Friday, December 23, 2016

Thought for the Day - When We Are Disappointed, We Are Not Taking Responsibility

By it's very nature, a feeling of being disappointed means that someone or something out there has not met our expectations. Going further it might mean that we expect them to do something that makes us happy. Some part of our life has been given over to them, hoping that they would do something for us. When they do not do it, quantitatively or qualitatively we feel deeply disappointed. It's a perverse pleasure, like self flagellation, where we can beat ourselves and feel sorry for ourselves.
They should have been less golden!
We cringe inside. We collapse inside. We feel the world is not right, not to be trusted. We slowly lose our belief, our faith and trust. And in a perverse way we feel good. (If the outside is so bad, we are allowed our mediocrity.)

And by punishing ourselves in such extreme terms we feel our non-action, our not taking responsibility for what happened, is absolved. There are a myriad ways we could have handled the situation and got what we want - including dealing with that person, finding out what's going on with that other person, asking more clearly, pleading and begging with them to give us what we want, and so on. In most cases we have set our expectations, without that other person even knowing about our expectations. Many times they do not want this responsibility we have placed on them.

But we place a responsibility they do not know they have (of meeting your expectations - which by the way, can keep changing by the minute). We also think that its their duty to assume the responsibility when they do not think so. And by creating this convenient gap, we feel justified in our disappointment.

Perhaps its simpler to be clearer about what we want and get it ourselves - if we are too egoistic to ask the others. Or if someone else has to do something for us, it might not be a bad thing to put our ego aside and ask as if our life depended upon it.

Both ways we are taking responsibility for getting what we want and even if we don't get it, we have given it an honest shot. The one way of not getting it is to create a story where none existed and wallow in a state of disappointment which shows in our eyes, our bodies, our voices, our actions. It's a story that is played out in our minds but we blame the world for the endings.

Needless to say, its a pointless feeling, this feeling disappointment. Its very self indulgent and gets us nowhere. We're better off keeping our focus on ourselves and indulging ourselves with other things that give us pleasure - not the perverse, false and self defeating ones but real ones which take clarity, honesty and courage even.

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