Bronnie Ware's blogpost (Inspiration and Chai) on the same subject got viral and she wrote a book on it, self-published it after 25 rejections, then got a publisher, and now its an international bestseller that's translated into many languages. This itself is a great story about pursuing your passions wholeheartedly and surrendering to the process. There are so many moments in the book where she talks about her life that we see that happening, surrender and doors open. But this is not about her as much as about the 5 regrets she figured from those who were dying.
Bronnie was a bank executive in Australia before she decided to explore life - like living on an island. She chucked up her secure career and went of to live on an island, then explored the Middle East and generally listened to her heart taking risks all the way. Of course she had her bouts of drinking, trying drugs and bad relationships along the way and she learned from them. When she ran out of money she moved into a house of an elderly lady in England as a live-in carer, which also gave her time to work on her creative pursuits - she writes, she composes music and she sings. Her time with Agnes taught her much, as Agnes spoke to her (one thing with all her clients was that they spoke a lot) and more importantly Bronnie listened, having made up her mind that she would look after Agnes as she would her own grandmother. Endowed with tons of empathy and love, Bronnie's good work was recognised and she was soon called upon to take care as a carer for terminally ill patients. And in those many conversations, intense moments of honesty and love and regrets, Bronnie culls out these five regrets of the dying.
They are
1) I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself - not the life expected of me
2) I wish I'd not worked so hard
3) I wish I had the courage to express my feelings
4) I wish I stayed in touch with my friends
5) I wish I had let myself be happier
Her clients are terminally ill - rich, not so rich, alone, having close families, having no communication, business people, professionals, successful executives, spiritual people - and Bronnie dealt with all of them with love and care. So much so that it leaves them both feeling the better for it (but in the end taking a toll on her too). Her patients suffer from guilt of not having kept in touch with friends, not telling their families that they love them explicitly, not being able to fulfill promises to their loved ones because they took one more job, waiting till their spouses died to live their own lives but then falling sick immediately and regretting not doing that earlier, a young man not able to forgive himself for the wrongs he did and not healing. Through their time with Bronnie they talk of their lives honestly, some make up with their families, some reach out to their friends (with Bronnie's help and they come to meet them).
One of the clients, Pearl talks to her about money. 'If you love what you do, you become open to the flow of money. Fear blocks us up. Money is energy - one that brings good and happiness. But we give it power, chase it, fear it, obsess over it.' Another tells her 'Work should have a purpose.' To another Bronnie says 'Tell them you love them.' One another tells her 'Express freely. There's no need for guilt if we have made our best effort.' When one of her angry clients asks Bronnie 'Why are you so happy?' Bronnie replies - 'Just pretend to be happy. Smile.' A philosopher client says - 'Appreciate things as they happen.' Most profound stuff comes from this client, a man who has lost his entire family over the years but is still grateful and not a bit resentful and he says only one thing 'I have known love. Love is always present.'
In the midst of all this she has her own challenges, of money, of her creative pursuits, of relationships, of nothing seeming to work, of a serious illness that requires surgery but she listens to her body and somehow cures herself of without surgery, of taking classes for prison inmates, at some point falling into depression and thinking of suicide and then getting a handle on it all and coming back. It's a lovely story and well, those are the regrets we don't want to have so start working on them right away. I loved her struggle to own the idea that she was an artist and putting herself out there, the story when she has everything organised for her song production but has no money and how she surrenders and a stranger walks into her life and offers her money, the time when the caravan park owner offers her free space when she has no money to pay for it, or when one of the client's family calls her for an assignment when she was sleeping in her car, many such lovely stories.
Bronnie is into Vipassana meditation, yoga, and many things spiritual. She writes about her own life so honestly and with such vulnerability that one cannot help but feel exactly what she went through. Her empathy, her desire to be as transparent and as vulnerable and honest as she can with her life and her pursuit as an artist and a person, shine through. In the end, more than the regrets of the people she cared for with so much love, its her attitude to her work and her life that comes through. Bronnie's way of living itself, the risks she takes to follow her heart, the way the Universe also rewards her, shows her the way to use her talents and to give her experiences that makes her a better person. Its art that she brought to her life as a carer, painting each moment with love and empathy, and if she ever thought she did not do justice as an artist, she should look at that area as well apart from her writing and singing.
Good for you Bronnie. And I would love to take those five regrets and see what I need to tweak about them.
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