This came to my mind when I was busy admonishing myself for not having spent a morning as productively as I would have liked. 'What a waste of time?' I muttered and kept on beating myself up when Shobhs told me to stop all that and get on with life. 'What do you mean waste? You did things you had to do anyway and did them quite well so what is this about?'
'This' was about doing low priority things - as my mind saw them of course - but not necessarily low priority. Filing tax returns, meeting the accountant, checking on an aunt in hospital are all certainly important things and things well worth the time spent on. What struck me was how often, in my hurry to push myself to do the 'productive' things, I beat myself up black and blue. It is not a good feeling obviously and the point went home instantly why my life has not been feeling good forever - nothing is enough for me! There always more and more - especially where I am concerned.
Once again the thin line needs to be drawn. One does not advocate complete inaction and feeling good about it! Nor should one kick oneself for not doing 'more' when life is being lived anyway. One can probably congratulate oneself on a job well done for everything that is in the past, learn anything worth learning from it and move on! It is enough to have lived, been there. Enjoy the moment and let it be without judging it for its quality. The past is done with, no point beating myself over it.
On the other hand if I had looked at the day as one that was well spent, it might have been so much better. It would have been a case of gratitude, in-the-moment, at play.
Not beating oneself over the past is number one. Realising that living graciously is a great thing is another. I remember a cricket manager we had when we were all part of an Under-15 South Zone squad on tour to Calcutta in 1982. He had this wonderful habit of congratulating us for everything - even crossing the road! And wishing us luck for all kinds of trivial things like going to bed! Good luck, good luck! As well as thanking us for showing up to go to the match. Now I realise why he was always smiling - life must have been one great wonder for him to see his players crossing the road, going to bed and turning up for matches!
Constant 'not-enough' is a good way to constantly feel frustrated with life - a feeling I am well acquainted with. When I bring in 'perfectly spent' for the past, it might change the entire frame I look at the world in and my future. More on this after I experience it later. Right now 'well done' and 'perfect' are the words! Thanks Shobhs!