What We Leave Behind - Remembering Mom

Today I went to the Vijayanagar Gas Company at Balkampet to get my cooking gas connection papers regularised. I stood in queue and watched as the LPG agencies small employee force tried to handle a growing crowd that presented them with varying degrees of complications with their gas connection papers - from change of name to change of address to not knowing their consumer number to not knowing their mobile phone number - the clerks were driven up the wall. The clerk I was to meet was having a tough time convincing the person ahead of me and when I finally got to him I could see that he was completely frustrated and angry. With a silent prayer I quietly placed my papers in front of him and waited for his action.

Surprisingly  his furrowed brow straightened when he saw the address. He flipped through the supporting documents - death certificates of my parents - and then stopped at my mother's certificate. 'She passed away in 2012 did she?; he observed softly. I nodded. When he looked up to him his face had a wistful smile, one that was playing a memory he kept through all this madness - a memory that seemed to serve him well.

'I remember her voice over the phone when she ordered a refill,' he said looking at me. 'Very strong voice even on the phone. And very polite, gentle and sophisticated. Plot no 35 right? I even came once to your house to replace a regulator. She had a very impressive and powerful personality.'

I nodded again, surprised mildly that my mother had left such a strong impression on a clerk in a gas company. Yes, she was an impressive personality no doubt and a strong one at that, a fifth class dropout who came from a village but one who commanded undying loyalty from friends who were far highly placed in education and stature. But this was a revelation. When I walked out I could feel some moistness in my eyes. Wow! So many years after - you still make a difference to a person you mostly dealt with on the phone.

And that is what we can all leave behind really. By being ourselves, by being gentle, strong and polite, she somehow connected to this man, who was probably only a twenty year old then. She left behind a memory that stayed with him, perhaps an aspirational or inspirational memory where he might have been inspired to be like her on the phone or when he met other people. A memory that made him smile wistfully after a long and frustrating customer interaction. Perhaps even a memory that makes him more gentler and more helpful when he deals with his many illiterate customers who do not understand these procedures. I loved his smile, the gentle manner in which his eyes softened, and knew my mother's memory was preserved here surely. Maybe in many other places too - I know the Binny shop, the Rajeshwari Stores, the jewellers, the cloth store in Eluru, the chicken shop guy - and a whole list where she would have left an impression of how to conduct oneself, of carrying a dignity that does not come from education but an innate power, of making magic by the way one carries oneself.

I knew that in more ways than one we all are probably doing the same to people around us right now. And if we can leave behind a memory that can make a difference to an overworked clerk, we can consider ourselves having lived lives that certainly made a difference.

The Sky Is Crazy - Yvonne Lee

This is a fun and easy-to-read book, a humorous collection of stories from an air hostess who has flown to over 50 cities according to the blurb. The tag line 'Tales from a trolley dolly' gives you an indication of how Yvonne treats her book - always tongue-in-cheek, sometimes deeply insightful and poignant, the book is a perfect travel companion.

Marshall Cavendish Editions

Yvonne's experiences include passengers who struggle with their seat belts, with food and drink on board, bomb scares ad engines on fire, flying bras and sex in the sky by the Mile High Club, lost money and jewels, immigrant tales, toilet troubles, nasty superiors, gays, being on standby, living out of suitcases, people who cheat to get upgrades to business class and much more. Yvonne tells her tales well and gives a great insight into the things that the crew experiences in the air, the long hours, the types of passengers, the stuff they do and so on - enough for us to understand the life of an air hostess. Serving 100 passengers,answering their questions that range from the altitude, the place where the plane was flying over, handling medical emergencies and so on are part of her life. Yvonne manages to see the funny side of life through it all which makes it highly readable.

Niccolo Machiavelli's The Prince, 52 Ideas Interpreted - Tim Phillips

I read this book by Tim Phillips first, before I got my hands on the original 'The Prince' by Niccolo Machiavelli, his interpretation of 52 ideas of Niccolo Machiavelli for the modern day world. I made some notes of a few thoughts he expressed one way or another, either his own or someone else's.

'Preparation isn't about hoping for the best; it's about having a strategy to cope with the worst, whatever that takes.'

'Nastiness works too - nothing says 'obey me' like a bloody head on a fence post.'

'Use power or lose it. Power is the ability to change things. Use it.'

'A politician thinks of the next election. A statesman thinks of the next generation.'

'Troublemakers must be caressed or crushed. They will try to avenge slight injuries but not if they're very serious.'

'If you don't know what's going on, drop yourself in the middle of it.'

'Support weak neighbours. They'll help you achieve your ambitions.'

'Aim high. Tough targets produce lasting results. Only weaklings go for easy targets.'

'Act like a man of thought. Think like a man of action' - Thomas Mann

'In mergers, get cracking. Push them hard to integrate in days. Obliterate the past. Bulldoze offices.'

'Talent+Opportunity+ Drive = Success'

'Leaders are successful because they're right for the moment.'

'Power concedes nothing without a demand. It never did and it never will.' - Frederick Douglas

'Don't talk about it. Do it. If you have to tell people you are powerful, you aren't. Your acts should show it.'

'Stand up. Bullies have power over you if you consent and let them use it.'

'You can have power over people as long as you don't take everything from them. But when you've robbed them of everything, he's no longer in your power.'

'To be a leader, look for the jobs, however small and nasty - where you can make the difference.'

'The act of policing is, in order to punish less often, to punish more severely.' - Napolean Bonaparte

'When you criticise be unemotional and be direct, be brief and be factual, and end the conversation. This is not about humiliation but about leadership.'

'Cut out middle men.'

'Don't make the same mistakes again. It will test the loyal followers.'

'Appease powerless people when it doesn't cost you anything to do so. They will respect you for it. Earn people power.'

'Under pressure, defend the important stuff.'

'The buck stops here. Make it clear that your authority comes with the job and never negotiate it.'

'Ally with institutions and leaders we don't question.'

'Do it yourself. If you want to conquer, you need people who are committed to the cause.'

'Power is my mistress. I have worked too hard at her conquest to allow anyone to take her away from me.' 
- Napolean Bonaparte

'Take the tough decisions. If you're in charge do.'

'A leader shall personally lead his armies.'

'Partners spell doom.'

'Prepare for the worst. Prepare for disaster when there isn't a disaster happening.'

'Be physically and mentally fit to be a leader. Discover your capabilities. Train your weakest attribute.'

'Keep bad habits private. Build your image.'

'Stop being nice. Accept your vices.'

'Be a miser.'

'Better feared than loved.'

'Mercy is overrated.'

'Bestial strength and cunning are advantages. As a leader you need to know when to use them.'

'Deceit is easier than you think.'

'Keeping your word is not a good idea if it damages you.'

'Men judge more with their eyes than hands.'

'Seeming to have virtue can be useful.'

'Tell things your way.'

'Encourage the enemy.'

'Keep them guessing. Launch new campaigns. Keep them busy.'

'All courses of action involve risk. Face it.'

'Celebrate milestones. Perform acts that display munificence and affordability.'

'Keep your manager in place. Keep them in control.'

'Be careful of flattery.'

'Change your mind but not too often. Don't sit on the fence always. Make decisions early.'

'Set your setbacks right yourself. Accept mistakes and set them right.'

'Look to your future, not your past, for inspiration.'

'I start with the premise that the function of leadership is to produce more leaders, not more followers.' - Ralph Nader

'Luck is what you have left over after you give 100 percent.' - Langston Coleman, American Football Player

'Unless you do your best the day will come when, tired and hungry, you will halt just short of the goal you were ordered to reach, and by halting you will make useless the efforts and deaths of thousands.' - General George Patton.

'If you trust luck, eventually luck is bound to run out.'

'Copy ideas.'

'Say what you mean. Name names and say exactly what you mean.'

'You've got faults. So does everybody else.'

'Nothing brings honor to a new ruler as new laws and practices.'

The book by itself could have been better presented I felt. Some ideas did not connect to the core idea to me. But there are takeaways certainly for those who deal with power of any kind or for those who wish to get there.

Super weather in Delhi and Chandigarh

No pictures to tell a thousand words and you will have to take my word(s) for it. I was away in Chandigarh for five days but I first stopped over at Delhi for a day to meet up with Raja and to spend some time meeting my publisher. The early morning flight from Hyderabad to Delhi was pretty comfortable. The moment we touched down in Delhi I saw the fog, felt the cool weather and the toasty sunlight. I loved it.

Met Raja outside the airport and we drove straight to his institute IMT, Ghaziabad where we spent some time chatting, eating lunch, checking mails before I went to talk about 'The Winning Attitude' to the EDP students post-lunch. It was a two hour session and a highly enjoyable one at that, at least for me. After the session, Raja and I drove back from Ghaziabad to Delhi, fetched some food from the market, ate and crashed. The weather was cool and I loved the way it was foggy all day and through the evening. It was karva chauth the next day so many young ladies were getting their hands hennaed in the market place for exorbitant prices.

The next day I went with Raja to his institute again, dropped him there and went to meet my publisher in Noida. It appears that most publishers have set base in Noida and I saw many big publishers housed there. Noida itself was huge and it took forever to find the places we needed. Anyway after meeting the publisher I headed off to the airport, grabbed a bite and took the evening flight to Chandigarh.

Chandigarh airport was really small. I hired a taxi to get to the place I was to stay, in Sector 35 B, and enjoyed the ride along the well organised city. I found no tall buildings, lots of greenery and wide roads, shopping arcades etc. The weather was brilliant - you could walk about in a T shirt - when I really thought it might be colder!

But the next few days fell into a lovely rhythm. I'd get up at six and go for a long walk along those wonderful roads, go to a lovely park I found with a huge walkway and a jogging track and come back after an hour or more. The day would go by in work and then I'd get back to the room and work on the laptop until dinner. And then a small walk by myself walking along te shopping area, watching the young crowd enjoy themselves, and crash when I was tired. Loved it

On the last day I had some time so I went and roamed around the famous Rock Garden of Nek Chand, walked about the promenade on the beautiful Sukhna lake, roamed about the Sector 17 market place and returned. As always I felt the need to explore these places a lot more, imbibe the culture in its essence, meet more people, go into the countryside and so on. Some other time perhaps.

Thought for the Day - Finding the Guru

From Alexander who went to Aristotle, to Karna who sought Parasurama, Arjuna who sought Mahadev - it is a well known and commonly understood practice that the genuine student seeks out his guru wherever he is. I have seen some great cricketers like Rahul Dravid come all the way to Hyderabad to meet a coach like Rehmat Baig even at the peak of his career. The genuine student is never too big or too old to go back to his or her coach.

Light at the end of the tunnel, Pic by Satish

To first find that guru - the genuine student tries to find out what he or she is. What he or she is capable of doing and not doing. You must know what you need. You must know who can teach you that. And you must be ready to get that knowledge, whatever the cost.

Just as Karna did or Arjuna did. Go and seek that guru out. Ask him for guidance. Be grateful for the knowledge he imparts. In gurudakshina, Ekalavya, gave away all that he learnt in his life gratefully to his guru Drona. Such is the devotion of the genuine student. Such is the gratitude he has for the value his guru has added to him.

The genuine student is constantly ready to improve, to seek more, to learn more. Only when you do that will you be ready for the greater knowledge you are about to receive.

It is true - the teacher appears when the student is ready.

What it means is that when the student is not ready, he will not even recognise the teacher if the teacher is standing next to him.

Thought for the Day - Why Positive Emotions Have More Power

Looks pretty simple to me. All positive emotions more or less come to the same thing finally. Honesty, courage, patience, joy, hope, love and other such emotions deal primarily with being true to that one single emotion. It is clear and honest. It flows out as simply as that. It enriches you from the inside.

Abundance - Pic by Satish

Negative emotions however are caught in doubt. They are the ones that are always dealing with doubt and fear. Most times it is about the gap between what one is and what one is not able to be that brings on much of the negative emotions. Caught in this no man's land without any hope, one starts corroding from the inside.


But let's say you are what you are and you accept that fact and are honest about it - you will find the courage to face it, have the patience to deal with it, revel in the joy of it, look at the future with hope, suffuse in the love of just being what you are - and it just adds so much to your existence.

Man's Search for Meaning - Viktor E. Frankl

I had been searching high and low for this book and found it on one of the online stores. Its a slim book, 154 pages in all, but packed with the kind of content that makes you think, chew on it and come back. Being that, it was a rather slow read but a highly impactful one for me. Viktor Frankl, a concentration camp survivor from the World War II, was a Professor of Neurology and Psychiatry at the University of Vienna Medical School and was considered the founder of what has come to be called as the Third Viennese school of Psychotherapy. His writing has been considered the most important since Freud, Adler and Jung. He published 30 books in all, translated into 23 languages, with the first being published in 1924. This book has sold over 12 million copies.

Frankl's book and his thoughts on the meaning of life bear great significance since he spent three years of his life at the concentration camps in Aushwitz, Dachau and others and survived. He rewrote the book that he had been working on, the manuscript of which he was carrying when he was herded into the concentration camp, and which was seized and destroyed by the Nazis.

'Man's Search for Meaning' is in two parts mainly - one about his experiences in a concentration camp and two about logotherapy. Logotherapy (logos is meaning in Greek) is a meaning-centred psychotherapy, that focuses on the meanings to be fulfilled by the patient in the future. It is about man's search for meaning which is according to Frankl, the purpose of his existence (as opposed to Freud's pleasure principle and Adler's power principle).

The chapter about Frankl's concentration camp experiences deals with all the human emotions that we all deal with, and in extreme conditions. But his insights still work for us. We can take those lessons to a life that is not as hopeless and meaningless as that of a concentration camp inmate and find meaning in it as Frankl did. Viktor Frankl narrates the concentration camp stories as a dispassionate witness, without dramatising any of them, through the illness, loss of dignity, starvation, death and decay, cruelty, injury, hopelessness, trauma, tragedy. Through all this Frankl stays focused on the job of understanding why certain inmates died and why certain survived. Frankl's book is about the attitude you can choose to carry while dealing with the taking away of your identity, your dignity, with injustice and unfairness and the sheer hopelessness of living.

Some lines and quotes in the book that impacted me.

On our attitude when things go wrong
'You cannot control what happens to you in life but you can always control what you will feel and do, and what happens to you.'

'He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how." - Nietzsche

On success
'Don't aim at success - the more you aim at it and make it a target, the more you are gong to miss it. For success, like happiness, cannot be pursued - it must ensue, and it only does so as the unintended side effect of one's dedication to a cause greater than oneself or as a by product of one's surrender to a person other than himself. Happiness must happen, and the same holds for success. You have to let it happen by not caring about it. I want you to listen to what your conscience commands you to do and go on to carry it out to the best of your knowledge. Then you will live to see that in the long run - in the long run, I say - success will follow you precisely because you had forgotten to think about it.' - Frankl to his students in Europe and America

'There is only one thing that I dread, not to be worthy of my sufferings.' - Dostoevsky

Importance of a goal, of something in the future to add meaning to life
'A man who let himself decline because he could not see any future goal found himself occupied with retrospective thoughts. In a different connection, we have already spoken of the tendency there was to look into the past, to help make the present with all its horrors less real. But in robbing the present of its reality, there lay a certain danger. It became easy to overlook the opportunities to make something positive of  camp life, opportunities which really did exist.'
and
'...everything in a way became pointless. Such people forgot that often it is just such an exceptionally difficult external situation which gives man the opportunity to grow spiritually beyond himself. Instead of taking the camp's difficulties as a test of their inner strength, they did not take their life seriously and despised it as something of no consequence. They preferred to close their eyes and live in the past. Life for such people became meaningless.'

Frankl quotes Bismark while at the above thought - 'Life is like being at the dentist. You always think that the worst is still to come, and yet it is over already.'

Using difficulty to grow
'...we could say  that most men in the concentration camp believed that the real opportunities of life had passed. yet in reality, there was an opportunity and a challenge. One could make a victory of those experiences, turning life into an inner triumph, or one could ignore the challenge and simply vegetate, as did a majority of the prisoners.'

'It is the peculiarity of man that he can only live by looking at the future.'


Being the witness - rising above stress and suffering
',,,disgusted with the state of affairs which compelled me, daily and hourly to think of only such trivial things (like bread and ration). I forced myself to turn to another subject. Suddenly I saw myself standing on  platform of a well-lit, warm and pleasant lecture room. In front of me sat an attentive audience on comfortable upholstered seats. I was giving a lecture on the psychology of the concentration camp! All that oppressed me became objective, seen and described from a remote viewpoint of science. By this method I succeeded somehow in rising above the situation, above the sufferings of the moment, and I observed them a if they were already of the past.'

Importance of faith in surviving
'..who had lost faith in the future, his future was doomed.'

Thoughts and human immunity
'Those who know how close the connection is between the state of mind of a man - his courage and hope, or lack of them - and the state of immunity of his body will understand that the sudden loss of hope and courage can have a deadly effect.'

Inner strength and its connection to Future goal
'..any attempt to restore a man's inner strength in the camp had first to succeed in showing him a future goal.'

'...did not matter what we expected from life, but rather what life expected from us.'

On doing the tasks assigned to us
'Life does not mean something vague, but something very real and concrete, just as life's tasks are also very real and concrete. They form man's destiny, which is different and unique for each individual.'


Uniqueness of every moment
'No situation ever repeats itself, and each situation calls for a different response.'

'That which does not kill me, makes me stronger.' - Nietzsche

'What you have experienced, no power on earth can take away from you.' - Anon poet

Right action, right conduct, right answer  
What we needed was a fundamental change in our attitude toward life. We needed to stop thinking about the meaning of life and instead to think of ourselves as those who were being questioned by life - daily and hourly. Our answer must consist not in talk and meditation, but in right action and right conduct. Life ultimately means taking responsibility to find the right answer to its problems and to fulfill the tasks which it constantly sets for each individual.'


Of the key to mental health
'..mental health is based on a certain degree of tension, the tension between what one has already achieved and what one still ought to accomplish, or the gap between what one is and what one should become.'

Of responsibility
'..each man is questioned by life; and he can only answer to life by answering for his own life; to life he can only respond by being responsible. Thus logotherapy sees in responsibleness the very essence of human existence.'

3 ways to discover the meaning of life
'..we can discover the meaning of life in three different ways; 1) by creating a work or deed 2) by experiencing something or encountering someone and 3) by the attitude we take toward unavoidable suffering.'

Viktor Frankl's work is wonderful and I completely identify with his views. Some of them give me greater courage and focus and the assurance that by listening to your conscience and doing the best you can indeed adds meaning to your life and brings success along with it. Also the fact that life is after all about being responsible for what we do with the questions and situations life presents us with. A must-read.