Mental Toughness - Some Attitudinal Pointers That May Help

Much of what sportsmen or professionals do, revolves around three aspects - the skill aspect, the physical fitness aspect required to perform that skill well and the mental toughness aspect to sustain high performance in ups and downs.

Much of so called 'talent' ends with skill - a slightly higher level of skill takes you some distance initially.  A moderate level of physical fitness can push you some more. But what really separates the boys from the men, the champions from the also-rans is the mental toughness part of it. As the going gets tough, the tough have to get going. Or go home.


Mental toughness can be practised
Few are blessed with the clarity and courage to have mental toughness ingrained in them naturally. These blessed ones make the best use of their skill and push themselves physically because of this ability. But for the others who probably are not naturally equipped or trained on mental toughness there is no need to feel disadvantaged. Mental toughness can be practiced and  ingrained so that it becomes a habit, an attitude. One needs to be conscious of how to train the mind - so that it is aware in times of stress. Here are a few attitudinal pointers that may help.

The Preparation of the Mind
1) Knowing your strengths: Start with knowing your strengths at the very beginning. You can analyse these strengths from your own best experiences in the past (do a careful analysis of your top ten performances and it shows up). More importantly, take feedback from your peers, coaches and mentors and even opposition about your strengths. Many times you miss out your own strengths and hence this feedback helps immensely. Note down and analyse for yourself or with a coach how you can use all your strengths well and work on improving them. Pick the ones that will take you the farthest and focus on them.

2) Know your weaknesses: Anlyse your weaknesses from your performances. A chat with colleagues who can contribute positively, coaches and mentors can also help in being aware of weaknesses to plug. Just focus on two main weaknesses that contribute negatively to your performances and work on them. 

3) 1 or 2 Areas that bother you most: This could be one or two areas that you may be bothering yourself about. A good bowlers may still be worrying about his fielding, or his lack of physical strength. It may be in unrelated areas but it is necessary that the person is honest about those bothersome areas and puts in enough work to get that thought out of his mind, This could be the one big factor that can drag down the player's performance. Be honest here and work with the coach.

4) Run through the positives: Capture visuals, paper clippings, photos, videos of your top performances that inspire and keep visiting and revisiting them. Stick them up on the wall, on the board so you see what you are capable of and are constantly reminded of the positives.

5) Plan your strategy: Plan your strategy before the tour and before the match by writing it down. Some even think about it until it all falls in place. I advocate writing it down because it gives more clarity. Plan what you would do from the first moment - the first ball onwards if you are planning for the match - and plan for an alternative plan as well in case things don't work out that way. Here a bit of information about all the factors that contribute to your performance helps - the wicket, the pitch, the opposition and so on. So do your homework and have a chat with your captain and coach.

6) Visualise: Once your overall plan is in place, sit in a quiet place and visualise how it is going to unfold. Visualise the environment, the rhythm, the feeling of performing to your peak capacity easily. Visualise the outcome happening the way you want it, right down to the smallest detail. See it all clearly until you are satisfied fully and feel confident and comfortable.

7) The Equipment: Be bang on with your equipment so there is no last minute glitch. Get everything in order and prepare for being there and doing what you planned. You should feel good with your equipment so plan that well and get it fully in order. Set yourself up for success even in what you wear and use.

8) Set a mental target: Before each tour, each game, each session in a match - set a mental target for yourself. You could tell someone about it or you could keep it yourself (telling someone is better as it challenges you) - but whatever happens - do set your own targets. You will be amazed at how wonderfully this simple technique works.Note down the results in a journal.

9) Use all support systems to bolster belief: If certain things strengthen your belief, use them. Superstitions, people, prayer, God, music, talking to positive people - use any of the above and keep your mind high on belief. For some, certain refrains of good music helps focus better.

10) Train your mind to stay positive - use symbols, motifs: Don't let any negative thoughts enter your mind, especially if its a crunch game for you. The key to this is to have something to keep remembering when thoughts turn negative. You can for example keep a strong positive visualisation in your mind to think of when your thoughts are turning negative (pictures, videos, quotes, role models). You can use positive affirmations constantly to keep your mind from slipping into negative. (For example, I am batting extremely well now or I am bowling so well that the ball is doing exactly what I want). The third is to keep using a piece of music or looking at your bit of superstition that will help you switch the thought to positive.

11) Use all negative feedback as a goal, not criticism: Use everything, even the negative as a goal. When you use the negative as a goal, everytime you get criticised, that aspect of your game gets honed when you take it up as a goal! Whatever happens, don't let negative feedback dishearten you. Come back harder.
If you take everything as a positive and work at it, nothing can stop you.

During the Performance
11) Strong and positive body language: Whatever happens keep your body language strong and positive. Walk and talk with confidence. Shoulders back, chin up, spring in step - smile if it warrants a smile. It sends a big signal to the opposition and to your own colleagues. You must learn to fake it well even if you are feeling low and not confident. It is all about keeping that illusion that you are in control until the opposition breaks or shows a chink. Never let this body language down.

12) When things don't go well find a positive in every act: Whatever happens find a positive in every act. Especially when things don't go well look for what you did right.

13) Be flexible: When on the field, be flexible and see how the wind is blowing, how the tide is flowing and adapt accordingly. There is a greater danger in being rigid because then you are stuck with one plan. Prepare, and then, be flexible to adapt to best course.

14) If Plan A doesn't work, switch to Plan B: If Plan A does not work, switch to Plan B. Ask for feedback from others so you get more information on how you are doing and how it could be bettered.

15) If you get one breakthrough, capitalise: One breakthrough should be quickly converted into a couple more, so work on increasing effort immediately after one breakthrough or one good session. A batsman who gets 30 should look for 50, a 50 for a 100, a 100 for a 1550, a 150 for a 200 and so on. Similarly one wicket should become 3, 3 should be come 5 and 5 should become 7 wickets. Don't be easily satisfied. Push for more.

16) If you make a mistake, bounce back hard:  In the game it is likely that you may make a mistake. Don't dwell on it. Figure out what went wrong and make a mental note to correct it and bounce back hard into the game instantly. You can make amends as long as you are positive. But if you let that one odd mistake affect you, you will go down in a downward spiral and you will let it affect your performance hugely when it really need not. Everyone makes mistakes but the ones who bounce back quickly are the champs. Make up your mind to bounce back quickly.

17) Never show your disappointment: It is most important to never show your disappointment, your fear, your pain even if you are in the direst situation. You must never let the opposition or even your own colleagues know what is going on in your mind. As long as you keep a straight and brave face everyone thinks you are still in with a chance, another opportunity or perhaps even an ace up your sleeve. Never ever show that you are beaten or that you are disappointed or dejected or depressed. Keep smiling, chin up and shoulders straight and things might just change.

18) Use success formulas repeatedly: If a particular move worked, use it again. And again. Look for patterns and stick to those if they are working for you.

19) Don't get over excited when things favour you: Keep your head when things favour you and stick to plan so you maximise effect. Many times the advantage is squandered away by over doing things in an over excited manner. For example fast bowlers when they see a green and helpful wicket tend to overdo things and do not take as many wickets as they could have if they stuck to basics.

20) When things don't work, go back to basics: When all else fails, quickly go back to basics and minimise damage. Once you get some rhythm going, you can come back strongly but until then stick to the basics and keep doing them well.


21) When playing better players, focus on giving your best:  When you play against better players and better teams, focus on giving your best. Don’t overdo things because you may give them an easy opening to settle down. Do things well in your control – a balanced aggression where nothing is given easy and where you are slowly increasing your dominance or holding your own. There will be times when they may get an upperhand - but you must believe in your capability and raise your game and performance. Firstly make it as difficult for them as you can and do not give anything away easily and then keep going and trying your best throughout until you get a breakthrough. Always get back into the game and keep at it.

Post performance
22) Check with coach: Check with coach if performance was on par. Look for improvements. Look for areas to work on.

23) Look for what went off plan: Check your thoughts, your preparation and check for what went right and what went wrong and make mental notes.

24) If you had a bad game, learn and move on quickly: Don't wallow in self-pity even if you had a bad game. One game can change it all. You cannot get better if you constantly keep kicking yourself or putting yourself down. Analyse. Work on the areas that need improvement and bounce back stronger.

25) It is all about belief: Belief in one's capability to do well in all circumstances, however tough they may be, is the biggest strength of any sportsperson. Do everything to strengthen that belief. Belief is just a thought and it is best that you keep thinking thoughts that help you believe in yourself, your game and your ability. Put everything behind that thought.

26) Make a new target to achieve something bigger next: Now that this game is done, set yourself a anew target to achieve something even bigger next game and start preparing for it. Grow with each game, each session.

Faltu - Movie Review

Watched Faltu on video and was wondering how this movie became a hit. Its about a bunch of college kids who have low scores in colleges and who find no admission in any college. They are joined by many more students who have not got enough marks and find no admission.This continues almost till half time when the college kids find Google, Arshad Warsi, who can fix anything. Google finds them a fake college and a fake college Principal (Riteish Deshmukh) who loves alternative styles of teaching, so they can fool their parents. (It's quite obvious by this time that Remo realised that he cannot carry off this movie with just the kids and needed some starry props.) The college is named FALTU which is an acronym for Fakirchand Lakirchand etc etc.

But this fake college becomes a hit. Many more students with no admissions join the fake college and they are all partying like crazy. The gang suddenly realises that they could actually do something with their lives and decides to follow their passions which turn out to be web designing, choreography, DJing and such other stuff. They make digital classes with Google's help and it all works out in the end because the college has no recognition but then the Minister for Education recognises the brilliant concept of FALTU shown through a well choreographed song and that is it.

Get the idea. Totally Faltu. But it did seem to appeal to some. God save the world.

Blazing Saddles - Movie Review

Another Mel Brooks movie with Gene Wilder and Mel Brooks himself. This one is a take off on the Wild West stories and other take offs on racism, Hollywood and others. A black sheriff in a racist white town which is falling on the course of a new rail road makes things complicated enough but unfortunately for the villains, the town's new black sheriff finds unlikely support and spoils their plans. Waco the Kid (Gene Wilder) the fastest draw in the West, Mungo a strong man and the rail road workers support the black sheriff (who was originally a railroad worker sentenced to death by hanging).

The white townspeople now gather together and back the black sheriff to save themselves from a bunch of thugs hired by the State Attorney General, and guess what, they win. Typical Mel Brooks movie with enough fun and puns and irreverent humour. I watched it many moons ago when I found it a lot more funnier. This time, it was just about okay. The Mel Brooks scenes are as always hilarious.

Anupama Raghavan - On Being a Kidney Donor, Loving Daughter and the Contentment of Doing What is Right

I first met Anu, or Anupama, almost 27 years ago. Between the first time I met her, as a pretty young girl who carried this wonderfully human side to her (something not many pretty girls carry as we realised later), and the time she got married to my good friend Naresh Raghavan, both residents of Padmarao Nagar in Secunderabad, much had transpired that showed us and the rest of the world, the kind of mettle that Anu is made of. When Anu makes up her mind, nothing stands in the way of her will. And that clearly means something because when someone like Anu loves someone, she will move hell and high water for them. That much was crystal clear and I am always glad that on that count, my friend Naresh is certainly on a good wicket.

Years later, after moving from Hyderabad to the US , and settling down in Chicago (Raoul, their son is studying his UG course now), Anu, having dabbled, and in the process of becoming a certified yoga instructor, a substitute teacher, worked with the Theosophical Society in America, and an avid traveller on the spiritual journey, was called upon once again, as if to test these impeccable personality traits of hers. Has she mellowed and lost some of her single-minded decisiveness or was she the same? (If ever there is a story of life being one of divine providence, of preparation that came to this, I cannot get a better one than Anu's.) This is the story of the second part of her life - when Anu volunteered to donate one of her kidneys to her 63 year old mother Renuka - and did it quietly, decisively.

Anu and her Mom

My first reaction to the news

When I heard, after the surgery was completed, my first reaction was that you could not expect any less from Anu. I met her while she was recuperating and I asked her if she would tell me how she went about it so I could share it on my blog. No one that I knew had done something like this - I know recipients, not donors. Anu was more than enthusiastic and very keen to share her experiences so others who are looking for kidney transplants and any related information regarding the same, their families and support systems, so they get an idea of how the process goes. I wanted to know how it feels to give away a part of you.

"It all started with my mother Renuka, being a Type II diabetes patient from the age of 38," she started. "She was insulin dependent. At 48, father passed away in circumstances that were not expected to say the least. From a protected environment where everything was taken care of for her since a young age, Mom found herself suddenly independent as both of us (Anu and Niru Anu's sister) were already married and were abroad. Mom was on a rediscovery of herself - reading, travelling and going on pilgrimages all over India - from Badrinath to Kanya Kumari."

Care to be taken by BP and Diabetic patients

"Perhaps those trips finally affected her health," feels Anu. "Untimely and perhaps unhealthy meals and the loss of that extra care that one normally gets to do at home could have started off the deterioration in Mom's health. What started as a viral fever on one of the pilgrimages in late March 2010, translated into nausea, giddiness on her return to Hyderabad. She was hospitalised in April 2010, for 15 days which was when she was diagnosed with hypertension and subsequently with chronic kidney disease (CKD)."

Know More about the Condition

Despite knowing the dangers of a diabetes patient having hypertension and the subsequent effects on the kidney function somehow we did not educate ourselves enough about the illness at that stage I feel,' says Anu thoughtfully in retrospect. "Also mother not mentioning her current health condition (a Type II Diabetic) and the medication she was on to that doctor who treated her for the viral fever could have deteriorated the kidney condition further." Anu's fervent wish is that everyone who is affected by CKD better not assume anything - it is a nebulous area - and they better educate themselves. There is enough information on the net or simply go ask a doctor. "One must certainly ask questions of the physician," she says emphatically and “above all always inform the Doctors, you consult, of your current health conditions and medications you are on without presuming they know it all-i.e diabetic, BP and/or heart patient etc. From the Doctors end, they should also always inquire before treating/prescribing medications if the patients are on any other medications and/or treatments without just prescribing especially antibiotics. I feel, had the Doctor prescribed a milder medication, mothers renal failure, maybe, could have been delayed by a few years at least. But who knows, it really doesn’t matter now since ‘All is Well’!

"Well anyway, the next thing was to get a good nephrologist for her future care and we were very lucky to find Dr. V. Suresh Babu of Yashoda Hospitals who gave her the forecast and what to expect." This was during June 2010 when Anu was in Hyderabad. The good doctor told them that if her Mom took care of herself well she could avoid dialysis for at least 2-3 years. Here Anu rues that some sort of a structured patient and doctor counseling sessions could have helped on what to expect when dialysis starts and the future for the patient henceforth. Not knowing what to expect they went about life, taking each day as it comes and hoping that things would get better.

Time to Look for Organ Transplants

"The ideal thing to do when a patient like my mother gets diagnosed with CKD and is given a couple of years before renal failure begins, will be to start inquiring about possible options for transplant, starting with volunteer live organ donors from the immediate family circles (spouse, adult children, siblings etc.) and/or gathering information (this is where the hospitals administration can put together a team to help educate and plan along with the patients and their families) on how to get onto the cadaver donor list. I believe the cadaver list has a minimum waiting period of 2-3 years. So the earlier you sign up the chances of you being a matched recipient is greater. When dialysis (process of purifying the blood artificially as the kidneys are not able to function and throw out the impurities from the blood) starts, patients and their families need to know that it is very exhausting, expensive, time consuming process, draining the patient mentally, physically and financially" says Anu. 

Costs involved in Kidney Transplant in India

"By this time the registration process for the organ and information gathering ought to have begun, unless the patient is struck by CKD without any warning whatsoever. There is a huge necessity to educate patients on organ transplantation, its benefits and risks as well. Some big issues that the patients and their families need to know are those of the legal aspects concerning kidney transplants especially from live donors, the financial aspect (8 - 12 lakhs) and the substantial post-operation cost (if the patient is also a diabetic like my mother, approximately between Rs.10-15,000 after the initial first six months for the rest of their lives) and general care, making sure they can lead as normal and healthy life as possible."

Choice between Dialysis and Transplant

Typically once the patient is on dialysis the choices are either to continue dialysis which could mean for as long as 5-10 years or more or go in for an organ transplant. Organ transplant can give the patient a better quality of life and save the patient and family a lot of trouble and trauma. But on the other hand there is a considerable financial burden attached to it. As mentioned before a transplant can be done either with a live donor or a cadaver match.

Idea of a Donor Within the Family

"May to Nov 2011 Mom was in the USA where she stayed with a doctor couple who did some tests on her to check her health,' says Anu. Going by the test results they felt that she needed to be on dialysis right then. So Dr. Lakshmipathy and Dr. Lakshmi Garepallli, suggested to Anu and the family that they ought to look at the transplant route ASAP instead of waiting on dialysis, something which Anu says she hadn’t thought about. Somehow with all the treatment etc the idea of a transplant, especially from their own family pool, never occurred to them. "I remember that call clearly," says Anu. "We were on a conference call, Niru and me, with Dr. Lakshmi. I was standing outside a Sears outlet where I had gone shopping for a cooking range vent cover and it hit me in an instant that I will, if I could, donate my kidney. I mentally signed up right then and there. I never told anyone about it (but that was the time I had decided) for I knew it was going to be a long process to know if I could do it at all".

In a living donor the best chance of a match is within the siblings or children. Anu's Mom had three sisters, one brother, a sister-in-law and the two daughters. In cadaver donors where there are low chances of matching, the age of the patient gets to be a big factor. More important is the 2-3 year waiting list in India with no guarantee of a match. If you register for a transplant then you have to have dialysis till you find a match. At that point Anu's Mom was given a one year window for a transplant as an option for her.

Once the decision to look for a donor in the family was taken, four people signed up to donate a kidney. Her mother's siblings mainly. Two were over 60 and one was 59 but all three diabetic and so were ruled out, another 52 with high BP and hence ruled out too. Anu was the obvious choice since her sister Niru had a platelet count issue which ruled her out as well. This, both Anu and her sister agree was the best option and are happy that it had come down to this eventually. So now the choice was clear. Anu would be the one. This, Anu says was a great blessing because it was done without any conflict with others.

The Decision and Family Support

In December 2011, Anu’s mom’s health deteriorated rapidly following her return to India. On March 5, 2012 she started her dialysis sessions, once every 48 hours, at Yashoda under the care of Dr. V. Suresh Babu, Nephrologist. Later when the decision to go ahead with the surgery was made, Dr. C. Mallikarjun - Urologist and Surgeon, Dr. Hari Kumar the Hospital Superintendent, and Dr. Sanjay Diwaker, RMO teamed up with Dr. V. Suresh Babu. Anu mentions that this team was wonderful. They worked with 'Head and Heart,' says Anu “as did the entire staff who cared for us during dialysis and after the surgery too.”

Soon after, Anu’s husband, my friend Naresh, visited India in January 2012 to take stock of the situation. I remember meeting him and he told me of the situation but I never understood the gravity of the situation. In February 2012, Anu told Naresh and Raoul of her decision to donate her kidney.

"Naresh was more than supportive and so was Raoul," says Anu. 'That was huge and I cannot thank them enough for their spontaneous and unflinching support which took a big burden off my mind. In fact both Naresh and Raoul offered to donate their kidneys too. I am so proud to be associated with them as a wife and mother especially.’

Tests Required

As a donor Anu did all the mandatory prelim tests in the US to check if she was a match. Blood group, CBP, Lipid profile, Urine analysis, Fasting /Post lunch for blood sugar levels, BP, vitamin deficiencies as well as the basic cardio tests were all done and the results were great, maybe a big thanks to consistent, striving Yoga practice in Mind, Body and Spirit?! Anu took a flight to India and landed on March 16.

"By then Mom was on her 5th cycle of dialysis,' recalls Anu. "When I met Dr. Suresh Babu he was reluctant to consider me a donor, as opposed to one of her siblings, because of my age. Only after he knew that Mom’s siblings were ruled out he agreed to consider me”. So the tests were repeated here in Hyderabad along with some others in detail (renal angio etc.) and were all successfully completed by the end of March".

"In the meanwhile Mom was continuing with dialysis which consumed much of our time and also took up a lot of her energy - and money,” says Anu. "It was traumatic to say the least as the dialysis was to be done every 48 hours. We would go to the hospital at 10:30 in the morning and were there in the hospital till 3:30p.m. We’d wrap up at 4 in the evening and come home and in two days we were back again. It was dreadful. It was no life at all for her or anyone there for that matter."

Financial Aspect for Dialysis

If that is one aspect, the financial aspect is another. "Typically the dialysis bill would be Rs. 2500 per day and tubing etc would cost another Rs.2000 per week. The dialysis bill could be around Rs. 10000 per week and including medicines etc it all came to some 40000 a month" says Anu. “You know Hari, everytime I was in the waiting room while she was on dialysis, my life would be put back into perspective yet again. I would look around and consider ourselves so lucky because we found an option to help us out of there. So many of them waiting with me had none at all! There were patients ranging from 19 to 80 something from different strata’s in life who had very little or no options/choices like we did. I sent a prayer of great thanks everyday for blessing us with so much and an even greater prayer for help in any way for the rest in there. Sometimes they would be so grateful to just have someone talk to and who listened to their woes and understand without any preaching, justification or sermonizing, I guess.”

Convincing Mom

The next big aspect and challenge of the whole transplant procedure was convincing her Mom that the decision made was the most dignified one and the logical solution to the existing problem. Initially Anu's Mom was completely against the idea of Anu or anyone donating their kidney. But Dr. Lakshmi, their doctor friend from the US finally counseled and convinced Anu's mother and she eventually agreed. "The instances of children donating to parents are low, globally, because of several moral and ethical reasons. Many parents, like my Mom, feel that they are aged anyway but the children have a long life ahead, so why jeopardize it for them" says Anu. "But who are we to say who will live and for how long?"

Anu personally feels that even a few years of good quality, normal life for her Mom was well worth the risk. "So once convinced Mom gracefully accepted the decision and was totally involved and strong which helped us all go through the process very smoothly and easily,' recalls Anu.

Legal checks and counseling by the Medical Team

Now that all parties are okay the legal paperwork starts with affidavits from both recipient and donor and their kith and kin that there is no coercion and that the donation was voluntary and not for any pecuniary benefit. On April 5 there was a counseling session with the surgeon, anesthesiologist, nephrologists, patient, donor, kith and kin and the hospital superintendent. "Our friend and Dr. Sanjay Diwakar who was the RMO then, made it easier with all the help he rendered for the legal paperwork especially," recalls Anu. At this meeting the donor and the recipient were informed of the risks, and also given guidelines on how to maintain a healthy life with some minimal lifestyle changes towards diet and exercise to prevent the onset of diabetes for the donor which is the most important thing to watch for after. For the recipient, to help avoid contracting any infections, even a simple cold and cough, that can start compromising the quality of their health. After this the surgery was scheduled for April 16. The surgeon agreed to perform Anu’s surgery laparoscopically, as requested by her, while her mother’s was obviously going to be an open one. Laparoscopic surgeries generally help speed up the healing process and require much less recovery times, making it a good choice for donors to consider.

The transplant

As far as the transplant is concerned the new kidney is attached to the system without removing any of the existing kidneys (which naturally shrivel up once the new kidney starts its function)- so the recipient actually has an extra kidney inside while the donor has one. "The protocol in the Operation Theatre is, the donors kidney once taken out, is shown to the nephrologist who then approves it before handing it back to the surgeon" Anu recalls being informed. "This protocol is also followed to ensure that the same kidney reaches the intended patient."

Surgery and post-surgery costs

The other significant area is that one has to be aware before considering a kidney transplant, Anu says, are the high costs involved. She says the surgery costs were about Rs. 6 ½ lakhs for them. The donor was in the hospital for about 4 days and the recipient for 10 days. The 6 ½ lakhs included accommodation, the surgical and medical expense involved including an immuno suppressant injection for the recipient that costs Rs. 50,000 per shot. 2 such shots are given. Post surgery the medication for 3 months was in the range of Rs. 50000 per month and after three months it came down to about Rs.15000 per month.

Life after Transplant

For the donor, life after transplant is pretty much normal, bar the usual precautions one has to take after any surgery. All one has to be is a little careful and use some common sense to keep their remaining kidney healthy - stop smoking, consume alcohol moderately and eat healthy. After the surgery, tests are done initially once in 2 weeks, then once in a month and then once in 3 months. "The pain etc are as in a regular surgery - some post operative pain," said Anu nonchalantly. No phantom pains after the kidney is gone!

Post transplant tests

For the recipient, blood tests are done every 2 weeks for 6 months. After 6 months, once every month, and after a year once in 3 months. The medication includes immune suppressants, steroids, insulin for diabetics, ecospirin for heart health and a couple of others. Diet precautions include very less consumption of sodium, potassium, and meat protein. All diabetic diet continues. Weight control absolutely must. One has to be very careful in consuming processed foods, sugar, salt, maida/all purpose flour and oils. "You know," said Anu, "people can go in for multiple transplants, but what are the odds of finding an organ and that to one that matches and also have the age and resources to withstand them. So I feel, you may as well take great care of the one chance destiny gave you”!

Donor patients are good for normal life after 10 weeks, generally, but it could differ from person to person. One needs to keep a frequent check on the creatinine levels with the help of a good diet. That is it! Get back to life!

"How has it changed your life?" I asked.

“Most times it is embarrassing,” she says, “when people react effusively”. She feels that she has not done something great - just listened to her instinct/inner calling and did what she had to do. "I sometimes think we have forgotten the beauty of giving" says Anu reflectively. "So self-absorbed are we that we're so used to taking and taking, especially from parents. I also feel parents should, give children also, the chance when the need arises, to give back to them if they can and want to. ”

There is much contentment and inner peace she says. There is tremendous joy to see her Mom recovering. She also loved the way her Mom accepted the decision "gracefully and with quiet dignity". There is no excessive drama there, just a quiet understanding which somehow made it all so much easier.

How did Niru react to this whole organ donation, I asked. Did she ever feel that you and your Mom would somehow have a closer bond now?

Anu laughs. There was light banter between the sisters regarding that. Niru was much closer to her mother form her childhood and Anu laughs and recollects Niru telling her that this is a conspiracy by Anu to get closer to her Mom now. "But we're like twin souls born 5 years apart really," says Anu. "Always”. “There is a strong bond and connection between all three of us - me, Niru and Mom". One look at them and you could see that.

And then more pensively she says - "If there is another life (time) we'd pick the same parents again."

As for her perspective to life post kidney-donation, Anu hopes to live in the ‘Now’ a lot more. Feels more grounded.

"Somehow I understand and appreciate the current moment more," she says. "In fact after this experience I feel content and at peace. So much so that one of my main worries that used to be, in life, Raoul and his future, does not worry me anymore. I have let go of Raoul’s destiny, if I may say so, realizing I never owned it to begin with. I was just given the privilege to be a guardian for a while. It’s his lot, right, just like mine is just mine!? I don't feel like I own anything except this very moment. There is peace inside that I hope to continue to appreciate and ingrain as naturally as every breath I take. A deep awareness that all of life is well and taken care of".

"Not that I have become a saint or something," she adds. "I’m as normal as can be. Some things and people still do irritate, annoy and/or sadden me. But I am thankful and grateful to life and feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude within for the place I am in, for what has been and whatever shall come to be".

Anu's Mom (Aunty) sat down for lunch. Shobha and I excuse ourselves from lunch as we have to go. I cannot resist asking Aunty a question. What do you look forward to now, since you have a new lease of life I ask. Aunty smiles and says she is looking forward to really enjoying the rest of her life with her children and grand children. But there is more to that I know and that is for another day. But for now, from the perspective of the intrepid, clear headed, if-you-love-someone-show-it-and-to-hell-with-the-world-girl, Anu, we take away many words of caution and wisdom as to what one needs to look for while looking at kidney transplants. 

As we leave, I see Anu now, almost three decades after the first time I met her. She has gone through much and become a better person for that - through her own trials and tribulations, her tragedies and obstacles - and handles it all with a smile and an inherent maturity that one always senses about her. To me the act of organ donation, of a part of your body voluntarily, stands high up in the acts of selflessness, a few notches below the act of a soldier in war, in facing up to a real and inherent danger. I can only salute her for doing it and feel fortunate to know someone like her. This I know Naresh and Raoul and so many other friends and relatives must be feeling, because just knowing someone like Anu shows us how to go about life - in an unassuming, direct manner. It certainly makes it easier for us to handle life. Directly and head on as Anu always has.

Much has been the purpose for her life, her learning and all I can say is that I am highly inspired and happy to see her growth, her peace. And of all those around her. One act like this can inspire a whole village! Good show Anu and keep going. Here's wishing you and your Mom lots of health, happiness and joy. And I feel strongly that there is much more in store for you - in the ways you will contribute to make the world a better place.

The Mahabharata -Shiv K. Kumar

This was the third Mahabharata that I read this year - the first was a 900 page tome by Kamala Subramaniam, the second a slim version by Shanta Rameshwar and now the third, by well-known Hyderabadi writer Shiv K. Kumar. Poet, Padmashri awardee, novelist and a man of words, 91 year old, Shiv K. Kumar contains the Mahabharata to 356 pages and writes with feeling and emotion - and does not merely narrate the story. It is told well and simply and is a good story to read, well-told by a master.

There are no grandiose departures - the story is told as it has to be - yet it is stylishly told. For instance there is a description of Duryodhana looking out at the sky on the evening of one of the days of the war, wondering at his fate, and it is a poignant moment that gets you into his mood.You know exactly what he is feeling at that moment! And many such moments too. The dialogue between the characters makes it more lively and human and not forced and contrived.

The questions asked by the Yaksha to Yudhishthira are probably best written in this book among all others I have read. I reproduce some of the excerpts of the question and answer session from the book.

"What flies faster than the wind?
The human mind.

What makes a person truly wealthy?
Contentment. For an avaricious man is like someone riding a tiger from which he cannot dismount. The more wealth one acquires, the greedier one feels.

What is the essence of happiness?
A man's ability to transcend all opposites - success and failure, light and shade, birth and death, gain and loss.

Who is a man of faith?
One who surrenders his will to the Supreme Creator without any reservation. Such a person does not lend himself to argument or dissent.

Who is truly virtuous?
One who practices what he preaches, for the gap between precept and deed is often unbridgable.

Which of the two is greater - wealth or health?
Health, for even a pot of gold cannot salvage a patient from certain ailments.

What is it that makes a true Brahmin and a true Kshatriya?
Knowledge of the Vedas and the power to translate their teachings into righteous conduct is what makes a genuine Brahmin. A Kshatriya is one who is fearless, and is always willing to protect the weak.

What is it that excels even the sun's brightness?
Truth, for its light shines perennially, during day and night.

Who offers solace to a man on his deathbed? 
Dharma - the good deeds he has done during his lifetime.

What is it that makes one's life pleasant and enjoyable?
Friendship with a virtuous man.

What is it that makes a man agreeable to others?
Abandonment of pride.

What emotion may be likened to madness?
Anger, for it makes one lose one's mental balance.

What is it that would prevent a man from entering the portals of heaven?
Attachment, for the way to divine bliss is disengagement from all worldly entanglements.

What is poison? 
Lust, which destroys both the body and soul.

What is true knowledge?
Realisation of one's own self. The voyage within one's own being leads one to true knowledge.

How can one recognise a true Brahmin?
By his righteous conduct, not by his birth or caste.

What is it that uplifts a man?
His gratitude to others.

What is it that enriches one' soul?
Charity - for while giving enriches the soul, taking impoverishes it.

What is it that sustains man through every crisis?
Patience and faith in God.

Which of the two - thought or action - helps a man achieve divine bliss?
Either of them, for both are interested. Thought is action is an embryonic form.

Among the events in the Mahabharata that always choke me are Karna's death and Abhimanyu's death - two huge points in the course of the war. And the unsung Ghatotkacha who threatens to end the war himself and forces Karna to use his Sakthi. Despite being told simply the story comes alive because you can imagine the characters are people as you read and certainly visualise what is happening. Good read and a difficult tale well told.