Intimate Relations - Sudhir Kakar

This is an academic book. Sudhir Kakar is one of India's leading psychoanalysts. His book 'Intimate Relations' explores intimate relations in India, or the lack of them, through sexual fantasies in Hindi novels, folktales, films like 'Ram Teri Ganga Maili', proverbs and a huge insight into Gandhi's autobiography. It is an interesting read.

I must confess that I read it with as much interest as I could muster but found it rather too academic for my state of mind. Somehow the mind seems to take on the mindset of reading sex columns in magazines and that perspective puts the brakes on any serious reading. But despite that there were interesting tidbits that I picked up in his many observations about the Indian psyche, religion, obsession with purity, the understanding of the purpose of sex and so on. I breezed through how sex has been interpreted in popular culture through novels, films, proverbs and all that until I suddenly stopped. Where I read it word to word is in the chapter titled 'Gandhi and Women'.

Gandhi's autobiography becomes the issue on which Sudhir Kakar dwells on. It is interesting to see Gandhi change from a (what it appears to be) a sex driven young man who at some point in life begins to experiment with his mind to banish all desire. He experiments in many ways to banish sexual thoughts from his head - following severe diets, practicing celibacy, attempting to keep out thoughts even unconsciously. But  not to the extent of banishing the root of the desire - women - though. He in fact kept himself in the company of his women followers, some of whom  may not have had his chaste ideals, and from within that cauldron, experimented on himself. Every now and then he would be distressed at signs of his mind weakening, even for a moment. For someone who saw food as a prime mover of sexual thoughts, the many fasts he undertook also could be seen as a manner of purifying himself. The words Gandhi uses to describe the passions are interesting as he calls it the beast, the enemy, the battle etc. Highly interesting to read that part of the Mahatma and his inner battles with truth.

One para is really interesting, which explains all the talk of celibacy or brahmaharya and Sudhir Kakar mentions how yogis seek to conquer sexual longings and convert it into spiritual power. He says that Indian mysticism is concerned with the alchemy of the libido which would be converted from a giver of death to bestower of immortality. The theory of sublimation goes like this. Sudhir Kakar writes:

"Physical strength and mental power have their source in virya, a word that stands for both sexual energy and semen. Virya, in fact, is identical with the essence of maleness. Virya can either move downward in sexual intercourse, where it is emitted in its gross physical form as semen, or it can move upward through the spinal chord and into the brain, in its subtle form known as ojas. Hindus regard the downward movement of sexual energy and its emission as semen as enervating, a debilitating waste of vitality and essential energy. Off all emotions, it is said, lust throws the mind into the greatest chaos, with every violent passion destroying millions of red blood cells. Indian metaphysical physiology maintains that food is converted into semen in a thirty-day period by successive transformations (and refinements) through blood, flesh, fat, bone, and marrow till semen is distilled - forty drops of blood producing one drop of semen, which is equivalent to the vitality produced by the consumption of sixty pounds of food.

In another similar calculation wihth pedagogic intent, each act of copulation is equivalent to an energy expenditure of twenty-four hours of concentrated mental activity or seventy two hours of hard physical labour."

And so on and so forth. With such deep calculations and promises of ojas, no wonder the yogis walk the path of celibacy. What they do with those powers, the ones that they accumulate, is what I would like to know. Does all that spiritual energy go into some universal bank and balances the good and bad? Or is it just kept in place? I would love to hear what Osho has to say on this topic. He does come with some refreshing perspectives. Like I said, some interesting stuff surely.

Parking Woes - City Centre Mall Shines Bright

I am a bit worried about driving anywhere these days. That's because I can get to my destination but I cannot get out of my car. (It's a bit like Hotel California - you can check out but cannot leave.) Not that I have some unmentionable problems or that I am smitten by a sudden case of shyness - it's simply that there is no place to park. I drive around in circles and come back home without even getting off the car many times.

That's true. I spend a lot of my time circling the place where I want to go to, looking at it longingly, as I would any object of my affection, looking for some opportunity to get close to it. Sometimes I pick up some courage and park in a place that seems safe to park - normally a fifteen minute walk away from my destination - my heart beating in fear at what might happen to my car.

I find out soon enough that no place is safe. Sometimes the car gets locked up, sometimes it is towed away, sometimes I have scratches on it left by some jealous competitors. It's not that I have parked in a No Parking zone - merely that I have parked in a zone that has not been declared safe to park. The penalties, legal and illegal, cost a few hundreds of rupees for me. It would have been cheaper for me to stay at home.

Why, I wonder, do all these commercial establishments not have places to park? How come there are miles and miles of roads with no parking places? Who conjured up such designs where they did not envisage parking spaces at all? How come so many illegal structures park themselves on the road but there's no space for parking?

But let's move to the safe to park places. These are places that come with a price tag. All malls in Hyderabad charge upwards of Rs. 30 to park, some charge by the hour, roads that have paid parking charge Rs. 20 and more, and so on and so forth. So much so that I have stopped going to certain places because they are exorbitantly pricey. (I sometimes think they price themselves so they can keep people like me out. You see I like places where we can park free of cost. Like the good old days.)

Just when I was thinking that I'd probably be better off getting into my car, parked securely in my own compound free of cost, and getting out of it after a while, so it saves me the trouble of circling around like a hungry eagle, I saw hope the other day. Like a huge breath of fresh air I came across a shopping mall in Hyderabad that does not charge for parking. City Centre mall, on Road number 1 Banjara Hills advertises the fact proudly and rightly so. In a muddy pool of malls and multiplexes that do not offer parking facilities that are half as decent, City Centre mall shines bright. It did the right thing and offers free parking space. No wonder it tops my list of favorite destinations these days. Good job fellows, there's hope for the world. And my car also gets to go out once in a while.

The Paradoxes of Our Lives - Love and Responsibility

Where love exists, responsibility cannot.

Love can only bring out acts that are made of love. Acts of responsibility are not acts of love.

Because the moment the word responsibility comes in, the 'I' comes in. What is 'my' responsibility to 'you' becomes a forced, assumed, victimized act. Most times this forced responsibility brings on resentment and while doing the act we do it with anger, hate and frustration.

It is better to keep responsibility out of love. In fact when there is true love, responsibility dies.

In love, there is no responsibility. Only love. We do because we love doing. Not because we feel responsible. There is a huge difference. It is about freedom.

The Good Shepherd - Movie Review

This one is full of big stars - Matt Damon, Anjelina Jolie, Alec Baldwin, Robert De Niro, William Hurt - and claims to be the Godfather of spy movies. With little action and much inner dialogue, the film may appear slow, but somehow, in Director Robert De Niro's hands, it possesses enough energy in every scene to make you want to find out what happens till the end. It succeeds as a good movie in my definition as it disturbs and leaves behind a slow impact. That feeling of dullness of pain, of a job with no real end, of spying in the CIA, and we feel the sense of weariness and entrapment that Matt Damon feels by the end. Unconventional but brilliant and a good one for Robert De Niro who not only directed it but produced it as well.

Told from the perspective of a bright young man from Yale, Edward Wilson (Matt Damon) who rises to be one of the main counter intelligence operatives and a founding member of the CIA, it starts with the embarrassing failure of the Bay of Pigs invasion that was initiated by CIA. Cuba, under the Soviet friendly Castro, beats the invaders who were backed by the US government, in three days. Heads are set to roll - mainly that of Edward Wilson - as they know that there has been a leak from within. A photograph and a audio reel sent to Edward Wilson give some information about the possible traitor. As Wilson tries to find out who the traitor was who leaked information from such a closely held group, his past flashes back, showing him as a Yale student, as a member of the famous Skull and Bones society, as an early recruit for the OSS and then the CIA. His young and idealistic world soon becomes silent, dark and full of secrets, a world where one cannot trust anyone. His wife is distanced by his coldness and feels ignored, his son is scared forever and is always trying to win his cold father's approval. As Edward tries to get to the bottom of the betrayal he finds some uncomfortable truths. Truths that require radical decisions. Decisions that may prove to him that he has lost his soul as his old professor had warned.

It is a film unlike most. Rober De Niro assumes that the audience is intelligent and goes about telling the story at a fast pace, letting us figure out the gaps, the nuances. And even as he does, we get the soul of the film intact, even though we may not get everything that happens in a rather complex tale that spans a two decade period across several continents, across groups as diverse as counter intelligence officials, foreign officials, spies and moles, Nazi officers wishing to defect and his own loves and family. Passes my standard for a good movie - it kept me wanting to watch it till the end despite a rather tired state of mind. Good stuff. Matt Damon is brilliant. Robert De Niro steals every scene he is in.

The Story of the Young Men Who Wanted to Go Somewhere

Okay here is the story of the young men who wanted to go somewhere.

Once upon a time there were a few young men who were working very hard to go to a place called Somewhere but were not getting much results to show for what they were putting in. These young men soon started thinking that they were really unlucky, that the system was unfair, that there was no justice, that the gods were unkind, that the stars were not favorable, that the vastu was not good, that their numerology was bad, that their astrology was bad, that their forefathers astrology was bad, and so on.

Painting by Anjali

One day a wise man passed by their camp. He heard their hard luck story. He said that as far as he knew the process behind anything works in a certain way - that we first know where we stand, that we aspire for a particular goal and then we put in efficient work to get there. The work put in is the process, said the man. The more efficient the process the better the result. If the process is inefficient, the results will show similarly.

Since the young men were not getting anywhere he told the young men to look at their process and see if there were certain inefficiencies in it. If they were, they were repeating the same mistakes and not getting the results they wanted. The young men looked on angrily. Here we are working so hard and this man dares tells us that we are not following the process, that we are to blame. They rejected the idea. They told the man to leave.

Another year passed and the young men had not got anywhere yet. The wise man came again. They looked at him with circumspectly. They were exactly where they were last year. The older boys looked away angrily. But one young boy was curious to know.

'Why are we still here?' asked one young man. 'We are putting in some much hard work.'

The wise man changed his story. 'Look. You are here. You want to go Somewhere. Logically you ought to find out the best route to Somewhere and start walking in that direction. While traveling you must check on landmarks so you know you are on the right path. Then you know that your effort is showing some result. The one who reaches Somewhere first is the one who has figured out the best way to get Somewhere, the shortest and the most efficient.'

'On the other hand people like you go round in circles. You may put in more work than the chaps who reached Somewhere because you have no process at all. You will keep running round like headless chicken. You might even land up at Wherever instead. Then there is no point blaming the world for the hard work you put in. It is useless.'

The young man asked. 'How do we start moving? I want to move from here.'
The wise man said. 'If you really want to go Somewhere, you will figure out the process. You would have looked around and sought all the information on finding the best route. You would have met all the experts in the area, everyone who has been Somewhere or even heard of it. Even if you had to wait for a couple of days, the expert can guide you perfectly through the dangers on the route. After meeting enough people and getting guidance, you would have got a reliable route map in hand with milestones to monitor progress. Then you will start your journey. You will keep checking along the path if you are on the right route so you do not go too far off. In time you will reach Somewhere for sure.'

'Where will we end up?' asked the bright young man pointing to his friends.
'Nowhere. You do not want to reach Somewhere or Anywhere at all. You are only putting up a charade of doing some work and creating a drama around that you actually want to go Somewhere. All you want to really do is stay here and be known as the one who someday will reach Somewhere. You are running in the same place because that is the process you have adopted. Or  you may end up in some other place far off the mark. You are not even in the competition.'

So saying the wise man got up and left the place. In some time the young man also left the camp.

Walking Clubs, Laughing Clubs

Today I saw the epitome of the laughing club. A group of friends who, after their walk, were laughing heartily at the general banter in the group. It was sheer joy to watch. As opposed to the forced, strict and unrelaxed laughing of some of the clubs I have seen. Ah, nothing like a bunch of good friends and hearty laughter to relax the soul.

But while watching this laughing group of friends I also looked around and noticed the other informal groups. The other informal clubs fall under these major heads.

The Self-Righteous Club: This is the group that somehow seems to believe that what they are doing is the right thing and that they are somehow morally superior to the rest. In my park this group is one yoga group that somehow emits the self-righteous vibes, the morally superior vibes. They speak in low, self-effacing tones and beam peacefully at each other as they walk slowly, or rather, glide slowly.

The Block Everyone Club: This is a bunch of rather thick businessmen (I see this club in all parks) who somehow believe that they are best stuck to one another. Consequently they hog the entire width of the path. True to their competitive business nature they do not give an inch and mostly end up banging into someone or another. But they insist on moving like a block, even if it blocks all traffic, with chaps on the fringe running up to cover any gaps like little puppies.

The Resentful Club: This is a separatist group that goes about loudly resenting all that is going on in the world. They are the newspaper readers with their own set of expert comments, all equally morbid. toxic and resentful. They are normally found in some cozy corner of the park from where they have a vantage view point so they can spew their bile on one another.

The Loners Club: Made mostly of boys but then a few girls too, these clubs come to the park to snare some single of the opposite sex. But since they are the types who hope that things ought to happen on their own, they end up being single anyway. They have forlorn looks and are constantly seeking to make eye contact with all and sundry.

The Yelling Club: This club is always yelling at the top of their voices for no reason at all. They are also the type who normally play shuttle or other such games in the park which allow them to yell loudly.

The Land Sharks Club: This club is made up of members who are used to some real estate in the park and believe that they own it since they have been sitting there every day. If anyone sits there by mistake the club members hover around them menacingly. If the newcomers still does not get the message, club members move into close proximity shooting daggers with their eyes, and hint in loud overtones that they better leave soon before blood is spilled.

The Mobile Phone Clubs: This club consists exclusively of people who come to the park to talk on their mobiles. Once they are done with their talk in a couple of hours, they leave peacefully, having exercised their vocal chords or their ears as the case may be. In some cases, there are tears too so the eyes are also exercised.

The Fight Club: This consists of members who are always looking to pick up a fight for no reason at all. Their main reason for coming to the park is to pick up a fight and they will - with the watchman, to fellow walkers, to the chap who issues tickets, the parking lot fellow - anyone.

The Watchers Club: This is a set of members who mainly come to watch others at the club (I belong to this club). A small variant of this club is the bunch who goes to the parks to watch members of the opposite sex only.

I am sure there are some more. Later then.

Fifty Shades of Grey - E.L. James

This falls under the category provocative romance. Erika Leonard James, former TV Executive and mother of two, spun the Fifty Shades trilogy which have together sold 35 million copies in the US and 70 million copies worldwide, shocking even the author. After reading the first, on second attempt, and finishing it, even I am shocked. A bit. Not by the contents, but by the success. Ms. James has been ranked by the Times magazine as one of the world's 100 most influential people in 2012. What is happening the the global reader?

Arrow Books, 514 p,

Why am I shocked? Because there is nothing much in the book to make you want to actually want to read it completely. Nowhere do you feel a sense of urgency to know what will happen to the two protagonists because somehow you know they are secure even in their weird relationship. Their biggest problems are where and when to have sex and how (Mr. Grey's problem is how not to hurt her so much that she does not run away from his red room of pain) and whether to sign an agreement agreeing to be this slightly perverted businessman's submissive sex slave (the twenty two year old virgin Ms. Anastasia Steele's problem). This dilemma of the two continues throughout the book along with pages and pages of sex (bad) thrown in and pages and pages of juvenile emails sent by the two to one another. That is about it.

But let me begin at the beginning. Christian Grey, the handsome, delicious, lovely, delectable, so good looking, arrogant, business magnate who is never seen with a woman all his life is taken by a normal twenty two year old college student Anastasia Steele who goes to interview him for the college magazine. He is completely smitten by her and so is she. Now comes the catch. Mr. Grey does not, or rather cannot, have plain vanilla sex. He has some fifty odd variants that he wants and by the looks of it, that is all he is doing for a living, and perhaps that is how he has made a fortune too. Ms. Steele is shown as an intelligent woman to start with but you realise that maybe she is not as smart as she gets into an out of control relationship with Mr. Dark History who has had a troubled childhood and craves to be spanked which shows why she is there in the first place. And after that there is a series of romps of which the less said the better.

As fantasies and sex writing goes Ms. James is not a patch on Mr. Harold Robbins who still holds the gold standard for that. Its a tough form of writing - this passion and sex writing bit - and few can pull it off convincingly. Closer home in India Anita Nair is the only one who can do it with great ease and style - its a rare art. For a provocative romance the least it should do is provoke but E.L. James really does not, so the fantasy writing did not work for me. The characters are too one dimensional right now and their motives to jump into bed at all times with the exclusion of all else seems rather tiresome. Does the romance hold? Not for me. I grew tired of it after the first 100 pages and finished it only because I was still searching for some reason why someone wrote a 514 page book around this and why it became such a rage. Not just one, a trilogy! Would I read the second book? No. (But that does not take anything away from Ms. James and I wish her all the success and more.) If there's one thing, I'd ask her to invest some more passion in the scenes so they drag the reader in. Right now its rather dispassionate and hard in a flat manner. Would I recommend it to you. Not unless you have time to waste.