I remember reading this one line in BR Ambedkar's 'Annihilation of Caste'. 'Cruel is better than mean.' I was amazed by how he made this fine distinction then. But then over time I realised how true it is and I tried to analyse it for myself.
In our midst are those who have severe self-esteem issues, whose lack of self-love manifests in weird ways. Among those, the ones we need to watch out for most are the ones with a mean streak. Now, the fact that it is a streak means that it is just a streak and is not as evident as other qualities. It will show in moments where the real person shows up. Most times the person is nice, gentle, subtle and caring but when the moment comes where he wields power, the streak comes out.
Like in games we have seen some people take extreme pleasure in rubbing the opponent's nose into the ground when they have an upper hand. They cannot win gracefully and move on. They have to demolish the opponent completely, grind them into dust. Warriors do that - they may kill but they will honour the other person normally unless they are mean. In which case they will strip the other person of their dignity.
As sportsmen and those who have been in an arena where human character comes into play have seen, this behaviour stands out, even if for a moment, and everyone in the arena knows they are dealing with a meanie. A person who has this streak. And they know that it is most dangerous to give power to these - because that brings out the worst in them.
To know a person's real character give him power they say. Give this mean person power and he will instantly use it in the most perverse of ways. he just cannot help it. it is how h derives his personal power, his identity, by putting down others. And the way he does it is very deliberately and cold-bloodedly. One-piece by piece he will crush and destroy your identity. He will strip you of any shred of dignity, respect, grind you into dust until you have nothing left. You will be alive, but dead inside.
A cruel person may cause physical pain and may even kill you with torture but he will let you keep your honour, your identity, your dignity. There is dignity even in the most crual death. But with the mean person you may live, but he has destroyed you inside.
That is the difference between cruel and mean. A cruel husband will beat you but will let you keep your dignity. A mean husband will crush your identity and grind you down to be his slave with no spirit left.
The way to recognise mean is by looking for those streaks. It shows in those moments when they have power - they suddenly transform into tyrants, even if for the briefest of moments. Their actions when they have power are all about how to take away power from others and how to assert their own. It shows in flashes and disappears. The rest of the time they are wonderful, sweet etc when they have no power.
If by chance you spot it, be wary of them because they will turn into a Frankenstein when they get power. They will consume you. Those streaks will take over and become the whole and will swallow your identity. Never get into a place where they can wield power over you.
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