Anita is a much-accomplished lady - a Mohiniattam dancer (she started learning after her first child), biker (done a Kashmir-Kanya Kumari on her Harley), speaker (TEDx), leadership coach, actor-short film director, blogger are some of the things she has done in the past. But turning into an author might be the biggest achievement yet, as she has penned down a book on her experience with depression. Anita wrote it in a very accessible style, full of good intent and energy, taking care not to scare away the layman with too many medical terms (she chooses to call these mind disturbances) while gently giving an insight into what goes on, the denial, the stigma, the support, the need to seek help and mostly, how one can come out of mental disturbances and lead a full life.
Anita experienced depression three times in her life - the first time she had no clue what was happening and could not confide in anyone, the second time she knew something was not right but people around her gave her homegrown advice to handle it by herself and her own apprehensions about medical help and the third time when she decided to seek help, consulted a psychiatrist and healed. Anita avers that patience and acceptance is vital to the healing process. One has to stay alive.
Anita begins with how life changes when mental disturbances occur - drop in energy, fatigue, our responses and how they impact life. Mental disturbances get triggered by anything - unmet expectations, betrayal, chemical imbalance, death of a loved one etc can affect anyone of any age or social standing. It is an illness like any other illness - the fact that it does not show physically does not make it any lesser. Anita lists signs to watch out for - profound sadness, low energy, extreme fatigue, fear, loneliness, overeating, lack of appetite, lack of sleep, rest, interest, not being able to smile, feeling breathless, being affected by light and sound, panic attacks among others. Anita differentiated between fatigue, tiredness and laziness exhaustively.
Depression does not lead to suicide says Anita. One can overcome it. The critical moment is when one has panic attacks (they last 30 seconds to 30 minutes) and there could be a momentary impulse to give up on life. Anita repeatedly says - don't succumb to it - breathe deeply, exhale until you come out. People around those affected, she says - be there, hold the space and let them calm down. The panic attack will stop. Let not neglect due to taboo and stigma be the reason for the loss of a loved one she stresses.
Anita bats for a more compassionate, sensitive and gentler approach when dealing with those who show signs of depression. What we say and what they hear in their fragile and vulnerable state could be completely different. When you get suicidal tendencies do not be alone, don't isolate and don't hide the feeling from others that you want to end your life.
When things don't seem to improve despite your efforts, meet a counsellor. If that does not work, meet a psychologist,a psychotherapist and a psychiatrist. They make up the team of people who support you. Psychiatrists are medical doctors qualified to deal with mental illnesses. They are qualified to diagnose the category of the illness and to prescribe medicines. Psychologists are qualified professionals who identify the therapy required for your illness and to get better while counsellors are trained to listen and help in easing the difficulty gradually healing. All professionals have to be qualified and registered with the registry. The nebulous aspect of who to approach and when is spelt out clearly from her own experience. This is something everyone is confused about - who do I reach out to and when - a counsellor, a psychologist, a psychotherapist or a psychiatrist (anyone is good, just reach out). Anita spells out how to choose a counsellor, what to look for and what to watch out for.
To understand one's own condition Anita spells out five questions to ask oneself - what is different from the usual for me? When do I experience it? Who should I approach? Why should I not give up? Where should I define my boundaries? She spells out what one needs to do when consulting a doctor and also the self-work one has to do.
I liked the 10 Cs to healing she listed - Compassion, Care, Conversation, Calmness, Consideration, Cooperation, Conviction, Change, Courage and Consistency. Self-explanatory.
The support system plays a big part. She stresses time and once again that all one needs to do is be there for someone suffering from a mind disturbance - a smile or a conversation can work wonders. Be patient because mood swings are not within their control. Do not shame them speak loudly, push them, blame them, say it's self-inflicted or mock them. Convey - I'm there. How can make you feel better? Whatever happens, don't leave them alone. Anita writes in detail about how a parent, a child, a sibling, a spouse, a co-worker, a teacher, a student, a friend can deal with someone undergoing depression or showing signs of it. Underlying everything is this - talk, converse, be available.
The 5 phases of recovery are - depression at peak, recovery, slip back, readiness and healing. During the recovery stage as much as one looks fine, be aware of the triggers that might cause a slipback. The recovery stage is a readiness phase when one can start to learn and slowly make changes. It's only after complete healing does a person get strong enough to be able to handle triggers appropriately. Anita, a proud survivor, talks about how life is a precious gift and it is a good enough reason to stay alive. Our life is our opportunity she says. Let no one else decide the worth of our life. Love yourself, choose love as the main emotion, drop fear, guilt, regret. Be aware that the future has many beautiful things ahead.
To heal completely and not revisit that path, work on your basic needs and correct the way you eat, drink water, hygiene, clothes, sleep, exercise, converse with others - so it enriches you and makes you healthier. Be ok with your body and love it as it is. Don't worry if you slip - start, continue and restart. Get better every day. Be ok with change.
Anita's Priority Circle is a gamechanger for anyone. She talks of how to prioritise your life. The Core Circle is about your personal space and those who occupy that space, then the Priority Circle 1 and 2 and 3 with an increasing amount of privacy and people with energies that affect you positively. The ones who drain you of your energy should be kept away from your Priority Circles and kept in what she calls the Black Hole-away from your life. Figure what makes you happy and do it. Work on personal change. Be patient, introspect and forgive. Build routines and bring in discipline. Keep away energy-draining people and activities. Love yourself the way you want others to love you - powerful thought.
Be the version of you that you'd like to be remembered as, Own your life. She says the standard of quality of your life depends on the standards you set for yourself, as well as for your family.
There is a lot of good information given in the book in a crisp and succinct manner. From early signs, difficulties in choosing a course of action, who to approach and when, how to deal with the illness, how to manage your support group, how the support group could help, how to stay away from suicidal tendencies, how to reorganize and strengthen oneself after recovering. It’s very handy, an easy read, and a book that every one of us can benefit from.
Anita has also made three short films revolving around the same topic and they are quite nice to watch. One thing that a friend asked me when I told him about the book is - how come someone so accomplished suffers from depression? It's a question Anita had to face herself. So to put herself out there requires a lot of courage and purpose and for that, she deserves a big applause. Writing a book is not easy and to write about something so personal and disturbing must have been so much more difficult and demanding. Anita kept her purpose clear, did not go into her own story more than required and focussed on providing information, help and guidance to those who read the book. Overall, a great initiative by her, to bring conversations out in the open and make life easier for so many who are struggling with mind disturbances - it is ok, there is help and support out there. Well done Anita. I am sure your book and your initiatives will make a world of difference.
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