Wednesday, May 7, 2014

Thought for the Day - Why We Are Different With Different People

This was a topic of discussion with a friend of mine. One perspective is that we must be totally ourselves whoever we are with and that is the best way to be. I find that position too idealistic and not practicable. My view is that we are totally different people with different people in our lives (check yourselves out with different circles of yours, they will never get along with one another). We are probably different to ourselves too. Not entirely honest I mean. Let me explain.

First let's deal with other people. I see no reason why we should impose all our wonderful parts on other people. Some people like my stupid jokes, some like my serious nature, some like my quiet brooding presence, some like my wise insights, some like...To those who like that part of me, I will engage only that part. I find no necessity to impose the other parts unless they expressly show an inclination to engage in that aspect. Some one wants to talk sweet nothings need not be given my world views on politics, cricket, films etc. I think its only fair to them. Even if I were to look at that selfishly, I see no reason to show all my other parts to a person if there is absolutely no match or vibe there. Why would I want to do that?

In my opinion we are consciously or unconsciously engaged in a game of survival, of manipulation, to get what we want. It could be anything - from love, to pity, to sympathy, to drama, to pain - we could be addicted to anything and we manipulate our relationships, keep or break them, twist or mould them to suit our end result. Naturally this does not include being totally open and naked - where one is open to being manipulated but has no leverage to manipulate. To avoid that state of utter defencelessness we show only certain layers to certain people depending on how much we think it will provoke the response we want. It also explains why we blow hot and blow cold and why we engage differently with different people and how we engage differently with the same people over a period of time. In a nutshell, its a survival tactic that keeps the dangerous ones outside the compound and the loving ones in the bedroom. To be naked is a highly evolved concept and needs much forgiveness, much love and also capacity to handle pain.

Now when I see the relation between me and myself, I feel that we still play the games with ourselves too. We can delude ourselves into thinking we are good, or bad. We can be what we want and believe it too, based on what we want the end result to be. We are not even honest with ourselves fully because it would place a burden on us to be true to that core. If we are dishonest, we can be different people according to the situation. To some I am kind, to some I am cruel, to some I am loving, To some I am aloof, to some I am endearing, to some I am honest and to some dishonest. I am all these parts certainly and that is the truth. We think one way and behave one way (and cause ourselves headaches), we surprise ourselves with certain thought processes and actions, we keep our secrets, because these other parts sneak out. There is certainly no need to go about showing all parts, neither the good nor the bad.

The only thing is to be, to survive and to see if what we are getting out of it all meets what we want. If we can handle it all without anyone else influencing us, that is the best state. It is the state when we don't give a damn about other people's opinion of us. We can be fully ourselves in such situations, in all situations. It is a fine state, a selfishness that carries no guilt. Stuff that we could ask the gods as a boon.


Rajendra said...

not to mention that it would take too long to show everyone all the good things...ha. ha.

Harimohan said...

I did not want to appear immodest but since you mention it Raja, that's a serious point.