Monday, August 6, 2018

Anjali - Handling Unfairness

It was one of those days when I picked Anjali from school. She got into the car and started with the good stuff that happened at school. And then suddenly her face crumpled. 'For the second week in a row, our PT sir kept me out of the game. It got so bad that all my classmates told him to let me play instead of them. But he still would not let me play. I can understand one week, but two weeks?'

She is a big one on fairness.

I asked her if she asked the PT sir to give her a chance. She said 'He knows. But he kept me out. It's unfair.'

I could fully identify with her. Many a time, when I was left out, I felt exactly like her. So I told her how I had many such experiences and how I had felt bad too. But then I told her, I ended up feeling bad but never got what I wanted - play or whatever else I wanted. I told her that now I feel I could have done things differently because the outcome was perhaps more important than feeling the unfairness or injustice. Instead of expecting the teacher to understand my situation and be fair, I could have insisted.

One way was to complain and feel the PT sir had been unfortunate. We parents could get involved etc but was there a better way. Maybe she could tell her teacher in the next class, politely and respectfully, pleading or requesting or whatever, one way or another, that she should get her chance now because she waited out for two classes. Somehow find a way to get the outcome while she was still there, while she had an opportunity to set that right. Could she think a different way to get what she wanted?

I drew her attention to something similar when she had the same unfair behavior by her teacher - a few years ago. When Anjali forgot her fruits on her designated Fruit Day, her teacher had taken her off the list. But Anjali resolved the situation by putting her ego and hurt aside and pleading with her teacher until she relented. 

She heard me out and nodded.

Yesterday she came home and said she put her case across to her PT sir before the class began. She asked not to be made to sit out for the next two classes because she was the only one who missed two in a row.

Good show Anjali. If the outcome is not what you want, adjust the process. Most times it is about putting our ego aside. 

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