There was a time when I called myself a motivational speaker. Then I realised that I can speak but I really cannot motivate anyone else but myself. So these days I confess upfront that I cannot motivate anyone.
That said, it dawned on me yesterday that to motivate anyone, I should first find out what their motives are. If I can find out their motives and tell them how to get there (assuming they don't) they are motivated.
But most motivational speakers, me included, end up demotivating people because we show an ideal and then show them their real life. That shows a big gap and leaves an unpleasant taste in the mouth. It also shows a lot of hard work and all the stuff one is 'not doing'. Sure ways to demotivate.
Over time I realised that it is better to start from what they have, tell them how to reorganise effort and definitely show possibilities. If the possibilities include a deep motive of theirs - which is normally to gain some self-esteem - we are on a good wicket.
To find the 'real' motive then is how we can motivate anyone to change behavior. Perhaps we can ask ourselves this question?
What is our motive? What motivates us?