Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Thought for the Day - How to Avoid Conflict or Why People Who Cause Conflict Are Your Biggest Teachers

This is a sure fire way to get rid of conflict in your life. We have heard of practicing gratitude, forgiveness and acceptance as principles to dissolve conflict in our lives. I completely agree with them. However I found them difficult to practice because the entry into the situation through those portals was difficult. I have a slightly different entry point where all three fall in line and conflict dissolves.
Animals in the car

Pick any situation of conflict. If we say, "practice gratitude on the situation", one is not sure what one is grateful for and hence gratitude as an entry to change the situation may fail. If we say, "accept the situation", one may try to but there may be doubts and resentment may still persist. If we say, "practice forgiveness", one may fall deeper into the victim mode because one is already feeling like a victim and on top of it all one has to practice forgiveness. The three approaches might fail for the reasons given above.

So here's the approach.

First. This other person is not going to change. No one will. Accept that. Now that is over, don't try to change that person. Let him or her be.

Second. Ponder over why this person affects you or puts you in a state of conflict so easily. What can you learn from this? What is he/ she trying to teach you?

Third. Accept that person as your teacher. (Even if every cell of yours wants to protest against accepting this person as your teacher, mentally tell yourself that.) Accepting the person as your teacher, does not mean you do things against your will. It only means that you accept their teaching mentally.

Fourth. When you are the seeker of whatever this person is trying to teach you, your thought quality is no more about resisting - it changes into a possibility that someone is constantly going to give your practice at something you could use for your growth. (It could be your own holding on to the fact that you are right. That you are the victim. That you have to always suffer. That the other person does not understand.) Whatever it is - it certainly leads to acceptance that there is a learning opportunity here. When there is a learning space there is no conflict. Everything is accepted, observed and assimilated.

Conflict dissolves. You are not affected by it anymore. You find that the energy has dropped. When you accept the other person as the teacher gratitude comes in. When there is gratitude there is no room for forgiveness.You have experienced all three - acceptance, gratitude and forgiveness.

You have transformed the situation. You have changed your attitude to it - and bent like a blade of grass instead of being a rigid old tree. You have transformed yourself. You have transformed the other. You have transformed the quality of things.

Be in peace. Ahhh...

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