There are different categories of people and how they affect you. Let me make a list - this time not more than 5.
1) The Ones Who Make You Sing
These are the highest grade in my opinion because they invite you to just be yourself. They create a comfortable space where you can allow yourself to express, you can let your heart sing and you can choose whatever song you wish to sing, happy or sad. This is the highest form of friendship in my opinion.
2) Those Who Make you Laugh
Just a tad below the first are these friends who make you laugh mostly. They give you the space to laugh, make you laugh, allow yourself to laugh at yourself, allow themselves to laugh at themselves. The laughter is cleansing and somehow drives all the pain away. These are the ones that one must have, just a call away.
3) Those Who Allow you to Confide
These are those that allow you to confide without judgment (or even with judgment). If you have someone like this, a sponge who can soak in your sorrows you at least have a vent. You won't die of not having anyone to talk to.
4) Those Who Are Unsure But Are Not Really Harmful
These are undefined relationships which hang on because they are not essentially harmful but which have no great positives. We can get together, talk nonsense, offer no real value to one another, certainly not elevate each other, but spend time together because we don't really have anything else to do. Sometimes it's probably better to find something to do by yourself than spending time with these people. Or just go and do your own thing.
5) Those Who Are Toxic
These are certainly the greatest teachers - the toxic ones who only make you feel lesser and lesser. Their words, acts and thoughts are toxic, negative. They are in a state all the time or put you into a state. Tears, fear, shame, guilt and all other lower grade emotions reign in these relationships. Mostly they drive you up the wall.
The last bunch are the greatest teachers. If we don't know how to handle them or make them disappear from our life it only means we haven't made peace with them (and parts of us that resonate with them) yet, or more importantly, not learned our lessons yet. Once we make peace with them (accept them) we can move. Then, perhaps, we make peace with the fact that we can be happy too.
I don't think its possible to say "get rid of all toxic relationships" as some do, because they are there for a reason. When we can see what they are for and learn the lesson, they disappear. Or the pain disappears and they appear beautiful. (It's not them silly, its you!)
If there is one thing that can be done, it's this - have a good mix of all types and balance it all. Now, let's see what I have and who fits where.
1) The Ones Who Make You Sing
These are the highest grade in my opinion because they invite you to just be yourself. They create a comfortable space where you can allow yourself to express, you can let your heart sing and you can choose whatever song you wish to sing, happy or sad. This is the highest form of friendship in my opinion.
2) Those Who Make you Laugh
Just a tad below the first are these friends who make you laugh mostly. They give you the space to laugh, make you laugh, allow yourself to laugh at yourself, allow themselves to laugh at themselves. The laughter is cleansing and somehow drives all the pain away. These are the ones that one must have, just a call away.
3) Those Who Allow you to Confide
These are those that allow you to confide without judgment (or even with judgment). If you have someone like this, a sponge who can soak in your sorrows you at least have a vent. You won't die of not having anyone to talk to.
4) Those Who Are Unsure But Are Not Really Harmful
These are undefined relationships which hang on because they are not essentially harmful but which have no great positives. We can get together, talk nonsense, offer no real value to one another, certainly not elevate each other, but spend time together because we don't really have anything else to do. Sometimes it's probably better to find something to do by yourself than spending time with these people. Or just go and do your own thing.
5) Those Who Are Toxic
These are certainly the greatest teachers - the toxic ones who only make you feel lesser and lesser. Their words, acts and thoughts are toxic, negative. They are in a state all the time or put you into a state. Tears, fear, shame, guilt and all other lower grade emotions reign in these relationships. Mostly they drive you up the wall.
The last bunch are the greatest teachers. If we don't know how to handle them or make them disappear from our life it only means we haven't made peace with them (and parts of us that resonate with them) yet, or more importantly, not learned our lessons yet. Once we make peace with them (accept them) we can move. Then, perhaps, we make peace with the fact that we can be happy too.
I don't think its possible to say "get rid of all toxic relationships" as some do, because they are there for a reason. When we can see what they are for and learn the lesson, they disappear. Or the pain disappears and they appear beautiful. (It's not them silly, its you!)
If there is one thing that can be done, it's this - have a good mix of all types and balance it all. Now, let's see what I have and who fits where.
4 comments:
....and a friend, a real friend is one who has all these qualities!!
Well said my friend, well said.
Sing is king, as usual :)
Yes Raja. In fact I think singing beats kinging any day.
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