There are ten steps to 'change absolutely anything'.
1. Create the Right Impression.
You need to have them at hello - so make an effort to make a good first impression because it will go a long way and make change easy. People like it when you make a good first impression. They follow you like geese which apparently follow the first thing they set their eyes upon.
So work on your first impression!
2. Decode how you want to be perceived
Use what you 'say and do' to win he says. 55% of communication is non verbal, 38% is vocal (as in tone and expression) and only 8% is about words. So be careful how you use non-verbal and vocal messaging.
We also act according to the image we hold of ourselves (our self concept is the only thing we have). Look at how how behave on your best behaviors, figure how you act on your first date and stay with that.
I loved the 4 minute rule. Damian says we just have to be at our best behavior for 4 minutes and that will set a lot of things right in our relationships. He cites the example of English rugby coach Clive Woodard who would have a specific drill for half time if the team came trailing. 0-2 minutes (silence/think on performance/ change kit) 2-5 minutes (coach assessment, food and fluids), 5-8 minutes (silence, start form zero, visualise kick off)
Consistent winners focus energies on behaviors that lead to their goals.
Exercise -Pick three potential scenarios - remind yourself of your best behavior.
WOPAS is a valuable tool of self assessment because we cannot see what others are seeing - What our peers are saying - valuable feedback. Get it.
Ask this question - what do we do as a group that makes us productive and happy? Can we agree to do these things more frequently?
3. Recognise the power of emotion
Don't look at the mass, look at one, said Mother Teresa (loved that). Don't give big picture, instead focus on one story and go deep so you will touch emotion. Emotions drive decisions and action. We move and create change when our feelings and emotions are touched.
"See - feel - change'.
Whoever you are trying to influence needs to care. They need to feel what you feel. You increase your chance of success figure out their emotional buttons.
Be careful not to mix up feelings with pre-feelings. (Pre feelings are not real feelings, they come from a fight or flee conditioning)
Stress + Stimulus - Perception - Response. Don't respond to false perceptions.
4. Address the 4 important needs of humans
1) Feeling valued (build an emotional bank account - do an exercise where you add to the account and where you take away). Keep positive focus - when attempting to bring about a change in your life, first start by identifying what works. In a Praise vs Criticism exercise with school kids the ones with praise improved by 71%, the ones with criticism improved by 19% and those who were ignored only by 5%
It helps to go with our strengths first.
2) Feeling in control
Make people feel in control. One way for us to feel in control personally is by doing routines. We often act as though we can control the uncontrollable
Churchill famously made two lists - did what he could control and threw the other one away
Olympians have a phrase for that - "that's outside my boat"
3) Sense of belonging
You need to belong to that group, you need to feel like you belong to it. Need or attachment is an important part of our identity
Make these 3 lists
1) People I connect well with
2) People I connect fairly well with
3) People I don't connect well with at all
Check your behaviors with each group and change them.
4) Safety
There is something to be said for feeling confident to speak up and be yourself without fear of attack
Change action
Identify specific acts of courage to facilitate change, what does it cost you to let your anxieties and fear determine
List positive pictures of acts of courage of yours
5) Understand your reaction to change
Attitude - it is nothing but response to facts
Check for energy givers and energy sappers
Look for the controllable and the uncontrollables
E+ R = O
Event + Response = Outcome Change response to change outcome
6) Anticipate how those around you will react to change
Learn to be flexible to get the support you need. Identify whether those who you surround yourself with are hindering or assisting your attitude
The four types
1. Initiator
2.Blocker
3. Observer
4. Adapter
Blockers play a vital role
Change action
List 15 people essential to your change today
Become an initiator
7. Examine your beliefs
The example of Houdini and the locked door - he could not open it but it was not locked in the first place.
Beliefs =Perception
What beliefs do you have about your ability to create the change you want
There are two people within - the thinker and the prover. What the thinker thinks the prover proves.
The Pygmalion effect. Talk positive stuff. People behave not according to reality but based on their perception of reality. Many of our limits are self-imposed or by others.
8. Avoid these 3 Belief Traps
1. Results based beliefs
The time we need self-belief is when things are not going well
2. Ludic fallacy
Belief in only things that are possible. Look at your own change challenge in a naive manner and see how much you can really achieve.
Eg. Ford dealer and his top sales.
3. Shared helplessness
Taking instances of failure and generalising them
Beliefs= behavior = results
What you believe as a deep, sub conscious level will determine how you behave on a constant basis
If you change the belief, you ca change the result
Write feelings about the change like a devil and then like an angel
9. Be aware of where you are sitting
Understanding what influences you to find the key to change. We do the same thing over and over again, making it difficult to spot the chance to change. If all you see are failure and despair, it is very hard to see the possibilities around you.
Change action
Keep tabs on the type of information you consume
Happy couple - coffee offer - reply positively, acknowledge negatively, stay silent, change the subject
Turning towards positive responses. When we are 'turning towards' responses the effects are enormous
Change action
Think of someone who is helping you create change. Your response ratio should be 5:1
Knowledge bank
Identify your best change making behaviors
Change action
Change how you think about your past conditioning
10. Take action
Knowledge appreciates when you share it, creating new insights and more knowledge
Cliff Young, ran the marathon in Australia 550 miles in 5 days without sleeping and won
Now to apply these. I think its valuable information and could really make a big change.
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