Notes to Myself 1 - Principles of Coaching

Coaching Principles 

· Everything that happened and is happening is for our own highest good. Even if we cannot see it as it happens now. Believe in this.

· We have the intelligence to find solutions within us, by seeking help. There are always answers to everything. we just have to ask the right questions and look for results – not excuses.

· We are always learning lessons. If we learn the lesson we move forward, else we repeat the lesson until we learn.

· The outer world reflects our inner world. What we see outside, reflects what’s inside. To change the outer world we must change our inner world – our thoughts, feelings, energy. When things go wrong look within, take responsibility.

· What we focus on grows. If we focus on what we have, what we have grows. If we focus on what we ‘don’t have’, what we ‘don’t have’ grows.

· What we give, we get.

· We can always change things starting now. The present moment is the moment of power.

· Focus on what you can control and do your best within that. Don’t worry about what you cannot control.

· Mind set – Learning Mindset takes the pressure off to prove and instead, learn. Everything can be learned.

· Being secure as a person opens you up to learning, asking questions, growing and enjoying the journey. To be secure, be ok with what you know and what you don’t know. An insecure Person is insecure about things he is trying to hide, about being found out, about losing something he does not have. A secure person has nothing to hide, ready to learn what he doesn’t know, and is not afraid of losing.

· You are the creator of your destiny, the source. No one else. Take back that power. All creation starts with that thought.

· It is all about energy. Change energy on the inside with gratitude and forgiveness and the things on the outside change miraculously. The frequency of your energy attracts like energy from others.

· Never believe anything that does not empower you.

· Go with your vision of reality – hold on to that vision and believe in it.

· Your growth comes through questions, not answers. Question s grow, answers stagnate. Stay in the “question”, and it opens up tremendous potential for growth.

· You are limited by your capacity to receive – money, happiness etc so if you want more, work on increasing your capacity to receive. Use your imagination.

· You only get what you are ready for. So when things come up don’t doubt your ability.

· We all have mentally fixed upper limits - Upper Limit Problem (ULP). When we reach our own pre-set limit we sometimes self-sabotage. Be aware and gently push past the ceiling.

· You are unique and you bring a unique perspective and value to the world. Most of the people struggle with the idea – “Maybe we are not good enough”. Believe you are unique.

· Accept yourself as you are – good and bad - fully. You, as a whole. The moment you accept all parts of you as you are, no one can touch you. And, there are no good and bad. They are only our judgments.

· Stockdale paradox –Never confuse “faith that you will prevail in the end” – which you can never afford to lose – with the “discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality”.

· Judgment is the filter through which life flows through you. Keep the filter clean and life flows easily.

· Focus on flow – giving and receiving – keep the flow going. Do not be stagnant. Do not let things stagnate.

· Be open to all possibilities. Be willing to accept. Let go and surrender to something bigger.

People

· When dealing with others, keep them and their needs in focus. Understand them and where they are coming from.

· The key to people management is energy management.

· You cannot change people. You can only change yourself. (To change equations with people, change your energy through gratitude and forgiveness.)

· Always separate the action from the person

· People are good and well-intentioned. If we have bad experiences, it is because we have lessons to learn from them. So instead of getting angry with people and experiences, learn, thank them for teaching you. You are only angry with people who help you.

· Understand that people are not perfect; we all have limitations. We are all trying our best.

· In all relationships, drop “judgment”. Approach with an open mind. Stop feeling like a “victim”. Think like a “leader”.

· You come first, take care of yourself first. And then take care of others. Don’t make your story about them or their story about you, or you will mess both stories. Balance commitment to others by doing self-care as well. Treat yourself as the first one in the line.

· While mentoring, coaching and parenting - use tough love – be compassionate with your ward’s dreams and be tough on their practices and routines.

 

Productivity/ Efficiency / Time management

· Do what is important first. First things first. Recognise the distinction between Important vs Urgent.

· Always finish on a high. Never leave anything on a low.

· Follow the four agreements for an easier life – 1) Never make assumptions. 2) Always give your best. 3) Be impeccable with your word. 4) Don’t take anything personally.

· Feedback is the breakfast of champions. Give and receive feedback. Feedback should have a positive impact, for the good of the person. If it’s disruptive, it is as good as not giving it.

· If the results are not what you want, look at the process.

· Beginning and the ending of anything has to be good for it to leave a lasting impression on the audience / reader.

· If you do not get something after putting in your best efforts, then there is probably something bigger that is destined and waiting to happen.

· If something did not turn out as expected, don’t shut it out. Question as to ‘what else is possible?’

· The trophy is in the lion’s den. In order to own it, you need to go into the den and take it. It won’t come by waiting.

· As long as outside factors are controlling you, you will feel helpless. Once you move this to within, you will have more control and feel that you are the driver of your destiny. It’s never about others, the pwer is always with you.

· Do not fear a loss. The chances of winning come down when you play not to lose due to the element of fear. Once you turn this around and play to win, the chances of success increase exponentially.

· Life is full of paradoxes – Give money to earn money – To gain control, let go.

Individual Specific

· Vision Statement – Create a vision statement. Let it be high and lofty. This is a declaration of intent on how to invest one’s energy.

· When purpose is clear, your source of energy moves from negative to positive – from outside to inside

· 3 big lessons to follow

o CANI – Constant and never ending improvement

o Self-care – Do not let other people effect you. Be the best version of yourself.

o Invest in key relationships

· It is critical to identify the core values – and how one’s actions reflect them. If the actions are not in line with the values, course correct.


Practices

· Gratitude journal everyday

· Forgiveness using the RF sheet whenever something upsets you

· Practice non-judgment. Terming something “interesting” takes judgment out of it.

· Always be open to all possibilities - ”What else is possible?

· Always look for something better – “How can it get better than this?”

· Always be early. If you are early, you are on time. If you are on time, you are late. If you are late, do not even bother showing up.

· Practice the 3 As of Leadership everyday

Appreciation

Acknowledge

Asking for help

· While interacting with people take the leadership position. Listen to them, give them space, allow them to vent out. Don’t confront. Make them feel heard first. Be on the same side, not opposite sides. Make them feel secure!

· Best way to control things is not to control at all. David Eisenhower – If you want to get the best out of people, tell them what to do – and not how to do. By saying how to do, you put people into a frame and limit their potential.

· Use transformational, compassionate, powerful, energetic vocabulary. Words become labels – Labels becomes beliefs. Belief leaves an indelible impression on the sub-conscience.

· Hold the belief that the best will happen. Whatever happens, just accept it and handle it.

· Constantly ask 2 questions: i) What else is possible? ii) How can it get better? And be open to all possibilities.

· Be proactive. Be the creator.

· Use creative visualization to think of the desired end result and then work backward.

· Practice the art of giving and receiving feedback for better results. The ABCs of performance are Activator, Behaviour and Consequence. A – is the goal, B is the behavior and C – is feedback. Feedback is the breakfast of champions.