Thought for the Day - How Not to Get Offended

I remember a wonderful quote that I read many years ago - 'Why do we get offended when someone does not offer us a cigarette we do not really want?'
It's the ego silly.

The Hills of Kothrud, Pic courtesy Satish N

Why do we get offended? Because we do not accept certain points of view. Because we think we are right. How can she think, talk or behave like that? That's untrue, unfair, downright unjust, a lie. And so many more reasons to get offended. 

How not to get offended? One way not to get offended by anything is to accept whatever comes your way. You are a fool - Yessir, thank you. You look awful - hey thanks. You're a prize ass - Wow, huge compliment. You're a liar - I agree, thanks for reminding me. You're terrible, who gave you this job - I know, I cannot believe it, thanks for telling me. And so on. Accept. Accept. There is certainly another point of view.

By accepting, life gets easier. You don't lose an enormous amount of time and energy justifying and defending needlessly. You are only accepting that there is another viewpoint. You are not accepting that the offensive viewpoint is right. You are still free to do what you do - now with greater freedom!

Thought for the Day - Learn to Face the Unpleasantness

This thought struck me the other day when I was under some stress and was wondering if what I was doing was worth doing at all considering what I was putting up with. I took sometime off to think. In a moment of calm thought I realised that all my stress boiled down to only a few 'moments' - a really small part of the whole. The rest of my time was perfectly normal. Even these unpleasant moments were mostly harmless words.

Pic courtesy Satish Nargundkar

Why was I willing to give up what I was doing because of these few moments of stress? Do we all do this all our lives? Don't we give up on many things things because of these small 'unpleasant' or 'stressful' moments? Why do we not handle these moments better instead of running away? (Or committing suicide).

From chasing our dreams to accepting greater responsibility, to moving out of the comfort zone and seeking higher growth - the one thing that comes in our way of action is this fear of 'unpleasantness'. What people will say, how people will react, how we will be ridiculed and asked certain questions, how we will be judged, how accusations and allegations will fly and so on and so forth. These thoughts set us back and we step back. Why do we need this at all we think.

And we stop acting. We stop taking responsibility. From not standing up to our basic duties as a citizen - for eg. helping accident victims, eve teasing victims, bullies, hooligans, political parties, land grabbers, corrupt officials and clerks, malpractices - we shy away from our rightful action because of this perceived 'unpleasantness' of abuse, physical threat, police, questions, courts, victimisation.

This is the place where most right thinking, educated people are stuck today. There's no avoiding it - all of growth or responsibility is made up of out-of-comfort-zone acts, or 'unpleasant' acts. We need to face the unpleasantness and go through it.

The good news is that the actual unpleasantness lasts only for a few moments. The bad news is that we carry it much longer in our minds because of our inflated egos and that really is the problem area (and not the unpleasantness per se). If we can knock our ego out of the equation and say "Okay, let's see what this is about", we are challenging the unpleasantness. And once you are into it, you know it is not as bad as you think it is. It may be unpleasant, but you can face it once you decide. Like cleaning a clogged sewer.

Stepping into cold water, facing a stressful interview, appearing for a tough exam, facing an enquiry for mistakes done or not done, going in for surgery, the prick of an injection, the pain of rejection, the shock of a physical wound, the sting of sharp words, criticism, abuse, the trauma of injustice, lies and false allegations, threats to self and loved ones, the humiliation of failing, the guilt of being found out, the ending of a relationship - all unpleasant.

But what is the worst that can happen. How long will it last? The actual pain will fade away soon as the act is done. But it is the 'perceived pain' that the ego carries afterward that makes it all so difficult to go through. To please our ego, we choose not to face that momentary unpleasantness. Not to grow.

But let's say we decide to face the unpleasantness. We drop our ego and face that momentary pain or unpleasantness. Without any ego in the way the 'unpleasantness' has no effect on us - like water off a duck's back - and we remain focused on the outcome. The moment will pass. You can now deal with it the way you want to.

I think we must all learn to face these moments of 'unpleasantness'. I wish it would be taught in schools and colleges in a sensitive and experiential manner - to make kids more aware. It is a large part of our growth. We cannot escape it. Once we decide to face it, and drop our egos, nothing can stop right thought from guiding right action.

Guns N Roses - Live in Bangalore

When I first heard that GNR was performing in Bangalore I mentally signed up for the concert. This would be my concert for the year - a gift I promised myself from last year on - starting with Metallica's show. (It's surprising but the few things I gift myself are to do with music, travel or reading!) The idea is to watch at least one concert a year, preferably by myself, enjoy the music and the experience, and perhaps rekindle some old magic.So tickets were quietly and efficiently bought online and all preparations made and all last minute hurdles avoided.

"I was there"

I first heard Guns N Roses in the late eighties. I remember buying the 'Appetite for Destruction' album in Pune, where I also bought my first music deck, and I am sure I have the cassette still with me somewhere. The trigger for investing in GNR cassettes then was watching the wonderful video of 'November Rain' on MTV which was Ram's favorite then (and he bought 'Use Your Illusion I' if I remember right). Thanks is owed to MTV India for that. By then the unique sound of 'Sweet Child of Mine' had permeated into us and so did the soulful 'Don't Cry' and the beautiful ballad 'Patience' a song I remember being among one of the many in cassettes Koni gifted to me from Australia. 'Sweet Child of Mine', 'Don't Cry', ''Patience' and 'November Rain' will always be songs that I will always love listening to in every rock music setting - each song has its own mood. I do not care too much for 'Paradise City' and 'Welcome to the Jungle' but I'll manage those in the right space. So I went to the GNR show in Bangalore on December 7, 2012, carrying many illusions of the past, many memories related to the prime of our youth, of rum and coke of careless and thoughtless nights spent away listening to hard music and driving off to dhabas in fully drunken states as if the world was coming to an end. Good stuff but.

The good thing about the new venue at Bharatiya City was that it was close to where I stayed on Hennur Road. The bad thing was that I was not sure how it would all be organised. My fears were not without reason. When I went to pick up my ticket in the morning from the kyazoonga stall, I found that the roads were a bit cramped and narrow. There were almost no sign boards until you actually enter the venue. It's almost like a Treasure Hunt. Once I got there there was a chap quickly collecting 50 bucks for parking. 50 bucks for just picking up tickets!! Okay, done. Then I was rather disappointed with the ticket itself - one lil flimsy piece of paper which was a huge letdown after the hip and polished card of the Roger Waters show or even a good and lasting solid ticket like the one Metallica had. This ticket, thin and papery with rather cheap printing, was only slightly better than the parking ticket - in fact I have seen better parking tickets. So half the illusion going already. Anyway, as with any experienced and old concert goer I decided not to fall for the 'Gates open at 4' line and hit the road only at 7 p.m. As expected I found difficulty in negotiating the Bangalore traffic on which I must express myself. Certainly lots of difficulty in Parking with no assistance. I used some initiative and got myself a neat lil space and walked right into the show which had just begun. Luckily, the Gold ticket guys (I was one) were upfront near the stage, while the Platinum chaps seemed to be behind us, seated on chairs. I found that rather odd but I was not complaining.

I knew that one of the biggest fans of 'Sweet Child of Mine', my friend Uday, was in the crowd somewhere but I also knew I might not be able to find him. I parked myself in the middle and listened carefully. The songs were all unfamiliar. Was this some other group opening for the GNR? I looked carefully at the stage. All the guys were unfamiliar. Even the lead singer looked only remotely like Axl Rse, though he sounded a lot like him. The energy in the crowd was dull - no wonder as they were not playing their biggest hits. At least not yet. For us GNR was Axl Rose in his bandanna, long blond locks, superbly fit body and high energy on stage, and the large looming and mysteriously attractive presence of Slash, and that was it. Now to see Rose in his cowboy hats, change of costumes and jackets, barely concealing an ageing and paunchy body, brought several illusions crashing. Soon, I realised that he was probably the only one who could save the show, the others were still finding their feet and had no presence yet. So wait, wait, wait for the magic to begin. It must surely, sometime.

And so it did when the guitarist played the first chords of 'Sweet Child of Mine'. I could feel the goosebumps, the short hairs rise, and in that one moment, all was forgiven. All the memories, all the music, all the love we felt for the band, for ourselves, for all that we represented, admired and loved, came flooding through. That moment was pure magic and made it worth all the trouble. I think all concerts have this one moment, are defined by this one moment. Like when Roger Waters played 'Comfortably Numb' or when Metallica played 'Nothing Else Matters'. And then the group launched themselves headlong into a wonderful rendition of the 'Sweet Child of Mine' supported by the crowd, followed by all their big hits one after another. Probably the most energetic performance came during 'Night Train' but just listening to old hits 'November Rain', 'Don't Cry', 'Patience' was reliving the illusion of a seemingly better life, twenty years ago. I waited till the end of the show despite knowing that I will get stuck badly in the traffic as the parking arrangements were really bad. But I could not go without hearing 'Paradise City' and I waited until then, even if it was at the gates. Rose did his best, the others tried to fit in, but overall for me, the soul, the magic was missing. But then, like I said earlier, it was still worth it. There was the occasional whiff of marijuana, the smell of alcohol on breath, the odd drunk, but a sanitised and an oddly civilised audience for a rock show of these proportions. GNR certainly needs to sex up the show one way or another.

The papers mentioned a crowd of 25000 or so I think. Getting out of the venue took me an hour as there was only one exit and it was blocked by a few cars whose owners were missing. Not much help from the organisers here. We somehow made it out after a really long and tiresome wait of an hour. Come to think of it even Kyazoonga the online ticket vendor was not without blame. I had picked the courier option for tickets to be delivered at home and was informed rather late in the day that the courier would be delivered only two days before the show. Now that should have been mentioned clearly while picking that option as we out-of-towners need to plan in advance. When I called they said I could pick up the tickets from the venue but the courier charges would not be refunded. I instantly agreed - another one of the costs of learning on the job for the customer. Why was I so glad to just get the ticket finally? Overall I found that the Metallica show was better organised in every way.

I hear Slash is also making a tour. But it's sad to see these bands all break up and lose their magic. I remember a quote - "One of the greatest tragedies in life is to see the death of an illusion". I know they are all twenty years or more older but even then we want to see some glimpses of that magic. I mean we are desperate to make any wild connection so its a rather easy crowd to please. One of the things these bands can do is just recreate that old illusion - just the energy of seeing them all on the stage together in itself is something we could easily take home and be satisfied with it. It is easier to sustain the illusion that way. Else it is a clear case of Losing Your Illusion.

The Magic - Rhonda Byrne

Nice and easy to read, 'The Magic' by Rhonda Byrne puts your life into the right perspective - of being grateful to be alive, to continuously enjoy this wonderful gift of life and all that it offers to us constantly. Instead of being grateful, which is probably our natural state really, we somehow tend to take things for granted and end up being ungrateful to life. No wonder then, that we manifest lives that are not joyful, that are not healthy, have a paucity of money, good relationships, career and so on. Rhonda Byrne gets the point across clearly that gratitude is the one and only way to clear all the blocks in your life and that being in a state of gratitude takes it all to a wonderful and abundant level. I have no doubts about her theory after reading the book and am humbled as I realise how ungrateful I have been to the world, to people, to things. As I read the book I could feel a transformation happen within, and now, I am conscious and remind myself to be grateful to the many wonderful things in my life. Gratitude truly adds magic to our lives.

'The Magic' is also an 28 day exercise book where Rhonda Byrne gives us little exercises every day to understand and practice gratitude. From making lists of ten blessings we have, to being grateful for the best thing that happened during the day, to being grateful in advance to things we wish to happen, to being grateful to whatever we have, how much ever little in terms of money, health, relationships, happiness etc, to carrying imaginary (yet powerful) magic wands, to magic dust and so much more, Rhonda Byrne makes us wonder at how creative, positive and filled with magic and wonder our lives can be. And gives us little exercises that keep us in that space of wonder, of a positive and creative energy. Ah, how wonderful to be grateful for all the small things that went right today! For the people who paid me out of turn for my services, for those who recognised my work and acknowledged it, for those who gave me free services, free lunches, free love, for my body that helps and supports tirelessly, for money that comes in whenever I need and buys me all I need, for my mind that keeps ideas going, for the environment that supports life, for nature that provides such inspiration and so much more

While making a list of the things that I was grateful for, I realised how I tended to focus so much on the couple of things that I don't have while not being grateful for all that I have. This appears to be the key really, to be grateful to what one has, to get more of it (and not crib about not having more). As I made the list of stuff that the Universe was providing me in terms of giving me stuff for free, the discounts, the advances, the payments etc I realised that I was actually receiving a lot more than I was being grateful for in real terms. In fact I was getting an awful lot of free stuff from the world and I was not even acknowledging it. To be grateful for the good things in relationships, to be grateful for the money one has, to be grateful for health is the way of getting more of those good things. Even without all that, the way of 'The Magic' is a sure way of making life a more magical, joyful and exciting place to be in. If you liked 'The Secret' you will like 'The Magic' surely. And if you are looking for a makeover to your life one way or another, this is a fine book to start with.

Thought for the Day - How To Handle Hopeless Situations

Though I am writing this from a sports and games point of view, it could also be true of real life situations too. How to handle hopeless situations is a question that always bothers us. What do we do in hopeless situations? Normally we give up and let the situation drift because we have given it our all and nothing has worked. It just seems obvious that we must now accept the verdict and move on. So, the common practice is to save your energy, take the hit on your chin and move on.

That is what many normally do. We give up after a stage and let the story meander on to the logical conclusion. Typically this is in the last 20-25% of the process. Our effort goes through a graph where we are tentative at the beginning, increase effort in the middle and give up when the advantage shifts. The last stage is when your effort dips drastically.

But then what about fighting till the end? At best you will spend some more energy if you continue fighting for another 20% of the time. But perhaps you give yourself a glimmer of chance? All you need is one break? What is the worst that can happen if you continue fighting till the end? You've spent some more energy, that is all.

I would say, when faced with a hopeless situation, double your effort. As you are approaching the end, the last 20%, shut your mind out to the result. Double your effort blindly and keep on increasing effort until it is all over. If it is a a team game tell the rest of the team to double their effort until the very end, the last ball as they say. In short - from the stage when you first get the thought of mentally giving up, until the last ball is bowled and the result is given against you, forget about the result and just double the effort. 

My theory is that you will start winning two games out of five initially. As you play more games with this in mind, you will find more effort coming up in the earlier part of the game itself. It will have an effect of increasing the win-rate for your team. Go for it. You've nothing to lose.

Thought for the Day - To Contain Your Energies, Add Some Purpose

One big challenge that most teams come up against is how to control their energies. Most times in large groups (or even in small groups or individuals) valuable energy is often dissipated simply because the group energy is not contained.

In such cases it is the overall purpose of the group that becomes the framework for the group to operate in. The common purpose is what contains the energy of the group. Make the purpose clear to the group and keep checking once in a while if the group has the common purpose in mind as they go about discharging their activities.

One finds then, that all wayward energies are contained, channeled and focused, leading to a better result.

Thought for the Day - How to Add Excitement To What You Are Doing

To enjoy whatever you are doing, even if it the most boring job in the world, add some spice to it. What I mean is that you add some drama to the job by putting in some conflict - the pressure of time, of compressed work, of quality work. Add an element of competition into it  - you versus someone else, or even you versus you. Then see how it all comes alive.

For example, while walking in the park on my normal days I tend to slow up and saunter when I have no challenge. But the day I decided to add some spice and beat all the other walkers gave my entire walking exercise a greater purpose. I walked briskly, kept new targets to beat each time, and overall picked up speed and coordination in my walk. All thoughts were on my walk, on how to move faster to my next target and on nothing else. The end result was a far more focused job done and a far more better executed job in terms of exercise than merely sauntering along.

To love your job, add excitement to it. To add excitement to it, add challenge.