Thought for the Day - The Overarching Goal Pulls You Up, The Minimum Expectation Keep You Stuck

 In all relationships, there is bound to be conflict. Everyone wants the relationship to work in a particular way but no one knows how. Magically, we hope that just being in a relationship will take care of the relationship. So a relationship, or a marriage, begins on the premise that the highest ideals are agreed upon (if one is hearing what the priest is saying) and that everyone understands it and will let the relationship take care of itself.

What I am hinting at is that most times we don't even know what the relationship is for. I see a car, and someone opens the door and I sit inside and hope it takes me where I want.

In more formal relationships the parties concerned set out some expectations. For example, jobs, where they give you a role, and say that these are the expectations from you. Anyone who has worked in an organisation knows how deliciously vague these roles are - most times we need to set our own expectations and hope that they match our bosses. In whichever case, everyone here is talking only of baseline expectations. Do this, and you won't get fired.

That's no way to reach our potential. A basic contract can make us tick items off and get some clarity, and maybe a good starting point, but if it becomes the blueprint, then it becomes rather limiting because then both parties are only going to hanker over the finer points, and over who was right - on a baseline level. This is the least amount of growth, this is survival strategy at play.

The other way to look at it is to set your own goals. Any relationship has two components - the individuals and the relationship. In its simplest form, if the two agree to set themselves a goal of 

- 'contributing towards making the relationship reach the highest potential it can, and also help each other reach their highest individual potential', 

it becomes a fine aspirational goal or premise. 

Now there are several advantages to this.

First, we own our premise, which means we will work towards it. Secondly, it is clearly towards everybody's highest good so everyone gains and benefits by committing to this shared vision or goal. Thirdly, a shared vision like this enables us to see the entire relationship from a higher vantage where smaller issues do not become the main cause of bickering, but in the larger scheme of things, even bigger issues get resolved because of the overarching premise. Lastly, the overarching premise becomes the beacon on the road and guides you when you slip and fail and do what is right by one another and the relationship.

Have a minimum expectation, but don't let that limit you at a petty level. You are capable of much more. Set an overarching goal, vision, premise for your relationship, the best version it can be and what it can do to you, and make it work for you. Bring on the magic on the relationship, the highest potential it has.