Monday, August 23, 2021

Get Out of Your Own Way - Mark Goulston and Philip Goldberg

There are 40 ways in which you can get out of your way that are written in this book. I felt they could have been presented before to make one point more deeply tan skim through many - especially when the authors give many takeaways and to dos at the end of each chapter. Also instead of saying this is the problem, I would like some insights on how much and when to get worried.

But here's a list and we can check off if we're doing OK or not. (on a scale of 10)

1. Chasing after love and approval from a parent (3)

2. Getting involved with the wrong people (4)

3. Procrastinating (4)

4. Expecting others to understand how you feel (8)

5. Waiting until its too late (5)

6. Getting so angry you make things worse (4)

7. Saying yes when you want to say No (7)

8. Holding a grudge (4)

9. Assuming they don't want anything in return (5)

10. Always having to be right' (5)

11. Focusing on what your partner is doing wrong (5)

12. Putting up with broken promises (5)

13. Trying to make up while you're still angry (4)

14. Not learning from your mistakes (4)

15. Trying to change others (3)

16. Rebelling just for the sake of rebelling (4)

17. Talking when nobody's listening (3)

18. Pretending you're fine when you're not (6)

19. Becoming obsessive or compulsive (4)

20. Taking things too personally (6)

21. Acting too needy (5)

22. Having unrealistic expectations (5)

23. Trying to take care of everybody (7)

24. Refusing to play games (8)

25. Putting on an act to make a good impression (5)

26. Being envious of others (4)

27. Feeling sorry for yourself (6)

28. Assuming the hard way is the right way (7)

29. Thinking I'm sorry is enough (5)

30. Holding it all in (7)

31. Quitting too soon (5)

32. Letting Others Control your life (5)

33. Leaving too much to chance (6)

34. Letting fear run your life (5)

35. Not moving on after a loss (5)

36. Not getting out when the getting is good (5)

37. Not asking for what you need (7)

38. Giving advice when they want something else (5)

39. Backing down because you don't feel ready (5)

40. Playing it safe (5)

I guess it would have been totally different if I rated myself on this years ago. Now I have 9 items on a scale greater than 5 which is what I must work on. I feel a couple of years ago that number would have been double. So its been a growing experience and most of the 5s would have gone the other way. Things to work on for me are

- Not asking for what I need

- leaving too much to chance

- holding it all in

- assuming the hard way is the right way

- feeling sorry for myself

- refusing to play games

- trying to take care of everybody

- taking things too personally

- expecting others to understand how i feel

- saying yes when I mean no

- pretending to be fine when I am not

More on this later. Interesting book. Thanks Shobhs.

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