Tuesday, April 10, 2018

How To Win Friends and Influence People - Dale Carnegie

I should have read this book many years ago but I am glad I finally did. 30 millions copies sold worldwide! It's got so many short stories and live examples of how to get by with people. Split into four parts - 1) Fundamental Techniques in Handling people 2) Ways to make people like you 3) How to win people to your way of thinking 4) How to change people without giving offense. One line at the end of each chapter sums it up.

1) Fundamental Techniques in Handling people 
1. Don't scold. Don't criticise, condemn or complain.

2. To make anyone do anything, the person must want to do it. Give honest and sincere appreciation.

"Ability to arouse enthusiasm among my people is the greatest asset I possess and the way to develop the best that is in a person is by appreciation and encouragement."

(Remember that people want to be important. They crave to be appreciated.)

3. To influence people - talk about what they want and show them how to get it.

"Arouse in the person and eager want."

It's about the other person. Make it about them.

2) Ways to make people like you

1. "We like people who admire us."

Become genuinely interested in people You have to be interested in people if you want to be a successful teller of stories.

2. "Smile."

People rarely succeed at anything unless they have fun doing it.

3. Remember that a person's name is the sweetest and most important sound in any language to that person.

4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.

Exclusive attention to a person..nothing is as flattering.

5. The road to a person's heart is to talk about the things he or she treasures the most.

"Talk in terms of the other person's interests."

6. Always make the other person feel important.

"Make the other person feel important and do it sincerely.'

3) How to win people to your way of thinking

1. The only way to get the best out of an argument is to avoid it.

"Men must be taught as if you taught them not
And things unknown proposed as things forgot." - Alexander Pope

2. Never say you're wrong. Show respect for other people's opinions.

3. If you're wrong admit it quickly and emphatically.
"By fighting you never get enough, but by yielding you get more than you expect."

4. Begin in a friendly way.

5. Get the other person saying 'yes, yes' immediately.
"He who treads softly goes far."

6. Let the other person do a great deal of talking.

7. What do you expect from me? What do I expect from you?
"Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.'

8. Try honestly to see things from he other person's point of view.

9. Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires (humans crave sympathy)

10. Appeal to their nobler motives

11. Dramatise your ideas

12. Throw down a challenge (The way to get things done is to stimulate competition.)

4) How to change people without giving offense. 

1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation.

2. Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly (use 'and' instead of 'but')

3. Talk about your own mistakes before criticising others

4. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders

5. Let the other person save face

6. Praise the slightest improvement, every single one. Use lavish praise.

7. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.

8. Use encouragement. Make a fault seem easy to correct.

9. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest

These are really wonderful ideas to win over people. Understanding that people like to feel important, to feel in control is most important. To smile, use their names, look at life from their perspective, listen to them, ask questions, make them feel in control by suggestions and not orders, not pointing out mistakes, not putting them down, being gentle with them even while reprimanding them, encourage and praise improvement - all lovely ideas. If we can make them feel secure, listen to them, we have it cracked.

Stop criticism. Learn to appreciate. Be interested in them and find out what they want. Ask questions and suggest. Reprimand after praising.

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