheema lukmi. 

A sample of the crowd

Off from Al-hamdulillah and we hit the main road which was crowded to the gills with shoppers at that late hour, so much that we had to squeeze by people, bikes, autos and even cars. Ahead I could see the Gol Masjid of Mallepally and knew we were close to the next food spot. The road was full of cloth stores, perfume stores and so on. Fatima took us off the main road into the side lanes and explained how the Mallepalli area came about thanks to the City Improvement Board's master plan post the 1908 flood - each locality was built around a play ground.   

Gol Masjid

Shahi Sheermal at Shan-e- Delhi

At the corner near Gol Masjid we stopped at a Sheermal Naan shop with a difference - some dry fruits etc were added in at Shan-e-Delhi's Shahi Sheermal shop. Some of us bought that stuff. We kept passing more and more shop serving great delicacies - kebabs, biryanis, jalebis, shawarma etc and ended up at Baabji ka Ghota with single minded purpose. There the gentlemen arranged enough chairs and a table for us on the roadside and served Patthar ka Ghost. Daniel went and got some shawarma for tasting.

Baabji ka Ghota

Having thus nibbled at several things by now, we then stopped at Burhanpur jalebi which was a very interesting type of Khowa Jalebi. Last stop for the walk was at Milan Juice Centre where I tried some mosambi juice which apparently is their speciality. Crazy crowds and I do not know how they all do business like this but they are.

Mosambi juice at Milan

Chai and paan at Mayrose Cafe

The walk ended but there was no way we could get out of the place unless we walked back and so we legged it to Subhan Bakery, stopped at the cute Irani Restaurant Mayrose Cafe and had a chai. The last item on the walk as far as I was concerned was a paan and it was made very well which ended the walk.

Chai at 12 am

Thanks Deccan Archives. Lovely experience.      

The Top Five Regrets of the Dying - Bronnie Ware

Bronnie Ware's blogpost (Inspiration and Chai) on the same subject got viral and she wrote a book on it, self-published it after 25 rejections, then got a publisher, and now its an international bestseller that's translated into many languages. This itself is a great story about pursuing your passions wholeheartedly and surrendering to the process. There are so many moments in the book where she talks about her life that we see that happening, surrender and doors open. But this is not about her as much as about the 5 regrets she figured from those who were dying.

Bronnie was a bank executive in Australia before she decided to explore life - like living on an island. She chucked up her secure career and went of to live on an island, then explored the Middle East and generally listened to her heart taking risks all the way. Of course she had her bouts of drinking, trying drugs and bad relationships along the way and she learned from them. When she ran out of money she moved into a house of an elderly lady in England as a live-in carer, which also gave her time to work on her creative pursuits - she writes, she composes music and she sings. Her time with Agnes taught her much, as Agnes spoke to her (one thing with all her clients was that they spoke a lot) and more importantly Bronnie listened, having made up her mind that she would look after Agnes as she would her own grandmother. Endowed with tons of empathy and love, Bronnie's good work was recognised and she was soon called upon to take care as a carer for terminally ill patients. And in those many conversations, intense moments of honesty and love and regrets, Bronnie culls out these five regrets of the dying.

They are

1) I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself - not the life expected of me 

2) I wish I'd not worked so hard 

3) I wish I had the courage to express my feelings

4) I wish I stayed in touch with my friends

5) I wish I had let myself be happier

Her clients are terminally ill - rich, not so rich, alone, having close families, having no communication, business people, professionals, successful executives, spiritual people - and Bronnie dealt with all of them with love and care. So much so that it leaves them both feeling the better for it (but in the end taking a toll on her too). Her patients suffer from guilt of not having kept in touch with friends, not telling their families that they love them explicitly, not being able to fulfill promises to their loved ones because they took one more job, waiting till their spouses died to live their own lives but then falling sick immediately and regretting not doing that earlier, a young man not able to forgive himself for the wrongs he did and not healing. Through their time with Bronnie they talk of their lives honestly, some make up with their families, some reach out to their friends (with Bronnie's help and they come to meet them). 

One of the clients, Pearl talks to her about money. 'If you love what you do, you become open to the flow of money. Fear blocks us up. Money is energy - one that brings good and happiness. But we give it power, chase it, fear it, obsess over it.' Another tells her 'Work should have a purpose.' To another Bronnie says 'Tell them you love them.' One another tells her 'Express freely. There's no need for guilt if we have made our best effort.' When one of her angry clients asks Bronnie 'Why are you so happy?' Bronnie replies - 'Just pretend to be happy. Smile.' A philosopher client says - 'Appreciate things as they happen.' Most profound stuff comes from this client, a man who has lost his entire family over the years but is still grateful and not a bit resentful and he says only one thing 'I have known love. Love is always present.'     

In the midst of all this she has her own challenges, of money, of her creative pursuits, of relationships, of nothing seeming to work, of a serious illness that requires surgery but she listens to her body and somehow cures herself of without surgery, of taking classes for prison inmates, at some point falling into depression and thinking of suicide and then getting a handle on it all and coming back. It's a lovely story and well, those are the regrets we don't want to have so start working on them right away. I loved her struggle to own the idea that she was an artist and putting herself out there, the story when she has everything organised for her song production but has no money and how she surrenders and a stranger walks into her life and offers her money, the time when the caravan park owner offers her free space when she has no money to pay for it, or when one of the client's family calls her for an assignment when she was sleeping in her car, many such lovely stories.  

Bronnie is into Vipassana meditation, yoga, and many things spiritual. She writes about her own life so honestly and with such vulnerability that one cannot help but feel exactly what she went through. Her empathy, her desire to be as transparent and as vulnerable and honest as she can with her life and her pursuit as an artist and a person, shine through. In the end, more than the regrets of the people she cared for with so much love, its her attitude to her work and her life that comes through. Bronnie's way of living itself, the risks she takes to follow her heart, the way the Universe also rewards her, shows her the way to use her talents and to give her experiences that makes her a better person. Its art that she brought to her life as a carer, painting each moment with love and empathy, and if she ever thought she did not do justice as an artist, she should look at that area as well apart from her writing and singing.

Good for you Bronnie. And I would love to take those five regrets and see what I need to tweak about them.   

Agra Sights - Agra Fort

Not far from the Taj Mahal on the right bank of Yamuna is the Agra Fort or Qila Agra or the Agra Red Fort which precedes the Taj Mahal by a century and a half or more. Semi circular in shape and built over 94 acres with double ramparts, bastions and four gates (the Amar Singh Gate through which we enter, the Khizri Gate the leads to the Yamuna, the Delhi Gate and the Akbar Gate. The Mughal Emperors ruled from here starting with Babur, Humayun, Akbar. Jahangir and Shahjahan until in 1658, Aurangzeb shifted the capital to Delhi. The Fort saw its glory days during Akbar's time and was a centre for learning and arts, commerce and religion. The Agra Fort is a UNESCO site.

Before the Mughals, the Agra Fort was ruled by the Lodis, in Sikandar Lodi's reign (1504-1505). Babur defeated Ibrahim Lodi at Panipat and took over the Agra Fort in 1526. In 1540, Sher Shah Suri, drove Humayun away and ruled from her till 1555 which was when the Mughals came back and reclaimed the kingdom and the Fort until 1761. From 1761 -74 the Jats of Bharatpur laid claim for a few years until the Mughals came back and ruled from 1774-85. In 1785 the Marathas took control and ruled till 1903 which is when they lost the third battle of Panipat and the power shifted to the East India Company, thereafter the British Raj and then Independent India.

Of the 500 buildings they say were within the Fort complex hardly 30 survive as they were destroyed by the British. The entrance to the Fort is very impressive with a grand entrance through the Amar Singh Gate (he was a great soldier who served with the Mughals). As is typical with Forts the path turns at right angles and there's another huge red sandstone gate. 

We walk in and went to the Bengali Mahal I think where Arman said were the quarters of Akbar and Jodha bai. Then came a baoli and then suddenly the red sandstone building ends and the white marble designs of Shahjahan show up. 

Diwan-e-Khaas

Diwan-e-Aam to the right and the Moti Masjid in the background to the left

There's the Diwan-e-Khas and the two buildings for Jahanara and Roshanara side by the side. From both we can see the Taj Mahal at a distance and Arman tells us that Shajahan designed this part of the Fort so that he could see the Taj from whichever point he was in. Of course, the Agra Fort is where Aurangzeb imprisoned Shahjahan and this is where he died.

We saw the Diwan-e Aam outside the palace complex and the Moti Masjid in the distance. A large part of the Fort is taken over by the armed forces so only about a quarter is open for tourists. Again, a very impressive structure.

We headed out and saw a statue of Chatrapati Shivaji and it struck me that this was where Aurangzeb had imprisoned Shivaji and from where Shivaji escaped with his son in a sweet basket. We headed out bought some petha and headed back. Good, short visit.