Friday, September 2, 2011

Cell Phone Etiquette

I have not yet seen any formal lessons in cell phone etiquette yet but I am sure there are some developed already. If there can be an etiquette for how to write on Facebook (which is followed diligently by many) cell phone etiquette could be praticed. Let me then add my two pence to this topic, one that could soon become a billion dollar training opportunity. Most of them are what-not-to-do's with a few to-do's added in to make it sound authentic.

1) Don't get up and walk off when the cell phone rings when in the middle of a conversation...makes the others feel completely stupid

2) Don't completely ignore the fact that there are many people around you and start hollering at the top of your voice...they have a reputation to protect and may disappear from your company

3) Don't show off your importance and the importance of your business deals by yelling in the middle of a restaurant or in a party...those people who are puking are not doing it because of bad food

4) Don't lie that you are somewhere else when you are in a theatre and 400 other people can hear you...there could be a law to arrest people like you soon

5) Don't act like you are actually making love to the cell phone and keep a respectable distance from it...get a life, a real partner, and let the poor cell phone go

6) Don't keep switching the phone from mouth to ear as if you are on a primitive walkie talkie because these phones are capable of doing both taking and hearing from one looks really stupid and not like what you think is your Bond impression

7) Don't sit in a meeting and keep sms ing all the time or just admiring your phone because it is really irritating to the others and everyone knows you are not so busy anyway...some countries have passed a law that such phones can be thrown out of the window

8) Don't keep loud ring tones that frighten little children, cause temporary deafness or cause heart attacks in old people...get a hearing aid instead

9) Don't use ring tones of babies crying, people in orgasms, dogs yelping and so on which could be in bad's best to keep your private fantasies private else you could get arrested on suspicion

10) Don't use cell phones to scratch, fondle and other such stuff because they are meant for other uses...go see a doctor

11) Don't use the cell phone to show off your extremely bad language, your accent by shouting loudly in the middle of a party. During these times, please go away and save the others from puking

12) Don't keep looking at your cell phone like it is going to explode any moment...get a life, read Dale Carnegie's book on getting friends

13) Don't put on an I-am-s0-important tone soon as you get a business call and go giving gaalis in a posh manner to all and sundry while at the table with many others....everyone knows, these times go away please

14) Don't show off your perversions by taking off on the poor tele marketers and showing them your mastery over English and over the business of loans etc

15) Don't behave like your telephone conversation is the most important and that no one else is allowed to's a free country, if you can, so can anyone else

16) Don't pick up phones of your friends and check out all the features including their sms'es and calls made and is personal yousee...and also you could find some information you cannot digest such as most of the calls and smses coming from your partner

17) As for spouses and partners who insist on checking their partner's phones and smses, they should be told that it is an invasion of privacy and abuse... should be added to the IPC at the earliest as a cognisable crime under domestic violence or infringement of privacy...the number of people who are being harassed by cell phone abuse is just not funny

18) Don't use your cell phone on the road or in other unsafe places if you cannot stop yourself from getting too involved because you could get run over.. spare the one who is on the other end of the line

19) Don't use the phone on the bike, in the car if you have no head phones because one can make out by the way you are driving that you are talking on a cell normally drive like someone who is a cross between a drunk and a retard

20) Don't pick up every single call even if you don't know who is is not necessary nor is it a rule...again get a life pal

21) Keep the cell phone in silent in movies, concerts, meetings, when meeting new people

22) Do switch off your phone in air planes when asked to instead of telling the poor air hostesses that you know that the waves don't interfere with the plane communication...we know you are smart and savvy but please don't also show that you are extremely donkey like

23) Don't keep looking at your phone every two moments...get a life

24) Don't play music on your cell phone loudly in public places to entertain yourself...others maybe looking for a bit of peace and may not really want to listen to your awful taste in music...get some headphones

25) Don't keep calling people up without warning and thrusting the phone to the others to speak...they may not really want to speak to your best friends, wife, girlfriend etc

These are some that I could think of. It does appear that it has much more scope than this. 'Use while driving' is one whole chapter, 'use and consequences when lying publicly', 'abuse cases' are separate and need serious consideration, 'psychologically addicted cases', 'compulsive show offs', 'compulsive rule breakers'...well there is enough here for a book. I somehow get the feeling that I missed some of the most important switching it off when on a television interview, while receiving state awards, while making love etc.


Rajendra said...

What about etiquette in general, minus the cell?

Harimohan said...

I don't know if people do anything without a cell phone these days so that thought did not occur to me. Mobiles seem to define our lives. I can already see the great divide between me and the friendly androids and iphones which appear like mini spacecrafts to me. Hopefully these phones will also come smartly equipped with their own set of etiquette and may remind the owners how to behave. Unfortunately for the non cell guys I wonder if there is any hope. But it might be an impressive list so I will try and write down a list for these too. Thanks for 'inspiring' me with the thought!

Rayaprolu Sarma said...

Can I share this link on my fb?

Harimohan said...

Hi Sharma,
Go ahead. This is for public consumption anyway.