Ever since I saw this book cover and title I always wanted to read it. It definitely says that you are your biggest obstacle and I was looking for any insights into how Brianna might address the issue. So bought the book and gave it a quick read.
The tagline of the book is 'Transforming Self- Sabotage into Self-Mastery'. The author says that we have the capacity but we self-sabotage and do not reach our potential. So if we have hit a limit we must look to renew and for that we must go through a process of positive disintegration. She says we transform onour edge states and that any breakdown is a tipping point. Also that to be human is to grow and that this mountain though it is self-made helps. We must get over what is stopping us - addictions, relationships, job, money issues etc. So far we are still laying out the premise.
Chronic problems indicate the reality of ourselves she says. We accumulate traumas, our adaptive nature, coping mechanisms compound and keep us stuck.
Your mountain is between you and the life you want to live she says and a trigger will show your path. We are holding ourselves back with our own self-sabotaging behaviors. It is an unconscious need probably an old belief so we must pinpoint the traumatic event, release unprocessed emotions, find healthier ways to meet our needs, reinvent our self-image, develop emotional intelligence and resilience.
Self-sabotage is a coping mechanism. It is not obvious and comes from an irrational fear. Our old beliefs become attachments. Self-sabotaging behaviours come from negative, unconscious associations, from what's unfamiliar, from belief systems that are no longer true. So you must get out of denial, take accountability. List all the things you aren't happy with and decide to get out and prepare for radical change.
We self sabotage because of two conflicting desires - one conscious and one unconscious.
Self-sabotage shows up in many ways such as Resistance, Upper Limit Problem, Uprooting, Perfectionism, Limited Emotional Intelligence, Justification, Disorganised behavior, Attachment to what we dont want, Judging others, Pride, Guilt of succeeding, Fear of failure, Downplaying, Unhealthy habits, Being 'busy', Being with the Wrong People, Worrying irrationally.
To identify a self-sabotage cycle check for
- being more aware of what you dont want instead of what you want
- trying to impress people who don't like you
- burying your head in sand
- convincing others you're ok
- you want to be liked at the expense of being happy
- you're afraid of your feelings
- you're chasing goals without knowing why
- you're treating coping mechanisms as the problem
- you try to care about everything
- you're waiting for someone to help
Identify your triggers. When we identify why something is triggering us we cane use the experience as a catalyst for a release and a positive life change.
Brianna also gives a list of negative emotions and how they can be used
- Anger - can use it to see limits/check priorities
- Sadness - feel it, it helps
- Guilt - it comes from childhood, so let it pass
- Embarrassment - shame is its shadow side
- Jealousy - is actually sadness/self-dissatisfaction
- Resentment - its projected regret
- Chronic fear - feel it
Brianna says - follow your gut. It knows. There's a difference between instinct and fear - instinct will not frighten you. Differentiate between instinctive nudges and intruding thoughts. Self-sabotage is a product of low Emotional Intelligence so develop that by feeling your feelings.
Your brain is designed to resist what you want - you get bored. Stay with the process - change happens in microshifts.
Release the Past
Brianna says one must release unrealistic expectations. What is out of the path is clearing the path. Recover from emotional trauma - trauma is the experience of disconnecting from a fundamental feeling of safety. It sits in the body, physically.
To release emotional backlog
- meditate to feel
- do breath scans to find tension in your body
- sweat, move, cry but move forward
Healing your mind
When you are no longer scared to feel anything, no longer resisting any part of life - you find peace. Be in the here and now.
Building a New Future
To meet the highest potential future self
- Face your fears
- Notice how your future self looks
- Ask for guidance
- Imagine them handing you the 'keys'
To be the most powerful version of yourself
- Visualise what would the most powerful version of you do
- Be willing to be disliked
- Find your purpose
- Do inner work
- Learn to validate your feelings
- Adopt your own principles (a principle is a fundamental life truth you can use to build the foundation of your life)
- do little things repeatedly so they compound and become big
Figure out what you want to do
- what's worth suffering for
- what comes naturally
Your life purpose is the point at which your skills, interests and the market intersects
To go from Self-Sabotage to Self-Mastery
- Learn to control your emotions instead of suppressing them (suppressing is unconscious, controlling is conscious)
- Trust yourself
-Find your own peace
To detach from worrying
- Get a plan
- its not about you
- ask for help
- take responsibility
- don't make false connections
- look at triggers as solutions
- look for solutions
- Honour your discomforts
- feel your feelings
How to truly enjoy your life
- stop trying to be happy
- be in the here and now
- enjoy little things
- seek positive relationships
- learn something new
- see challenges as opportunities
- be aware of what you give your energy to
- do nothing sometimes
- play
Brianna finally says that your mountains are gifts. Pivot points. Growth opportunities. Take responsibility and grow.
...
The books said everything that has to be said without saying anything deeply. It became like a series of lists of how to, instead of addressing the core issue deeply. I felt it could have been effective through stories which is a proven method of getting ideas across. Brianna instead chooses to just tell instead of showing which becomes rather difficult to retain. To me it was a bit disappointing because I expected one strong point that will address the issue of getting the realisation across that I am the mountain so I need to do something about it - no one else.
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