When we want something badly, to the extent of excluding everything, we are in reality, without even noticing it, even more attached to its opposite. Our focus shifts from what we want to what we don't want. And when we focus on what we don't want, we make that bigger and it becomes bigger than what you originally wanted.
What we have now created is a monster of what we don't want.
For example, our attachment to only 'good' can make us seek the smallest 'bad' in every experience. The smallest 'bad' becomes larger than the 'good' and infects the 'good'. This is a good way to make a possibly good thing bad.
To really experience 'good' it's perhaps best to actually be good with the 'bad' in it. In fact when we look at the 'bad' and 'good' in a nonjudgmental manner, there is a good chance of not letting the 'bad' drag us down, and while doing that, perhaps experiencing the 'good' for what it is.
I was reading the other day about a writer who aims for 100 rejections a year (she does not aim for positive results only). She gets a lot of good work done. But to get there she realised that she has to increase her rejection rate. Out of 100, a 5% hit rate is all she needs. The person who gets hurt at the first rejection and does not apply again has no chance, or less chance. The one who actually sees the rejections as just another part of the process, actually sees more highs. (The one who actually seeks only highs and judges the lows, will certainly sink.)
If I want more 'good', I need more 'bad' experiences (or what I would judge them as 'bad' for the sake of this conversation). When I am ok with meeting so many 'bad' I have stopped judging them, and am perhaps even fine with them. Most experiences could be 'bad', but a few could turn out 'good'. Then perhaps I can enjoy and appreciate the 'good' that much more when it happens.
To appreciate something, to secretly want something, the trick seems to go the other way then. Seek the opposite out actively, get comfortable with it. Don't judge it. And from it will emerge your 'good'.
What we have now created is a monster of what we don't want.
For example, our attachment to only 'good' can make us seek the smallest 'bad' in every experience. The smallest 'bad' becomes larger than the 'good' and infects the 'good'. This is a good way to make a possibly good thing bad.
To really experience 'good' it's perhaps best to actually be good with the 'bad' in it. In fact when we look at the 'bad' and 'good' in a nonjudgmental manner, there is a good chance of not letting the 'bad' drag us down, and while doing that, perhaps experiencing the 'good' for what it is.
I was reading the other day about a writer who aims for 100 rejections a year (she does not aim for positive results only). She gets a lot of good work done. But to get there she realised that she has to increase her rejection rate. Out of 100, a 5% hit rate is all she needs. The person who gets hurt at the first rejection and does not apply again has no chance, or less chance. The one who actually sees the rejections as just another part of the process, actually sees more highs. (The one who actually seeks only highs and judges the lows, will certainly sink.)
If I want more 'good', I need more 'bad' experiences (or what I would judge them as 'bad' for the sake of this conversation). When I am ok with meeting so many 'bad' I have stopped judging them, and am perhaps even fine with them. Most experiences could be 'bad', but a few could turn out 'good'. Then perhaps I can enjoy and appreciate the 'good' that much more when it happens.
To appreciate something, to secretly want something, the trick seems to go the other way then. Seek the opposite out actively, get comfortable with it. Don't judge it. And from it will emerge your 'good'.
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