Friday, April 27, 2012

Thought for the Day - What are you proving and to who?

Much of our valuable time and energy could be going into a big black hole called 'proving  things' to others. This aspect of our lives gets pretty serious if we do not watch out for it. In our bid to prove we are right, we go to great lengths. I know, because I do this many times.
Pic courtesy - Prarthana

Sometimes this 'proving' business is used to move forward to achieve something. We want to show those who pulled us  down and told us in our face that we were no good. This 'showing' family, friends, strangers, bosses, selectors, rivals serves as a constant reminder to get 'there'. When we finally do we  turn back and say - 'See, where I am'. At least it pushed you to push yourself forward. Hopefully it was worth it.

On the other hand this desire to 'prove ourselves right' could be used regressively. Instead of moving forward we could choose to move backward to 'show' them. We could inflict great pain on ourselves, create illnesses, give up on careers, relationships, joy, happiness and things we like and love - all to 'prove' this point. 'See because of what you did I had to give up all this and this is where I have landed. Don't you understand even now?' It seems more important to sit triumphantly in the sick bed and say - 'See, I told you so'. Ironical, but that is the extent we could go. Mostly, the other person, instead of 'understanding' would probably think that it completely endorses their opinion that you were a complete loser to begin with!

'Proving things' to others takes a lot of creative energy and time out of our lives. For one thing we are devoting all our time to 'prove' which means we never set out to doing things with choice and with freedom - with our own premise to create what we want. It will always be more about how to get more than the other person, how to show him or her wrong. It will be their yardstick - never ours. The houses, the cars, the gadgets are all meant to flash at someone, not because we want it!

We are constantly trying to prove something or the other to someone else. In my opinion, this proving business is rather tiresome and pointless. The first kind of a proving, though positive in some senses, is still not out of choice. And it is mostly driven by negative emotions of revenge, resentment, vanity and pride. The second kind of a 'proving' can really kill us as it pushes us on a downward spiral where all creative life are sacrificed for the sake of 'proving'.

There is really nothing to prove to anyone - except perhaps to ourselves. If we can live our life out of choice, it does make for an easier, uncomplicated life. It would be interesting to see how much stress we can give up if we look at the areas in our life that are about proving things to others. From salaries to making babies, from houses to cars, from positions to gadgets, from holidays to clothes, from addresses to careers - we could be aware of how much we crave for an approval that is really not required. Or even given. Much time and energy could be saved if we gain our own approvalas well!

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