Hyderabad - The Aatu Guide To Newcomers

This article is over two decades old - a humourous (or so I thought) take on aatus. Was published in a newspaper called the AP Times which was the refuge for many writers of my type in its short but sweet life. The key was to make everything verbose and increase the number of words to fill in empty spaces in the newspaper.
I don't know if anything about this article holds good now - but I suspect most might. 

 Love them. Hate them. But you can’t avoid the “aatu” when you are in and around Hyderabad. Despite the fact that most destinations of the city are well connected thanks to the diligent and creative work done by our state transport service, the use of the aatu is frequently called for, due to the special nature of some areas and occasions.

Most such areas also sound like somebody made a horrible spelling mistake which is all the more reason for one to hire the services of a discreet aatu.

The above mentioned occasions that require Aatus range from (a) occasions where speed is a major factor (b) occasions where person wishes to remain incognito being in company of gf/bf at public centers (where public wishes to ogle at gf/bf and create an embarrassing situation) (c) occasions where mud on pants is better avoided (d) occasions where 1000 people are already hanging out in the bus shelter in rain or white hot heat and some of them are dying already – and similar situations.

In these cases the friendly buses offer little help and simply shrug and pass over a couple of bystanders. And then the call of “aatu” becomes imperative. We believe that it may serve the newcomer to be prepared to meet this omnipresent band of merrymen and observe some typical responses and situations which involve them.

An “Aatu” is an auto or auto-rickshaws or rickshaws or ricks or shaws, as they are fondly called in other places and languages. In Hyderabad they are called aatus of course! According to Srilatha, a housewife from Dilsukhnagar, summoning aatus is easier said than done in Hyderabad because most aatu drivers (AD’s) tend to stare at you in the bean, spit some paan beside you and carry on with their business of cruising alone (newcomers may mistakenly assume that the business of AD’s would mainly spit paan beside their feet, but then we must assure you that our aatu drivers are driven by different motives).

To be fair and truthful, not all AD’s spit paan and recede from your life. There are some who listen carefully to the call of aatu and come obediently when summoned, but on most occasions it has been found that it is not easy to agree to their view on the service changes to paid unless you undertake a visit to your bank immediately.

Service charges will include in these cases charges for (a) responding to call of aatu (b) providing transport to areas of Bosnian similarities at great peril to AD (d) burdening the aatu beyond prescribed weights by way of carrying your excess baggage which could be your handbag or even the excess flab (d) providing transport at odd hours like 9.30 am and such others.

When you refuse to agree to charges you will find. AD growing leaner and meaner and his vocabulary distinctly hotter causing you to (a) hop into aatu beg for AD’s mercy (b) fork out compensatory charges for engaging him in business talk when the could have been cruising alone like his mates.

The tactics adopted by the AD alias AW (AutoWala), may convey the impression that are in intimidating sort but let me assure you that this is merely a manner of conducting business in the Hyderabad.

As with so many other things in Hyderabad there has evolved a code between the AD and the client which endears the AD to the passenger upon identifying oneself as a Hyderabadi. The code is the key to comfortable aatu travel and it is easily understood once the newcomer reads these insights thrown up by tried and trusted fares in Hyderabad. Once the methodology in understood, the newcomer will find the experience to be one filled with learning and fun.

Poet Joseph in his description of a Hyderasbad Auto, compared it to a firefly – “Aatus in Hyderabad being of yellow bodies and bearing black hoods stand out by themselves on the landscape like fireflies on a clear black night and therefore do not call for the keen eye. But more importantly it is their crazy, weaving path that fascinates the eye preceded only by the purring, squeaky sound”, said he.

Fashion queen Zola in her Aatu(o) blography had revealed how she switched to wearing leather which incidentally because an instant hit in the fashion circles. She says thus: In my struggling days I used to travel I frequently by aatus. After sacrificing many clothes at the altar of the aatu, I realised that for travel by aatu it is advisable to dress in leather clothes and helmet (leather because many sharp part of aatu stick out causing ordinary fabrics to tear and helmet to save top of head from damaging roof rod of aatu),” And so Zola’s leather designs came into the world which are ideal for use in aatus.

To complete the task of picking the ideal aatu. Mr Ramachandran, a retired bank employee known for his keen eye and terrific power of observation feels that “an easy method is to keep a keen eye out for aatus is the following order (a) aatus cruising at 15 kmph alongside curb with AD looking out invitingly for fares (he is desperate for a fare) (b) aatu who has dropped fares in the interiors of residential colony and returning to main road (he is generally in a flexible state of mind having just made enough money to last a couple of generations) (c) aatu waiting to pick up angry bus commuters who were rejected by bus-goers-selection-committee despite (these are stood in bus stop for ages (these are also pliable AD’s and are probably main) (d) aatus waiting in aatu stands (in these cases AD generally picks up loyal childhood companion to ride along with him).

These are three kinds of aatus one must look for in the given order to achieve best results. Do not ever waste energy over aatus parked at following spots (a) outside the Irani cafes (b) outside women’s colleges (unless you are an exceptionally good looking woman) (c) outside cinema theatres (AD probably wishes to too movie) (d) outside railway and bus stations (these are very expensive propositions) (e) aatus where AD has a girlfriend in tow. All the above belong to the don’t –budge – an – inch category an if they do there is a price to pay.

Mr Shahid, a journalist, and his colleague Ms Mallika snickered: “We have noticed with growing mirth that there are some people who insist on looking for a well maintained aatu. This is a myth. There are no well-maintained aatus in Hyderabad. But if you are the choosy kind, merely check for holes on hood, a place to keep your feet on and something solidly fixed inside the rickshaw to hold onto in times of experiencing centripetal and centrifugal forces.”

Upon identifying suitable aatu and an AD with the inclination to do business you may follow the next few steps carefully, compiled by Rohit, a sales executive.

“Never jump into the aatu and then spell out destinations like some people from strange places are wont to do. If you resort to this tactic you will find yourself sitting in a huddle in a corner of there aatu which has since shed all inclination to move anywhere thanks to AD’s predilection for predestined spots. You will then experience the humiliation of having to give up the insides of aatu in full public view amidst loud sniggering from other AD’s.”

“At all times you must bear in mind that AD is a sensitive and proud soul and you may conduct enquiries in the following manner. Walk up respectfully but with quiet dignity into AD’s line of vision which is most likely following the backside of lady walking by. When close enough seek into, in well modulated voice which signifies respect with an underlying authority. Use these exact words as the opening lines always ‘Chalrein kya?’ (meaning are you interested in business?) and wait patiently for reply. If no reply, recede from line of vision and locate next aatu. If AD spits paan at your feet you are in luck. He is interested and he will ask very suspiciously ‘where?’ No offense meant. All AD’s are inherently suspicious by nature. You may then spell out destination.

(to be contd.)