Thought for the Day - The Invisible Rope that Separates

So I was thinking that we all have this rope that separates us with many. On one side of the rope are people we are good with and on the other side are people we have a problem with. The ones who are on the other side are the ones who are always upsetting us.

For a moment, think of the people who are upsetting you right now. Can you see them on the other side? Can you see how they are separated from you? How they are on the other side of the table? How we think of them and get bothered by how they behave etc?

But the rope is our own creation. We have only put them on the other side of the rope because we feel they have offended us in some way. That makes them, in our minds at least, wrong, and therefore our enemy. As far as they are concerned all's fine. While we are disintegrating inside.

The simple method then is not to have a panga (fight) with anyone in life. All we need to do is push the rope further so everyone is included on our side only. Everyone is on our side. Yes, we may have minor disagreements but that can be sorted as long as we are on the same side. There is no tension, just one quiet chat to sort out the diasgreement.

By moving the rope, you buy yourself a lot of peace of mind. You sort out many relationships which otherwise become difficult.

Case Study:

This watchman B whom we had appointed to stay as caretaker was upsetting everyone with his rather over-smart manner. Without informing us he borrowed a bed and a table and we were rather unhappy with that. On the face of it he seems honest and hardworking but this extra taking us for granted upset us. He seemed to not bother about these boundaries and it bothered us.

I was bothered about it too and wondered how to handle it. Would he get upset and leave? That is no reason not to tell him about the way he should behave. Should I be angry with him? Should I be gentle with him and risk him not understanding the issue?

That is when I thought of the rope. I thought I should include him on my side and not alienate him and treat him as if he belonged to the enemy camp. With this approach of inclusiveness, I asked him to sit down and told him clearly in the manner prescribed in Whale Done, the book by Ken Blanchard and proceeded to give him feedback. These are your good points, but these are areas to improve, and this is the line we have between us. If you cross the line you are facing the consequences. 

B listened, apologised for his behavior, said he would not repeat it again and all ended on a good note. Shifting the rope and including him on my side helped tremendously to pick the right approach and frequency to convey the message well.

Include everyone on your side of the rope and the whole world is with you.