Thought for the Day - What Makes Us Give Up On Things

It's something that happens to all of us. We start something with great enthusiasm and genuine love and then at some point we give it up abruptly. We wonder what happened to our enthusiasm, our love for that, and all we can think of is giving it up. It's almost like that experience is too painful to continue any longer.

Pic - Satish N

It happens to children and it happens to adults. I have seen this happen to me in small things like going to meet someone with a lot of enthusiasm and then exiting early because of something that didn't match my expectations. Some small thing he said, some amount of distraction in them. And big things like not wanting anything to do with cricket after I was dropped from the Ranji team. In both cases, I was giving up something I loved or enjoyed which was not the best thing to do. Not to mention jobs we may have quit because we didn't like bosses.

The easiest thing to do is to quit. So, it makes sense to make that the absolute last option. 

The question we need to ask ourselves is why do we want to quit? Have we lost the joy and satisfaction we get out of this? Or is it because of some external factor like someone saying something or things not turning out in a particular way? For example, I like playing cricket but I may not like dealing with some disruptive members of the team, or a domineering coach. A bad teammate, a bad boss, a bad teacher can be a disruptive influence on us and it looks like quitting is the only way.

What to do then? Quit? 

If we are quitting because we are not enjoying it anymore, makes a lot of sense. Quit. It's over.

But if we are quitting because of some external factor despite us enjoying the game or job or activity by itself, we must rethink. There is no guarantee that we will not find unpleasant people in our new environment again. We cannot keep leaving things we love again and again because of some types, can we? So, instead of giving up what we like and enjoy, we could find ways to deal with the co-worker, boss, teacher. Sit back for a moment and think if that's a possibility. After all, the unpleasant interaction with such people is less than 5% of the total time so why should we give up the rest of the 95% for that? 

How to Deal with Unpleasantness?

Look at Facts - Don't Make Bigger Stories 

Let's take a situation where a coach or an insensitive teammate etc  has made an unpleasant remark and it hurt. Let's say they said 'Put more effort, don't be lazy.' The remark is said and done with. We can put in more effort and get on with life. But many times we make it much bigger than what it is. We make it about ourselves - a permanent judgment on us. We feel we are not good enough, or that the other person has not recognised our intent and make ourselves wrong, or make the other person wrong when it is a simple matter that can be gotten over with. The easiest way is to put these random remarks or incidents in context - and let them be. Not make them bigger than they are. In the larger scheme of things, its very very small. So the first thing to do is to see the facts and remove the story from it. Never ever build on that story.

Change Your Energy - Gratitude and Forgiveness

In case it happens to be a chronic issue and they are picking on you for no reason. Even in such a situation, it helps to know that we are not fully disempowered. First, we must realise that we cannot change others; we can only change ourselves. Secondly, we operate with people on certain frequencies and if we change our frequency, we may be able to tune into the better parts of the other person. So instead of making these people the villains and resenting them and their behaviour, attitude,, words etc which locks into the current frequency, even more, we need to change our approach. To change it, I have found that the use of gratitude, or even forgiveness, works like magic. In simple terms, take a pen and a paper, and find 10 good things about this person to be grateful for (including teaching this lesson). Do this every day until you feel that you are actually grateful to this person and not resentful. As you change your energy, I have found that many times, things seem to change miraculously. Either the person changes or he or the situation stops bothering you anymore, You are free to enjoy whatever you enjoyed, whatever gave you satisfaction. 

See if you can handle the unpleasant part and continue to derive happiness despite the spoilsports. If you can learn this lesson, you are in a position to enjoy your life on your own, without depending on other people's moods. This could well be the most important lesson anyone could ever learn to get on in life.