Coaching Stories No 21 - Things Are Not Happening - How Hard Should I Work

 Q. Things are not happening. How hard should I work?

Pic courtesy Mansi P

If things are not happening its because you are either not working hard enough or are working hard at the wrong things i.e. a lot of activity with no results. But first and foremost, if there is not enough effort from our side, we cannot achieve great results.

What is enough effort? Let's say, we just call it giving our best. What is our best?

Consider this example. If I ask you to run around a football field as long as you can and stop when you have reached your limit, you might give me 5 rounds and stop (hypothetically). That's what we normally do on our own - stop at our first sign of discomfort. It is human nature to put in only as much effort as it is needed to survive.

Then I ask you to give me some more effort, a couple of rounds. You humour me because you still have some gas left and run a couple and say that's it, no more. That's 7 rounds.

And then i tell you that if you do not run some more I will hit you with a stick...in fact I will hit you if you stop. You run for the fear of getting beaten up - and this time you will give me another 5 rounds lets say. We normally have that much left. That's 12 rounds.

You stop and say, that's the maximum and you don't mind getting beaten up. I then pull out a revolver and say I will shoot you if you do not run till you fall. You will run for your life, a few more rounds until you fall. That could pretty much be another 4-5 or more. 16 rounds!

You get the general idea. We stop well short of our limit. If we want something badly it must consume us, it must be the only thing on our mind almost. You must push until you fall, know your limit.

Sometime then you will find some doors unlocking. So, don't stop, go for it. Find your limit.You will find results.

Coaching Stories No 20 - When Should I Ask for Perspectives

 I am not sure when I should ask for perspective.

As often as you can. The coach cannot give you perspectives on many things simply because giving perspectives without context has little impact. So as the coachee, if you ask questions based on the problems you are facing, the coach can give correct perspectives that you can use immediately.

It requires you to be aware of the situations, to know where there are potential areas of problems, to be able to put principles into practice and identify areas where you were unsure or got stuck. When you keep asking from that perspective, the coach can really enrich your experience by adding his perspective. 

Many times, this may only require a couple of minutes - hey coach, I am doing this. Is that ok? And coach will say, I think this is what the principle is, and you can do it this way, but keep this in mind while doing it.

It really helps. The smartest coachees fully take advantage of the coach that way.

 

Coaching Stories No 19 - What Keeping Your Word Indicates

 I committed to do this by this time but it's not so important. Why this fuss?

Not keeping your word indicates certain things. The first is that you cannot be relied upon to keep your word. You will break promises. The impact of this is that trust is lost. 

People do not trust someone who doe snot keep his word. Who cannot be relied upon. When trust is lost, people do not fully commit to work, to the relationship. They are always wary. One cannot trust such a person because we do not know whether such a person will deliver or not. More importantly, the person to whom you have given your word feels you do not respect or care for them enough to keep your word.

Leaders who do not keep their word will have a team that will not deliver, that will not keep its word. As a leader, trust building is very important.

A person you trust is someone who will show up, who will keep his or her word. You respect such people. Start honouring every promise you make, every word you have given. It's important to people.

Coaching Stories No 18 - What Coming Late Indicates

 I'm late by just a few minutes. So what's the big deal?

If you're habitually late, or do not have a healthy respect for a time you have committed to, it is a behavior indicates a few things.

1. That you do not take your word seriously enough and are OK with being flexible with it

2. That you do not know how to work backwards from a given commitment, keeping possible obstacles in view, and working around them.

Being on time shows an organised mind. A person who is late shows a disorganised mind, a person who is on time shows an organised mind and a person who is ahead of time shows a prepared mind that wants to contribute and make the best of the opportunity, and not just participate. The third is a leadership trait.

People who come ahead of time are well prepared and want to understand the environment better so they can contribute better.

Being on time also indicates a healthy respect for others time, for your own time. When you give respect, you get respect.

ll this can be understood by this behavior. Perhaps more. 

Coaching Stories No 17 - When Giving Feedback Keep the Entire Journey in Perspective

 I am scared to give feedback because they might get upset.

People get upset when we point out something - however gentle. The key to remember here is that what they are mostly getting upset is that we are not recognising the entire journey and are only pointing out their mistakes which are minor in perspective. In fact that one error may not really be a huge thing but she will be a better person for getting the feedback.

So, the first thing to remember is

1) feedback must have a positive impact in learning, behavior etc
2) before giving it, try not to focus on the issue only. Instead look at the entire journey (for eg. If you find a mistake in a book, look at the entire effort that went into making that book, or a film or an essay or painting or whatever)
3) start from that perspective that you understand and see their journey and what went into this project

This will make them feel a lot more secure and they will now be open to listen to you simply because they now feel that you understand their journey, their perspective. When they feel less threatened, they will listen ore openly.

4) having put that into perspective, now gently come to the point where you feel there could be an improvement. Don't simple show problems, offer solutions.

The key I realised is to make them understand that you know their journey.   

Coaching Stories No 16 - How Many People Have You Influenced Positively Today?

 I am not sure what difference I made today?

Look at how many people you have influenced positively today. 

It could be a 

1) simple acknowledgement
2) a small appreciation
3) a gentle nudge for them to stretch and become bigger people
4) a small question on how they are doing and offering them a ear to listen to
5) or a suggestion
6) a 10 minute mentoring session with each member of your team
7) bringing a small change/improvement in a process
8)  sharing a new idea with the team
9) sharing an appropriate story from your life that motivates
10) learning something new about your subs, what's going on in their lives

All this can be done without affecting the rest of your work but it will have a huge impact over a period of time! So what are you waiting for? 

Coaching Stories No 15 - Put It Down on Paper!

 How can I get clarity?

By putting your thoughts on paper. Noting works like a pen and paper to scribble and make sense of your thoughts. The best strategies, thoughts are laid down on scraps of paper. Writing gives clarity of thought.

Writing does not mean literary masterpieces. Just what you want, possibilities, connections, order, organisation, looking at gaps and thinking what needs to be done and voila, you have a plan of some sorts. That is enough to get clarity.

But most people do not write, put pen to paper. 

You could do it in your head too but writing it down offers two advantages.

1) It gives you both the zoomed out top view and the smaller picture 

2) it allows you to see gaps and fill in details

If you don't have both, and have no control over both, you have no plan.

So write, scribble, make some plan. Some strategy. It will help like nothing else. 

Coaching Stories No 13 - If There's Discomfort, There's Lack of Clarity In the Plan

 I have a plan but it does not seem right yet. What's missing?

What's missing is clarity. When we do not have clarity, the pan is vague. And when it is vague, we are uncomfortable. That feeling is enough to know which part of the plan is weak. When it does not vibe with you it only means you need more information.

Stop right there and seek more information. Ask the right questions - what do I need to know, why am I doing this, what needs to be done to achieve what we want. Once you get the information and there is no further information gap, you are in a good place. Your pan looks more complete and you can act on it.   

Coaching Stories No 12 - Don't Mistake Activity for Impact

 So we got detailed plans to act, and if we tick these items of, do we achieve success?

No.

Simple because you may have a 100 different items that you are doing but which ones to do first and which ones to do later is important. So start with defining the problem - why are we doing this? What do we need now? If its revenue that's an issue then you must look at why you are not able to generate revenue. Am I in the right market? Am I offering what the market wants? Do I know my market at all? Does my market know me?

So instead of focusing on building websites, social media promotions and other stuff, find out beforehand what the problem is that you are solving and what the market needs. That will help you refine your messaging and you can build better websites and social media campaigns with that information. Ticking off items is activity, but impact comes from moving the BIG ROCKS first. Yes, the small rocks have to be dealt with too, but only after moving the BIG ROCKS a bit.

What we are saying is, to move forward, you need to put the horse before the cart. One cannot tick off horse, and cart, separately and put the cart before the horse and wonder why it is not moving.

Step back. Get the big picture. Then get into the details.    

Coaching Stories No 11 - The Winning Culture Boils Down to Behaviors

 Problem - I have got the best of talent but they are not working together, too many ego issues. What do I need now? How can I make it a winning culture?

Coaching Principle - It's not what you have but how you use what you have that matters in the end. The best talent may not match up to less talented groups with the right behaviors and direction. So focus on setting the right direction, right values and inculcate the right behaviors.

Everything else can be learned.

Coaching Stories 9 - When Should I Give Feedback?

 I see that there is a problem in the team. They are not being productive enough. When should I tell them? Next meeting?

No!! Now. Feedback is the way to grow. The breakfast of champions. 

Principle: If you notice something wrong, give feedback immediately so it can be corrected right then. The longer you wait, the more the damage.

Give feedback immediately. Point out the error, point out how it impacts, make it about the act or the process or the behavior and not the person, tell them how you feel about it, tell them the right process so they can correct themselves and leave them with a clear target so they aim for that. 

For example someone who comes late to meetings all the time give feedback like this - I want to give you some feedback in the interests of our team, as you are aware you have been coming late to the meetings, at an impact level it makes the meetings less productive, at a feeling or energy level it makes the team feel that you do not care about the team, everyone feels demotivated that you are letting the team down and we all feel bad that we are not aligning as well as we should, yes we know there must be a reason but if you can make it before time it would be a huge thing for all of us. We know you will do this for the team and be the first person in the meeting next time. Right?

That's my shot at it. Whatever you do, make sure that the feedback improves the behavior and not make the person feel singled out or alienated. 

Practice giving more and more feedback so you give it without charge, without getting personal, making it process oriented and in a way that the other person changes his/her behavior. 

And yes, sooner the better. 

  

Coaching Stories No 8 - Use Values as a Tool to Solve Behavioral Problems

 Good question by Vijay that set me thinking furiously. 'What's the use of these values and culture? We need skills and talent to do good work.' 

Principle: Talent and intelligence is interior. What shows as work is through behavior. A person may have great talent or intelligence but if he/she has the wrong behaviors, the intelligence or talent will not show up in the work.  A good value system shows as behavior. Consistent behavior over time shows as culture. Culture as we know, eats strategy and intelligence and talent for breakfast.

How to Use the Principle: Let's say we have four values for our team - Ownership, Learning Mindset, Boldness and Team Work. Every time we have a problem use the values as a tool to find a solution. Someone is not responding fast enough. Which values can be used to solve this problem? Ownership, Team spirit and Being Bold. People in my team are not skilled enough? Can we hire new people? No. How can we use the values to solve this problem? Ownership from the leader. Learning Mindset from the team.

Whenever you talk to your team when addressing a problem, talk in terms of values as a tool to find solutions. That way everyone gets used to finding solutions there.

The values can become a powerful tool to address problems and improve productivity. Use them actively.  

Coaching Stories 7 - We Did a Lot of Work (But What About Impact)

 We made a list of things to do which was a big move forward by itself. And then we met to check progress on how we are faring. There were many items on the to do list and most were ticked off. Everyone was happy. 

One of the items that was ticked of was 'Suggestion Box'. Implemented. 

There was a sigh of relief at having ticked off the box. Job done!

...

Coaching Principle - it is not about the amount of work done, it is about the impact.

So in this case, if one feels that putting up a suggestion box is good work, it is not - yet. Simply because it is impact we measure and not work. So what is the impact of putting a suggestion box if no one gives suggestions? Nil.

The work is complete only when the suggestion box 
- encourages many people to give suggestions
- their suggestions are considered and rewarded and recognised
- a culture of sharing ideas is fostered 
- the culture is perpetuated through set processes 

The job is complete only when all this happens and the suggestion box serves its purpose. Whatever work you are doing, can you look at its impact and see how you can make most impact. As a leader your job is to think up processes and improvements. All the time.

Impact. Not just work. 

 

Coaching Stories No 6 - The Importance of 'Why'

 I often start most of my sessions with Simon Sinek's 'Start with Why'. In class today we quickly looked at why knowing the 'Why' was important. Like Simon says - everyone knows 'what' they are doing but very how know 'how' they are doing it and even fewer (the successful ones) know 'why' they are doing it. Though it requires honesty and courage and clarity to spell out your 'why', it is well worth the effort.

To illustrate it I shared two stories - one of Disney World and another of stone cutters. The Disney story goes a bit like this. A pastor takes his two young children to Disney World (Disney's why and its vision is 'Making people happy'). The kids go to buy gifts for their parents and the boy drops the vase which breaks. With no money left he is crying when a passerby says they should go back to the Disney store and tell them what happened. The kids do that and the young saleswoman, guided by the company vision or purpose of 'making people happy' says it was her fault she did not pack it right and gives them a free replacement. The kid is happy and goes and tells his parents what happened. 

Identifying his values with those of the company, the pastor decides to take every single congregation to Disney World and for that small gesture of acting out on its vision, Disney got millions of dollars of business, which is not the most important thing. What's important is that smile on the kid's face! A clear vision gives you the power to decide, to strategise.

The second story is that of three stone cutters - the first is unhappy and doing shoddy work and leaving on time. When asked what he is doing he says he is cutting stones. Then another who is slightly happier - and when asked what he is doing he says he is happy to be cutting stones with his friends. Then they come upon this guy who is working all by himself with full concentration after everyone has left and when asked what he is doing he says - I am building the greatest cathedral in the world.

The first stone cutter knows what he is doing, the second knows how and the third knows why and that's the difference in the kind of work they do.

Knowing your why helps you make decisions clearly, helps you make strategies that are in alignment with your vision. it guides you. It even helps you pick the right values which you need to achieve your vision. A team that is clear about its why and wants to win will make the right decisions about who to pick, how to go about it, what are the values they espouse to achieve that vision etc.

So get honest and find your why. Some things to keep in mind while writing your why or your vision - keep a 10 year window atleast, think of the biggest possibility, think success, infuse energy, passion - stuff that makes you want to get up and do it now.    

Coaching Stories 5 - Is Our First Responsibility Towards Us or Others?

 This was posed in class last week by one of our students and it is a valid question that always bothers us. 

Coaching Principle

Our first responsibility is towards us. Only after we are taken care of are we capable of helping others.

Lesson

The dilemma comes from our conditioning - but we are supposed to help others? The idea is that we can help others when we are secure. If we are continuously looking to help others at our cost, we will not be able to truly help them. We will only be avoiding helping others because we have too low a self-esteem to help ourselves and hide it in the garb of helping others. This is not selfless service - it is our discomfort at helping ourselves, at our feeling deep inside that we may not be able to hep ourselves.

Selfless service comes from a clear space. Someone who has been able to help themselves be on firm ground - mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally, financially (even any one of those) - can help others. So first crack the code with yourself and then turn to others.

How do we find the balance?

We will find the balance because once we are secure it is easy to be compassionate. We look to develop or grow the other person in a genuine manner and not keep them tied to ourselves because it serves us and our low self esteem. This is toxic for both. Focus on yourself. It is OK to be tough sometimes on others. You will help at the right time in the right way.      

Coaching Stories 4 - We Haven't Achieved Yet, How Can We Now?

 A doubt - we really haven't achieved anything yet in ten years? How can we achieve anything now?

Coaching Principle

If you continue to do what you did in the past, you will get the same results. If you want different results, change things.

Lesson

It's because you never asked yourself basic questions like why we are here, how can we achieve what we want, how do we get the best out of our resources. You have been operating without any synergy that a team normally has, the cutting edge any winning team has.

Now you are asking yourselves these questions - and making some changes. Now you still have a chance to create something great by asking yourself these questions and adapting to a common vision, taking more ownership for your own life, career.

You have no one else to blame but yourself. 

You are in the play still, so do it now. It's in your hands. Just like it always was. Only thing - you have to own it.

Things will change. 

Coaching Stories 3 - What to Do When Team Members Compare With Other Companies

 It's a common question. The other company pays better, has more perks, less work and so on. So why work here?

Don't need to work here. Better work there.

Coaching Principle

The team must be connected to what the company is doing, what it wants to achieve and must believe in that. The members must be fully involved in the team's progress, in achieving something as a team, to want to be part of a winning team. When the boss and the leadership team is clear about the greater narrative they can convince and enrol younger members about it. If they are not convinced, they do not fit into the team.

Lesson

The idea is that the boss had better be clear what this company offers. What's the company's belief, purpose, what they plan to achieve and how, what are the gains for the team members if they do achieve it. If the team member believes in the team and its goals and ideas, she can stay with whatever the team offers (she can always try to improve on things by giving suggestions instead of merely comparing and threatening to leave). If the person does not believe in the company's vision and values then she should reconsider staying at the company.

The first thing is to clearly explain the company's purpose to the team member and try to convince her of the great journey or enterprise one is on. If the idea is sold and she believes in the enterprise, welcome aboard. If not, too bad.

You will always find someone who believes in what you believe. And they will work for the purpose, not the salary. 

Coaching Stories 2 - How to Address Disgruntled Team Members

 The problem - Team members were unhappy with what they perceived was an unfair bonus structure and it was causing disharmony in the team. They brought up the issue with the team leads who brought it up with their boss who took it up with his boss. However the buck stopped there and the problem continues to fester with no solution. The members are slowly getting demotivated.

Coaching Principle

As a leader, pick up signs of disgruntled employees and leave a door open for them to express their unhappiness. Once we realise that what they are saying is valid and is in the interests of the team, we must assure them of some action. This must come with some kind of a time line. If we do not get back to them with an answer or an assurance we will lose our respect as a leader. So it must be heard and acted upon and a final result given - maybe a partial address of their issue, or a real problem that management has and some alternate way of compensation or even just an explanation that they have been heard and under such circumstances, such and such measures would be taken.

For this the leader must fully listen to the team members and their grouse, see if it is valid, take it down to his boss, explain the seriousness of the situation, explain his angle fully without holding anything back, convince his boss or get convinced and get back to the team with an answer. If the team is likely to get no benefit, they must be given an assurance at least.

The fact that they have been 'heard' and that the leader has 'fought' for them will keep them engaged, feel valued and seen and heard. Don't leave them hanging. 

Coaching Stories 1 - Should I Reward the Performers or Not?

 The question was like this - there is a proposal to reward the better performers in the team to motivate everyone to perform better. However one of the team leads suggested that if we reward some people, the others will get demotivated. What should we do?

Coaching principles

The principle of rewarding someone who is performing better is right simply because this person is putting in more effort and getting better results. Such people should be rewarded for two reasons 1) they perform even better 2) others try to emulate them.

As far as others getting demotivated is concerned it is a culture issue. We need to build a culture where everyone in the team celebrates each others win. In fact we have the top performer share his/her success story and how they made it happen. 

Lesson  - It is easy to not to anything in which case we demotivate our champion players. But the right thing to do is to create a culture where everyone is pushing one another and everyone is celebrating each others success. Promote a healthy competition where the team wins.