Thought for the Day - The Fine Difference Between Ego and Self Esteem

Ego comes with a misplaced sense of excessive pride. With ego you could get caught, doing things you don't want to, digging your hole deeper and deeper and getting into situations you cannot get out of. You do things for others when you should not and let yourself down when you ought not. You are never the person you are and it never comes across to the others.

Self esteem comes with a healthy pride of oneself. It allows you to see the right and the wrong clearly, when to stand up for yourself and when to think of the other person. It allows you to keep things simple, honest and straight. With self esteem you are always the person you are because you have nothing to hide and it comes across to the others clearly.

Ego comes from a place of insecurity. Self-esteem comes from a secure place. Ego wants to control. Self-esteem knows there is no need to control because things are already under control. Ego compulsively reacts. Self-esteem has no need to react. 

Six Machine - Chris Gayle

Most cricket biographies I have read have been staid accounts of their lives with a few incidents thrown in that might interest us. But none had this quality that Chris Gayle's has. It is a literary achievement I feel; if I found Raja Rao's 'Kanthapura' fascinating for its use of language, I find Chris Gayle has achieved something similar with his language. It is not some fake cricket gentleman speaking to you; it is Gayle as he is, speaking the way he does and giving it to the reader, smoking it, smoking it, as he says. I loved it.

''And don't mess with the West Indians.''

Chris starts off with a swagger that is bigger than we are used to on the cricket field. I am the best, the world boss, the one with two triple hundreds, a double hundred in one days and a hundred in T20s. You think you know me, he challenges, me the party man, the ladies man, the destroyer of bowlers, the quintessential bad man. Don't hate me because I am not what you want me to be. Don't hate me because I am not who you are. The swagger grows bigger and bigger until we get over the initial shock and nausea and then we find a method to his madness, an inspiration for all who want to make it. There are life lessons, leadership lessons, motivational lessons and so much more that I want to read it again and make some notes. One can see Chris laughing his head off but he did mention that one needs a philosophy to survive, to make it where he did, especially coming from where he did.

'Define yourself, what you want to do. Breathe and let go of the anger. You will be guided accordingly. It comes naturally. You cannot live in the darkness. You must come into the light.'
''No one gave it to me. I have come through the fight.''
''I am one of the hardest workers. Practice. Practice. Practice. Running boundary laps in pads. I'd bat for days on that concrete.''
''Never dreamt of playing cricket. Had bad dreams. If you die in your dreams, you die in your sleep.''

From the poverty of a one room house shared by five siblings and where food was tough to come by, the Jamaican, who lived right across the Lucas cricket ground, a 100 year club significantly set up to give the young black kids a chance to play, learned to cut his teeth with his friends on the cricket grounds. He speaks of more talented cricketers who could not apply themselves like his brother Michael Crew for instance and how he, Chris applied himself and kept going. He knew his strength, knew what he wanted, and went about it the way he knew best. No running, just hitting the ball for boundaries and sixes. For all the hard knocks he had, he also had the helpful souls who helped him with his cricket like Ms. Hamilton, Mac. Chris got himself into the limelight with some match winning knocks and soon played cricket at the highest level.

''You don't necessarily need a strong team to win games. If you as a captain can hold a group of players in the palm of your hand, then you have something powerful. If you treat your players as you want to be treated, if you make them feel appreciated and respected, if you communicate clearly with them, they will go and play flat out ferocious cricket.''
''Use the wisdom and ideas all around you. All for one, one for all. Teach everyone respect for the environment and for each other.''
''Don't think of the end, only the moment you are in. Don't overthink. Don't worry about failure. Talk to yourself, boost yourself, sing to yourself.'
'Clear the air, free the air and you'll get the best out of them. Know when to talk and when to fall silent'
''How are you going to bring happiness to the world today'' - Ray Jennings, RCB Coach
''My innings begins the night before. I analyse the game. I see myself dong well. See each bowler and how I will play accordingly. You put these things in your mind so you can sleep over it and cement ideas into action.''
''You are never alone.''
''Chris you don't move until di bowler releases di ball,'- Richard Austin. ''Be still and control your breathing.''
''You have enough men trying to wreck you without your own thoughts trying to tangle your feet too. Be confident within yourself whatever you are trying to do. Always. Don't hold back. You can get it. Just know you can do it.''
''When things scare you, attack it.'' - on his fear of flying.
''Don't worry about what might happen. If the ball is there, hit it. Don't worry about the miss. Don't worry about the edge. Play for glory. Play for the six.''
''You can't die in darkness. You must come into the light.''
''I've done it already. I can do it again.''
''Wisdom took me there. Wisdom from experience. When you have a run of low scores there's always one big innings coming along. The magic will return. And when it does you have to make it big. Cash the chips in. Make it count.''

What was most interesting was the way he brought out the Jamaican flavor to the book. I now feel I know the Jamaica he is talking about. The bad parts, the good parts, the cricket, the women, the drinking, the partying, the sex, the celebration and its all cool and fine. Chris lets it all hang out and dwells on all the controversies including the last one with the Aussie anchor and now that one hears his version and knows his story, one is not so judgmental anymore. In Jamaica he says, we are not so uptight about sex. Just sharing the love he says. For the many who hide their deeds well, his approach has a refreshing candor.  He brings in the racism, the poverty, the desire to be bigger and bigger and bigger, the desire to prove everyone wrong and to prove that he is the world boss. Its an amazing story of an ambitious kid who made his life, lived on his terms and continues to do so. This biography shows Chris Gayle at his honest and unrepentant best and I feel that is the way biographies have to be written. You cannot grudge him his success and I will cheer him along now I know what comes with him, behind him and have some inkling of where he wants to go.

I loved the italicised Jamaican slang in which he gives his philosophies every now and then, Stuff he has heard and imbibed, If the cricket coaching he talks about makes more sense than some voluminous coaching manuals and biographies, this smattering of philosophy he leaves us with keeps us thinking. In a tough or rough situation he says 'Just breathe and let the stress and anger go. Let the darkness out of your soul." And 'Confidence comes form hard work. Confidence enables you to flourish. Confidence enables you to relax." "I am the six machine. I am moving up. Always moving up." In a few sentences he talks of how he resets his goals, how high he wants to reach and be the world boss or even perhaps a universe boss, how he manages his men and how important it is to make them feel comfortable. He talks of the IPL, Test cricket, his big knocks, his friends and family, women, partying, his experiences in other countries, Allen Stanford, his run ins with the Board and the coaches, his house, the strip bar in his house, his first woman and almost everything in a couple of lines that say everything even when they are not. This is a direct contrast to so many biographies which say a lot without saying anything.

'Toughness comes from having to be tough. Determination to stick it out comes from doing it everyday. Motivation comes from it always being fun, always being games.''
''The determination to deliver. Being ready to endure whatever it takes to get the job done. Using the barbs to spur you on. Then you will make it, no matter what they will put in your way."
"Be hungrier. Don't be satisfied. Fill your boots and prepare to be weary."
''Sometimes when a fast bowler comes for you its like shooting a gun. Sometimes when a fast bowler comes i literally stop my breath. For those split seconds the body closes down. Everything is still. Control your breathing. Jus feel. See the target and jus feel.''
''There's a balance somewhere. Its not always easy to find and I cannot always tip toe along.''

Chris Gayle's biography reveals the man behind it slowly and its much like how he reveals himself as a batsman. It infuriates you to see that laid back, casual approach and you wonder what a little more earnestness could do for him. But he is already doing more than you or anyone else is and that is what we miss in our judgment. And he does not give a damn what you think - he will do it his way. Chris is not apologetic and lets his bat talk, his deeds talk. He wants no favours and says as much - that I don't want to be in the team because someone felt they should give me a chance. He will be there because he is the best. And then you understand him when he says he went to meet an eye doctor and fell in love with her eyes (I agree, I love ophthalmologists too, for the way they look deep into your eyes). His house and its rooms for his family and friends, his charity, his concern for the girl who got hit by his six in Bangalore and for the crowd, the house he built for his brother, the money he promised his friend Runako Morton but could not give before he died and how bad he felt for it.

''Confidence carries you through even if you are sometimes bluffing yourself and the opposition attack.''
''Confidence comes from character. Character comes from being tested and coming through.''
''I can fire it into a penny.''
''This is about life after trophies; helping your brother, your mother and father; becoming a better man than you were before...''
''Without fighting as a boy you cannot become a man.''
''My energy comes from being out there in the middle.''
"When you are not in form don't wait for someone else to fix it. Beat your way out of it. Beat your way in.''

I will return with more from the book. This is just my initial appreciation of the man, his philosophy, his stand, his ambition, his achievements and mostly his honesty which makes his writing style so endearing. Now that's the way to write a biography so you leave a part of you and where you come from with the reader and give him an idea of where you might be going. Well done Christopher Henry Gayle from Rollington and Lucas Cricket Club, Jamaica, this is as good as any. Truly, you are the world boss. But you don't need me to say it do you? For anyone who can read without judging and who can stand a bit of honesty, this book is as good as any that wins literary awards. If I was a judge I would give away the award to Chris.  The Prize for Literature - Honest Biographies. Chris could add it to his list of achievements and deservedly so.

Thought for the Day - All That Bothers You Is a Way Forward

All that bothers you is showing you a way forward. It is an indication that there is an area to smooth out. The fact that it bothers you is good enough to see what needs to be done to get back into the flow.

To be stuck means that there are two opposing perspectives to the same thing. When both are adamant about doing it their way, or that each is right, it will cause a stoppage in the flow.

How does one address this divergence, this stoppage, this clogged flow? What could we do to address the situation and bring back the flow?

Maybe we do not understand what needs to be done to move forward. In which case we wait until some enlightenment happens. Maybe we do not want to invest what it takes to move forward. In which case we are clear that what we want to give up which we believe is a fair price to pay for what is asked. Maybe its just our ego that makes us want to be right that keeps us from moving forward. In which case you keep the ego packed up and show up and let at least some flow to happen.

But a block is clear as light. One can see that things are not flowing. One can hit the block straight and want to pierce through it but it is too violent a solution. One can make the other point bend by using more force but this causes a lot of resentment because the other person is doing it against his will. Or one can lower the ego and move forward from another way. This way everyone is happy, gain some, lose some but move on.

To find the solution, to stop it from bothering you is the way forward. It addresses the issue at hand directly. What is at stake? What do I want? What can I let go? Where's the trade off? Once the answers to all these questions are clear we can move forward. The decision is made. Action can follow with clear purpose.

20 Movies to Watch - Jayant and Suhita Dharmadhikari's Lists

Jayant Dharmadhikari knows his movies having won a National Award for his movie 'Ankahee' in the 1980s and having been involved in many other cult movies and juries.
His list includes the following

1) The Kid
2) Grapes of Wrath
3) It happened one night
4) Judgment at Nuremberg
5) Pyaasa
6) Mughal-e-azam
7) Bicycle thief
8) Promised Land
9) Madhumati
10) Bandini
11) The Cranes are flying
12) Electra
13) Rashomon
14) Citizen Kane
15) Battleship Potemkin
16) Sound of Music
17) My Fair Lady
18) Pather Panchali
19) Bhakt Tukaram
20) Mother India
...
21) Phaedra
22) Miracle in Milan

I've watched 12. Need to watch 8 and rewatch the entire lot almost to see it through new eyes.

Suhita is a well known movie and TV artiste with a Filmfare award to her name. Her list is as follows (not quite 20 yet)

1) Chalti ka naam gaadi
2) Fedora
3) Madhumati
4) Lamhe
5) You got mail
6) Children of heaven
7) Colors of Paradise
8) Separation
9) Bicycle thief
10) Roman Holiday
11) Pather Panchali
12) Jewel thief

Fedora is missing in my list. 

Jallianwala Bagh Massacre - V.N. Dutta and S. Settar

This book contains a collection of articles on the Jallianwala Bagh Massacre edited by the two above named gentlemen. The events that led to the massacre of 397 (official) people inside the Jallianwala Bagh are discussed from many angles. The story begins sometime with the Rowlatt Satyagraha and how the nation felt cheated by the British after having fought for the British in the World War I. Gandhi had called for Rowlatt Satyagraha. One other article also places on record how prices had doubled and life was tough for the Indian citizen. To cap it all Punjab was under the governance of Lt. Gen. Michael O'Dwyer whose strong arm tactics had pushed everyone to the limit. Dwyer, considered dictatorial in his governance, was instrumental in recruiting 110000 recruits from Punjab alone out of 192000 Indians who fought the WWI on behalf of the British. The resentment caused by the Rowlatt Acts and the Khilafat movement added to the boil.

Closer to the event, the story starts around March 29, 1919, when an order was passed allegedly by the British restricting any public gathering (they say it was a back dated order to implicate local leaders like Dr. Satyapal and Dr. Kichlew) to counter Gandhiji's call for a hartal on March 30 which was later postponed to April 6, Dr. Satyapal's speech which was attended by 45000 on March 30, 1919, the spiriting away of Dr. Satyapal and Dr. Kichlew without public knowledge to Shimla, firing on an unarmed crowd which protested the treatment given to its leaders that left a few dead and growing anger at the British for not letting them attend to the wounded. This broke the patience and an angry mob rioted on April 10 leading to killing of Englishmen at the banks and assault on Miss. Sherwood. On 11th O'Dwyer handed over control of Amritsar to General Dyer, a weak proclamation prohibiting meetings and then the firing at the Jallianwala Bagh on complete innocents who had gathered peacefully and even naively as it was baisakhi season.

There are several personalities that are key here. Michael O'Dwyer, Lt. Governor of Punjab (later shot dead by Udham Singh in London) was a dictator who was disliked by the people. Hans Raj considered a British spy and an agent provocateur who set it up so the British could teach the rebellious Indians a lesson. Hansraj is an inconsequential player who suddenly proclaims himself Secretary of Satyagraha Sabha, a body probably floated by him, instigates people to take revenge for the arrest of Satyapal and Kichlew and called for the meeting at Jallianwala Bagh without any formal authority saying that everyone is a leader and one must be prepared to kill or be killed. Hans Raj is missing since, his house burned down and they say the British whisked him away to Mesapotamia. Miss Sherwood incident and the murders of Englishmen at the bank and other places were the result of Hans Raj's provocation to the crowd to avenge Dr. Satyapal's and Dr. Kichlew's quiet arrest and sending away into hiding. This is followed by the arrival of the butcher of Amritsar Gen Dyer himself, remorseless till his death of his deed. Dyer it would appear set it up in a fashion that would give him the flimsiest of grounds to inflict harsh punishment on the locals and he succeeded in not just inflicting punishment but in taking the freedom struggle to another level altogether. Tagore renounced his knighthood after the event, Gandhi and other leaders stopped looking for any positive developments from the British and hardened their stands. Sikhs, Hindus, Muslims, Indians united as never before at this atrocity as the British felicitated Dyer and tried to cover up for the event.

Dyer takes his soldiers around the city announcing at a couple of places that meetings were prohibited. The massacre itself on April 13, 1919 begins with Dyer walking up with 90 of his soldiers to the Jallianwala Bagh, ordering 50 of them to take positions and fire on a defenceless, peaceful crowd of over 1600 people, without any warning to disperse whatsoever. The orders were to shoot to kill and were given within 30 seconds of his reaching there. The soldiers fired and fired 1650 shots in abut 6-10 minutes of firing until they ran out of ammunition. And then Dyer turned back and went back without even providing any assistance to the wounded and dying and simply said that was not his job. The wounded dragged themselves into the streets and lay dead in their own pools of blood - men and boys and one three month old baby. Dwyer and Dyer kept saying there was a conspiracy to destabilise the British which is why they fired, but the truth is that almost 20% of the crowd inside Jallianwala Bagh were outsiders, those who had come to town on account of Baisakhi and who wandered into the Bagh. For this butchery Dyer was merely transferred back to England, felicitated for the good work done as 'Savior of India', 30000 pounds raised for him, and upon the outrage, cut his pension by half which was overturned by a Court of Justice.

After the incident the administration imposed Martial Law and blocked out the press. Dyer got himself conferred a Sikh by the manager of the Golden Temple. The street where Ms. Sherwood was assaulted was one where all Indians had to crawl, where public floggings were conducted and a new rule about salaams to the sahibs was introduced as a crime.  

The role of the Akalis, the Hindu Muslim unity on Ram Navami day (which so scared the administration that many felt that the massacre was planned in such a way that the Muslim casualties were low and thereby sow seeds of discord between them again), the heroes and the villains all show up clearly in retrospect. Undoubtedly the Jallianwala massacre was an event of great import in the history of mankind and how it shaped up the last few centuries. For all the ways in which the Empire tried to justify his firing, there are enough who felt that this was unpardonable and forever broke whatever little thread of hope and restraint that existed between Indians and the British.

The book deals with many aspects of the massacre - imperial terrorism, impact on national consciousness, impact on Sikhs and other parts of the country, how women came out of their homes after this incident and so on. I learned far more about the incident through the book and by any standards Dyer's work was most cruel and symptomatic of British thinking in those days.

Khullam Khulla - Rishi Kapoor with Meena Iyer

There are certain illusions we carry of people and many times it is better to leave them alone. One must be wary of the same when one writes a biography - do we enhance the illusion or do we shatter it and to what purpose. I got the same feeling when I read Naseeruddin Shah's biography and I feel exactly the same way now. There is an impression I have of Rishi Kapoor - of a happy go lucky, smiling, mischievous, fun loving and harmless person which overrides everything else that we mortals are afflicted with. But now after I read the biography I find the movie slightly disappointing because I have gone with an expectation of a happy romcom and find myself dealing with resentment, insecurity and depression. Even in small parts I do not want to see that in Rishi Kapoor's life - he symbolises that part of my life and I don't want that messed with.

The good news is that there was an attempt at being honest. The bad news is that the effort is perhaps half hearted. Or that is the feeling one gets. So if one is comfortable mentioning private moments involving others that one has been privy to, one should also give away one's own. So when Rishi Kapoor says he has never had an affair in his life and has been faithful since marriage and in the same book Neetu Singh says in the afterword that she had her suspicions about it - one is more likely to believe her. Not that it matter - just that it makes the effort a little less credible.

First up, I think the family tree helped sort out many of my confusions. So to start where we all know there was Prithviraj Kapoor who had six children, three of them boys - Randhir Raj (Raj Kapoor), Shamsher Raj (Shammi) and Balbir Raj (Shashi). Raj Kapoor then had five children with three boys - Randhir Kapoor, Rishi Kapoor and Rajeev Kapoor. Shammi had non-filmi children except that his daughter married Ketan Desai. Shashi had three children all of whom dabbled in movies - Karan, Kunal and Sanjana. Randhir's daughters with actress Babita, Karishma and Kareena, seem to be the first daughters of the family to enter the industry. Rishi's son Ranbir is a huge star already. Rajeev is unmarried it looks like. There are filmy connections on the mothers side as well with Premnath, Rajendranath being uncles. Amitabh Bachchan's daughter is married into Rishi Kapoor's sister's family and so on. Between them, the family and their relatives have taken up a lot of my time and energy and money (since I spent it on them) and wonder what this relationship is that I share with them.

Rishi Kapoor comes across as the young, spoilt brat  who indulged himself thanks to the family he was born in. He seems to have had a normal, rich kid upbringing which is in tune with the characters he played in most movies too - smoking and drinking early. An early break in movies and recognition for his role in 'Mear Naam Joker' got him hooked. But the phases after the flop of 'Mera Naam Joker' when he says he would fear the arrival of his father at home late in the night, drunk and abusive give us a peep into the lives of the rich and famous. He does not mention the lady in question but he mentions that his father was in a relation with someone (Nargis, I am presuming, though he also mentions Vijayanthimala some other place). For me it was enough that 'Mera Naam Joker' was a well known movie and considered a great - but for the ones in the industry it is the financial or relative success that makes or breaks them. The insecurity started seeping in from there itself. Then Raj Kapoor made 'Bobby' to recover from the disaster and Rishi Kapoor the star was launched at around the same time that Amitabh was rising.

He confesses to having 'bought' one award egged on by his assistant. His affair and marriage with Neetu Singh - in his favour however he does come across as being totally smitten by her and Neetu for her part as being the one who would make any adjustment for him including coming home at 830 pm whatever else was happening at her shoots - is written in detail. He talks about how he and his family always had a weight issue considering their fondness for all things nice. Among his close friends he counts Rahul Rawail, Jeetendra, Rakesh Roshan. He speaks of an uneasy relationship with Amitabh and how he feels Amitabh should give more credit to the other actors for his success. He also did not like Rajesh Khanna, maybe he felt because he snatched away Dimple after Bobby and how he made sure Rajesh Khanna did not get the Satyam Shivam Sundaram role. He gives away little tidbits like how Pancham once approached him seeking work in his later years, not for money, but to keep himself busy, how once Yash Chopra in a financial mess wrote pages and pages of 'God help me please', his fight with Sanjay Khan who threw a glass at him and his face got a cut, how Shammi Kapoor and Feroze Khan once got into a fight and were thrown out and they both ended up drinking at some other spot in town. One incident when the hotel they were staying in was attacked and almost gutted. A couple of fan incidents. An incident when he met Dawood Ibrahim, who he found to be quite nice and who offered him help, including money which Rishi refused. What was the point of dragging the names through this? How will it enhance his story?

Apart from all these tidbits what interested me was that he confessed to never having paid much attention to the craft until his second innings now. He would just go and do whatever he knew and he would pass because the audiences were so forgiving. How he tried hard to get out of Kabhie Kabhie and how it somehow became one of the best movies he had done to date. What hits you most apart from the commonplace pettiness and resentment and stuff is the hard core stuff - the depression he sank into after Karz did not do as well as he thought it should. So bad was his depression that he would not turn up for shooting and instead drank himself away. The insecurity of stars is something we never can understand because we think a movie has been made, like it or not and that's over for us. But they carry it deeply and think they have been rejected.

A whole chapter is dedicated to his heroines and there is a whole list of them - some 30 odd I guess staring from Dimple, Kajaj Kiran, Jayaprada, . He launched many new faces and most of them did well. He seems quite pleased with that fact. One chapter dedicated to his wife, one to his children. One to music and melody and here he talks of how he sometimes failed to recognise great music and was quite abusive with the music composers only to be corrected later.

For a book that could have had far more impact for the sheer content available, the biography I felt is not well presented. It is a series of incidents that are related as he perhaps told it to the writer with no attempt to uncover the why, the real person beneath what we know. And that is what makes what could have been a far more interesting book, fall short. Was it shortage of time, was he not available and was it just lack of effort one does not know but the book suffered, A small example is the way the photos are presented. They are just dumped together at one lot that one gets tired after a few pages and skips all those beautiful people we know and have watched for years. In contrast, when I read Mehboob's biography by Bunny Reuben, the pictures comes every few pages at relevant places and add to the entire experience. For this, just this lack of effort, one gets irritated. Call it arrogance or just lack of caring for the reader, but it put me off like nothing else. In fact a nine year old like Anjali said the same thing - why are these pictures just dumped here like this? I take away his depression, his insecurity, his coming of age now as he feels blessed and is experimenting with roles as parts that left an impact on me. There was an effort to be 'Khullam Khulla' but it is one of those things where he was better off being chupke chupke and one would have laughed along with him even if he was not khullam khulla. That would have been more honest. But if one promises Khullam Khulla one should deliver and if one does not, the audience feels let down. Anyway who knows better than Rishi Kapoor that the audience will switch off the moment they experience something not right.

Mehboob, India's DeMille - Bunny Reuben

Mehboob Khan of Mehboob Studios, maker of 'Mother India', 'Aan', 'Aurat', 'Andaz' and many other huge hits, was a towering personality in the Indian film industry from the 1930s to 60s. How big, I could not fathom until I read the biography written by Bunny Reuben. 'Mother India' was India's first nomination to the Oscars and Cecil De Mille himself had words of praise for Mehboob Khan's work.

Now who is this talented young man? He was a nobody, who came to Mumbai from a small village near Baroda with three rupees in his pocket, worked for free doing all sorts of menial jobs at the studio, seized opportunity when he got a chance to play an extra and got into direction. His quick grasp of things, his business sense saw the poor, uneducated boy from Gujarat scale the kind of heights rarely seen in Hindi cinema. Extremely hard working and highly religious, he would not stop his namaz for anything in the world - be it a meeting in Hollywood or in London. The maker of grand spectacular movies, the master of emotions, rose to dizzying heights and was perhaps the only superstar director India had. The loudest cheers came on when his name appeared in the titles.

Mehboob Khan's first film was a script he wrote himself 'Judgement of Allah' where he showed his flair for direction. 'Aurat' was the original 'Mother India' and it was while making this movie that he married Sardar Akhthar, the heroine of the movie, as his second wife. He first cast Nargis in his movie 'Taqdeer' (did he also give Nimmi and Saira Banu breaks?). In fact he also gave Raaj Kumar, Rajendra Kumar and Sunil Dutt a huge lease of life with Mother India. He promoted Dilip Kumar before he struck out on his own. His legendary friendships, numerous affairs and an equal number of soured relationships made him an enigma, But he made classics like 'Humayun', 'Andaz', 'Aan', and topped it all off with 'Mother India'. The roller coaster life of all the people involved in his life, the heroes, the heroines, the music directors is well depicted. If one things comes across clearly it is the insecurity of the industry.

Mehboob Khan discovered Nargis who was a school girl when he first saw her. He also gave stars like Surendranath and several others a break. With his limited English and education he had friends at all levels - Nehru was a friend of his. Eccentric, temperamental, creative, ambitious, workaholic Mehboob Khan finally left his studio in Bandra to the medium he loved - films. Mehboob Khan's weakness for women and his temperamental behavior with his close associates, his unforgiving nature which kept his flock together - those who leave are forgotten - compromised him. At the same time he also had a generous heart and a highly creative mind.

The 'Mother India' story was fascinating. How the idea developed from 'The Good Earth' and how the movie survived the many attempts to change its name, cast and even its script is in itself a wonderful story. How Mehboob zeroed down to Nargis, went to Raj Kapoor to ask him to let Nargis (who was by then in the RK camp and in a full blown relationship with RK) act in the movie was another great twist. How Nargis uses the movie to purge herself of her uncertainty in the fire scene where she almost died and was saved by Sunil Dutt, whom she eventually married is another. Fabulous stuff. Another haunting image is that of Mehboob asking Ashok Kumar who played 'Humayun' to get off his horse and kneel down in prayer because it is namaz time even as horses and elephants were advancing towards him. I'd love to see that scene.

The 386 page is a fine, easy and well organised read and that's what good writing is about. The story unfolds  logically and enough care has been taken to enhance the experience for the reader by appropriate placing of photographs. Not a word deviates from the main topic and we understand layer upon layer of this complex character, the complex and cut throat world of cinema, the deep insecurities that drive the people in the industry. I could finish reading the book in 4-5 hours, that's how well it is written.

I am now fully enthused and want to watch the movies mentioned above. I am also glad I now know of this wonderful and talented character, Mehboob, about whom I knew little before this 1985 book.