Where Have All the 'Nice' Girls Gone?

This one was written some 15 years ago when it was considered funny and everyone of the sexes laughed at it. Now it may be seen as sexist. But here's the disclaimer - this was written in jest and may be treated so. In fact with my additional experience of 15 more years with the fairer sex I realize that they are all more than just 'nice' .

It has been the cherished dream of all adolescent boys and like minded men since Adam to find the quintessential 'nice' girl. 'Nice' girls are the ones all men want to propose to. They are demure and coy. Their hair is soft and fluffy and they induce an indulgent look into every man's eyes.

There is more to nice girls.

They sob themselves red eyed at sad movies and bury their heads in responsive shoulders in scary ones. They shut their eyes tight during violent scenes (and close the guy's eyes during adult scenes). Nice girls find endless happiness in babies, pups and flowers and are terrified to death of cockroaches, snakes and frogs. They are highly pious and easily prone to charitable activities (they also prefer to be virgins till they marry!).

'Nice' girls have peaches and cream complexion with hair that blows in the air like a poem. Their eyes are soulfully big and white as a baby’s and their lips are red and soft, demure. When they smile a warm glow spreads all over the heavens and when they cry, the world is draped in gloom. When they are in trouble all men rise as one to protect them and when they are despondent every heart aches to comfort them.

All guys want to take the 'nice' girl out for coffee because God gave all men the same dream. Sometimes she may confide her dreams and aspirations over coffee; secrets that guys safeguard with their life. When she finds something funny she giggles uncontrollably (never laughs full throatedly) and causes every guy to dream of that moment when she would fall into his arms, soft as a dew laden flower.

Naturally all men want to meet her and eventually marry her (its another thing that she happens to marry the one guy all guys hate). But the problem is that she does not seem to be around anymore.

She has somehow morphed into a confident young woman who wears trousers to work. She prefers jeans to flowery skirts on a date (just in case there is a flat and she needs to change the tyre), has a python for a pet and likes riding heavy motorcycles. Her hair has weird colours and is sometimes spiky to suit the mood. She sports black lipstick and silvery accompaniments that strike the fear of God in most people and if that does not do the trick, her knowledge of dangerous martial arts and four letter words will.

She does not need the young man to help out (in fact can help out the young man better) and does not take nonsense from anyone. She does not believe in marrying because she has been out on two successive dates with the same guy and does not complicate simple issues like having a blast with getting engaged. Talk of late nights, pre-marital sex etc does not make her faint (on the other hand she is quite capable of making guys blush when she gets into a risque mood). She can share a cigarette as well as a drink and puts greedy traffic cops and rude waiters quickly in their place (she can also manage tickets in black better). She can handle situations with jealous ex/current boyfriends just as efficiently as she handles her career graph and is most likely earning more than most guys around. She also has an exact idea whom to marry and what she wants to do with her life, time and money.

There is no denying the fact that these subtle changes to the woman's lifestyle are wonderful, except for the fact that it makes life pretty difficult for the man. Most men would agree that its certainly a difficult proposition to make a macho impression on a woman who carries weapons stronger than tears and pockets deeper than his own. No wonder then, that despite such sterling features in the new, improved woman, men continue to search dreamily for the fading clan of 'nice' girls. After all they are a lot easier to propose to than a gym trained kick boxer who jabs you sharply in the ribs for a greeting, guffaws like a ruffian and puts away rum like a sailor.