Thursday, November 12, 2015

The Paradoxes of Our Lives - We Crib When We Get Something, We Crave When We Don't

We crib only when we are already getting something from the other. What we are cribbing about is about - how it could have been done better or how much more could have been given etc. Mom you did not do this, Dad you never did this, family, friend, government etc.

You crib when you do not know how to receive.

On the other hand, when we get nothing, we crave for it. We are on best behavior, We woo it. We bend over backwards to get it. Please, please, look at me. I will do anything for you. Again, all those people who mean and give nothing, but whom we want to please.

In families more so, and perhaps in all places where there is the most unconditional love (or even some love) we crib. In all places where there is no promise to do anything, we try hard to win approval.

To get people on their best behavior, give them nothing. If you give them something, they crib. Human behavior is really amazing. (But some governments have figured it out.)

Let me add a small corollary there. A how-to.

To get people on their best behavior, give them, but perhaps, do not let them expect it as a right. Always make it clear that there are no rights. It is a moment to moment transaction. In the present. Sadly a mother's love, unconditional as it would be, would normally tend towards the first case. But there is no harm in practicing the second. Keeps everyone honest.

But on the other hand, when giving, who is worried about how the other is receiving. About whether the other is cribbing. Give anyway.

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