Canteen Fundas - Why Managing Emotions is the Key to a Successful and Happy Life

Emotional Intelligence - There's much we don't know about it!

https://www.edexlive.com/opinion/2020/aug/16/canteen-fundas-why-managing-your-emotions-is-the-key-to-a-successful-and-happy-life-13895.htmlCanteen Fundas: Why managing your emotions is the key to a successful and happy life

Managing Your Emotions is the Key to a Happy, Successful Life

‘Bhaiyya, Rinku’s very upset today,’ said Rahul. ‘She yelled at everyone. Including me.’

‘Wow,’ said Rakesh. ‘What triggered it Rinku?’

‘Don’t know bhaiyya,’ said Rinku. ‘Just lost it.’

‘It helps to identify your emotions and feelings to deal with them better,’ said Rakesh. ‘Let’s check. How’re you both feeling now?’

‘Bad,’ said Rinku.

 ‘Good,’ said Rahul.

‘You need to do better than feeling ‘good’ or ‘bad’ if you want to develop your emotional intelligence,’ smiled Rakesh.

‘What’s this emotional intelligence bhaiyya?’ asked Rahul.

‘Emotional Intelligence is your ability to identify, express and manage emotions,’ said Rakesh. ‘It helps you to manage yourself and your relationships effectively instead of getting hijacked by your emotions. Emotionally intelligent people are aware, adaptable, positive, empathetic and achievement oriented.’

‘Wow, how do we develop our emotional intelligence bhaiyya?’ asked Rinku.

‘First understand what emotions and feelings are about,’ said Rakesh. ‘Emotions are non-conscious, physical reactions such as sweating, irregular breathing, increased pulse rate etc triggered by external stimulus. Feelings, on the other hand, are conscious, mental experiences triggered by emotions attached to your memories and thoughts. For example, if you’re late for an appointment, you feel tightness in your stomach, leading to a conscious feeling of sadness or guilt triggered by a thought.’

‘I didn’t know that,’ said Rinku.

‘Since we aren’t encouraged to feel our emotions and feelings, we don’t even know them, much less deal with them,’ said Rakesh. ‘Take basic emotions like joy, sadness, fear or anger. Joy in turn can be peaceful, loving, optimistic, intimate; and sadness could be hurt, embarrassed, lonely, depressed etc. Check out the ‘Feelings Wheel’ on the net and you’ll find hundreds of emotions related to these core emotions. Identifying your emotions is the first step towards improving your emotional intelligence.’

‘But why manage emotions bhaiyya?’ asked Rahul.

‘Because if you don’t, your emotions control you,’ said Rakesh. ‘They hijack your reactions and can mess up your relationships, your decision-making, your behavior, energy and health. But remember, all emotions are our friends and serve a purpose, as shown so beautifully in the movie ‘Inside Out’. It’s never the emotion, but our reaction to it that’s the problem.’

‘How can we manage our emotions bhaiyya,’ asked Rahul.

‘Next time you’re upset, identify and ‘feel’ your emotion,’ said Rakesh. ‘Feel the sensation in your body fully without suppressing it. By acknowledging, identifying and accepting your emotion, you’ve responded consciously. You’ve broken the unconscious reaction and managed your emotion. Managing difficult emotions frees up energy and helps you achieve challenging personal and team goals efficiently. That’s why emotional intelligence is considered a key competency in successful people.’

‘Wow,’ said Rinku. ‘I’ll work on improving my emotional intelligence right away bhaiyya. I feel so relieved.’

‘I’m feeling excited too,’ said Rahul. ‘It’s chai time.’

Pro Tip: Improving your emotional intelligence helps you manage your personal and social life effectively, leading to healthy relationships, higher productivity and better quality of life.

 

Dharavi - Movie

 1993. Sudhir Mishra. Shabana Azmi, Om Puri.

A taxi driver in Bombay, living in Dharavi, dreams up big dreams of owning a factory and invests all his money. Despite serious setbacks and loss of money, he does not lose hope and starts dreaming again. One of his dreams includes Madhuri Dixit of whom he fantasises often and who inspires him.

Anjali - There's Nothing Like Normal Families

 So we were having some playful discussion and I said dramatically to Anjali that we should take time out and sit and have a discussion like normal families do.

Normal - Pic Satish Nargundkar

'There's nothing like normal families,' said she. 'This is normal in families. No families behave like the 'normal' families everyone keeps talking about.'

That shut me up. True. What normal am I talking about? What we are doing is what is normal to us I guess.

A Fantatsic Woman - Movie

 2017. Spanish film. A sensitive, beautiful insight into the life of a transgender. 

 

Thought for the Day - It's Easier to Forgive Yourself When You Let Yourself Down

 I was out today to do some work. Now every outing in these masked, COVID times are in some way or the other stressful. So I went ahead with a longer than normal list of things to do, not as in a long list, but in more locations. Anyway, I landed up at the last spot, where I needed some printouts.  I realised that I had not copied the files into the pen drive though I had identified them.

Pic - Satish Nargundkar

So I thought I could call home and have someone mail them and i could download the same. As luck would have it, the phones were not reachable - Shobha's phone has poor connectivity inside and she was already in a session, while the landline was continuously busy which meant that it was probably off he hook. After ten minutes I drove back, copied the stuff on the pen drive and went out in the rain again. It took a long time this time because the main guy went missing and some sidey was there who could not operate it well. Anyway, thankfully it got done.

But I was seething inside. I was angry at the phones and by extension the people who had access to the phones. When I tried to use the Emotional Intelligence method and tried to identify my emotions I found 'disappointment' and 'annoyed'  and 'mad' When I asked myself who I was mad at I realised it was the situation I had placed myself into. I realised clearly that it was my mistake that I did not copy it properly before I left. And then I told myself that instead of being mad at the innocent bystanders, can I express myself against me?

Funnily, the moment I became the culprit, it was easy to see the humour in the situation. i could visualise myself telling Anjali in a self-deprecating manner that I had forgotten and was doing things double-double. This sense of humour was something I was not willing to lavish on others. My victim space was too sacred. It was very interesting, the whole play.

Despite all this, when I went home I still put up on serious front, probably to leverage some sympathy. It didn't work so I went into my room. The good outcome - I could laugh at myself, break the spiral of being angry with them and get some control over the space.

Anjali - Pench Excursion, Day 5, January 14, 2020

Safari and pack up!

Anjali - Pench Excursion, Day 1, January 10, 2020

These are blogs from January that I didn't publish for want of information. I will publish them now and keep adding to this.

So the D Day arrived. The day of the school excursion to Pench wildlife sanctuary. After much planning, shopping, packing and discussion Anjali was all set to go. So excited was she that she woke up at 4 am and couldn't sleep after.

At the school - all girls!

School was half-day and I picked her up from school. Some more packing at home. Mythily and Chanti came home to bid her luck - was a big thing for everyone - and got some stuff for her to eat. They left at 6. At 720 we left to drop Anjali off at school. She insisted on carrying her own black bag and a small backpack and didn't let me carry them.

At the Secunderabad railway station - Apurva, Mansi, Divya, Anjali and Brahmani

The school was filling up with parents and children - everyone looking a bit nervous and tense. It was the first time the children were going on their own. After a few minutes, we realised that we weren't serving any purpose standing there so we bid farewell and left. Mansi and Divya had also come by then so they gravitated to one another as usual.

Again!

The school took them in vans to the station and onward to Nagpur.

The 8th class

They started sending up pictures from the station so everyone (I for one) felt very relieved. Lots of other parents also posted their immense relief on the WhatsApp group.