The Paradoxes of Our Lives - When We Don't Take Ourselves Seriously, Others Do

I met a couple of people who have 'arrived' in life recently. I am surrounded by those - its almost like they all took the train, went and came back and I am still here, Anyway, I was intrigued by the one life lesson that they seemed to have imbibed right on top - 'I don't take myself seriously' (which is not the same as I don't take my work seriously!)

The paradox is that when we don't take ourselves too seriously others do. When we take ourselves too seriously, others don't take us seriously.

It's human nature perhaps to think that a person who is showing you his palms actually has something more hidden away someplace else. Hence we stay with this mysterious, intriguing and interesting person, wanting to sort out the mystery. But the mystery is that there is none - as in Kung Fu Panda. There is no secret sauce. You just believe that you have it.

The flip side then is what happens to most strivers and tryers - the rest of us on the platform - we try too hard to please. We take ourselves too seriously and it infects the air. It suffocates the others. Its like calling out to everyone and saying, look how hard I am trying. Notice me.

Don't. Because they won't notice you. Actually what you must communicate is that you don't give  damn if they notice you or not. Because you're too good anyway.

The difference is subtle. When we don't take ourselves too seriously it shows an innate security about ourselves, our work. It puts the other person at ease and they want to know what makes you so secure. They are drawn to you. You don't have to try to be anything else - anything extra. You have to be simple, transparent and not take yourself too seriously.

On the other hand we are trying too hard and that makes the other person insecure. Like they say the best salespeople hardly speak about the product or the sale. They are selling themselves - building the trust, the interest.

Easy on you. Easy on others. Adds the X factor.

Life is easy. 

Fantastic Speech by Rabbi Michael Lerner t Ali's Memorial - How to be Muhammad Ali

...stand up for the beliefs he had...take that kind of a risk to lose everything you have ...moral integrity...

Rabbi Lerner speaks for the other side, for equality. Muhammad Ali would have been proud.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JXFxE46mt4g&sns=fb

Amar's Pensieve - A Dedicated Training Facilitation Venue

I first met Amar Chegu who is Amar to me, Organisational Development (OD) expert, Management Consultant, Thinker, Philosopher, Ideator and Facilitator among other parts, in the later part of 2007. He called me over the phone and asked me if I could help with the content on his website. He was a flourishing management consultant and the President of the Hyderabad Management Association then. Now, anyone who speaks to Amar cannot go away without being impressed by the presence and attention he brings to the moment, along with a highly charming, articulate and intelligent persona. It helps also that he has a constant sparkle in his eye, a ready smile and a welcoming and approachable nature. I was pretty impressed by his demeanour on the telephone itself, and said I would certainly like to look at the content he wanted me to develop for his website.

Amar outside his office in his new venture - 'Amar's Pensieve'

Out First Interactions
I met him at his home-office. Amar looks, sounds and is, the consummate professional .When I looked at his website content, I realised that it was far better than anything I could conceive or create. It was clear, sharp, transparent and well thought out. It brought out all facets of the person and his work - including his interests in reading, writing, work. I confessed as much and told him that I could not better what he already had. He appreciated the fact that I was plain enough to tell him so.

Amar ensconced in 'The Enterprise'

When he heard that my first book had just been published he bought (Amar had this wonderful quality all through - he always bought every single book of mine) 'The Men Within' and gave me fine feedback. As he was an established professional in the Organisational Development area, it mattered to me that he could see the management facet to the rather simplistic story of a cricket team trying to win an improbable tournament.

An aerial view of 'Amar's Pensieve'

Since then, Amar, I am happy and proud to say, is the single largest buyer of 'The Men Within', buying dozens and dozens of the book and gifting it to his friends and associates in that very giving nature of his. He likes something, he shares is whole heartedly. My estimate is that he must have bought over 300 copies over the years. I think I signed every single one of them because he is also thoughtful enough to get the copies signed for the person intended. It gave me much needed solace and happiness to see this management aspect of the book being appreciated in such an actionable way by a practitioner. People can praise you to the skies but when they buy your book, it shows their appreciation. This is the kind of an appreciation that a writer craves for.

A view of the Obstacle Route

The Public Speaking Route
That he was the single largest buyer of that book in itself would have been good enough for me to be grateful to Amar. But Amar did more. He is also the sole reason why I got into two allied revenue streams that I never dreamt of. Amar invited me one fine day in his capacity as the President of the Hyderabad Management Association. He said 'Hari, we would like you to give a talk on 'Leadership and Team Building through Cricket' at the HMA. The audience would include practicing professionals and academics and students. The venue - British Library.'

The central lawn and the offices around it

Public speaking?? No way!!

I tried every trick I knew to get out of that talk. The few public speeches I had given till then were the ones I had given at book launches of 'The Men Within' - stressful, sweat drenched fifteen minute efforts to a small and encouraging group of friends and family. But to stand up like an authority and speak of such subjects before a knowledgeable audience was a formidable task. But he would not take a no. Trapped, I prepared, as I advocated in the book. I wrote and rewrote my draft for some 10-15 times. I stood before the mirror and read it aloud until I knew which line was coming when - maybe 10-15 times again. The speech was to be a two hour affair. It went on for 3 hours and pretty well too. Thus was born a speaker, thanks to Amar. Ever since, I have given over 100 speeches perhaps including one at a TEDx event recently - which reminded  me of the HMA speech all over again. Amar, was pretty much the reason for me to get into the speaking circuit and for adding the 'motivational speaker' tag to my resume.

Solutions Camp - Conference Room that Houses 100

The Management Consulting and Organisational Development Route
Another career stream also came to me thanks to Amar - my first formal OD consulting assignment. The Centre for Organisational Development, then led by our good friend Dr. Madhavi was looking to establish a winning culture. Amar suggested my name and the unconventional route taken by the team in 'The Men Within'. I had done a couple of workshops based on 'The Men Within', mainly to cricketers, but this was new. With Amar's support and encouragement, I brought the same workshop to the corporate area and I think did a fairly decent job for a novice. Of course, now I can see so many things that could have been done differently but then I only knew so much. From then on, Amar and I teamed up to conduct workshops and programs fairly regularly for several corporate teams based on the cricketing analogy of 'The Men Within' and its principles. We must have done some 25-30 together, if not more, to some prestigious names. To his credit, Amar, who is not too fond of cricket, did not hold it against the game, and chose to only look at how it would help the client. So the tag of workshop facilitator and management consultant that I carry, are also owed to Amar and his belief in my ideas. He believes in the creation of great champion teams and individuals just as I do.

Amar and his prized collection of books

My ideas, I must admit, are raw and not mapped on to any scientific theory - most of them come from my experience and understanding. Amar comes from a place of learning and exposure to scientific ideas and theories so in a way it kind of matched.

Amar's Pensieve - A Place for Organised Thought and Learning
Our friendship and association continued - and as professionals do we also drifted into different areas and streams. We did work together when the need arose. We still catch up over phone or a meal and discuss our ideas. So when the other day Amar told me that his dream of creating a space  for training and learning activities (which he had been sharing with me all along) had come true, I was thrilled and happy for him. He took me to his venture - aptly called 'Amar's Pensieve' - a name that introduces you to the man. It makes you think and ask. And the process of learning begins right there.

The Meaning of Pensieve - The Learning Begins
To quote Amar - ‘Pen-sieve’ is a magical vessel, referred to by J. K. Rowling in her ‘Harry Potter’ books. Thoughts can be placed in the ‘pen-sieve’ for looking at them dispassionately and taking decisions. The training centre: Amar’s Pensieve™, through its activity based emphasis seeks to be the pen-sieve for its visitors." The logo similarly has green grass and sunflowers and depicts "an eco-system which nurtures the evolution of meaningful thought and action".

The Enterprise

Dedicated Venue for Training and Learning
"Amar’s Pensieve" is a dedicated venue for facilitation and training though it has great potential as a lovely weekend getaway too, for the adventurous. It is located around 30 Kms (35- 40 min) from Gachibowli Circle -  # 6-46, Mothukupally Village, Moinabad Mandal, Ranga Reddy District - 501504, The place is spread over 3 acres in a lovely rural setting, not far from the Pragathi resorts. Amar envisaged it as a "secure activity-friendly Training Centre, a dedicated eco-system for trainers and trainees to engage in results-driven ‘learning-development-training-coaching-evolution’ activities and interventions, for competency development and organizational transformation". As you can see - I still don't touch much of Amar's copy - he does it so well.

Indoor and Outdoor Activity
Designed in such a fashion that it facilitates indoor, open-air and out-door activity - the focus being on activity. An impressive military style obstacle course stares you in the face and challenges you to your limits. Open-farm surroundings ensconce 20,000 square feet of training space. The training area consists of four buildings, grouped around a tennis court sized lawn (which can be used to play a short version of cricket for experientially learning team dynamics and leadership), providing a setting that is at once self-sufficient and convenient, for out-door, open-air and in-door training.

Amar and Me in the Pensieve

Enterprise, Solutions Camp etc
‘Enterprise’ - is the name of the administrative building which consists of work space, library and conference room. The Conference room can be used to hold meetings or training for up to 10 people. 'Solutions Camp’ is the closed-door training room that can seat 90-100 people in theatre style. It seats up to 60 people, in work-groups, around tables. All facilities like Wifi, LCD projectors, chairs, tables, boards, screens etc are available. A walk around the place, down the bucolic road, a shuffle through the obstacle course, a knock with a cricket bat and ball can all stimulate the creative juices.

Enroute to Amar's Pensieve

One can hire the Training Facility. The friendly and affable staff at 'Amar's Pensieve' will help with Transport and Food arrangements The training facility may be hired on a day or overnight (tent stay) basis by prior agreement. Transport through taxi or bus may be arranged as required. Set meals are provided as per requirement too.

For more information do visit www.amarspensieve.in/www.betterenterprise.in or contact Amar Chegu at +91-9848007151 amar@betterenterprise.

As always, I wish Amar great success in making his dreams come true and hope to conduct a few programs there myself. Amar's own set of programs are filled with activities, fun and focused learning. Amar's Pensieve really is a place where our thoughts get organised. Well done Amar and wishing you great joy, happiness and success

Nice link - 8 Characters Enough to Carry an Entire Movie

Nice link!

http://www.scoopwhoop.com/8-Characters-Enough-To-Carry-An-Entire-Movie/?ref=social&type=fb&b=0

A Musical Evening With C. Sanjay

C. Sanjay is someone with whom I share a special bond. I met him in Engineering College, when he was a national level athlete running the 1500 m, a member of our basketball team, stylish rider of one of the few Yezdi's in the college, sharp of repartee and humour, quick of wit, high on intelligence and style and the only one who had a proper girlfriend then. So conscious of his style was he that he once famously picked up a pair of socks and then bought many other accessories including a shirt if I am not mistaken, to match the socks. Never a hair out of place, always nattily dressed, ready for a smile and a quick verbal match, C. Sanjay and I also shared two other passions - food and music.

Perhaps explaining the meaning of a ghazal - C. Sanjay, circa 1988! 

But before that, one must dwell slightly on days when he would drink in those college days. He knows no grey areas and when he gets going, he gets going. (Until he stops and then he won't touch it.) So with the booze. He'd drink and drink and then it would get difficult to handle him because he is difficult to handle even when he is not drunk. So we had run ins with the police, with other drunks, were scared out of our wits when we rode pillion as he 'showed' us how to ride a bike (and he was brilliant at that). He was the kind of a guy who exchanged his trousers with Uday Velu, another guy with similar temperament, on the spur of the moment, right behind the bus stop at Andhra Mahila Sabha. One moment they were gone and the next they were back with trousers exchanged. And on and on including some stuff that should not be mentioned.

Sanjay enjoys his food and I enjoy mine. So there were times when we drew money from his bank account and headed off to the cheap Chinese restaurant near Sangeet, went to Alex's Kitchen, explored the wonders of the biryani joints and so on and so forth just for the love of food. So much so that he'd make it a point to call me over home when he thought there was something that I liked to eat. Likewise I'd call him home on occasions when I suspected some special stuff might be made.

One other thing we both love even more, is listening to music together. We just enjoy the idea of listening to good music. I rate these relationships highly, along with those with who I can share a laugh uninhibitedly. So names like Sunil Jyothi and Naresh Raghvan come easily to mind and also Vidyuth when he listened to music more seriously. With Sunil it was always western music, with Naresh also the same but with Sanjay, it was Hindi music and more so, ghazals. Then the Pune gang of Milind, Parth, Raja and Satish with whom there is always a raucous time at the end of any evening. There is something that the music conveys that words cannot - I can feel my comfort with people from the kind of songs we like listening to, or even the way we listen to songs.

But back to C. Sanjay. Sanjay has this fine knowledge of ghazals - from Ghulam Ali to Mehdi Hassan, Jagjit Singh to whoever (he was critical of me when I first told him that my ghazal exposure was limited to Pankaj Udhas. Sanjay'd know the structure, the meaning, the subtler meaning and he would enjoy revealing the thought behind the well crafted and composed words with such enthusiasm and exuberance that many times we'd say wah, wah just for his performance. Sometimes it would take me more than once to get it but then, when I got it, I enjoyed ghazals thanks to Sanjay and his tireless initiation. Another favorite genre for us was Hindi music - Kishore Kumar, Rafi, Mukesh and the works.

There was this instance when on one rainy summer afternoon during those college days, we were cooped up inside the house due to the incessant rain. One whole afternoon we expended our energy singing songs lying on the floor and looking at the ceiling. When we finally emerged from the room, we realised there was an audience of my family members listening to our unabashed singing. Someone also said - you guys sing well. We exited rather sheepishly. Nothing subtle for us then you see.

But what set the tone for our once a year musical nights was this. Once, after we passed out of college and out of single status etc, I called him rather late at night and asked if he was in the mood to listen to music. He said he was and could I come over. I went to his place at Musheerabad at 11 in the night, a distance of 10 kms or more. We settled down and played cassette tapes from 11 to 3 in the morning after which I rode my scooter back home, a content man. Once again Hindi songs and ghazals were the staple diet but the quality of listening was what made it fun. It's an episode I won't forget for the sheer spontaneity and energy.

We do this late night musical stuff more often these days - about once a year is the average. Mostly it's just the two of us and the music. The other day was one such occassion. It was rainy outside. We started slowly at 10 pm but then the mood picked up and the songs came by thick and fast. Ghulam Ali, Mehdi Hassan, Jagjit Singh, Kishore Kumar, Rafi, Mukesh, Suresh Wadkar...the list of our favorite songs went on and on and on. Right up to 3 am again. 'Awargi', 'Jhuki jhuki si nazar', 'Diye jalte hain', 'Chingari koi', 'Kuch to log kahenge', 'Akele hain' and so many more.

Like always, it's an evening that somehow empties you of all the stuff you have inside and makes you feel nice. A bit like purging yourself. You listen, you enjoy, you sing, you smile. It's just amazing how the energy keeps increasing as we find more and more of those songs that we both like.

And just to add another small story, a couple of days later, V. Ramnarayan, first class cricketer, well known writer, editor of Sruti India's only magazine on classical dance and music, got talking about something quite random over the phone when he suddenly told me that he sang a bit. He sang one song (and he sings beautifully) and then another and before long he had sung pretty much close to 20 songs over the phone. Rafi and Mehdi Hassan mainly. It's one of those things that happens once in a lifetime. Spontaneous stuff. I totally enjoyed it. Must be how it is like when one is serenaded - though Ram for sure was serenading himself than me. I was just the excuse and a very lucky one at that.

Good to see music making its way back into my life like this. Nothing to beat a song in the heart. I met Sunil J (recently when we did a Prince retro but I could meet him again - however I need to connect with Naresh in the USA and close the loop. And while at that perhaps interest Vidyuth too - he and I shared much music as roommates in many of our tours together. And the Pune gang - Raja, Satish, Milind, Parth.

Most of my musical connections have a special song in my head - Sanjay (Awargi, Diye jalte hain), Sunil J aka Topper (Jetthrotull and Supertramp), Naresh (I just died in your arms), Vidyuth (Danger Zone, Tarzan Boy). Adnan Sami's 'Kabhi to nazar milao' has special significance as my mother would listen to it during her last days. 'Aise na mujhe tum dekho' for Shobhs, perhaps 'Tanha Dil' for Anjali who requested me to sing that today. I think I have one for everyone.

A big thanks is owed to Satish N, for gifting me that little Bose speaker that plays on bluetooth and Shobhs for lugging it back from USA. The days of lugging the entire system and setting it up are now gone. Not that I did not like it - I enjoyed those days as well. For a while it was in a confused space - cassettes went and with them the deck, CDs came and went, ipods came and I found a way to connect them to my system, now phones with their hollow sound. But this Bose thing is quite convenient and makes a nice sound.

Anjali - When You Do Your Own You Do It Better, Don't Copy

Anjali was away all day at her friend Mansi's house. These days it's all about playing games on X Box. Mansi is stronger, taller and athletic so it's always a challenge for Anjali to cope up in games real and virtual. But these days she seems to have figured things out a bit and wins a few. Like she said, 'I beat Mansi at athletics today. I was behind her till the hurdles and then I somehow got past her and I finished ahead of her.' On other days she comes back with some stuff she did on baseball and things like that where she got the better of her friend.

The Dancing Duo - Anjali and Mansi

Yesterday it was about dance. The figures on the screen move and these players have to dance in sync and they get some points or something like that. 'You know how good Mansi is at dance. She is the first choice for our dance teacher and all that,' said Anjali. 'But I got more points than her on the X Box.'

I listened.

'You know how? I figured out that computer. I used to lose to Mansi till the other day. Then I realised that I was copying the figures on the screen and was not doing my thing fully. So I started to do my job fully instead of focussing on copying the action on the screen. When I started completing my actions I started getting winning scores. You should do your own thing nanna and not copy blindly.'

Ah, that's a nifty lesson indeed. To see the fine difference between taking a cue and owning the show later and being spoonfed fully is subtle. It requires considerable awareness, an ability to adapt and a capacity to self-correct on the run. To use that lesson to get the better of a superior craftsman is quite commendable. And to wrap is all up and present it to your parent as a lesson is even more nicer.

Thanks Anjali. Don't copy, do your own thing fully is a fine lesson.

Anjali - Book review 'The Nancy drew series - Mystery of the brass bound trunk'

 Book review – the Nancy drew series

Mystery of the brass-bound trunk

Nancy is on a tour to New York on board of the Winschoten.  They have a sudden mystery. Nelda Detweiler Nancy, Bess and George ’s new roommate has been blamed for jewel theft!

To add to it a man spells in finger language BEWARE OF NANCY DREW AND NE. Who is ne? Why is the man saying beware of Nancy drew. Is he the jewel thief? is the trunk his?

And to complete it a mystery trunk with the initials N.D. was sent to room 130 but it isn’t Nancy’s nor Nelda’s. They find out the trunk has hidden jewels in it!

There are a line of suspects

The Stewart

The captain- Nelda’s uncle

The assistant purser- Rod Havelock

The man with the finger language- Mr Otto August

Otto August’s partner

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