Thought for the Day - It's Always 50:50

 I remember reading this powerful line in a book and it always stayed with me - something about how relationships will not work if they are not equal. If someone feels more than or less than, they will not work. What I also took it as was that in inequal relationships there is no space for communication.

Equal

One common point of conflict in all relationships is that both partners feel they have done more than the other. When this 'I did this more than you' or contrarily, 'you never did this' comes up, it just goes from one exchange to another. You can never resolve anything that starts there. Clearly any relationship that works on 'I did more' is going to be rough because one or both will feel the unfairness of it all, the imbalance of it all.

Which is why, one must, in a working relationship, simply accept that it is always 50:50. There could be different ways of showing it, doing it, being there, but hey, if its working, its still 50:50. And if one can hold this thought and stay with it, then the relationship has a chance. Because then both parties are on equal footing and when they are equal, they can communicate.

So, if you want this thing to work, get this clear. 50:50. No more. No less. If you did this, the other did something else. Done.

Your relationship will suddenly bloom if you can stay there at 50:50. If you perceive any change, at least you can talk about it from the 50:50 angle and not from a victim-perpetrator angle.

Keep the Balance Within  

One also realises that most times relationships become burdened by what's outside it. Other people, work, outside relationships, family, in-laws and so on. Many times these outside influences add to the imbalance and unfairness one perceives in the relationship and adds stress to it. What could be a good relationship between the two partners gets messed up because of external factors. They become bigger than this and cause imbalance.

How then?

I think one should first figure their core relationship out. And stay equal there. Arrive at 50:50. Let bygones be bygones. Lay the old stories to rest. Start afresh on 50:50. That way both are on the same side, both feel equal and there's space to talk.

Then, once this core relationship is in strong space, they can look at external factors that are causing the imbalance and decide how to deal with them together. From the same side of the table. 

I think it might help to keep this perspective of being equal within the relationship first and then, dealing with external factors that stress their relationship next.

And with that milord, I rest my case.