Thought for the Day - Grief

We grieve the loss of something. It is quiet, insidious and gnaws away gently.

It is also very personal. It usually happens when something comes to an end. The one thing to remember is that when something ends, something else begins.

The Greatest British Short Stories - Embassy Books Collection

I picked this book up from Harsha's collection - I like short stories and this collection was too good to be left alone. So there is 'The Blue Cross' by GK Chesterton and his famous Father Brown who is a detective, now on the tracks of the infamous criminal Flambeau who is trying hard to throw them off track by placing all kinds of signals in his path. 'The Secret Sharer' by Joseph Conrad is an unusual story about a young captain of a ship who finds a naked young man sitting on his ship's stairs at night and pulls him in and gives him secret sanctuary despite knowing that he is accused of murder, and finally lets him go safely at great risk to himself. Conrad's knowledge of ships and boats is amazing.

'The Fiddler of the Reels' by Thomas Hardy is a disturbing story of a fiddler who entices young women and woos away young Car'line who gives birth to his illegitimate child, then goes to her admirer Ned with the child and then the fiddler runs away with the child in the end. 'The Garden Party' by Katherine Mansfield is about a rich family which throws a huge garden party and continues despite knowing that a poor neighbour had died - only the daughter is affected enough or sensitive enough as she takes over the leftovers from the party reluctantly to the grieving widow. 'The Door in the Wall' by HG Wells is about a politician who succeeds in life but is always missing an enchanted door he used to fantasise about when he was young and dies in grief at not being able to access it.

'Young Archimedes' by Aldous Huxley is about a young genius who is brilliant at music and maths and who kills himself as he is stifled by a woman who tries to exploit his talents. 'The Mark on the Wall' by Virginia Woolf is a stream of consciousness essay when she sees a mark on the wall. 'The Odour of Chrysanthemums' by DH Lawrence (I could sense his style) is a sad story of a young mother who is awaiting the return of her husband form the mine, only to discover that he died, and also to discover that they had been strangers to one another despite living together for so many years. 'Rain' by Somerset Maugham has an ending that's predictable but still holds enough energy throughout - a missionary man tries to set a girl's character right and well, falls prey to the pleasures of the flesh, only to take his own life in the end.

Most of them are rather bleak I realise, with death and betrayal and stuff. Perhaps Father Brown is an exception. But still, enjoyed reading all of these great writers and realised that I could spot something familiar in their writing - a turn of phrase, the setting, the mood, the characters. Thanks Harsha.        

The National Gallery of Modern Art, Mumbai

 While in Mumbai for a day I was in the Colaba area and decided to peep into the National Gallery of Modern Art for a bit. I had missed this the last time and walked into the majestic Cowasji Jehangir Hall right across Regal theatre. I realised later that there were similar galleries in Delhi, Bengaluru and so on.

I enjoyed viewing the works of artists such as Avinash Chandra, Paramjit Singh, DP RoyChoudhury, SH Raza, Shyamal Datta Ray, Jehangir Sabavala, Lazman Shreshta, Bhupen Khakkar, KG Subramanya, MV Dhurandhar, Elizabeth Brunner and so on.

Most paintings had a quote by the artist over it as to how they perceive art. Very well presented. Loved it.

Reflections on the Indian Stage By Leading Women Practitioners - Edited by Mahesh Elkunchwar

 Mahesh Elkunchwar is an eminent figure in Modern Indian Theatre. He wrote 20 plays (Sultan, Wada Chirebandi), taught at the FTII and got this book about theatre from women practitioners - he gave them 20 questions as pointers (how did you begin your journey, your distinct theatre idiom, innovation, Indianness, minimalism)and edited the answers. It is a rich insight into the world of Indian theatre. This book was first published in Marathi and then translated into English. 

Some of the personalities he interviwed are Vijaya Mehta (Shrimant, Hayavadana, Pestonji), Anuradha Kapur (Gora, Umrao, Virasat), Neelam Mansingh (Yerma, Phaedra), Kirti Jain (Ashad ki ek Din, Holi, Ek Ruka Ha Faisla) , Amal Allana (Adhe Adhure, Himmat Mai, Begum Barve), Usha Ganguly (Rudali, Lok Katha), Gowri Ramnarayan ((Dark Horse, Night's End), Sanjna Kapoor (Prithvi Theatre), Keerti Shiledar (Saubhadra, Manapuram, Mrichakatika), Shanta Gokhale (theatre of Veenapani Chawla), Kanchan Sontakke (Children's theatre), Alaknanda Samarth  (Miss Julie, Band Darwaze) and Irawati Karnik (Goshta, Dharmaputra, E k Natakacha Mrutyu).

A ton of insight into the Indian theatre scene. Loved it.

Prince of Music - Lalitharam (Translated by V Ramnarayan)

This is a biography of the famous classical singer G N Balasubramaniam written by the multi-talented Mechanical Engineer Lalitharam (real name Ramachandran Mahadevan who also dabbled in documentary films, writing, music etc) in Tamil and then translated by another equally talented personality, V Ramnarayan, into English.  

Gudalur Narayanaswami Balasubramaniam was the eldest of eight children and the son of a school teacher and a housewife (who was a good singer as well and who taught him early on). The family moved to Chennai early on and as GNB's father was the Secretary of  Sri Parthasarathi Swami Sabha, Triplicane, he was exposed to musicians and music. Though many musicians praised young GNB's prowess his father was not convinced and told him to study his BA Honors at Madras Christian College and hopefully pursue Law later. GNB registered to study at the Annamalai University where he could learn music and also study. It was then that a concert of Musiri Subramania Iyer got cancelled at Tanjore and he got an opportunity to perform and made his mark.

With his film star looks GNB acted in films as well - Bhama Vijayam, Shakumtalai, Sati Anasuya etc. He sang for records where he was paid Rs. 10000 as an advance. Overall he recorded 20 records. While describing the way he approached a concert the author also educated me on how classical concerts go - start with a varnam, sing major, minor and mid level ragas, krithis, alapana, niraval, kalpana swaram, tanam, pallavi, kriti brigas etc.

Apart from being an accomplished singer GNB was also a composer and it is said that he composed 250 kritis while performing as a concert musican in Telugu, Tamil and Sanskrit languages. GNB was a rebel in many ways. His great appreciation of Bade Ghulam Ali after listening to his concert and prostrating to him drew criticism and some censure, maybe cost him a job even. Disillusioned with the crticism and consequences, GNB went to Trivandrum and joined the Swati Tirunal College of Music as its Principal vowing never to step in Madras again. 

As a person he enjoyed the fine things in life - houses, cars, clothes, always travelled first class, had his own signature perfume, was a connoisseur of good food, collected watches and pens. He had a large family and after taking the responsibility of settling his six sisters he also took care of his own family. GNB passed away at 55, singing even when he was not well.

I am so glad that I read this book. I would not have known about a great artiste like GNB otherwise. Thanks for sending me the book Ram. 

       

Focus - Daniel Goleman

The byline - 'The Hidden Driver of Excellence' drew me. Goleman, the Emotional Intelligence expert,  says that in a world full of distractions we need to sharpen our focus to thrive. We need three types of focus - Inner, Other and Outer - to help us prepare better, recover from setbacks, to have continued attention and to channel positive emotions. One needs self-awareness, empathy to be inner and other focused. Inner focus is about intuition, values. Other focus is about connections.Outer focus is about the larger world.What you focus on grows.

Attention and excellence are linked. Attention can be built by the right practices - meditation and avoiding distractions are two such. With reducing focus thanks to texts, videos, sleep deprivation and addictive behaviors, its harder to be present to oneself and to others.

The enemies of attention are emotional and sensory distractions - emotional distractions (blow ups, worry, distress etc) and sensory (sound, color, taste, smell, touch etc). The more our focus gets disrupted the more we get distracted. The better we focus, stronger our neural lock. We learn best with focused attention. For example deep reading demands sustaining a focused and full absorption in what we do which is called 'flow'. 

I liked how he explained the two mental systems of the brain - bottom up and top down. Bottom up system is the part that is intuitive, fast, impulsive, executive, habits and actions and manages the mental module. Its like one exuberant, spontaneous act. Top Down system is slower, effortful, voluntary, self control, new patterns and models. This requires will power and thought-out action. Voluntary attention, intentional choice are top down while reflexive attention, impulse and rote habit are bottom up. (According to Daniel Kahneman - the top down system is a supporting character who behaves like he is the hero.) Much of what Top Down believes it has chosen to focus on is actually dictated bottom up. Since the brain economises on energy, both Bottom Up and Top Down systems share tasks. Leave the job to motor circuitry - don't overthink. 

Goleman gives a valuable piece of advise for coaches - don't focus on what NOT to do. The stronger the emotion, the greater our fixation.  The idea is that while emotions can drive attention, we can also mange emotions with Top Down system. An active engagement of attention signifies Top Down - mindfulness is Top Down at work. 

In an experiment on mind wandering it was found that both brain systems were active. Creative insights flowed best when people had clear goals but also freedom on how to reach them and had protected time to think freely. While activities like exercising, talking and playing require focus, activities like using the Home PC, commuting etc do not require focus. Practice those activities that help focus. Interesting tidbit, we normally tend to think unpleasant thoughts when the mind wanders. Practicing meditation to be here and now is the best focus. 

The antidote to attention fatigue is rest. We get a flash of insight when we relax after long hours of work. Do Bottom Up activities - being in nature (not surfing the net) or any such immersive experience when attention is total yet passive. Be fully alive.

Self awareness represents an essential focus. Hear your inner voice. Be aware of your somatic markers, the body tugs. There are two major streams of self awareness - Me (builds narrative about our past and future) and I (brings us into the immediate present).

People who are not "other" focused get exposed in 360 degree evaluations. Self knowledge begins with self revelation. 'We don't know who we are until we hear ourselves speaking the story of our lives to someone we trust.  

Attention regulates emotion. Effortful control is focusing at will, ignoring distractions and inhibiting impulses. Will power is important - better the self control, better one succeeds in financial success and health. One must master how to delay gratification. 

The empathy triad is - Cognitive empathy (other people's perception - top down), emoitonal empathy (other person feeling - bottom up) and empathic concern (care about people).

The best curators don't just put data in a meaningful context - they know what questions to ask. The best intuition takes huge amounts of data harnessing our life experiences and filter it through the human brain. 

The 10000 hours rule  - you benefit by adjusting your execution over and over to get close to your goal. Its called deliberate practice. The difference between Amateurs and Experts is that Amateurs become Bottom Up at some point while Experts keep improving through Top Down activities, improving every time.

You need negative focus to survive, positive focus to thrive. Build the triple focus. Schools have introduced concepts such as Breathing Buddies or Stop Light. Mindfulness boosts the classic attention network. Check if you have trouble remembering what someone just told you, have no memory of your morning commute, cannot taste your food, pay attention to phone more than the person you are with,skimming while reading - you need to check yourself.

I put together a bunch of ideas as I read them in the book but the core idea is that we practice focus which is important in this day and age. The book however was not as focused as I would have liked it to be.       

The Anxious Generation - John Haidt

The by line is 'How the rewiring of childhood is causing an epidemic of mental illness' which catches your attention immediately. John Haidt (pronounced as Height) is a social psychologist and a Professor of Ethical Leadership in New Work University School of Business and has written books (like the Happiness Hypothesis I think).

According to Haidt, the Great Rewiring of childhood happened in 2010 with the advent of smart phones. Until then, relationships and social interactions had features such as - embodied (used bodies to communicate), synchronous (happened at the same time), one on one and one on several communications happened (only one interaction happened at one time) and had a high bar for entry and exit (people invested in relationships). Once smartphones entered, social interactions became disembodied, asynchronous, one to many communication and had a low entry and exit barrier. Basically it went from being focused to spraying all over.

Haidt says this switch from play based childhood to phone based childhoods led to decline of mental health. Smart phones are experience blockers. He advocates no smart phones before high school, no social media before 16, phone free schools and encourages unsupervised play. Haidt says that between 2010-15, unrestricted access to social media without any serious verification of age led to Generation Z being anxious, depressed, self harming and suicidal. This hit girls harder - even boys registered an increased rate of depression and anxiety and suicide.

Children need free play in their childhood for developing social skills like conflict resolution, physical skills . Through play children connect sync, take turns. Social media on the other hand inhibits attunement and leaves heavy users starving for social connection. Social learning occurs during a sensitive period of 9-15 years. 

Children can be in discover mode or defend mode. In discover mode they scan for opportunities, are like kids in a candy shop, think for themselves and grow. In defend mode they are constantly scanning for danger, have a scarcity mindset, cling to team and have a keep me safe attitude. Children are by nature anti-fragile and need exposure to setbacks, failures, stumbles to develop strength and self reliance. Risky play is important to master fears and develop competencies. Fearful parents make safety the most important thing which makes it hard for children to deal with risks, conflicts.Children thrive when they have a play-based childhood versus phone based one.

Haidt says that early puberty is a period of brain rewiring and we must not let strangers and algorithms choose them. Safetyism blocks experience - children need to overcome anxiety, manage risks and self govern. Smart phones pushes out all forms of non phone based experience which they need.

The great rewiring has four foundational harms - social deprivation, sleep deprivation, attention fragmentation and addiction. Teens spend more than 7 hours on screens (not including school and homework) and the opportunity cost is heavy - like for example face to face settings have dropped from 122 minutes a day to 67 minutes a day. It affects quantity and quality of sleep which in turn causes depression, anxiety, irritability, cognitive deficit and poor learning, lower grades, more accidents and death from accidents. Staying focused is a sign of maturity and smart phones give 5-10 minutes before interrupting and interferes with development of executive functions. Heavy users develop insomnia and depression. The onset of fb, high speed internet affected mental health of girls more than boys and they prefer visually oriented platforms than text based ones. Two major motivations are agency (desire to stand out and leave an effect on the world) and communion (desire to connect and develop a sense of belonging). Boys chose more agency activities while girls chose more communion based activities. Boys suffered by withdrawing time and effort from the physical world, facing risk of failure to launch, shunning risk, moving social lives online etc.

Phone based life puts you down instead of uplifting you spiritually. Its changes the way we feel, judge and relate to others. when people move between profane and sacred we realise that the virtual world is entirely profane.

Some ways to achieve spiritual upliftment would be to create rituals such as eating together, practicing stillness meditation, practice self transcend-ency, non judgment, being in nature, finding that god shaped hole which years for spiritual meaning and elevation.

Haidt urges the government and tech companies to change priorities, correct under protection online and over protection off line, have better age verification procedures and encourage free play and recess. Schools can be phone-free, play-full, have let grow projects, have better recess and playgrounds. 

Parents can be gardeners, not carpenters and allow unsupervised free play, delay phone based childhood, encourage camps and such where they can take risks, increase mobility, exchange programs, have a free range childhood more likely to produce confident, competent young adults with less anxiety. Children between 18-24 months should have little or no screen time, between 5-9 years limited screen time, in mid school use parallel content, provide clear limits and no device zones and look out for signs of addiction.

I quite liked the ideas he shared in the book and think they make sense. For starters I need to get away from the phone and social media where I am barely present but can withdraw some more. For more info check out AnxiousGeneration.com