Monday, August 30, 2010

Article in the Indian Express - August 29, 2010

Introducing the Page 3 People's Party
Harimohan Paruvu
I am a die-hard fan of the P3Ps (the Page 3 People for dumbos). Every day I wake up and race to get the newspapers. What are the P3Ps up to today? There’s S smiling and showing of her new dress and old cleavage, and OMG, there is KS herself wearing that little cute red number. And YR, GH, and TR are holding their wine glasses and leching away as usual, and here are the aunties looking hep and young in their tight clothes (on second thoughts…hep surely). And there are the youngsters eager to make their debut on P3P. It is like meeting a whole bunch of happy, old friends at a party.
I don’t know why they are called Page 3s (because they actually appear in page 23 or 33), but I know one thing, that they do make me happy. I’m sure they make a whole lot of people happy as well. And if anyone can make the people in our country happy, this was the lot, I figured.  Which is why I got this idea of floating a P3P party. A happiness party.
I met one P3P type and proposed that we start a party. “Yes, sure,” he said whipping out his mobile. “Let’s call everybody over and have a blast.” “No blasts, a political party,” I clarified. “The P3Party. Winning would be a cake walk.” “Moon walk? That’s rather old fashioned isn’t it? We have some new moves you know,” he quipped. I ignored that. “What I like about you guys is your dedication to party causes,” I said. “Anything for a party is our motto,” he said. “That’s the spirit,” I yelled. “Where, where is the spirit?” he asked, raising his dark shades. I held him back. “Whoa, whoa, not those spirits my man, team spirit etc.” I said. He looked disappointed.
 “I am convinced you guys can hold your own,” I said. “Oh, yes,” he said confidently. “We can all hold our drinks well. But is that enough to get votes?” Good q. “You’re popular. Everyone knows you people well. In fact there are P3P games being developed to be played on PSPs, betting, fan clubs...” He looked surprised. “And you guys don’t even have criminal records,” I smiled. “No wait, I have one,” he confessed honestly. “Michael Jackson’s Smooth Criminal. Will that be a problem?” I said it might not be an issue.
“What do we have to do if we get elected?” he asked tentatively. “To begin with, handle internal and external affairs,” I started. “Ah, now you’re talking,” he said. “We can handle affairs - internal and external - very well. That is our strong area,” he smiled enthusiastically. I was not sure. “Corruption is another problem,” I proposed. “We don’t tolerate corruption, forget it”, he said severely, “we like it neat.” “Defence, our neighbours are other issues,” I hinted. “Oh,” he said thoughtfully. “Our defences lower after a couple, but we generally have a policy of loving our neighbours.  So we should do okay huh.” I nodded. “And of course, all those terrorists and extremists involved in all those blasts need to be dealt with,” I added. “Oh, we can handle any kind of a blast,” he said smugly. “Leave it to us.”
“Alright let‘s start the party then,” I said. “Where? When?” he started. Not that party I explained patiently. “We have work to do. Polls are round the corner. “Wow! Let me call the others,” he said excitedly, taking out his phone. “Come soon, pole dancers at party round the corner,” he sms’ed to all the primary members of the party.

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