Thursday, November 27, 2014

Thought for the Day - Step Back, They Don't Need Your Help

The next time you are getting into something 'for someone else', stop. Ask yourself - do they need it? Are they better off without it? Have they asked you explicitly for your help?

Or more relevantly, why do you need this?
Big tree helping (itself!) to small tree's space and restricting it
I feel that most times, we add purpose to our lives by making someone else's lives our purpose. Its a good way to distract ourselves, to feel that we have contributed, without taking any responsibility for the consequence. Mnay times children become great objects of such advice and help. They become great projects. 

If it fails you can say - I did so much but he or she would not listen. If only they had taken my advice etc etc.

Most times the people we are helping don't need our help. They are fine. Unless people explicitly ask for our help, they don't need it. In fact by interfering with our help we may not be allowing them to grow as they should.

I suspect we do this because we are too scared to do anything for ourselves. Now if you helped yourself do this same great project that you are advising someone else on, you have to take responsibility for the consequences, or outcomes. What if it does not come off  the way it should? What if it shows you up for who you really are?

So its easier to be the consultant. Give advice. Be busy. Be fully drawn into the drama of the situation. Blame the other person (poor chap, he never even wanted your advice and help in the first place) for not doing what you told him.

Ok. Here's my advice (I am part of the group you see, fellow advisors.) 
Save your energy. If you want to help someone, help yourself. Does not matter if you fail. At least you have tried something. 

If not, stay still. Enjoy the nature, the quiet, the peace. It's ok to be irrelevant.
It's ok to wait for your time. To let the world do its own without our help. It's ok to accept that the world can go on without us striving hard to hold it up. It was doing a good job by itself anyway.

Most times when we help nature, we are interfering with the process. (I am inspired to come up with a quotable quote here - "Those with a helping nature are really not helping nature. They are merely interfering with the process." 

No comments: