Canteen Fundas - How Trust Building is Important in Your Team

Build trust - unconditionally! Accentuate the positive, build trust and watch the magic unfold!

https://www.edexlive.com/opinion/2022/feb/02/e-canteen-fundas-place-unconditional-trust-in-your-team-members-andwatch-it-work-its-magic-27207.html

E-Canteen Fundas: Place unconditional trust in your team members and watch it work its magic

Accentuate the positive to win their trust and make them feel secure. When they make mistakes, redirect their energy gently and point out the error without blaming them or making them feel wrong

How do you build trust? | (Pic: Edexlive)

‘Bhaiyya,’ said Rinku. ‘I feel our team is still wary despite my best intentions. How do I build trust to get the best from them?’

‘Trust is something you feel deep inside,’ said Rakesh. ‘You either trust or you don’t. Trust is that feeling that makes you feel secure, that the other person has your back no matter what happens. When one feels that way about their leader, people give their best.’

‘Whoa!’ said Rahul. ‘But how can I trust someone who keeps messing up?’

‘Rahul,’ said Rakesh. ‘Everyone makes mistakes. It’s how you make them feel about making mistakes, that’s the difference between them making more mistakes or showing game-changing improvement. That’s what building trust is. A person may know the job, but will never deliver her best if she feels that the leader does not trust her. While another person who does not know the job may deliver above expectations if she feels the leader trusts her. It’s this feeling of trust that the leader must convey to get the best from the team.’

‘Wow,’ said Rinku. ‘If we can crack this secret we’ll know how to get the best out of people.’

‘There’s no secret,’ laughed Rakesh. ‘When you trust somebody, trust them fully — whatever the result. Trust is not dependent on the outcome, the outcome is dependent on your trust. You cannot say I will trust you when things go right and won’t trust you when things go wrong. In fact, trust is built when you show evidence of trust when others are not confident, are insecure and things go wrong. It is then that you must be there for them, think in their best interests and not abandon them. When you communicate this through your thoughts, words and actions consistently, trust is built. Whether it is people or brands, trust is built through consistent behaviour.’

‘But,’ said Rahul. ‘Won’t people take advantage of our trust and keep making mistakes?’

‘That’s a classic example of not trusting,’ laughed Rakesh. ‘If you think that way you will never get people to work wholeheartedly for you. When people make mistakes it reflects on the training process — it has nothing to do with trust. When you build trust, people give you everything they have without holding back. Work only gets better. Which is why you must build trust and hold that space.’

‘So, it’s our approach and response to people’s behaviour that matters,’ said Rinku.

‘Yes, in his book, Whale Done, American author Ken Blanchard gives the example of how trainers build trust with killer whales and elicit superb performances from them at SeaWorld Orlando, a water park in the USA,’ said Rakesh. ‘He mentions the ABC principle. A stands for Activator, or the goal, which provokes B or Behaviour. Every Behaviour has a C or Consequence. When the leader provides the right consequence or response to behaviour, you earn trust and get great work in return. Even from killer whales.’



‘What’s the right response to build trust then?’ asked Rinku.

‘Accentuate the positive,’ said Rakesh. ‘That’s the magic mantra for all relationships, he says. When people are feeling insecure and do not feel trusted, which normally happens in the early period, accentuate the positive. Even if there is one positive out of ten negative things in their performance, accentuate that. Do not focus on the negative. When you focus on what they did right, it makes them feel that their intent and effort has been seen and acknowledged. It’s a big thing in building trust.’

‘How does this thing work, bhaiyya?’ asked Rahul. ‘Even they know they did a bad job, right?’

‘True,’ smiled Rakesh. ‘But your job as a leader is to improve their performance, not to make it worse by proving how right you are and how wrong they are. Whatever you pay attention to, grows. If you pay attention to their mistakes, you’ll get more mistakes. But if you, like the greatest managers, overlook the errors and focus on the one thing they did right, that one positive grows into two, then three and four and soon, the person feels confident enough to work up to their potential in a trusted atmosphere. Here, patience pays. Big time.’

‘But what if they do the wrong things repeatedly?’ asked Rahul.

‘Building trust is about energy management,’ said Rakesh. ‘When their energy is low after having made a mistake, redirect their energy so that their energy gets better. Separate the error from their effort. Only when the other person feels secure and understood does meaningful communication take place. They have done what they thought was right. It is now up to you as the leader to point out the error without blaming them, criticising or making them feel wrong. Treat mistakes as learning experiences, not as opportunities to punish. Teach them the right way and then let them correct themselves. As trust builds, they start doing more things right and magic happens.’

‘At what point can we give them negative feedback, bhaiyya?’ asked Rahul.

‘Only when enough trust has been built and they fully trust you,’ said Rakesh. ‘At that point, they know that even your negative feedback is only to help and not to harm them. Until that point, build trust. Trust-building is a never-ending story built on consistent behaviour. But it pays off in ways you cannot imagine.’

‘Yes, bhaiyya,’ said Rinku. ‘I’ll begin by accentuating the positive, redirect energy when mistakes are made and build trust so that we get good outcomes.’

Pro Tip: To build trust, consistently show that you mean no harm, that you have their best interests at heart. Accentuate the positive to win their trust and make them feel secure. When they make mistakes, redirect their energy gently and point out the error without blaming them or making them feel wrong.

A Thursday - Movie

 2022. Young teacher in a play school holds the tiny tots hostage with a dose of Walt Disney cartoons and sandwiches and threatens to kill them all if 1) her demands are not met. Her first demand is to meet Javed Khan, super cop, once married to pregnant ACP Cathy, and the second is to trace two chaps from a school. We sense that the two chaps from the school did something to her and Javed Khan did not do much about it. But then she actually goes about shooting one kid and one of the drivers of the kids. I'll leave that out for the suspense which is fairly built. One does not understand the super cop's style of negotiations though or how the cops go about this whole affair but in the end we have a reason and a message which kind of makes it seem worthwhile. And an empathetic PM who looks like Sonia Gandhi. Entertaining?  Yes.

Tenzin and I at the Buddha Purnima

 Tenzin is leaving on the 7th so he decided to drop in before that. I asked him if he wanted to hang around or do something else. Being a Buddhist he wanted to see the Buddha statue on the Hussain Sagar lake. I told him we could go. 

We found that the rides from the Eat Street side start at 4 pm and we were there by 1230 pm. One lady from Eat Street showed me a board saying - entry only if we make a bill of 50 bucks. She also told us to go to Lumbini Park which is where the boat rides begin. 

So we went and found that there is no Parking at Lumbini and we parked at NTR Gardens where we found an extremely hostile parking attendant, a girl. Then we walked to Lumbini Park and found that tickets were to be bought and bags deposited at cloak room. Here I found another intransigent and rude young boy who kept refusing the ten rupee notes I was giving him on one pretext or another. That done we finally made it into the Gardens and bought tickets to go to the Buddha. Luckily this ticket fellow was pleasant though he had some change issues. 

We were told to get into a boat and after two minutes asked to get into another. We shifted. I saw the board that said Life Jackets compulsory and wore it diligently and realised no one else was. I wonder why they don't - masks, helmets, life jackets, seat belts. Anyway we made it safely to the Buddha statue and took some pics. Tenzin was happy to see that the Dali Lama had inaugurated the statue. One man came and asked to take a picture with Tenzin and he obliged.

Job done, pics taken, we headed back. This time even I did not wear a life jacket. When in Rome, do as Romans.

We were thinking of where to go to eat and i had Mohini in my mind when I got a call from Chandu that he and Topper were meeting for beer at Yatri Nivas and would I care to join. I said we could join and we did. It was good meeting my pals from the Engineering College days and having a beer and some biryani (which kept the third b of our college idea of heaven out of the picture - babes). A nice afternoon and Tenzin took a nice pic of us as well.

Chandu, Tops and me

          And for comparison - a 1988 pic.

Top 3 - Sunil (red), me, Chandu (yellow)

Top 10 Sexy Moments In Films

To me these are the top 10 sexiest people and moments I have seen in cinema.

1) Helen in Don dancing away to 'Yeh mera dil...'. Something about the whole act, the danger, the cold-bloodedness that Amitabh conveys that adds to the fantastic dance. Helen sizzles. Amitabh is ice. Sexy as hell.

2) Helen again in Sholay dancing in front of a bunch of dacoits to 'Mehbooba, Mehbooba' in a manner that knocks the socks off anyone. If it were not for Gabbar around, God help Helen.

3) Amitabh and Parveen lying in bed in Deewaar, smoking a cigarette. Something very intimate about that scene. Made my sisters reach out and shut my eyes.

4) The wink by the 'Come September' heroine, Gina Lollobrigida, an amazingly sexy woman by any standards, is one of the most seductive gestures I have ever seen.

5) Jessica Rabbit tops the list in the sexiest cartoon characters ever. Modesty Blaise follows soon after, though I am not sure if there was a movie or cartoon made on her.

6) Sridevi dancing to 'Kaate nahin katthe yeh din' in Mr. India. Something very sensuous and sexy about it all.

7) Dimple Kapadia in Bobby. In almost all scenes that she is a part of.

8) Brooke Shields in Blue Lagoon. I had a huge poster of her in a red dress - carefully stuck on the back of my door.

9) Moon Moon Sen and Jackie Shroff in a rain song in 'Andar Bahar'

10) Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct. 

Canteen Fundas - The Art of Listening and How It Can Change Energy

 Listen more, talk less! Listen 80%, talk 20%!

https://www.edexlive.com/opinion/2022/mar/04/e-canteen-fundas-listening-more-andtalking-less-is-the-sure-shot-way-of-being-a-better-leader-27702.html

E-Canteen Fundas: Listening more and talking less is the sure-shot way of being a better leader


Listening actively and empathetically helps in understanding the perspective of others leading to less conflict and more harmonious relationships

Listen up | (Pic: Edexlive)


‘I have a difficult meeting today,’ said Rinku. ‘Two members in our group are behaving unreasonably. They’re either aggressive or withdrawn. It’s messing with the energy of the group. We’re stuck.’

‘Same here,’ said Rahul. ‘My friend on our project team has suddenly become withdrawn. I don’t know how to deal with it. I think I’ll just tell her strongly that this is what we must do. I see no other way.’

‘There’s a much easier way to resolve such issues,’ said Rakesh. ‘Most leaders think their job is to talk more. It’s actually the opposite. Listen more. As leaders, you two must learn to listen first.’

‘Listen more?’ asked Rahul. ‘To what? They either talk unreasonably or not at all.’

‘That’s why you must learn the art of active listening,’ smiled Rakesh. ‘My rule is — listen 80 per cent, talk 20 per cent and watch the magic unfold. Listening resolves all interpersonal issues. It also improves individual engagement, team bonding and gets great results. You achieve more with less.’

‘Whoa!’ exclaimed Rahul. ‘This is completely different from what I believed. I thought leaders gave directions and the team follows.’

‘When you lead without listening, your people work without involvement,’ said Rakesh. ‘Your team works because you told them to — not because they want to. But when you practice listening actively to them — it makes them feel involved, they feel like they are stakeholders who have a say and are being heard. And that, in turn, gets great results from the team.’

‘How exactly does it work, bhaiyya?’ said Rinku.

‘Rinku, as we discussed earlier, people management is about energy management,’ said Rakesh. ‘First understand that any difficult or unreasonable behaviour is a sign of insecurity. And our insecurity comes from feeling like we are not being understood. To make anyone feel secure, try to understand their real issue — not the symptomatic behaviour that is unreasonable and seeking attention. Like a child. And the best way to make anyone feel understood is by listening to them, hearing them out.’

‘Hmm, that makes sense,’ said Rinku. ‘So, how should we go about our meetings today?’

‘First, make up your mind to listen actively,’ said Rakesh. ‘When you meet them, invite them to share their views first so that they have the entire space to themselves. That way they feel they are being given their due time. Don’t try to control anything. Just let them express what’s on their mind.’

‘What if they still don’t talk?’’ said Rahul.

‘That’s where your art of listening comes in,’ laughed Rakesh. ‘Be fully present. Put all distractions away. No mobile, no laptop, no watch, no looking here and there, no talking to others. Make eye contact. If they find it difficult to talk, ask gently, prod them to make a start. Open the space gently.’

‘Okay, so we get them going,’ said Rahul. ‘What next?’

‘Active listening includes listening to all that they are conveying,’ said Rakesh. ‘More than words, people reveal much through non-verbal communication. If their body language indicates that they are still insecure, intensify your listening. Nod when they speak, ask questions gently, repeat what they said to clarify. Show that you are genuinely interested, create a psychologically safe space and encourage them to share.’

‘But what if they talk about stuff that makes no sense?’ said Rahul. ‘Why listen to that?’

‘Rahul, this is about understanding them and their point of view,’ said Rakesh. ‘So, drop all judgement and listen with a completely open mind. Don’t interrupt, object or form sentences in your head to counter them. When you listen non-judgmentally, you listen without barriers which makes it easy to truly understand what they are trying to say. It’s about them first. Not you. Like Stephen Covey (educator and author) said, first seek to understand and then to be understood.’



‘What exactly are the advantages of listening so keenly?’ asked Rahul.

‘Oh, there are advantages all around — for you, for the other party and for the team,’ said Rakesh. ‘When you listen, you understand their real issues and why they’re feeling insecure. You get invaluable information and great insights when people talk honestly. The other parties feel they have been heard and understood, which makes them open up honestly. When you find this meeting point, the energy in the relationship changes drastically for the better. Everyone now feels valued, understood and important, and it shows in their work.’

‘True, bhaiyya,’ said Rinku. ‘But can we bring in our perspectives at some point or do we only listen?’

‘Absolutely, but only after making sure the other party is feeling safe enough to listen,’ said Rakesh. ‘Just by listening non-judgmentally, paraphrasing what’s being said and clarifying doubts by asking questions, you release the underlying mistrust and tension in the space. After they have fully expressed themselves, summarise once to see if you’re on the same page. And once the other party feels that they have been heard, put out your perspective by the way of sharing as opposed to showing that it is better. You will not believe how much conflict can be avoided in relationships by listening and trying to understand others. All you have to do is listen. Just try it.’

‘True, bhaiyya,’ said Rinku. ‘I am going to start listening 80 per cent and talk 20 per cent from now on.’

Pro Tip: Listening actively and empathetically helps in understanding the perspective of others leading to less conflict and more harmonious relationships. Active listening leads to greater involvement, teamwork and better results. When leaders listen, more gets done with far less.

Harijan - Gopinath Mohanty

 The book was first published in 1948 and was translated into English by Bikram Das. It is the story of a basti of untouchables, or mehentranis, people whose god given job was to carry shit in wicker baskets after collecting it from the houses of people in the city. Of course they had no tools or machinery so it had to be done by hand. Perks given to them were not to be seen, not to be heard, and not to pollute the community else...severe punishments were prescribed. Gopinath Mohanty wrote the story in all its simplicity and one can read it and wonder - hey that was another time and it is not possible that such things happen now - in fact the person who wrote the foreword said something like that - that one cannot conceive of such things. One can conceive of worse things imply because they are facts that are alive even today. 

Anyway the story is about Puni, daughter of a mehentrani, whose job along with all others in the basti is to collect shit and transport it out of town. Puni's mother hopes to keep her daughter out of the profession and doe snot let her join. But when she falls sick Puni is forced to join - and the whole thing sickens and stains her. Her first day cleaning latrines with her hands, the way they drown that pain and stench in alcohol and other things that intoxicate and numb them, the way she cannot eat after going home wondering which hand to use. 

Next to the basti is the house of a wealthy man - and his idealistic son who doe snot agree with his father's greedy plans and is actually some sort of a Gandhian but with no teeth, a daughter who is all for a good life. Turns out that Puni is the daughter of the seth - the rich men seem to use the women for their needs - at which time they do not seem to be polluted or infectious. There is a character telling the youth to rebel and fight and even steal and there is Sania, one who transports the shit on his cart, but who is madly in love with Puni and wants to marry her. Of course the rich man wants the land on which the basti stands, sets it on fire and watches as the poor people go away further, without a protest, to build their new dwellings. Simply told.

I liked the title 'Harijan' because it is very easy for someone to think that this is some unfortunate caste that got stuck with this job in the days of the old - someone had to do it after all. But no, these are exactly the untouchable class, the Harijans, dalits, the ones who are not part of the four varnas but still somehow become Hindus. These are the people who were treated like shit based on the varnas and their interpretations and everyone was fine with it until they started converting to other religions and then they were invited to an 'equal' society. Then they were given a vote and then told who to vote for. But till date, they have been given sops to keep quiet, but no political power. Ambedkar's argument was that unless there is economic and political  power, they can never be equal. Economically they are getting better, but politically they are far away from seeing any real power. A fact that is highlighted when we see that not a single Dalit leader can be seen or named who has some national presence.

I was struck by the title, the boldness of it, and picked it up from a bookstore. If Mulkraj Anand's 'Untouchable' was my first introduction to the life of the untouchables, this one is another stark portrayal of a reality we want to hide. A reality Hindus do not want to remember. The book is not pleasant because it deals with carriers of shit, but to get a sense of their lives, its a great piece of work.       

Hrudayam - Movie

 2022. Coming of age film. Engineering college, love, heartbreak, farewells, and catching up again. Nice simple, love story. Good to see.