Online Talk to VJIM Freshers - Lessons from Sports To Succeed in Life

 I have been associated with VJIM for a few years now and have conducted a workshop or two, and several lectures. The current Director Durga Prasad and I have known each other for a while now and when he called me the other day to do an online session for the fresher batch I was more than happy. Niharika, who handles training, is a sportsperson herself and believes strongly that there are lessons to be learned from sports and hence they invited me to do the talk. We titled it 'Lessons from Sports to Succeed in Life'. The talk was for 75 minutes and started at 11 am.

The gist of the talk:

...

There are many similarities between sports and life especially cricket. Let’s try and understand success through the prism of sports, or cricket because sports and games are a microcosm of life. What happens over a year at a corporate setting happens in a day or a game - your preparation, your purpose, your attitude, your team binding will all result in joy or tragedy. In sports, it's even more direct whereas in a corporate setting it becomes diluted across many people. Hence I feel that sports are the best analogies to learn lessons to apply in life.

Typically there are three myths that come in the way of a person achieving success in sports and in life. They are the Myths of 

1) Myth 1 - Talent and Intelligence is the Deciding Factor

2) Myth 2 - Hard work doe snot pay;  Smart work does

3) Myth 3 - It's about luck finally

Myth 1 – Talent or Intelligence is everything

I shared my story of how I played Ranji Trophy and did fairly well but when I was dropped I didn't make any effort to make a comeback because I believed I was limited by my talent which I felt was fixed. I remember feeling the same way about intelligence too. 

When I read the book 'Mindset - by Dr Carol Dweck' I realised that everything can be learned with effort and proper guidance. The key was to adopt the learning mindset and get out of the field mindset.

Fixed Mindset Characteristics	Growth Mindset Characteristics
Desire to look smart	Desire to learn
Avoid challenges	Embrace challenges
Give up easily	Persist in the face of setback
Get defensive	Seek help to find ways to improve
See effort as fruitless	See effort as the path to mastery
Ignore useful negative feedback	Learn from criticism
Feel threatened by others successes	Find lessons and inspiration from others success
Plateau early and achieve less than their full potential	Reach even higher levels of achievement as a result and get closer to potential

To progress and beat this myth, even if you are the last person in this class - Adopt the learning mindset, push up effort, get help from teachers, mentors, measure progress and achieve your goals. Even if you’re the last in class today you can, by adopting this mindset, change the story in a few years.

Myth 2 – Hard work vs Smart Work

A lot of people believe that smart work means there is no hard work - that we can take shortcuts, fool and cheat the system. But smart work actually means you work harder. Champions work the hardest. Smart work is using the same resources efficiently to get better results. They figure out improvements every day and work towards a grand vision. Which means they prepare better on their routines, more smartly, more informed choices. They do the first things first.

For example, a person who is cutting rock can work very hard and cut rocks all his life without adding any value. That means he is not putting his head into the process, looking at possibilities. If he had a vision, if he thought he could build something beautiful out of the rock he could add tremendous value by making a sculpture out of the same rock. Carve out a successful career, MSD vs Dinesh Karthik

You need a big vision, the best vision of your life right now, dream big, and then apply your head as to how you can achieve it. You will find a way. That is smart work - making your resources count.

To do - Dream big vision, assess the situation, figure your strengths, figure how to get the best results using your resources

Again, the last guy in class can change things by looking at work differently. First hard work and then smart work.

Myth 3 – Luck plays a big role

As a rule we cannot bring luck into the picture at the beginning because then we have nothing in our control. It is also not scientific to believe in luck. Aeroplanes, don't fly on luck, nor do space ships go by luck. It’s not luck. It's ourselves. S I suggest you leave the church of luck aside and take full responsibility and work on fixing your shortcomings, finding why things aren't working out. Ordinary people achieve great things when they take full responsibility. (After you achieve everything you can always say you were lucky. That's the only time luck is allowed in the picture!)

The typical story is that we worked hard, tried everything but nothing worked. Bad luck messed it up for us. I worked harder but didn't get selected. But if you take full responsibility we should look at where our preparation is lacking. The formula is simple - our results reflect our preparation. Are we  fully ready - skill-wise, physically, mentally, emotionally? Are you ready to receive your reward NOW? Only then are we ready.

To do - Take full responsibility for your life, situation, prep + results, don’t blame and find excuses, fix shortcomings.

Action Points - 

• Set a big vision for life, the most beautiful outcome you can imagine (high risk, high return)
• Set goals– SMART goals - 20-year goals, 10-year goals, 5-year goals and 2 year goals 
• Work on them – first things first – process and execution is key
• Surround yourself with like-minded people
• Get mentors and coaches - share your goals
• Measure progress
• Achieve
• Enjoy the journey
• Success is personal.

A Lively Q and A

The energy of the batch comes through in the questions they ask. The students asked some good questions and we actually had to stop them which is a good sign - about a cricketer who was dejected at not being selected, about not knowing which choice to take and move forward, about a parent who was unlucky in the stock market, about a writer who wants to write, about someone who asked me about the biggest risk I took in my life. Niharika asked me what inspired me to write 'The Men Within'. 

I thoroughly enjoyed the session and wished I could actually do a workshop for them based on the action points. It would make things so much clearer for them and lay out the map. 

Canteen Fundas - How EQ Can Help You Go the Full Distance

 Why the smartest aren't always the most successful. And how EI holds the key.

https://m.edexlive.com/opinion/2020/aug/22/how-eq-can-help-you-go-the-full-distance-14018.amp

Bhaiyya, how come the smartest people aren’t always successful?’ said Rinku.

‘Rinku, Intelligence Quotient (IQ) and expertise were considered critical for success earlier,’ said Rakesh. ‘However, emotions can hijack thinking capacity, affect decision-making and behaviour, and consequently, the results. You may be ‘smart’, and yet, if you cannot manage yourself and others, you’ll find it difficult to succeed. Daniel Goleman, author of Emotional Intelligence says that two-thirds of competencies required for success pertain to Emotional Intelligence (EI). A person who can manage emotions intelligently has a clear advantage over ‘smarter’ peers.’

‘Wow,’ said Rahul. ‘How can I improve my EI, bhaiyya?’

‘EI comprises personal and social competencies,’ said Rakesh. ‘Self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation are personal, while empathy and social skills are social competencies. Anyone can practise these skills and improve their EI.’

‘What’re these competencies about?’ said Rinku.

‘Let’s look at our personal competencies first,’ said Rakesh. ‘Self-awareness is our ability to identify emotions as they arise and understand their effect on our behaviour. Self-regulation is our ability to manage our disruptive impulses, handling pressure and adapting. Motivation is our drive to achieve our goals.’

‘Interesting,’ said Rinku. ‘And social competency?’

‘Social competence is measured on empathy and social skills,’ said Rakesh. ‘Empathy, our ability to understand others’ feelings helps us build deep connections. Social skills are our ability to lead and influence others by understanding and managing group emotions and enabling cooperation to achieve common goals. However brilliant you are, you need others to succeed.’

‘So, our competencies help us manage our internal states and social competencies help us build and manage external relationships,’ said Rinku. ‘Together, they give us an advantage.’

‘Bhaiyya, what should I work on immediately?’ asked Rahul.

‘Initiative, empathy, adaptability and influence are considered key skills for success,’ said Rakesh. ‘Start there.’

‘I’ll begin with identifying emotions and managing my reactions,’ said Rinku. ‘How to go about it, bhaiyya?’

‘Try the stop lights technique,’ said Rakesh. ‘At red, when you sense emotion rising, stop and calm down. At yellow, verbalise the problem, set goals, think about options and consequences. At green, act on the best plan.’

‘Thanks, bhaiyya,’ said Rinku. ‘I can see how EI connects us to ourselves and the world, and improves our quality of life.’

‘Absolutely,’ said Rahul. ‘I’m sensing a desire for chai now.’

Pro Tip: EI is a key factor in your success. Work on personal and social-emotional competencies to gain an overall advantage.

31 Divas - Movie

 2018. Marathi. 

Breezy and predictable. Young theatre guy aspiring to be a film director goes through some personal challenges like going blind but comes back and finishes the film with some help from friends.

Wild Tales - Movie

 2014. Argentine. Damien Szifron.

Six wild tales, all separate, by tied by the theme of revenge. The first is about a failed musician and the people who messed up his life, the second about a stranger who takes revenge for her co-worker, the third about how a blowout over road rage leads to some crazy endings, the fourth about a rich man's son who is in an accident, one about a marriage reception going awry and one about a man with principles who is being charged unjustly for wrong parking and how he retaliates.

Gripping stuff and will definitely grab you by the collar. Watch.

  

Emotional Intelligence - Daniel Goleman

Daniel Goleman's 1995 book was a gamechanger in times when people were hung up only on IQ and Expertise as indicators of success. His tag line for the book 'Why EI can matter more than IQ' pretty much broke the mould. The book answers the question - why do high IQ people flounder and modest IQ people do well? A study of 95 Harvard students from the 1940s that went on into their mid-lives and careers found that the ones with the highest test scores weren't doing the best - salary, relationships, happiness, career, status. Goleman had a point.

To begin with, Goleman deconstructs the brain - the two brains - the rational and emotional brains. The emotional brain, or the primitive and limbic brain, processes emotions like love, happiness, anger, fear, disgust and surprise. While the rational mind, or the head, is about comprehension, thought, conscious stuff while the emotional brain is about knowing, impulse, powerful. It's the heart stuff and what drives action. The emotional mind is much about survival so when it gets hijacked by a trigger, it can capture and suspend the rational mind. (Now its good in a situation where our survival is threatened but in normal situations, if we do not know how to manage emotions, we could miss out of making rational decisions and affect our lives.) Emotional learning is important to harmonise emotion and thought. 

Understanding Emotional Intelligence 

When deconstructed, emotional intelligence was divided into five parts - 1) Knowing One's Emotions 2) Managing Emotions 3) Motivation 4) Recognising Others emotions and 5) Handling relationships.

1) Knowing One's Emotions - comprises of self-awareness and recognising emotions as they happen. This is the keystone of Emotional Intelligence. Self-awareness is the key to psychological insight. Be aware that physiological sensations occur before conscious awareness of feeling. Be aware, identify and recognise the emotions as they arise.

Managing Emotions - It is the capacity to soothe emotions as they appear, the ability to shake them off and bounce back at the earliest. If we let them be, they fester for a long period of time and become your temperament. You must know how to use appropriate emotion, know how to recover quickly from a low. Taking time off to cool oneself, reasoning with oneself, cognitively reframing the process are some techniques used here. Feeling the feeling instead of suppressing it, helps manage it better. Understand that all emotions and feelings are required for your emotional well being and accept them. Don't fight with them.

Motivating Oneself - It is the ability to marshall emotions in the service of a goal. It involves stifling impulsiveness and delaying gratification to be more productive and effective. Hope and optimism, the strong expectation that things will turn out well in the end, play a potent role in our success. A positive outlook helps in so many ways including health. Goleman refers to the concept of 'Flow' where one is so focused that one loses the concept of time and space, as the ideal state to achieve optimum performance. To enter a state of flow - one has to bring sharp focus, attention and concentration to a task that demands greater than normal concentration and fully immerses oneself to the extent that one is devoid of emotional static. One is immersed in the joy of doing work.  

Recognising Emotions in Others - This is the quality of empathy, of understanding people's emotions, said or unsaid. People's emotions are rarely put into words so the ability to understand what it mostly communicated through cues, helps an empathic person connect better to people. Where rational minds can only understand words, which play a limited part in communication, emotional minds are good at catching non-verbal communication and thereby making the others feel understood. Empathic people tune into the 'how' of what's being said and not merely the 'what'. 

Handling relationships - This is about the social arts, about how to manage emotions in others. It is the  social competence aspect. Goleman gives the example of how in the midst of fierce fighting in Vietnam, a group of monks walk serenely across oblivious to the danger of bullets flying about. The firing stops as the calmness of the monks seeps into the soldiers and they stop fighting for a day. Goleman says that this is the skill that helps in organising groups, negotiating solutions, bring a personal connect and improve social analysis. These are the abilities that undergird popularity, leadership and interpersonal effectiveness.

These five areas are what constitute emotional intelligence. One can evaluate oneself on these through any of the many tests online and work on areas to develop emotional intelligence.

Applying Emotional Intelligence

Goleman highlights applications of emotional intelligence in intimate relationships such as marriage, by use of detoxifying self-talk and non-defensive listening and speaking. 

At work, one can learn the art of giving feedback instead of merely criticising and learn to deal with diversity. (The example he gives of how a pilot of an aeroplane who had poor emotional quotient and who was difficult to approach actually crashed his plane because he ran out of fuel but his co-pilots were scared to tell him about it.) By bringing emotional intelligence to work the group's internal harmony increases and allows them to take advantage of their full talents and networks. 

EI affects health as toxic emotions lead to anger, stress, anxiety, depression. Benefits of positive feelings like optimism, hope are well know. In fact, they say that people who have no one to share their feelings double the chances of sickness or death. more significant the relationship in your life, the more it matters for your health. Jame Pennebaker talks about writing for 1-20 minutes for 5-6 days about the most traumatic experiences of your entire life or pressing worries of the moment to improve your emotional health. The effect of this confessional - enhanced immune function, drop in health visits, fewer days missed at work, improved liver enzyme function. in fact, a study proved that women with metastatic cancer who attended weekly meetings with support groups lived twice as long as others who didn't.

Emotional Literacy 

Goleman stresses that the effect of emotional intelligence begins early and at home. Parents do not know how to deal with the emotions of their children - most times because they are unaware of how o deal with emotions themselves. Most parents either ignore, allow without control or show complete contempt for children's emotions. The downside of not growing up with some idea of the subject or some level of emotional intelligence can lead to an effect on the children as they grow up into adults. Goleman however says that our temperament is not our destiny (we all fall into four main temperaments - timid, bold, upbeat and melancholy). emotional literacy can reduce rising rates of depression, eating disorders, addictions which are used as self-medication.

Several institutes have taught emotional intelligence with good results. The curriculum normally includes self-awareness, identification and Depression of emotions, managing feelings, impulse control, delaying gratification, handling stress and anxiety. 

Impulse Control

The key to impulse control is by first identifying the difference between feelings and actions, controlling impulse, identifying alternatives and consequences and acting on the best alternative. They use methods such as Stoplight method, PATHS (Promoting Alternative Thinking Strategies) and SOCS (Situations, Options, Consequences and Solutions).

The key is to know that emotions first show in the body and we can, by being self-aware, notice the physical sensation. When we are aware and then identify what emotions we are feeling and appropriately name them, we can create a gap between the emotion and our impulse. (most people cannot name emotions beyond 'good' and 'bad' or the basic 'happy', 'sad', 'fear', 'anger', when actually there are some hundreds of emotions in the sub-families of the basic emotions. An interesting finding was that people who had eating disorders found it difficult to distinguish between feelings of anger, frustration and hunger, and would end up eating.)  

Our power lies in our response to the impulse. In that gap we can identify options, think of consequences and act on the best option. This would help in dealing with our emotions better. Emotional literacy can make a  huge change to our lives. 

It is a fascinating book and I really enjoyed reading it. Thanks Vinod bhai for gifting it to me. 

Anjali - We Should Go Back to Nature

 There was some discussion about life in urban areas and the comfort and security we draw from living in cities. 

Anjali said 'We should live in nature only.'

I asked her why?

'I think that's how we were made to live,' said she. 'To live with a sense of insecurity, without all these unnecessary comforts. It somehow feels that's the way to live for humans appreciating life, nature etc. We won't have all these man-made problems then.'

I thought about what she said and felt that it made sense. We are so cocooned, so secure, so used to comfort that we are not really pushing our boundaries nor are we living or growing. Our lives have been reduced to survival and not about growth. Whatever growth we see is only outer and very little inner growth. For that, we need to connect with ourselves, with nature.

Not a bad idea really.

Breath of Gold - Sathya Saran

As published in Punch.

Pandit Hariprasad Chaurasia’s name is synonymous with the flute, and rightly so, because together, the instrument and the player, continue to bring joy and peace of mind to millions across the world. Sathya Saran’s book, ‘Breath of Gold’ captures the Padma Vibhushan awardees’s life, his love for music, his unceasing quest to learn, his devotion to his guru Annapurna Devi, his partnerships with Pandit Shiv Kumar Sharma and others, his myriad compositions and his desire to nurture musicians for the future, in a well-told story packed with anecdotes. 

The son of wrestler Chedi pehelwan of Allahabad, Hariprasad Chaurasia initially trained to be a pehelwan like his father, a preparation that perhaps helped in building the strength and stamina that enables him to play to this day. The opportune arrival of a music teacher Rajaram next door, gave his musical journey a direction, though at a rather late age of 15. Rajaram, the first of many mentors and gurus, taught young Hariprasad the basics of classical music, evaluated his limited vocal range and suggested he choose an instrument to play if he wanted to pursue music. Hariprasad chose the humble flute, cheap and easily available, and learned by listening to the musicians who played on the All India Radio. Soon enough he approached Pandit Bholanath Prasanna, an artist at AIR Allahabad, with a request to teach. Pandit Bholanath not only taught him the nuances of playing the flute but also prodded Hariprasad into auditioning for AIR and securing a job as a B grade artiste.

The fact that Hariprasad kept finding mentors and opportunities at every stage of life cannot simply be attributed to luck; a lot has to do with his open, humble and learning mindset. Hariprasad’s stint with the Cuttack AIR station, his first job, jumpstarted his artistic career as the Director of AIR, Cuttack, Krishnamurthy, a musician himself, took the young flautist under his wing. The proximity to great musicians and artistes such as Pandit Bhubaneshwar Mishra, playing for hours on for Mishra's compositions in Oriya plays and films, for Krishnamurthy’s orchestra and for Odissi dance exponent Kelucharan Mahapatra’s Odissi performances gave him an invaluable exposure to music, art and the ways of the masters.

In the normal scheme of things Hariprasad’s transfer to AIR, Bombay in 1962 initially appeared to be difficult as he was well-settled in Cuttack, but it was a move that firmly established him on the map. He never looked back after that. Hariprasad initially played for AIR, then for Gujarathi plays and then for films. The incredible number of hours he played, day and night, and the quality of people he associated with rapidly broadened his expertise, spread his fame. His famous partnership with Shiv Kumar Sharma began and Shiv-Hari began composing for films –Silsila, Darr,Chandni, Lamhe - among them. The duo’s private album 'Call of the Valley' with Brij Bhushan Kabra remains the highest selling Indian classical composition till date. Hariprasad played with Pandit Ravi Shankar's troupe of great musicians Alla Rakha, L Subramanyam, Shiv Kumar Sharma and with George Harrison on the Dark Horse Records release Shankar Family and Friends. He collaborated with artistes like John McLaughlin, Jan Garbarek, Ken Lauber and Ian Anderson among others. The boy from Allahabad, and his flute, were now jetsetting across the world, performing to elite audiences.

Pandit Hariprasad, at the height of his success, realised that he needed to deepen his understanding of music, and with trademark humility, sought out Annapurna Devi, daughter of Baba Allauddin Khan of Maisar, the renowned classical maestro, and estranged wife of Pandit Ravi Shankar. It took three years of relentless pursuit for her to take him on as her student and he learned from his guru for several years, adding many layers to his music. Today, Hariprasad Chaurasia, slowed down by Parkinson’s disease, gives back to the world of music, just as his guru had, through his Vrindaban Gurukuls at Bombay and Bhubaneshwar, nurturing musicians for the future.

'Breath of Gold' is a fascinating account of the journey of a man who submitted to his destiny, and went about his work with utmost dedication and humility, always remaining a student. For someone who was not born into a family of musicians, to achieve so much in a lifetime, hints at the learning mindset of the person, the humility to learn from every one and every experience. Though he played with the best in the business, Hariprasad is known to be happy to play his flute, whether it is for an audience of eight, to unruly crowds, for 24 hour long performances on Janmashtami or to elite audiences in royal palaces. It is all an opportunity to play and celebrate the bansuri that repaid his trust and led him to places he never imagined.

Structured into parts covering important phases and partnerships of his life the 253 page book is highly readable. The short chapters with interludes containing anecdotes and insights work well. Sathya Saran’s previous works included books on S.D. Burman and Jagjit Singh, so one assumes that she understands the world of music and perhaps there was a conscious effort to weave in the rhythm of the flute into the writing and structuring of the book. Apart from primary sources such as family and friends, colleagues and students, Sathya Saran draws from various other sources such as previously authored books and blogs on Hariprasad Charasia; Surjit Singh’s book ‘Woodwinds of Change’ being one notable source.

One need not have a deep understanding of music to read the book and the reader gets a fair insight into what it took Pandit Hariprasad Chaurasia to achieve such heights. For those who love music, ‘Breath of Gold’ is a worthy addition to the collection.