44 Ideas for better conversations they say and some are indeed good ideas. Let's examine a few.
1) The 6 Principles of Persuasion are - reciprocity, authority, consistency, consensus, scarcity and liking
2) The principles of having effective meetings are - keep them short - like 15 minutes, have them standing and definitely keep smart phones switched off and insist on handwritten notes.
3) As a boss - don't criticise, praise (but not too much), practice what you preach
4) The Salami principle - if you're getting a big idea across to a skeptical group, present it in small slices, so they can digest it slowly
5) A good speech is made of a good -argument (logos), presentation (ethos) and audience (pathos). Repetition of key phrases, irony and analogies help drive home the idea
6) Storytelling is the best way to communicate - start with something abstract, orient the setting, add complications, resolve the crisis, evaluate and find the moral or lesson
7) Focus on one idea with the idea that people who listen to it talk to others about it
8) Negotiation - remember its about the thing and not the person, look for similarities and not differences, look for good enough and not perfect, look win win
9) Feedback - when giving feedback make it such that it makes a difference to the other person, that you get the behavior we want, the behavior that's good for them, appreciative enquiry is a good method
10) Don't fall into Groupthink - allow objections, doubts, have two teams come up with two different ideas
11) When you're presenting - never be hesitant, talk less, act ignorant and sometimes just give up
Self Talk
12) Self Talk better be constructive - no generalisations, no rash conclusions, no self blame. Stay positive, or at least neutral
13) Listen, don't talk, don't finish their sentences, watch your body language, notice little things, be a friend and not a judge
14) To begin conversations with strangers - ask for advice, ask second questions, listen, don't start conversations that do not interest you
15) The Iceberg Model - means that we only see 10% but the 90% underneath (the subconscious) drives our behaviors. To get others to show themselves, show yourself
16) A minority opinion can appear to be a majority opinion if its proponents appear confident and present their opinions confidently
17) Words can trigger actions - what do we do when we speak? What impact do we have?
18) The stronger our anchor, the harder it is to be persuaded by a different opinion. The stronger you pull at another anchor, the stronger the resistance.
19) Apologies - Take full responsibility ('I am sorry I hurt you' and not 'I am sorry you felt that way'), do not justify, avoid using 'I am sorry 'but', don't ask for forgiveness and change your behavior next time
20) Understanding various types of lies - let's take the question 'how do I look?'
21) A white lie is one where we lie for others benefit at our risk of being found out later (you look great, though they may not), A Grey lie is one where both benefit, a Black lie is one where only you benefit and a Red lie is one where no one benefits - you lie for the sake of lying
22) If it's important, keep it short
Love and Friendship
23) How relationships fail - everyone is communicating even if they are saying nothing, remember there is a relationship and there is a content aspect, communication is 7% words, 38% tone and 55% body language
24) Cause and effect - ask good questions and listen
25) Non-violent communication - would you rather be right or happy
26) Giraffe language - observe without evaluating, acknowledge your feelings, acknowledge their needs and take them seriously, express clear and achievable goals
27) To be understood -say just enough, tell the truth (don't speculate), don't say irrelevant stuff, avoid ambiguity, say what's true and important and express clearly
28) What's good distance - < 50 cms (intimate, 50-120 cms (personal), 120-360 cms (social), > 360 cms (public)
29) The 4 Layers in messages - 1) content 2) appeal 3) relationship 4) self-disclosure
30) Game theory - 2 sides go along as per their plan and stick to it
31) 2nd Order Observation - Sometimes we need an external eye because we cannot see that we are seeing something
32) Transactional Analysis - Parent ego, adult ego, child ego. When communication is not working ask what state you are in
33) Parent talk - role model actions, correct the content and not the form, be consistent, implement threats immediately, praise the action and not the person, ignore bad behavior, offer alternatives, tell what she should do and not what she should not do, ask questions that can be answered
Words and Meanings
34) The world is seen according to the context or frame we choose to put it in
35) The medium is the message
36) To detect fake news ask -who/what/which/to whom and effect
37) Why we get addicted to online stuff - for information, entertainment, we identify with role models, social interest and escapism
38) Understanding messages - encoding and decoding (as it is, dissonance and a combination of the two)
39) People understand complicated matter better through images than words
40) Euphemisms and dysphemisms (softening and magnifying)
41) Sophism - corelation does not imply causation For an objective opinion, check what has been excluded
42) Peak - end - always look for the peak but whatever happens, end well and all is forgiven.
Good stuff. Some of them are known (but its about practice, my friend). Some of the points hit home - apology, peak end, context, lies etc. Definitely worth reading and practicng.
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