Anjali and I were playing a game of cards yesterday. It's a simple game where we keep throwing down one card each and the one who throws down the card that matches the earlier card gets the entire loot. Anjali explained the game - Shaukar-Bhikhaar. Also gave her impressions on how I normally don't win etc etc. (How did she know?)
Much to her surprise and mine, I started winning heavily. She was pretty surprised at this. 'Wow' she said. 'You won Nannna.' I shrugged, hoping to make it easier on her. She was pretty severe on that reaction of mine.
'So be happy na?' she said. 'You won.'
Yeah, makes sense.
My winning streak continued. I found myself getting more and more uncomfortable with these winnings, this complete greed. Would she feel bad? Seeing my discomfort she once again pointed out what was missing. 'Be happy na? You are winning.'
How often are we uncomfortable with winning with success, with abundance? How often do we try to downplay what we deserve? How many times have we rejected the flow of life because we do not want to offend the others (or what we think could offend the others)?
Soon Anjali lost all her cards. 'Now you have to give me half of yours,' she said simply. 'That's the rule. We must share if one of us gets everything and the other person loses.'
So, she was pretty clear all through about that. No offence taken at losing. Mere amusement, that I was not able to enjoy my happy moments.
I shared, as per the rules, and the game continued.
But you wonder how much you have turned away from what life was giving to you with these thoughts in your head. Of others, and how they would feel if you got more, and how it might upset your equation with them, of how you may be perceived as greedy - so much that you get unhappy, get head aches, get physically unwell, at the sight of success, at winning, at merely being yourself. But when you look back you realise that perhaps they might not be thinking all the things you have been thinking for them in your head in the first place. More importantly, it is easier to share and lift the others along with you with great positivity if you do accept all that comes to you with happiness. With gratitude.
No need to bend. No need to feel embarrassed. No need to take any less. Enjoy the win. Enjoy the moment. It gives you the space to share. To create. To add to the environment with imagination and freedom. Thanks Anjali. Huge lesson.