Thought for the Day - Accept Your Worst Part and Get Rid of Your Fears

Ever thought of your worst parts? The ones you want to hide from the general public? The parts you are scared to show? Deep down below one of our main fears is that of being found out - with all that muck.

But imagine if you accepted all the muck as parts of yourself. Okay, so what?

Now, is that not liberating? Once we accept our lousy parts we have nothing to hide, nothing to fear really. And that in itself gets rid of many of our fears.

We have nothing to prove anyway. We are like this only! Accept your worst parts and get rid of your deepest fears.

Write it down, Make it Happen – Henriette Anne Klauser

Read ‘Write it down, make it happen’ by Henriette Anne Klauser (who also wrote two other books ‘Put your heart on paper’ and ‘Writing on both sides of the brain’). I found the title intriguing and since it was recommended by Vinod, read it all in one go on the recent train journey. The book has a simple enough premise – want something, write it down. Henriette urges everyone to write what they want, to think big. She gives plenty of examples of people who have written things down and made it happen. For example, Jim Carrey, who wrote down a cheque with his name on it for ten million dollars for ‘services rendered’ when he first went to Hollywood. Apparently Carrey kept that cheque with him through the successful part of his career when he commanded twenty million per film. That then, is the power of writing it down.

Henriette says that there are really no rules to this except that one must write. And fast. She advises you not to linger even when what you write seems improbable. But write – in journals, on pieces of paper, in short notes, in long story form, in lists, in points, as letters, as prayers, as tidbit journals – but write and write. Early morning writing is best.

One thing about writing (and I fully agree with this) is that it adds clarity to the mind. It helps you know what you want. It helps in setting goals and giving some shape to them. She tells how by writing letters to the partner one visualized for years (as if he were already there), one of her clients actually made it a reality. 

There is a case for writing down things as if they have already happened and feeling the joy of receiving it. There are two different things – wanting something and being ready to receive it. By getting into the feeling part as if you have already received it, you are on your way to receiving it. Proven method and well worth a try. When you write in present tense as if it is reality, you do not just deal with the ‘what’ but with the ‘why you need it’ as well. 

One thing that blocks you from receiving what you want is the fear and feeling that surround it. On addressing fears and feelings, Henriette says that one could write down the fears and feelings as they come up and you will know the answer to the fears. Once you write down what you want, write down the fears that come up with them - until they go pop. You can also write down all the bad stuff that comes up in your mind – your worries, fears and doubts. Just write yourself through the fears and feelings and all feelings of being stuck disappear.

 Henriette asks you to be specific and definite as you write for what you want. She asks you to hold on to what you want in the mind without sabotaging it with your thoughts and fears. Also write about the outcome  so you stay focused on it. Some people script their daily lives ahead of the day and make that happen. A list of intentions is best written down every day.

One suggestion Henriette gives which I found interesting is to write near moving water as moving water causes ideas to flow. Streams, showers, fountains etc help.

Once you commit to wanting something and are willing to write it down, she asks you to take a small action towards realising that dream. Take the initiative. Ask yourself what you can do to help your cause and do it. Like making the call, writing a letter, asking someone for help, booking your tickets etc. Your intention and belief that it could happen is important.

Another point she makes is that you could collect compliments and write them down – compliments she says are like money in the bank. And she asks you to make a list of all the accomplishments in your life that make you feel good. While at that she also asks you to conquer childhood blocks by making incremental achievements on what are perceived as blocks. For example a game, a physical action, an enjoyment of something that scared you etc. 

A support group is extremely necessary she says. It is important to feel supported and to have a cheering squad. Ideally the group should ask the following questions – What will you do next? By when? When will you return and report? Write to god she says, of praise and thanks. And of things you need answers to. She also writes about the importance of giving thanks for all the blessings in your life. And she says we ought to send thanks in writing to people we are thankful to. I agree.

Resistance could have its own meaning. So write about what you think is blocking you. Write down the reasons. Some rituals around the art of writing help so you can choose your own ritual. A part of the ritual could be letting go of the attachment to what you want which makes it easier to a create neutral space to receive it.

She gives the example of clearing the closet which I found interesting as well. Mark the contents of your wardrobe on a scale of ten. Ten is stuff you’ll never wear and one is what you would definitely wear. All that is greater than three to be discarded right then, she says. Clearing up stuff creates space for the new. She also talks of writing stuff on little pieces of paper and disposing of them one by one. As for breakdown she says they are signs of everything coming together. Breakdowns are good!

I generally agree with what Henriette says. The big hassle is most people don’t like writing. To me however writing is a nice and therapeutic way of gathering my thoughts. In fact to me writing, or putting pen to paper itself, is a way of being honest with oneself. You cannot fool yourself when you write to yourself. Also, writing is all about getting it clear in the mind. You can obfuscate your thought process but not the written word. (Which is why writing is difficult because it forces you to think.) Lists, stories, journals, I agree with all she says. Intentions always have a power that has been proven many times over. Affirmations, writing as if you have received it, and feeling the emotions are all proven techniques of manifesting a reality you want. It improves your consciousnesss and prepares your ability to receive what you wanted.

Whether you believe it or not, write anyway. It leaks away your tensions, brings clarity and if things happen, that’s wonderful. I have had good experiences with lists, worksheets and stuff like that. Tick them off and be surprised at how many came true, some without your knowing. 

Henriette is the President of Writing Resources and gives presentations and facilitates workshops on goal setting, writing and relationships building. It is an interesting book, easy to read and the message is simple, get started on writing right away. Write now!

The Mumbai Expressway

I have driven on the Mumbai-Pune Expressway for about ten years now and always found the experience a little unnerving. Nothing to do with the construction which is world class. It is wide with some four lanes on either side, a huge bush and tree infested divider separating both sides of the road, a fence all through to keep cattle and other animals away, no two wheelers, perfect road surface with no potholes or unevenness, plenty of sign boards - its perfect. What unnerves  me is the traffic which speeds off from both sides of your car at velocities not less than 100 kmph and rising up to 180 kmph in the big cars. Everyone is possessed, from the Maruti 800 to the heavy duty trucks, the swanky Volvo buses to luxury cars that disappear on the horizon in a twinkling.  

The speed limit prescribed all over the expressway is 80 kmph, loud and clear. It is also mentioned many times in the press that most accidents on the expressway are a result of tyre bursts which normally occur when the front tyres (especially) are bald and the vehicle is doing speeds in excess of 80 kmph. At 80 kmph they say, there is a good chance of survival. Over that speed, injuries get critical, and fatalities occur. 

Another cause for accidents is dozing off at the wheel, a problem that ironically comes from the comfort of the lovely straight roads that lull the mind into feeling safe. I experienced this myself and I totally agree with the authorities who prescribe a halt every 45 minutes to an hour if you are feeling sleepy. (And get a talkative passenger who can keep you up and awake.) The two laned and curvy roads keep you alert all the time for hours and hours, because of the constant danger, which is an irony.

The third cause of accidents is lack of lane discipline which causes much distress to all drivers. Cars and other vehicles cut across lanes wildly at high speeds. The other day my dignified car driver Mohammed who believes in not moving the needle beyond 80 kmph was surprised to see a horse wagon zoom past us at 100 kmph and no less. I saw in the papers last week, that the fatalities on the expressway unfortunately came from nowhere - two cars were hit by heavy vehicles from behind killing the helpless occupants. Perhaps the driver of the truck was dozing off or the car was cutting lanes. Bit when something hits you from behind there is no chance. Obviously even the heavy vehicles were zooming by merrily.

If you look for them the expressway is full of burst tyre marks, smashed cars, broken dividers and other signs of daily mayhem but nothing is done to bring the speeds under control. Have not the expressway traffic people heard of speed guns? Can they not enforce the speed limit and make drivers more responsible on the expressway? Or will they just let drivers zoom away happily to their death and that of others? 

It is very tempting for a young driver once he sees the vast expanse of the expressway which resembles a runway almost, to zoom and find out how fast your machine goes. It is this behavior that needs to be curbed by the authorities and not wring hands and spout inane details and statistics. I do wish that these steps are taken to reign in speeding drivers and bring in some discipline on the expressway making it a safer experience for everyone. For speeding drivers, they can have dedicated roads where they can speed themselves to their heart's content.

The Tragedy of the Deccan Chargers

Once again the Deccan Chargers threw away a match that they had completely in their control. Once again I hold their captain Sangakarra fully responsible. He said in the post match interview that all he can do is hold, hold, hold and hope things change. They won't. Because when you have a bowler like Steyn you don't hold. You go all over the opponents and get them on the backfoot early. By the last six overs, no batsman cares who is bowling - as they are with their backs to the wall. And as AB showed, no one, not even Steyn can be expected to deliver in the last six. How can you hold and hold and let the opponents back into a game they have almost lost? How can you bowl Steyn for only three overs instead of four after you have a total of 180 plus? Though he was better than in the previous games and showed more earnestness, Sangakarra is too defensive and unfortunately the wrong captain for a team that has the Steyn's, the White's, the Dhawan's. I sincerely wish they had continued with Cameron White as their captain. He would have won this match. I am certain White would have bowled 3 of Steyn's four in the first 15 overs and inflicted maximum damage by then. One over could have been held back if needed.

As for AB de Villiers, aaahhh, he was in the zone. The first flat six off Steyn was a wake up call but the second six off Steyn over extra cover sealed it. You knew that this guy cannot be stopped after that. Some of the cleanest, most incredible hitting followed and RCB finished with an over to spare! AB's batting was scintillating. But due credit ought to go to young Mayank Agarwal who revived the run rate with that fabulous 18 - two super sixes and an almost six - in some 7-8 balls. It was he who set a flagging, rather tired looking chase right on track and brought things back in control. Before AB electrified everyone.

Overall I loved the way the two games went. Hilfenhaus short of answers as Smith swung a clean and straight blade and went for 6,4,4 and handed Mumbai an unexpected win. Can't they bowl good yorkers? Or slower ones? The Decan Chargers kid, Ashish Reddy is bowling some of the best slower ones in the tournament and the veterans can learn something from him. I also loved the comeback ball of Rajan to clean up Gayle who hit him out of the park the previous ball. Good stuff youngsters - Mayank, Rajan, Ashish. A lot of thinking to be done for the Chargers as they wind up at the bottom - something that does not reflect in the potential of that team at all.

 While on the games I am amazed at the energy and passion the celebrities have for the game as they sing and dance and cheer for their sides. I saw Siddharth all animated at the Chargers match in the DC box along with former Andhra Ranji player and captain, Chamundeswaranath, a good friend of Sachin Tendulkar's, and some other known faces around Hyderabad. I am also amazed at the energy and passion that commentators have as they talk and talk and talk and analyse the games and players. And that of the fans who are so animated and take their teams fortunes personally as they dress out in team colours, carry and wave banners and shout and scream themselves hoarse. All's well for the IPL now and so be it.

The Mumbai Diaries

One weekend in Mumbai and its enough to write volumes. In fact this post is all about a morning walk I took and I never regretted not carrying a camera as much as I did that day. Living at Kalanagar, Bandra with Suhita and family, gives access to a nice part of Mumbai not to speak of enjoying the hsopitality of our wonderful hosts Jayant, Suhita and Miskil. After a fairly quiet Saturday, where the most I did was venturing out to buy ice cream for Anjali, came the morning walk on Sunday morning.

I set out by 630 a.m. and turned to the Bandra Kurla Complex which is right behind the Kalanagar wall - which now has a green plastic wall partitioning this colony from the noisy main road. The green wall intrigued me but on enquiry I found that it was installed to reduce noise levels to the Kalanagar denizens. Not everyone gets so lucky in Mumbai and if you think the government is putting up such barricades for everyone you are sadly mistaken. Kalanagar is also the place where the Shiv Sena supremo lives so that explained the barricades for me.

The road was quiet and almost deserted by Mumbai standards and I walked by briskly past some buildings owned by RBI and Central Bank of India. A little ahead a barricade was put up and some cops were questioning early morning auto drivers and their passengers. I made it past them and the road split - one to the left, which looked rather unatrractive and another that headed to magnificent corporate buildings of Wockhardt and several other glass tinted structures. Separating the buildings and me was a small stretch of well-maintained road and I trudged along.

The road passes by a marshy land. First thing I notice is the kind of growth one sees in marsh land - thick, short trees that occupy every square inch making it difficult to see beyond a few feet. One can see the swampy water at the bottom. Pigs, tens of them were out there, grunting and snorting as they played about aggressively in the mud, not far from the road. I saw a rat, split into half by traffic on the road. There was a lonely auto parked by the side of the swamp and I wondered for a moment what happened to the driver, until I saw him, pants bunched up at his knees as he squatted in the slopes that led to the swamp. Don't the pigs bother him? And a few steps further, lining the huge drain, or was it a river, were hundreds of squatters from the nearby slum, lining the swampy trees. Some of them dressed in shorts and t shirts, the type you'd see in any society on a Sunday morning. Some squatters looked on searching for my eyes, for any sign of recognition, some gaily swung the bottles of water in their hand. The drain (or river) was black and thick with some sludge like stuff. that was so dense that it looked like tar. Nothing could survive that. I crossed the rather bleak scenes and came to a part where a team of youngsters dressed in jeans and t shirts and tracks made their way from the slum beyond to some ground on the other side - cricket bats and equipment in hand. I decided to find them on the way back. And then the first incongruity of the morning, a cyclist, on an expensive cycle, all geared up for some cyclothon, helmet and all. Somehow his shorts and gear reminded me of the squatter in the bushes.

Further down and I see some more lower income housing, or rather slum dwellers alternate housing, that pink colored stuff with tons of garbage in and around it. On the pavement lay a family, sleeping outside that colony, a father, a mother and two young children. They were surrounded by all that they probably owned  - pots and pans, aluminium vessels, that rack where you can hang everything on, spoons, mugs and stuff. Whoever they came to meet in that colony refused them shelter perhaps. A few more steps and I see a freshly arrived auto with the women folk standing on the pavement and the men folk somewhere inside the colony searching for their local saviors. I saw a board that said something about a reconstruction society or something. It was filthy as hell inside the walls (outside, close to the shining Bandra Kurla Complex, it was spick and span). But one thing stood out in all that filth - every single household had a dish antenna by Videocon, dusty and grimy, but there. I moved on from these almost filmy settings ahead and the first of the corporate buildings came up.

I walked past Wockhardt and the shining bus stops and the broad roads, the sleepy security guards, a posh petrol bunk with its early morning luxury cars. And then circling the space I found all the big banks India has in some of the swankiest buildings that one has seen - ICICI, Bank of Baroda, ING Vysya, PNB, SBI, SIDBI, NABARD - and I thought that all those aspiring for commerce jobs, the MBAs, the CAs, should make a trip to BKC just to get inspired enough to work in one of those buildings. They looked so good. I saw the ICICI building with its logo imprinted in its face, dusty from lack of maintenance and I breathed in an atmosphere I was familiar with a couple of decades ago when I worked in WTC, Mumbai with the IDBI. I walked around the surprisingly thinly populated area and encountered the security men catching up with one another after yet another night - some hugging each other, some going on with their water bottles to attend to more pressing matters. Some luxury cars, an Audi, a Honda CRV, a Mercedes, a BMW, and some more circled the wide paths as well, sleepy, hungover drivers behind the wheels.

I circled the blocks and came to the open area where the youngsters were playing cricket, all serious and earnest. Beside them were the cycling gang, in their luxury cars, luxury bikes, helmets, sophisticated accents, cell phones, sheets and head phones. I walked past and headed back past the swampy area. I noticed a furtive couple on a bench - the guy was most suspicious of every male glance while the woman could not care less. I turned into an area where some senior citizens were laughing and exercising, old women running around like birds, hands up in the air, one old man looking me suspiciously again, angry perhaps at my intrusion. Here, hardly three minutes form the squatters swamp were well-maintained and good looking public toilets, but perhaps they charged money. I noticed some auto drivers there, and some ladies who walked there, perhaps from the slum. I turned back, found the well hidden path behind the bus stop and was instantly back into the familiar environs of Kalanagar. Safe, secure and full of a self-righteousness that is best expressed in the security guard's eyes. In that one hour I saw the entire spectrum of India's best and the worst, hope and arrogance, resilience and brittleness, poverty and riches in the only place that showcases it best - Mumbai.

How to Write a Damn Good Novel - James N. Frey

Read this fine book called ‘How to Write a Damn Good Novel’ by James Frey that Vinod gave me to read. I definitely need to read it as I am in search of that damn good novel myself. These books always leave me with at least one or two points that you almost always ignore when writing - but I felt Frey's book had more to offer. 

Characters

Frey starts with telling us about characters - that fictional characters must be bigger, be super heroes and be extraordinary. He says that even at being average, fictional characters should be extraordinary. 

Lead characters need to have well rounded aspects to them - they have some physiological, sociological and psychological aspects to them that shows them up as distinct individuals. Which means that we must have enough notes on them. (The one dimensional character can be the walk on parts who disappear after their job is done.) 

The three main Cs in the novel are the character, conflict and conclusion.  

Another thing about characters is that they have to be dynamic. 

They should have a ruling passion which is their central motivating force. 

Frey says the main character needs to be determined, motivated, steadfast and willful and must change through the novel.

Conflict

Frey talks of conflict - which drives what the novel (or a script). 

There must be collisions of character. 

Simply put Frey's  formula for conflict is this - main character+goal+opposition= conflict. 

It is important to have the protagonist and the antagonist well-matched (ahh, how often do we forget this!).

Frey stresses on keeping the characters in the ‘crucible’, or the place where all the conflict happens. 

He feels that the best kind of conflict is the slowly rising conflict. 

The writer should be clear about the core conflict. 

Conflict can be built around several emotional stages – attitudes and confrontations.

Premise

I liked what he wrote about the premise of the novel - which is the core of the novel - the reason why you are writing the novel. 

You must find it in your fantasies, your feelings, he says. 

The premise is the neon sign and everything in the book must contribute towards proving the premise. 

I think if we get the premise right, it is a lot of work done.

Story and narrative

Frey then takes us through how the story is a narrative of events of interest with worthy characters who change as a result of these events. 

He talks of how sometimes we must begin the story before the beginning. 

The step sheet of the story is an interesting technique. 

In a few well written steps you must have the story captured on a sheet of paper. 

It sets the stage - story moving from events A > B > C > D, each one being cause and the next being effect. He says that the logic of story writing gives it organic unity.

Climax

In the climax, the core conflict is settled. Tension rises. 

The resolution is when it changes form static to its opposite. 

Resolving conflict is winding down. Secondary conflicts must be resolved as well. 

For great climaxes kook for surprises, exploit powerful emotions that move the reader, and find poetic justice in the ending. The writer must find new facets to the character. 

It should make the novel whole.

Each character has his own premise. Characters must change as a result as a result of conflict. 

View point

While on viewpoint he talks of how to choose a viewpoint – find out who can who can tell the story best. 

To get the magic of identification –  give an emotional  touchstone to your characters as soon as the story begins, then plunge the characters into a developing crisis. 

Let readers participate in the decision making process, make characters suffer. But whatever happens, don’t lose sympathy for your character.

Flashbacks

Flashback’s are avoidable as they break narrative. If used they should be relevant to the present story. 

The question to be asked is this - can the same impact be made without flashback. 

He talks of foreshadowing, of metaphors and symbols. 

But whatever gimmicks you may use Frey feels that character, conflict and a slow rise to a climax are what count in a damn good novel.

Dialogue

In dialogue Frey feels that though dialogue can be direct and indirect, it is indirect dialogue that is more unique and interesting. 

To keep the novel fast paced means that you must keep your character engaged in intense conflict and cut into scenes with rising conflicts. 

The makings of a good dialogue are in asking these questions – 

Is it in conflict?

Is it trite? 

Can it be said indirectly?

Is it as clever and colorful as it can be?

Dynamic prose is where one is specific, appeals to all senses and is a poet.

Rewriting

In rewriting Frey asks novelists to look for the most destructive criticism. Self analysis is best he says, and there are a bunch of questions that must be asked after every novel is done.

Have you proven your premise?

Have you touched the emotions of your reader and allowed them to identify?

Are the characters in opposition?

Are they placed in a crucible?

Do they have ruling passions?

Are they well motivated, determined and decisive?

Are they growing characters?

Is there rising conflict?

Is there a sense of completeness in conflict?

 Is there no repetition in scenes?

Does the story start in the right place?

Do events flow out of one another?

Does the climax have a surprise? 

Are emotions powerful?

Is there poetic justice? 

Are characters fully revealed? 

Is the narrative voice coming across?

Frey ends with saying that scenes must be used to depict rising conflict. Dialogues must be exploited for conflict. And that the writing should be sensual - appeal to all senses.

I liked Frey's book. If there is one huge takeaway it is about the premise for me. All others regarding characters, viewpoints, flashbacks, dialogue, rewriting, climax make immense sense. I like the questionnaire at the end. It makes you go back and check once again to improve on what has been written. Thanks Vinod. And James Frey. Here's to the damn good novel then.

The Paradoxes of Life - To get rid of something, accept it

To get rid of something, accept it.

Whatever the condition, person or thing, that we want to get rid of from our life, it is necessary to accept that it a part of us. We cannot get rid of them by resisting it/them and going 'I don't want it or them in my life'.

When we accept that we are like 'them' too things change instantly.  We find that the condition, person or thing disappears from our life. Or co exists peacefully without bothering us.

To want it out, accept it fully. That you are like that thing you dislike so much.