Laughter Channel - Krishna at it Again

One more gem from Krishna that had me laughing out loud. Thank you Krishna.

Indians are the ultimate experts on appearance. They are these ultra-sophisticated, precision- tuned, super-sensitive instruments built to detect the tiniest change in your exterior from twenty paces, and bring it to your notice, unsolicited, at the first available opportunity. At parties, banks, restrooms, potti kadais and funerals (sometimes your own), the average Indian’s appearance-analysis antenna is always working, twitching to pick up perceived changes in compatriots, and transfer info thereof to his filter-free mouth to be disseminated to the drive-by victim with no time-lag whatsoever. They range from: You seem to have put on weight. You seem to have lost weight. You seem to have regained your lost weight. You seem to have lost your regained weight. to You have gained colour. You have lost colour. (I have never known which of these is complimentary. Because ‘white’ is the preferred colour, as we know. But does one get ‘whiter’ by gaining colour or losing colour? Because, white, technically, is the absence of colour.) You seem to have lost some hair (to men). You seem to have gained some hair (to women). You seem to have aged (to someone they haven’t seen for twenty-eight years). I have a list of these guys. They are all repeat offenders. Here are responses you can expect from me if I catch any of you saying anything about anyone’s appearance in my presence: Your loins seem to have sagged a bit. Why didn’t you bring your chin along today? You look so much like your father when he was being cremated. You seem to be wearing your dandruff a little differently these days. So cool of you to go bra-less, man. Your paunch seems to have a double-chin. Nice to see you’ve extended your bald patch evenly over your head. Your mouth smells different. I like that whole asymmetrical-butt-cheeks thing you’ve got going. Are you wearing those trousers ironically? Your wedgie seems to have deepened since I last saw you. Can you move your nose a bit so I can see your face? (From the archives)