Column in the Sunday HANS - Emotional Indicators Wanted

Emotional Indicators in Traffic Wanted!

http://epaper.thehansindia.com/c/32683568

My Column in today's Sunday HANS - Faking Ownership!

Faking Ownership - My article in the Sunday HANS today!
http://epaper.thehansindia.com/1565429/SUNDAY-HANS/SUNDAY-HANS#page/21/1

My Article in The Sunday Hans - I Know, I Know

I know, I know - Sunday Hans Dec 10, 2017
http://epaper.thehansindia.com/1461874/SUNDAY-HANS/SUNDAY-HANS#page/9/1

The Curious Case of 'No Cash' in ATMs

For the past three weeks I found that the ubiquitous ATMs were back to their No Cash days. It appears that they are on a diet or a strike. Some ATMs blinked helpfully but at the last minute, after much thought (you can hear it thinking) said that they were somehow against that one transaction. My bank certainly has all its ATMs out of cash and I wonder what happened to this bank of mine. Of course many people told me that there is no limit on withdrawals and I could go to the counter and draw. I agreed. But I am concerned about the ATMs which are being starved. You see I have developed a nice relationship with them and cannot see their pain. They look positively thin now and a pale reflection of their healthy days.

Today I saw those old lines that I saw in those days of demonetisation in a couple of places. Not as long but equally hungry people out to attack the poor ATM and withdraw whatever little it had.

I wonder why there is no mention of this. Why the ATMs are being treated in this inATM fashion? Where has the cash gone? Why is no one asking a question about it?

Until it comes back into the system I guess all I can do is send some love to my old friends the ATMs. Truth be told I fear for them and their existence.

Disclaimer - No Humans Were Hurt (Nor Will Be)

While watching a movie the other day I noticed a large disclaimer that no animals had been hurt during the making of the movie. Wonderful stuff. Obviously the movie makers were concerned about not hurting animals - at least on the parts that show on screen!

It struck me that there should be a similar disclaimer that "no humans were hurt during the making of this movie!" Ah, now that would be tricky right? Apart from those who physically get hurt during the making of movies, stuntmen, performers who get slapped etc by intense directors, people who work three shifts a day and fall off at the end into the producer's arms and so on and so for. More importantly we have those whose feelings might have got hurt - those who auditioned for roles and did not get jobs, those who wrote stories and someone else got inspired and made off with the fame and the wealth, those who wooed the babe and she ran off with someone else, those who invested money and lost everything etc. The list of those who get hurt in movie making processes is long and no one can put a disclaimer like the one we have for animals. At best a 'no humans were hurt while making the movie as far as we know" can be expected.

Obviously we far away from seeking guarantees against the suffering audiences undergo when they watch certain movies. Obviously much is hurt for the audiences after the movie is released also - physical, mental, spiritual, financial. I hope someone takes up this issue in the interests of humans. I think too many people love animals and forget humans.

The 20 Stages of Being an Indian Writer - Krishna Shastri Devulapalli

This is one of those pieces I had to save for future reading. One of the funniest. KSD you outdid yourself.
https://www.facebook.com/krishnashastri.devulapalli/posts/825742024208023?notif_t=close_friend_activity

A Love Story - How I Sorted Out My Relationship with my Printer

My HP Laserjet 1020 has been with me for some 10 years now I guess. She's sturdy, reliable and gives me little room for complaints. It's a big part of my life obviously as she prints out stuff that I write non-judgmentally, again and again. Rarely has she misbehaved or broken down or asked for anything. Naturally I treat her badly and with disdain.

Last week she started misbehaving. She just went quiet. I would give a print order and she would stare at me silently. No familiar, yes master, kind of sounds. Pure silence. I switched her on and off, opened the cartridge and shut it. Nothing. Then I looked at the power cable, the data cable. She printed one page and then went back into silence mode.

Some sort of a protest? What was wrong with her?

I called in expert help. Sagar checked control panel and troubleshoot, cables and stuff. Once again she printed a sheet and went back into silent mode. He gave up, called his cousin and fixed up a technician to help me. I was to meet him today and handover my loyal, silent 1020. I could not help overhearing Sagar's conversation with his cousin. He said that she's printing one page and was silent thereafter. The cousin said that the sensors may be the problem area. While leaving Sagar also told me that the fine dust that floats around could be an issue too.

After he left I looked at 1020. She looked back silently at me. I fiddled a bit and then gave up.

Somehow it struck me that 1020 needed some TLC. I wanted to give her that much TLC before I handed it over to the technicians. This morning I carefully took 1020 out from her dusty place near my feet. I took off the cables and put her right on the main table. Then I got some clean cotton and carefully cleaned all the insides. There was much dust and it came off slowly. I blew into the insides and some more dust flew out. I cleaned the outsides next, the nooks, dusty as ever. She looked much better. I cleared up her space where she resides. I fitted the cartridge back, plugged in the power and data cables, switched on the power. I gave a print command.

She responded as she did on her first day and delivered a first class printout.

I guess that is what many old relationships need. A bit of TLC. Some bringing back on to the table, giving the attention it deserves, clearing the dust and the cobwebs, showing that we still care. Just that twenty minutes of TLC, of attention and she's back. I could have complained, shook my head, taken it to the technicians. For one wild moment, Sagar also hinted at getting a replacement.

I could also choose to give it attention and love.

If a printer can respond, surely people can. Anyway, suffice to say, me and my HP Laserjet 1020 are back together in a loving, supporting relationship. Life is blissful. The love story is alive and kicking.

A List - The 5 Types of People

There are different categories of people and how they affect you. Let me make a list - this time not more than 5.

1) The Ones Who Make You Sing
These are the highest grade in my opinion because they invite you to just be yourself. They create a comfortable space where you can allow yourself to express, you can let your heart sing and you can choose whatever song you wish to sing, happy or sad. This is the highest form of friendship in my opinion.

2) Those Who Make you Laugh
Just a tad below the first are these friends who make you laugh mostly. They give you the space to laugh, make you laugh, allow yourself to laugh at yourself, allow themselves to laugh at themselves. The laughter is cleansing and somehow drives all the pain away. These are the ones that one must have, just a call away.

3) Those Who Allow you to Confide
These are those that allow you to confide without judgment (or even with judgment). If you have someone like this, a sponge who can soak in your sorrows you at least have a vent. You won't die of not having anyone to talk to.

4) Those Who Are Unsure But Are Not Really Harmful
These are undefined relationships which hang on because they are not essentially harmful but which have no great positives. We can get together, talk nonsense, offer no real value to one another, certainly not elevate each other, but spend time together because we don't really have anything else to do. Sometimes it's probably better to find something to do by yourself than spending time with these people. Or just go and do your own thing.

5) Those Who Are Toxic
These are certainly the greatest teachers - the toxic ones who only make you feel lesser and lesser. Their words, acts and thoughts are toxic, negative. They are in a state all the time or put you into a state. Tears, fear, shame, guilt and all other lower grade emotions reign in these relationships. Mostly they drive you up the wall.

The last bunch are the greatest teachers. If we don't know how to handle them or make them disappear from our life it only means we haven't made peace with them (and parts of us that resonate with them) yet, or more importantly, not learned our lessons yet. Once we make peace with them (accept them) we can move. Then, perhaps, we make peace with the fact that we can be happy too.

I don't think its possible to say "get rid of all toxic relationships" as some do, because they are there for a reason. When we can see what they are for and learn the lesson, they disappear. Or the pain disappears and they appear beautiful. (It's not them silly, its you!)

If there is one thing that can be done, it's this - have a good mix of all types and balance it all. Now, let's see what I have and who fits where.

The Multiplex Experiences - PVRs

I experienced two multiplexes in the last couple of days. Both have greatly enriched me. I must share.

The PVR at Punjagutta is like a Treasure Hunt I once participated in - you realise it's not easy to find the treasure. Perhaps it is one way to keep us movie goers entertained. Despite having visited this architectural wonder many times, I am still lost about how to find my way to the movie theatres, and once I reach there, how to get out. There are many stairs and many lifts. Most of the lifts are too busy dong their own thing on other floors and do not come by to address your needs. Some lifts drop you off midway and then you find your way through food courts, stairwells etc. From the parking place to the movie theatres it always takes me twenty minutes to get to the theatre. The number of people running from one lift to another, taking the stairs etc meanwhile is not funny. You know families could get separated here like in Yaadon ki Baraat - some in the lift some on the stairs - and meet twenty years later. It's a near panic situation - like we have come early to catch the flight but there is a small traffic jam right here at the entrance and we cannot get there. On the way out of the movie you are ejected into some space and you pass by many possible exits, with no indication on how to go back to civilisation. I normally takes some stairs and hope they take me back to the ground after sometime - but not without moments of worry because it does seem like its going nowhere sometimes. At times it seems like we are travelling laterally instead of vertically, like we are headed into a parallel universe. I think that there might be many people who are lost in those stairs and lifts, trying to go up to the theatres or go down to the parking lot. Every time I get back to my car I thank my gods profusely. Solution: A small GPS system that we could hire for a few hundred rupees.

Yesterday I experienced the PVR at Banjara, earlier Cinemax. Now this complex was not very well maintained earlier and nothing has changed now. Somebody forgot to devise garbage disposal arrangements here so there is generous amounts of garbage lying about everywhere - parking, stairwell etc. The parking attendant took 30 bucks off me and told me to park anywhere. When I asked for a ticket, he shook his head like a stubborn schoolboy who has been asked to hand over his lollipop. When I insisted, he punched his machine hard in anger, scowled at me and threw the ticket into the car. How dare I ask? I feared for my car and went deep inside, away from his eyes. Who knows what he might do? When I parked I could sense rotten garbage - a huge, green plastic bag filled with some garbage lay close to my car. I quickly went up into the nice smelling, air conditioned parts.

Up on the theatre level I found that a tub of popcorn and a glass of Pepsi costs 450 bucks! 250? No. 450! They could as well sell that stuff on EMIs. I looked for any easy instalment schemes on refreshments and found none. I looked around to see how everyone else was faring but they all seemed to be picking up much more than a popcorn and a coke - the Indian economy is doing well (or they have the EMI scheme in place already and I don't know it yet). Is it possible that there are secret multiplex financiers who finance young kids movies, food, bowling etc because each outing cannot cost less than a couple of thousands at this rate? Is it possible that the parking lot attendant is part of that financing group? What do we have to pledge in return - organs? Anyway this PVR has a unique exit which takes you through garbage laden stairs (its like taking the back alleys of a bar in the old times after a late night out - be careful what you step on - something like a Shantaram tour minus the drug addicts). On the way out I noticed the plastic bag with garbage had now moved closer to the front tyre. Before it moved again, I quickly got into the car and zoomed off, keeping a wary eye for a moving garbage bag. There was a guy in the parking lot trying to reverse a BMW and he did everything but reverse - he got the wipers going, the headlights, the water spray everything. We waited patiently and then finally exited. Luckily there was no bag in tow unless it morphed into something else and attached itself to my poor car. I did not dare check last night.

I looked back at the multiplex. There were many people rushing into it. Where are the single screens? 

Link to Funny Article - By the Original Funny Man KSD

Well done KSD! All writers, be and wannabe, must read.

http://scroll.in/article/732503/twelve-superheroes-who-are-actually-writers

Vehicular Harassment - There Should be a Law Against This

Sometimes you wonder how you attract some people into your life. Two such gentlemen came into my life the other day and gave me a wonderful example of how close they wish to be to me, or to Carlos (my car).

It was a Sunday, so the place was empty. By the time I returned from my work, hoping for a pleasant drive out of the place, I see these two gentlemen had parked their bikes on either side, refusing to let me go. Notice the closeness they maintain to Carlos, hinting at an undesirable intimacy. And both bikes edging on so lecherously too.

Why would anyone do this when the entire place was empty?

Why would anyone do this?

The few reasons I could think of on why they (the bikers) did this was that they were
1) very insecure people and found security in numbers
2) somehow did not want me to leave the place
3) somehow thought this was a bikes only place
4) thought my car was actually a helicopter and could take off vertically.

Much difficulty later, I extricated my car from the embrace of these two bikes and headed home.

There should be a law against such vehicular harassment. Poor Carlos!

A Moment of Uncontaminated Joy

As we walked in ahead of the event, I showed Anjali the poster in the lift at Landmark bookstore. Her reactions were brilliant.

Gotcha!

 And then as we walked in we saw a huge poster at the entrance to the bookstore and posed.

This is it!

And then we turned to go away, after our moment of celebration. There were things to do.

Let's go!

An Interesting Situation

I was talking to a young team in a startup - the average age of which was 25. We were discussing how it is important to keep the energy up in the team and ways in which the team could keep energy high. We agreed that small victories and progresses should be shared and celebrated. I asked them to step up one by one and share their small experiences and victories in an informal manner with their team. The rest of the team was asked to appreciate, ask questions and get involved.

I told them to address their team - it was an informal sharing between them. They found it difficult to talk to their peers. The peers listened in a manner that showed low involvement. Even at times when the youngsters shared something really good there was no reaction. When the person finished, they all looked uncomfortably at each other. Some clapped hesitantly.

I asked them why they were not appreciating their colleagues small victories. Why they were not really interested in knowing how and what they did. They were silent. I realised that they were not tuned to getting or giving appreciation. Any celebration was a far cry. The words 'Wow' or 'Great' came with great difficulty. (We all had a session simply shouting 'Wow' and 'Wah Wah' and 'Great' to get used to the words.) Real victories, successes were not acknowledged and celebrated.

I wonder why.

Children grow up imitating our behaviors. I cannot see them suddenly being appreciative and interested and involved in other people if they have not been exposed to such behaviors. I cannot see them celebrating others successes, learning from them, genuinely appreciating them if we do not set the example. It was appalling to see their hesitancy, their doubt that what they did was worth sharing or celebrating.

I made my observation and then we decided to have fun. Each one of the listeners was nominated to say 'Wow' or 'Great' or celebrate the small victories of the person who was sharing every ten seconds - just for the heck of it. There was laughter, fun and energy in the room. Nothing like some fun, mischief and spirit to rev up the energy. By the end of it all we did end up having fun. The energy was good.

What I understand from this experience is that the problem lies with us - the role models - not with them.

Clearly we must lead by example. We must set forth and live the behaviors we wish to see. If we want pleasantness we must be pleasant. If we want happiness we must be happy. If we want energy we must show energy. If we want politeness and celebration we must be polite and celebrate. From us, the seniors, the youngsters will learn and imitate. Its time we quickly started living that life we want to see.

There is no point cribbing about what is not there. By doing that we promote a culture of cribbing. 

Book Reviews - Funny Stuff By A Funny Man

It will make even the writers smile. Thanks KSD.
http://scroll.in/article/697256/22-book-reviews-that-no-one-dared-publish

My favorites - 3,5 and 11.

When I Talk, I Am Talking to Myself

Consider these four greetings.

Hiiii. - This from a person who is feeling great.
Hi. - This from a person who is just about there.
Hmm. - This from a person who is borderline in the negative and slipping.
Get out of here. - This from a person who is down there, totally negative and in a huge hole.

Infuse life

Or they could be the same person. (In fact, they are.)

Here's the story.
I caught myself saying an unusually cheery hello the other day. This came as a big surprise to me because this person who benefited from it was the usual pain - one I normally reserve for greeting number 4. But I continued on in this vein and the person was surprised etc etc.

After I left I wondered if I was beginning to like this person. Or perhaps, I was becoming like that person. This was a sad thought.

I thought some more. I noticed that my mood had been upbeat that particular morning owing to various other factors. The first person I encountered after my elevated mood swing was this - and all my love was showered on this person.

So it appears that when I am talking to someone, it is not that person who is affecting how I behave. It's me! In a good mood I am all cheer and happiness and charm and in a foul mood (the normal one) I am all fire and acid. In a mopy mood I drip self-pity. The other person is merely reflecting it like a mirror.

Which makes the other person almost irrelevant. Almost neutral.

On the other hand, in my world, my entire exercise seems to be to infect that person, whichever mood he or she is in, with my current mood. If I succeed we can both sail in the same boat pleasurably, miserably. If I don't I don't like that person much and leave instantly.

My existence seems to be to convert as many people I meet into clones of what I am feeling. I want more of myself. It's like some crazy alien horror movie. Only the alien monster here is me.

Ok, this is when I am infected by a mood and I carry on passing it. Huge plot point here. How can i use this information to save the world? Is it possible that I could, affect the others person by faking the emotion? Is it? Is it really possible?

Maybe by faking the emotion (the Hiiii one is preferable) I could uplift myself. I could address that part of me in others and it comes back to me through them (they are mirrors remember). I could then feel happy that some good is coming my way (little knowing that it's my fake Hiii that actually started it and is coming back to me magnified) and cling on to it.

We have a chain reaction here ladies and gentlemen.
Happiness, it appears, can be manufactured. Go forth then, and multiply it.

How to Earn a Living - Creative and Uncreative Ways

After looking at the ways of the world for a few decades I have come to the conclusion that there are many ways of making a living. What interests me is how a living can be earned.

Don't let the sun go down on me

Most uncreative ways of making a living:
These forms are crude and prehistoric. They involve waging war and taking over others properties and belongings, stealing, robbing, confiscating. The earnings have been stolen. obtained by hook or crook, by force or subterfuge.
Negative energy. Rule is by fear. Mostly the perpetrators will die by the same method. Will be feared and despised.

Uncreative, dishonest ways of earning a living:
This is using a position and troubling people by misusing its power. Corruption is one form of this. Insider trading, landgrabbing, cheating are all forms of this method. From common thieves to corporate bandits, dacoits to landgrabbers, sarkari clerks to cheating businessmen, they all fall in this category.
Negative energy. Drains the world. Hoard and store. Cannot enjoy the money as they are constantly living in fear of losing it.

Uncreative, honest ways of making a living:
This is where you have nothing to offer and consider yourself pretty useless so you hang around and beg or wait for the world to give you something to get by. No creative thought.
Zero energy. As good as dead.

Slightly more creative ways of earning a living:
This is by accumulating some skill and using it well in exchange to earn a living. You can gain employment, start a business, give advice.
Positive energy. Unsure space. Will at least sustain themselves and not drain the world of its energy. There is an incremental benefit to the world. Nothing stunning or excitement.

Most creative ways of earning a living:
This is where by making a small shift, introducing a fresh thought, an unmet need of the world is met. People feeling lonely, scared, people wanting recognition, people wanting to be connected etc etc suddenly find that there is a medium and are attracted to it. Their needs are met, you sit back and just make it better. They are happy, you are happy, the world is happy.
High energy. Exciting and positive energy. New wealth is created in the system. The world is a better place because.

You can make a living and enliven many more lives or you can make a living at the cost of many lives. Or you could just survive and die. It's a matter of attitude, of using the grey cells.

Improvement Ideas - Promote the Flex Boards Culture

One idea that I get when I see flex boards with pictures of some local 'leaders' and 'youth association members' is how this need for self-promotion could lead to a peaceful and law abiding society. The need for self-promotion is so deep that people go to great lengths.

Consider this aspect of self-promotion for a moment. Some people are constantly on facebook, some are constantly on blogs (like me), some are on whatsapp sending out philosophical messages and rotten jokes. Some others are paying good money to be featured in newspapers, some others are up to some antic or the other to stay in the news. I know people who actually buy citations and awards, float companies, finance movies (so they and their children can star in them), who self publish books and many other ways of self-promoting themselves. This self-promotion bug is a deep rooted need that we all have - the need to be relevant, to be acknowledged, to say 'hey, I exist'.

Then there are some of us self-promoters who find these above mentioned routes rather long drawn. Not for them all this waiting and working and writing and acting and taking pictures and posting and all that indirect stuff. There is yet another route that does not need all this. All it needs is a picture of oneself and a name (even a pet name like Pappu or Babloo), and the desire to appear on hoardings. These aspiring young self-promoting leaders get appointed on to some committee or the other in their neighbourhood and put together a well designed flex board which is then inflicted upon the average public with about a million faces peering out from them. Their names printed alongside.

Typically these boards are well meaning. They find some good occasion like for example, wishing some other great leader - could be President Obama for all you care. Put President Obama's picture, a smaller picture of some other leader, your own picture while walking around with goggles and dressed out with khadi, hand waving etc, and then thirty other faces of friends and family all grinning happily or looking like they have been dead for a couple of years. You could be wishing someone happy birthday, wish society happy Diwali, or any occasion you please.

The problem is that most times these faces do not inspire much confidence. They do not seem to be genuinely wishing you a happy Diwali. Its more likely they are saying -wait till I met you in the dark alley next door. I don't know why but they remind you of all the kinds of people you see in movies whom you ought not to meet in a dark alley. I don't want to judge books by covers, but what to do, these covers do not really inspire confidence. (Are their photographers bad?)

Why they are there on the flex board at all looking at me, what is it that they want to do peering at us, what their future plans are - these questions worry me when I see these flex boards. These youth leaders may well become our full grown leaders tomorrow, which is also rather worrying. Will I have to see them on television then? How will I approach them in real life if what I see on the flex board is itself rather intimidating? Are there only bad sides to this.

There must be some good side to it.

It turns out that there is one. A good reason why these self-promoting flex boards must be encouraged.

This is inspired by this news item I heard about recently. Let me relate the story first. A young man was waylaid and robbed of his stuff. He lodged a police complaint and things went rather quiet for a while. (Most likely because the police started their investigations into why this person was carrying any valuables at all. Sorry, that was a joke.) Now this young lad was in the habit of looking at these flex boards. Voila. He saw one of his friendly attackers smiling at him from one of the flex boards. He called the police and pointed at the flex board and they apprehended the smiling gentleman.

Don't you see the benefits? All that the police needs to do from now on is to get a print of all flex boards and show them to people who have been at the receiving end of robberies, muggings, land grabbing, eve teasing etc. Better still encourage these flex boards to be put up all over town so they serve as a gallery at every nook and cranny. In most cases there could be an early resolution to the matter since the pictures are prominently displayed and are of much better quality than the ones you'd find in the police files. Here the pictures are in colour, and showing the chaps in normal circumstances, leering, laughing, winking, threatening.

A further improvement of the flex board benefits to law and order officials is that they serve as great indicators to the cops on where they should focus their energies on. All potential mischief makers will make their appearance sooner or later on the flex and a close eye on their whereabouts could easily help. Thanks to the wonders of technology and the human need to self-promote, our lives can actually become much easier.

And we can all self-promote ourselves peacefully without worrying too much about being mugged by total unknowns thanks to the flex board technology. 

Why I love Ophthalmologists

I went to the opthalmologist for some treatment yesterday. I found that the whole experience was quite nice. Intimate rather. The fact that the opthalmologist was looking closely into my eyes with great care and concern made me feel very nice and cared for. For a few moments it seemed that I was the object of great love - or perhaps - great concern. Though the light was blinding and I could not reciprocate the ophthalmologist's care and concern (and intimacy), I felt very nice being on the receiving end.

I started thinking that perhaps we should visit the ophthalmologist every month so you experience this being looked at closely into one's eyes. Maybe we could persuade the ophthalmologist to look into our eyes without the blinding light (or on second thoughts, maybe its better the light is there, makes it more mysterious).

This syncs in with another great idea I once had. The idea was to start a diagnostic centre called 'Good Results Diagnostics'. It is based on my experience that in most cases my visits to doctors and diagnostic centres have (thankfully!) been due to some unknown and unfounded anxieties in my mind. The moment I paid the the consultation fee the symptoms vanished, most times even before I took the first dose of medicine. So, if we have a diagnostic centre that only gives you the perfect results (only they follow the procedure of collecting money, doing the test etc). Just that there are no tests really done. The perfect results are given to you at the end of the anxious wait. All's well.

The great placebo effect.

But this other idea, the ophthal idea, is no placebo. It consists of real clinics that have doctor-people who look deep into your eyes, who hold your hand, who warmly place a hand on your shoulder, who for a few minutes make you feel like you are the centre of the world. (Now most people are uncomfortable being the centre of the world for various reasons so we need a medical reason as a good excuse.) They walk into the clinic for some seemingly minor ailment, meet all these wonderfully warm and intimate people, and go home feeling warm and cared for. Of course they pay a small premium for all this wellness. Now this is purely medical and no self indulgences will be entertained. Ten minutes and off you go.

Now, that's my idea of a wellness centre. Until the idea really takes off we will have to do with the real doctors - the ophthalmologists for one are great to visit and I recommend them. I can see various other forms of extreme thoughts arising even as I write when one considers the other specialisations. So at this moment I will fully restrict myself to ophthalmologists only.

Or perhaps we can start a look-into-eyes therapy. Start at home with a willing participant. Happy looking into eyes.

Here Come The Whatsappers!

I am not big on facebook, twitter. Come to that I never really chatted with anyone - all my life I would have chatted for about 30 minutes in all and that too when someone sprang on me when I least expected it. I am not much of a forwarder of mails, quite content to trash the ones I get and not getting all vengeful on my contacts. I am not one for instant messaging not instant updating of my status (which is not much to share mostly). So when someone added me on to the whatsapp business I had no clue what I was getting into. I had only heard of people taking pictures and sending them off using this great new invention of mankind and sending messages free of cost and chatting away because its free.

It was a group of my old college mates, people whom I don't remember much now. They were a bunch of normal, boring people so I did not know what to expect. For precisely two minutes! And then the group descended on me and one another. Suddenly I found that all my old mates had become very different personalities. Some had become extremely gregarious (Hi, how are you, long time no see, how are wife and kids yaar) which they were not in real life when I knew them. Some were actively seeking information and knowledge from all over the world and were sharing it freely (did you know that India is the only country too blah blah, did you know that you could die in a million ways after you are born etc), something which was missing then. Some were keen on improving our lives and had a bit of advise for us every morning in terms of sharing quotes and information (an apple a day keeps the doctor away, good morning friends). Some felt our lives needed humour and forwarded many jokes which brought much mirth in the group. Many had become very polite and caring online personalities (great to hear such advise from you bhaiyya). Some had become extremely clear on their political views and were fringing on the radical. Some others insisted on exposing us to the harsh realities of life by sending us the most gruesome pictures and videos they could find (share with all you care about else you will die or something like that). Some wanted to improve our libido and shared slightly naughty stuff (these got most responses). All this at a frenetic pace that I must confess I have not time to run through most. I am unemployed and I wonder how these guys are managing it all with an active job. Maybe they outsource readers.

What I was struck by really was how badly I had misjudged these wonderful people. How this awful bunch had evolved into such fun, sharing, caring, polite, knowledgeable people with so much information they want to share is something one can only credit that app called whatsapp surely. I am completely overwhelmed by this realisation. I am also exhausted from reading all the stuff these fine people are putting up there - from rare Sardar jokes to how we should escape health issues and videos of the world's greatest disasters. I am also totally complexed. While all my friends were growing up into these smart, well informed, courageous people after college days, I must confess that I have remained a rather ill-informed, less than articulate, less than polite specimen who cannot even put stuff up for the crowd on whatsapp to enjoy and improve themselves as citizens, fathers, husbands, mothers, voters, patients etc.

Hopefully I will. And soon. At the rate at which I am receiving information and tips and advice on whatsapp I will soon turn into a philosopher, self help guru, current affairs expert with a good stock of jokes. And then I can also share them with unsuspecting and unimproved blokes.

The New Age Cinema Theatre Behavior

This is theatre behavior I noticed yesterday while watching a movie.

1) Talk loudly on cell phone (and lie about where you are)
2) Kick the seat in front of you as often as you can
3) Talk to your gang of friends as loudly as you can using all cuss the words you know
4) Discuss loudly whether to move into the front rows and then start giggling
5) Stamp over everyone's feet while moving out and giggle again
6) Have cell phone with atrocious tone ring loudly
7) Drop eatables and soft drinks on any one in the way if you can
8) Eat tonnes, tonnes of stuff - popcorn, soft drinks, nachos - anything one can lay their hands on
9) Have little child scream his guts out and do nothing about it
10) Complain, complain, complain, complain - about lift, movie, people, food, prices, seats, color, sound, space to walk, timing

If you're lucky you get to see almost every single one of these behaviors.

In the good old days it was very exciting to hear the chaps comment on the movie, hear the sound of bangles when an amorous couple got busy, see paper confetti fly up and liven up the show with a magical moment, hear the sound of coins being thrown when songs and dialogues appealed to the audience and the odd time when chaps got up and started to dance in the aisles at a song.

You know, it was far more interesting really.