Anjali - How to Stay Focused

I was telling Anjali how despite the best intentions of losing weight I always go back to overeating or exercising irregularly. She heard me carefully and then told me gently how she prepared for her exams this time (with her OKRs).

'I stuck some nice messages for myself all over the place so I don't lose focus,' she said. 'In my books, on the wall, in my bag etc.'

'Wow,' I said. 'That's the way to do things if one is serious about it.'

'Yes,' she said warming up. ' And I told myself that I will not go and watch TV or play. It was so difficult but I held myself. Only after I finished my portion did I got to play. It's a great feeling then Nanna, because you feel like you have earned it and you play more happily than if you played without finishing your portion. You always feel happy if you can delay that happiness a little.'

Hmm. What was that study about delayed gratification and success? You got that right kiddo. And you have results to prove so I cannot argue with that. Now, where am I with my OKRs?

Anjali - We Take Things for Granted

We were driving back home when this old lady came to ask for alms. She looked pretty haggard and old and worn out. I gave Anjali some money to give her because she was on that side of the car.

While we were pulling out Anjali said 'She smiled when I gave her the money.'

I nodded.

'Must have been hungry,' she said. 'She looked happy.'

I nodded again.

'I feel we take so many things for granted in our lives,' she said after that. 'Look at her life and her hardships. She has no home, no money, no food. Instead of being grateful for what we have we keep saying we want more, bigger house, bigger car.'

I nodded again. Bang on. Be grateful for what you have. Good place to start.

Anjali - OKRs Achieved

I read 'Measure What Matters' by John Doerr recently and was completely taken in by the simplicity of the idea and how well it works. I  promised myself that I will implement the idea and also share it as much as I can to make ideas come into reality with better execution for as many as I could.

The idea is really simple - write 2-3 Objectives - stuff you want to achieve. This must be significantly big and not an incremental improvement over what you are doing. It could be ideally an objective you want to achieve over a time period of a year, 3-6 months etc. If you achieve 0.7 of the Objective, you have done really well.

Each Objective must have 3-4 Key results which are outcomes/ results and not activities. KRs will be specific, timebound and measurable. At any point you should know where you stand with your OKRs. It's your own Objective. Share it with your team and have frequent conversations about it. Get feedback and develop a culture of recognition. (A link to my detailed book review for those who are interested http://harimohanparuvu.blogspot.com/2018/08/measure-what-matters-john-doerr.html)

Since I was super kicked about the idea, I shared it at home with the usual victims, Shobhs and Anjali. All of us sat down and wrote OKRs and while Shobha and I have longer-term Objectives (which are doing way better than normal), Anjali wrote hers with crystal clarity. There's a huge difference in the way she wrote hers and the way I wrote mine. Hers is uncluttered and has one Objective only. And it sticks out a mile. She added a line for herself at the bottom 'Be the best you can be'. I was happy that I could share the idea and she could benefit from it at her own pace.

But then she sat down and prepared for her exams exactly as she planned. I was impressed with her focus, her questions and the way she would egg us both to help or ask questions. There were times when she woke up early to study.

Result. She topped almost all her exams and with a comfortable margin, which was a first. Top she does but not all, and there is always someone snapping at her heels. This time she sailed through easily. The execution was spot on. Results clear.

'Congratulations! I said. 'Well done' when she told me with great excitement in the car that she topped all exams. 'OKR nanna,' she said, not losing sight of the simple practice we had used. And the moment we came home she took a sketch pen and wrote on the top of this OKR - 'OKR Achieved'. I loved that act of closure. And celebration.

Now to send this to John Doerr and thank him for the wonderful book. It works and very well.

Anjali - No Plastic Please

Now Daksha School has always been advocating a pollution-free and plastic-free world, so many of these ideas are firmly ingrained in Anjali's mind. So a couple of years ago she walked into our colony Ganesh committee and asked them if they were installing a clay Ganesha (and they showed her that it was indeed a clay Ganesha). She has been advocating carrying our own bags etc when we go shopping and she is now a passionate foot soldier for the no-plastic, save the earth campaign.

Today we went to a sweet shop to buy a few sweets and samosas - the sweets for her good performance in the recent exams. The guy packed the stuff in a plastic cover and gave it to us. 'Nanna', she said. 'No plastic.' I wondered what to do and this time the young activist took charge unlike the last time when I told her that we could do it next time. She yanked the cover off and placed it back on the counter. The chap at the counter looked at her face and knew better than to convince her otherwise.

In the car, the young activist let flow a tirade. 'Nanna, we must all do this. One person cannot to it all by herself. Even if no one on this earth will support me I will do it. But it will help and make it easy if everyone joined in (hinting at people like me surely). And what am I convincing them about? To save our earth? To save themselves? Come on, this is just too much. This is our earth. It gives us so much. It gives us life. And this is how we treat it? How can we take it for granted? How can we keep littering it with plastic and then it pollutes and kills animals. I saw a video where an animal eats up plastic thinking its an edible thing. Can't we carry bags, bottles....'

So passionate was she spoke almost non-stop throughout our 15 minute journey. I suggested that perhaps since we cannot change everyone at one go, we should perhaps model that behavior and at the same time influence them by spreading the information and giving them small tips on how to avoid using plastic.  She thought I was, as usual, trying to contain her enthusiasm and sobered down a bit. I suggested that maybe I could interview her and she could express her views on the blog it would be a good start. A few people would see and may change their habits or behaviors a little. She agreed to the idea. So the interview is on next.

I do not remember being so passionate about anything like this in my life. There is a different kind of kindness to things that are not human (animals, birds, earth, environment) that I see in these kids that I never felt nor saw much in our days. Bodes well for the future. Good going Anjali.

Anjali - A Sonnet

"A sonnet is a fourteen-line poem...' and some other technicalities that I did not understand.

Anjali was supposed to read a sonnet in school. She tried a few sonnets that she found online and did not like them. She read one to me. I said I liked it and asked who wrote it. She said she wrote it herself.

She took her sonnet and read it in school. I never thought you could do stuff like that. Here's the young poet's sonnet.



GIVE AND TAKE

Once I met a man - he said
What do you want here
I said I desire some food and a bed
And maybe some water crystal clear

He said come here and listen
I live right down the road
Go in and freshen
And have all you want; there is a load

I went and ate some food and then some more
And had a bath very well
I said Without you I would have been lying on the floor
In return for your kindness take my golden bell

I do not need your bell he said but you listne to me
What I want from you is to help everyone you see.

Anjali - Parents Expectations, Said and Unsaid

I never understood the full meaning of what it meant when we say that children carry 'the burden of expectations'. The burden more or less seems to begin and ends with the parents who represent the society to the child. Children of successful parents carry this burden a lot more because of the constant comparison but it is not to say that children of less successful parents do not.

Tenzin is in Manali looking for herbs for Tibetan medicine. He sent me this pic.

Somehow it struck me while talking to one celebrity parent a few years ago that children assume this expectation, this role of making their parents proud whether the expectation exists or not. Watch any reality show, any child in his or her deepest moment and we hear them say 'I want to make my parents proud'. Their biggest fear - of failing their parents. I can get it when counsellors say - you can forgive anyone but not your parents. It's written into the code it seems.

That particular conversation led me to think that all we need to do as parents is to reduce that burden - expected or unexpected - from the child's shoulders and allow them to express themselves as they are. To tell them that we love them unconditionally and forever. And to demonstrate that in all our actions. Every parent tries hard to do their best for the child - some feel that the child needs to be pushed, some that the child needs to be left alone. The balance never seems right but long as the child is aware that this burden can be set aside and he or she will be loved despite that - it just might help that much more to make the journey bearable for the child.

So it was in a recent experience when Anjali was upset and in a quiet moment told me that she was unhappy that she was not being strong enough for us. I was surprised to hear that she felt she had to be strong for us. Which means that she should not cry or be sensitive or feel emotional when she wants to. I told her whatever I knew about being strong. I told her that it is fine to accept being weak, because weak is one end of the spectrum and strong is another and both exist in the same place. In fact I felt that accepting that we are weak is a sign of strength. It gives a kind of a resilience and flexibility that we normally do not get by putting up a facade of strength which could be rather brittle. She listened and heard me out and nodded. Hopefully it made whatever sense it did to her and she understands it the way it will help her be herself - fears and worries, joys and happiness, weakness and strength and all.

Deep inside I wonder if I am still seeking approval from my parents, somehow wondering if I failed them or made them proud. I somehow feel they might have wished that I was not so adamant in some things but in the end, be secretly proud of my naive addiction to the way of life I believe in. I feel they would be fine with whatever I have done or any of my siblings have done. I can see the joy in my mother's eyes and her pride at what my brother has achieved and at my books for she was an expressive one, and my father's gruff manner but very transparent ways of understanding our choices and trying to make them ours and not his. From up there, they would be quite happy we did what we did.

The paradox is that we are strong when we accept we are weak. We become weak when we force ourselves to be strong. It is when we are honest that we seem to find some deep reservoir of strength.

Anjali - Handling Unfairness

It was one of those days when I picked Anjali from school. She got into the car and started with the good stuff that happened at school. And then suddenly her face crumpled. 'For the second week in a row, our PT sir kept me out of the game. It got so bad that all my classmates told him to let me play instead of them. But he still would not let me play. I can understand one week, but two weeks?'

She is a big one on fairness.

I asked her if she asked the PT sir to give her a chance. She said 'He knows. But he kept me out. It's unfair.'

I could fully identify with her. Many a time, when I was left out, I felt exactly like her. So I told her how I had many such experiences and how I had felt bad too. But then I told her, I ended up feeling bad but never got what I wanted - play or whatever else I wanted. I told her that now I feel I could have done things differently because the outcome was perhaps more important than feeling the unfairness or injustice. Instead of expecting the teacher to understand my situation and be fair, I could have insisted.

One way was to complain and feel the PT sir had been unfortunate. We parents could get involved etc but was there a better way. Maybe she could tell her teacher in the next class, politely and respectfully, pleading or requesting or whatever, one way or another, that she should get her chance now because she waited out for two classes. Somehow find a way to get the outcome while she was still there, while she had an opportunity to set that right. Could she think a different way to get what she wanted?

I drew her attention to something similar when she had the same unfair behavior by her teacher - a few years ago. When Anjali forgot her fruits on her designated Fruit Day, her teacher had taken her off the list. But Anjali resolved the situation by putting her ego and hurt aside and pleading with her teacher until she relented. 

She heard me out and nodded.

Yesterday she came home and said she put her case across to her PT sir before the class began. She asked not to be made to sit out for the next two classes because she was the only one who missed two in a row.

Good show Anjali. If the outcome is not what you want, adjust the process. Most times it is about putting our ego aside. 

Anjali - You Can Find It Inside You

The talk was about some talents of ours - in complete jest of course. Somewhere singing came up and Shobha joked and said 'Anjali, that's one talent I do not have.'

Of course, fact remains that even we do not have the singing talent either but we are completely shameless about it and sing at the top of our voice.

Anjali was as usual sympathetic.

'You also have all these talents amma,' she consoled. 'You just have to find them inside you.'

The moment passed but I was wondering at the profundity of it all. Many times one gets the feeling that some vitalcog is missing in oneself. I get this feeling quite often. And then we realise that it's not something missing, but rather a matter of finding it inside ourselves.

Like they say, all that's without, is within. One must look inside and find it, give it love and there it is. Thanks Anjali.

Anjali - Fit India Campaign

The ad blared on FM - about Balkrishna ji helping us Indians in the Fit India campaign by sharing some Ayurveda secrets - or something like that. It sounded a bit odd, we thought it was Baba Ramdev, then realized it was his old pal Balkrishna. I could barely keep my mouth shut because the family was in the car and well, we are supposed to be generally open and optimistic with children around.

'Seriously,' said Anjali. 'Aren't there any better things for them to focus on instead of Fit India?'
Hmm. Interesting. So ten-year-olds feel the same way.
'What better things?' I asked, just to see.

'Well pretty much everything else,' she said. 'Robbery, child lifters...'
I nodded. Yes, there were many more things to focus on surely. Why was this such a big thing now?

'Perhaps if you become fit you can run away from the robbers?' joked Shobha.
'But the robbers will also become fit right?' said Anjali. 'It's not a Fit India campaign only for the good guys is it?'

Point made. Point taken. But more importantly, ten-year olds can see through these campaigns. 

Anjali - Happy Father's Day!

I do not remember Father's Day unless reminded of it on social media etc. Consequently, I did not know today was Father's Day until Anjali walked up quietly mid-morning and gave me a scratch card that she had made.

The Birthday Scratch Card! - Scratched out!

It was a pink card with some blue paint in three patches.'Scratch,' she said, handing me a coin. I scratched. The entire thing came off with the paint and what was under it. 'Oh oh,' she said. 'Scratch this one,' she said pointing at the next one. This time nothing happened. The paint had really stuck to the paper. No amount of scratching would separate them. I asked her what was under the paint she had put on the little card. 'Three gifts,' she said. 'Anyway does not matter, I will give them all to you.'

The Father's Day Plaque

The first one was a wooden painting - a piece of plywood from recent carpentry works that was left over. She painted 'Dad' on it with a nice mustache with her paints. It was a lovely gift.

'Thanks so much,' I said, delighted that she took so much trouble for me. I am always amazed when I find anyone doing anything for me. Now I must find a way to hang it up on the wall.

Then came the second gift. A card. It was folded in many ways and opened in such a manner that it reveals a new message as it unfolded. The card itself was intricately done but then, on it, instead of simply scribbling her message (as I would have done), she took a print out of her message, cut it out and pasted it carefully. Here's the message in the card pics. Naturally, my heart filled out at the message. 'Wow,' I said. 'Thank you so much, Anjali.' Of course, she did not let me open the card lest I tear it up in my clumsy ways. She opened it herself.

Page 1 of card

Page 2

Page 3

Page 4

She disappeared again and came back with the third gift. 'These are gift coupons,' she said. 'You can use them anytime.' On the first coupon was written '2 hugs'. One the second was 'One cup of tea'. On the third was 'Carwash.' I could redeem them at any time. I redeemed one right away. One hug.

Thanks, Anjali. It's such a lot of work and I cannot understand how you get so many ideas and actually make those things so quickly and so well. Like I feel, thoughtfulness is the true expression of love. So much thought to make my day special simply floors me. I could not ask for a better Father's Day gift - or rather, gifts. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Anjali - A Close Friend Leaves

Harsh and Anjali have been together since they were in PP2. Most of their ten-year lives. With Mansi, they formed a group of really close friends. Both Mansi and Harsh naturally feature a lot in TWIED. A natural at cricket and a serious competitor who always pushed her at academics, Harsh and Anjali shared a nice, easy and yet competitive friendship.

A typical moment with H, M and A

So Harsh had to be bought the cricket bat for his birthday because his old bat's grip was torn. And Harsh was the one who cajoled Anjali when she got it in her head to change her school last year. And Harsh and Mansi were the ones who helped Anjali negotiate the steps and got to class when she had a bad headache. And Harsh would be the one who would take the Olympiad gold in their school for Maths and Anjali would take English. 'This year I got three - Harsh got one.'

Harsh would not eat even when he came for birthday parties. Reticent when adults were around, he would blossom when his two friends were with him alone. Many a day Anjali would drop by at Harsh's house and they would play cricket together in their flat or any of those games they all normally play. These days, now that they are older, they call each other on the phone and discuss homework etc.

So when Anjali went to Mumbai in the summer vacation, Harsh was already there, visiting his grandmother as he always does. She called him to go to Kidzania with her but he already had been there. When they wondered if they should meet Anjali was like - I will meet him at school anyway.

It so happened that Harsh's parents decided to shift to Mumbai and it happened so fast that Harsh got his admission and they moved before Anjali even knew what happened. I don't know if she felt bad about it but I felt a lot of pain. I know she did and does, she is a deep one who keeps those feelings to herself though she lets us see a glimpse of it.

And then you realise that there will be som many more such exits in life, so many changes, and you go through them all. Some affect you some more, some a little less. But they always take away a part of you. 'It's not so bad,' I told her. 'You guys can call and meet and message much easier than we could.' Anjali nodded.

Good luck Harsh. We will miss you and your ways. I must tell you though, you are a damn good cricketer young man. 

Knot for Keeps - Edited by Sathya Saran

"Knot for Keeps", is an anthology on marriage (goes with the tagline - Writing the Modern Marriage). It is edited by Sathya Saran who was editor of Femina and author of biographies on Guru Dutt, S.D. Burman and Jagjit Singh. The contributors to the anthology are Sharanya Manivannan (award winning writer), Chitra Viraraghavan (writer and editor), Rita Mukherjee (writer), Krishna Shastri Devulapalli (Humor writer, cartoonist, columnist and novelist), Prasoon Joshi (poet, lyricist), Noor Zaheer (writer and researcher), Kalyan Ray (author, novelist), Deeksha Nagar (ethnographer and folklorist), Neha Dixit (independent award winning journalist), Bulbul Sharma (painter and writer), Modhurima Sinha (journalist, photographer and writer), Abha Iyengar (award winning poet, author, writer, editor, translator), Wendell Rodricks (award winning fashion designer), Milan Vohra (juggler and writer) and Vijay Nagaswami (psychiatrist).
And, yours truly.

Harper Collins, 164 p, Rs. 299

When I was first asked to contribute, I had no idea what to write. All thoughts of marriage, especially when asked to put down on paper or any other shareable form, evoked nervous laughter, jokes. Maybe because I didn't know how I had handled mine and what I made of it. After some thought I decided it was best to explore my own marriage, the why of it, since it's an odd marriage - tall, short, dark, fair, last bencher, frontbencher etc. And that's about as much as I will devote to my contribution (The Imperfect Marriage) and will now review the rest of book in the kindliest of ways. It is the first time I am reviewing a book where I feature.

Sharanya Manivannan's "Apportionments of Love' is about not accepting marriage or a partner for its own sake and making sense of it. It is an intense piece that explores all the facets of a life without marriage. 'Conjugular' by Chitra Viraraghavan, is a delightfully mischievous fictional piece about a marriage that seemingly hangs by a thread, but is actually built strongly on a desire to hurt each other in as many ways as possible. Rita Mukherjee's 'A Life Sentence' is heavy and layered with her life experience and honesty, her love for her husband, and the fact that she would leave the love of her life due to her illness. As I read the story I saw her mention being in Hyderabad for a while. Our paths must have crossed somewhere, we might have been this close sometime in Hyderabad, or maybe even read or shared something in the paper. I loved the piece. It's sad she is not there to see the book.

Krishna Shastri Devulapalli's 'Heaven Forbid' takes a look at some of the more stressful ways marriages work - his friend sponsors his wife's passion for dance to keep her happy and employed. He goes beyond the call of duty though (with good reason because she has strong reasons backing her) - paying tuition fees to parents to keep sending the kids, guru fees, for music by the best in the business. At times, he fantasizes about killing her. Meanwhile, she plans her magnum opus 'Heaven Forbid.' Funny as ever, made me laugh out loud a few times - something not many humor writers in India manage to do.

Noor Zaheer's 'Keep Searching, A Light Might Appear' looks at the khula system in Islamic marriages where women have an opportunity to divorce husbands. She looks at how the institution has, over the years, become unequal in Islam and how husband's use the triple talaq system to threaten their wives and keep them under control while the khula system seems to have been lost under layers of misinterpretation. Kalyan Ray's "Our Bi-Continental Marriage' gives an interesting perspective into a marriage between a couple, both married twice before, with kids from earlier marriages, one living in India and another in America and how their bi-continental marriage held for twenty years. Kalyan is a professor in America and his wife Aparna Sen is a filmmaker and actress based in Kolkata so it makes for some interesting reading on how it worked. Next comes 'The Imperfect Marriage'.

In 'Marriage and Me', Deeksha Nagar looks at the many marriages she saw, how they formed her opinion about it and how she makes sense of love, sex, compatibility, and marriage. Neha Dixit explores runaway marriages in 'The Cost of a Runaway Marriage' including her own and gives some fine information about this little known Act called the Special Marriages Act (SMA). The SMA is a special kind of marriage for all Indian nationals in India and in foreign countries, irrespective of the religion or faith followed by either party. It provides equal inheritance and divorce rights to both. With SMA you don't have to convert and be married under one religion or another it appears.

'Mixed Media Marriage' by Bulbul Sharma looks at the grand Bengali-Punjabi marriage between Neela Banerjee and Vikram Kapoor and all that happens when the two cultures and families meet in Delhi. Modhurima Sinha, in 'The Thin Red Line' says 'the opposite of ritual is love' and explores the many rituals associated with marriage. Abha Iyengar's 'A Girl of a Certain Age' talks of how heavily the pressure of marriage weighs on the girl despite her qualifications, intelligence or beauty, the moment she comes of marriageable age. Marriage is a responsibility and she cannot be a burden on her parents anymore. Wendell Rodricks jumps headlong into the maze of lines that govern his love and his life in 'Across Latitudes and Longitudes' and how he and his partner had had to face so many problems while traveling to meet one another, in foreign lands, in India simply because same-sex love is not yet legal. It's the same feeling of love, yet not accepted by those who perhaps, do not feel that feeling or want to restrict it to their own type. It is so unjust and downright ridiculous - the same people who rush to justify war cannot validate love. Wendell writes with great love and patience and understanding.

Milan Vohra's 'What I Hate Most' starts gently and hurtles to the point when there is no time left to hate anymore in the relationship - somewhere the opportunity to see or express the love they felt seems to have gone. But one can feel the love that is hidden beneath all that 'hate'. Vijay Nagaswami explores the institution of marriage - sacrament, contract or relationship?

Some very interesting perspectives on marriage by a diverse lot of writers. I enjoyed reading the book and am certainly wiser on many counts. 

Anjali - Reward Yourself For The Hard Work

This is a story Shobha told me.

She apparently told Anjali that she was not able to get down and complete the work she had set out to complete. She was putting it off.

Anjali thought about it.
 'You know this is what I do in such situations. I tell myself that if I read for an hour I will give myself a chocolate. After an hour I take a break and reward myself with a chocolate.'

Shobha liked the idea. Anyway she got down to work which is a good thing.

Within a few minutes Anjali landed up and asked her what she had set out as her 'reward'.

'I already finished my quota of the reward Anjali,' said Shobha. 'I have been watching the French Open instead of working all these days.'

I think the reward is an important part of this idea. Good for you Anjali.

Anjali - A Long Overdue Interview at 10 and a Half!

What with TWIED and all that happening last year, Anjali and I somehow fell out of the habit of doing the interviews. I did one though in between but somehow it was not to my satisfaction. So this summer vacation I thought I would get one interview going and finally, we did it a couple of days ago. A nice long one!

Q. Anjali, what's the most interesting new thing you learned?
A. Sewing. Skateboard. Table tennis.

Q. Any new idea that caught you by surprise these past few months?
A. Can it be a word? I heard this word "Tweens" the other day. I was searching for movies for under 12 kids and saw this word Tweens describing children in the age group 10-12. I found it very interesting.

Q. What are the other new things you tried during the year?
A. Cricket. Badminton. Guitar.

Q. Why did you stop?
A. In badminton, the coach was always putting me with the babies though I was better. I felt it was unfair.
In cricket, I lost interest after a month. Actually, there was an incident when a couple of children from our age group were put int he senior group because they insisted. I felt that was not right. I lost interest after that.
In the guitar lessons, the teacher put lots of pressure on me in those two classes I took. He would tell me "you have to learn..you have to take exams". Every time I made a mistake he would get angry.

Q. But you might find people like that everywhere? Will you leave them all?
A. I will find a new coach. Why should I learn it his way? If I don't like his teaching why should I adapt?

Q. What are the fun things you did this summer?
A. Going to Kidzania in Mumbai, Snow World in Hyderabad. Watched plenty of movies.

Q. What are the movies you watched?
A. Raazi. Avengers. 102 Not Out. Hotel Transylvania. Singing in the rain.

Q. What's your all-time best movie?
A. Smurfs!

Q. Your all-time favorite song?
A. It's a theme song called 'Better in stereo' by Dove Cameron.

Q. What's the funniest joke/moment in recent times?
A. While we were at the Mumbai airport I heard this 18-year od Telugu girl tell her mother that we were at Chatpata Shivaji airport. I could not believe that she could not pronounce Chatrapathi. Chapata Shivaji! I found it very funny.

Q. Who is the kindest person you know?
A. Miskil.

Q. Why?
A. Because sometimes younger kids can be very annoying. Even I might be like that. But she is always sweet.

Q. What do you think of yourself as a person?
A. I am someone who, once I do something wrong, I immediately ask for forgiveness and move on. I am what I am now. What I did in the past does not describe me. My current action is who I am.
I think I am a strong person. I don't get offended easily.
I think I need to improve in two areas. I need to be more patient and I need to be more careful.

Q. How do you think your education is going on?
A. It's going well.

Q. Is there anything lacking especially since you see so much other content on TV and the computer? Anything that your school can introduce to help your learning?
A. On TV and computer, the shows we watch may appear silly but each show has some meaning in it. In "Best of Luck Nikki", for example, she always makes a video for her little sister with advice and lots of meaning.

Q. What are the new things you want to learn?
A. Table tennis.

Q. What's the best book you read in recent times?
A. Matilda. It's very funny. Humorous Lighthearted. You don't need much thought. I think it takes a lot of effort to write something funny. I find Roald Dahl has a very unique style. I also like David Waalim. He writes funny stories.

Q. Who is the most interesting person you met?
A. Abhinay. He does so many things. Hitchhikes. He is a writer. A poet. TEDx. He does so many things. Now he wants to learn rock sculpting.

Q. You did some interviews recently with your cousins. How was the experience?
A. I think it's a lot of fun. When you normally meet a particular person, we only see the fun and friendly side. But in interviews, they have so many interesting theories and ideas that we will not know otherwise.

Q. Would you like to interview any other people?
A. Yes. There is a woman who gets cats spayed. I would like to interview her. She deals with so many cats. I would like to interview Shikha because she works with differently abled children.

Q. Any new books you want to read? On your list?
A. "Holes" by Louis Sachar and "Carrie's War".

Q. What is your favorite song?
A. "Everybody" by Backstreet Boys.

Q. Anything you plan to do in the near future? On your list?
A. Maybe going to Escape - the water park.

Q. Do you think adults understand you?
A. Yes

Q. What do you think adults should do to make children feel better?
A. When a child says/does something, instead of finding out the problems and what is wrong, they could appreciate what they did and the effort they put in first and then give suggestions to make it better. Children get offended too you know.

Q. What new places would you like to visit?
 A. I and Miskil are planning to visit Baroda.

Q. What was the most interesting food/meal you ate recently?
A. Today's lunch by Mamma. Chicken. Veggies. Bread. Rice. Really nice. I don't like curries. Brinjal. I like few vegetables. Potatoes. Mashed potatoes. I can eat 10 mashed potatoes.

Q. What would you like to buy?
A. Skateboard. Dog.

Q. What are your main concerns with the world? If there are three things to change what would you do?
A. First, kidnapping. Theft. There are so many ways to earn. Why would you want to be happy and give sorrow to someone else?
Then cleanliness,. It is not the government's fault anymore. It launched a program. But there is no punishment for people who do not follow. Then the government must look for other solutions like giving more dustbins. They cannot say we put 250 dustbins in Mumbai and give ads. It won't change like that.
Poverty. The government should give paying jobs for people. They should educate people on money and banks. People don't know. Banks are cheating people.
The government is here to serve the people, for the people and by the people. They are not gods that we have to treat them with respect. They are here to serve. Not for money and fame. Help people. serve people. Do what's good for the country, what is beneficial for the country. even a beggar can rule the world. People have voted the government because they expect them to be kind, just, responsible. The Government does not understand that. All they want is money. I'd want them to be like ordinary people - travel in buses and auto rickshaws. Then they will know their problems. Not just focus on making money.

Q. Why do you think banks are cheating people?
A. Because they can make easy money out of them because people don't know anything about banks.

Q. If you were the Prime Minister what would you do?
A. I would not be rich.
I would go out amongst people and learn their problems and see to their issues.
But I don't want to be PM. Too much tension. Even if I have to lead my class I get tension.

Q. What do you think you'd like to do when you grow up?
A. Climb Himalayas. Trekking in jungles. Be a journalist. TV reporter. I want an apartment. My dream home.

Q. Why don't you picture it and draw it?
A. No. What I see in my mind and what I draw come out differently. I'd rather keep it in my mind.

Q. What would be your most enjoyable activities?
A. I'd love to roam around a toy store all day. Like Hamley's.
I like something. I look at the price. Then I don't like it because the price is too high. Then I'll go for something cheap. Then I give up. But I could go around all day.
I would like to be locked in a mall with my own ATM.
Shopping. Skateboarding. Dogs. Animals.

Q. Why animals?
A. They are sweet. They don't judge. Whatever you do, they love you.

Q. What irritates you most?
A. People who keep following you all around because they like you.

Q. Whats the most peaceful place?
A. My bed. Actually, the air-conditioned room.

Q. What do you think of god/ religion?
A. If you cut people's fingers, we all have red blood. Hindus and Muslims have the same blood.  I think it's so stupid this concept of religion because it divides you into groups. It does not unite. India is the last country I thought that will have these divisions. It's known for unity in diversity. During British rule, all religions united and we fought together. And now Indian is becoming just like the other countries. When did Muslims become not part of India? In Padmavat a Muslim was the bad guy. They didn't complain. Hindus did. I think it's very unfair.

Q. If you had three boons?
A. A dog. A big villa with inbuilt sports. The whole family would live in one villa. No school only play. My seventh birthday was the best ever. No gift is better than family. Parth mama came, Miskil came.

Q. What is the one quality of Nanna that you like?
A. You are very determined. If you make up your mind you will do it. Like for example if you say I will do a diet you will do it. Others will go and eat a samosa.

Q. Mamma?
A. She is funny. Makes me laugh.

Q. If there was one quality from people you have seen that you want, what would it be?
A. Pooja - for her humor. Also, people like her for who she is.
Miskil - for her patience, kind and considerate
Maya (cat) - for her voice, powerful, the way she asks for her food, she commands, give me food
Gauri maushi - her house
Mamma - for her unconditional love
Nanna - your writing ability. I like your articles and I wish I could write like that.

Q. But you don't read my books?
A. I like your articles.

Q. Any one incident that made you go WOW?
A. I was playing badminton once when Sherry and I were matched up. She said I don't want to play with her. When her mother asked her why she said 'she is not a good player'. I thought Wow! Can people be so rude? How can you say that so directly? I didn't feel bad because I knew she is an awful person. If someone said that to my friends they would cry.

Also when I got the last Olympiad results I was so happy. I got a medal in all the Olympiads. last year. Four. 3 golds and 1 silver. Harsh got gold in maths. That feeling when you come back after the teacher gives you your medal and everyone is clapping and smiling at you-you can never feel anything like that. For some time all you hear is the sound of their clapping.

Wow!
Long interview. And very nice. Thanks, Anjali!

I like what you said about the government - it is out of reach for the people instead of being there for the people. I fully agree that governments should be kind, just and responsible. I cannot even think of government offices being that. I hope they change for you!

I like your views on religion and god - they should be used to unite and for peace and not to fight and kill. Teachers and coaches have a thing or two to learn as well - be patient, don't push the kids and don't be unfair. Justice they say is the first expression of love.

A couple of things were interesting. When you said that banks are cheating people I asked you again, wondering if you got the wrong idea. But your answer was right - banks cannot keep their customers in the dark just because the customers do not know the process. They have a responsibility to educate them. Similarly with another statement of yours, that the government is only interested in making money.  I wondered if there was some bias that crept in somewhere from what you may have overheard but when I do look at it - I find that there is nothing wrong with that statement also. There is less service orientation and more perks and entitlements here when we speak of the government. Like you said later, their main focus should be service and not luxurious lives and perks. There should be a way of measuring the real service they have done to the poorest of the poor, to alleviate the common man's problems.

All in all, I can see a shift in thought and I can also see how the interviews may change in future. More discussions. More views and perspectives. I really enjoyed it. And many thanks - I feel rather proud to know that you enjoy reading my articles and that you think I am determined. I am feeling more determined already!

Anjali - First Play!

With great enthusiasm Anjali joined the Hindu STEPS Summer camp at Jubilee Hills. It was a 10 day camp from April 25 to May 5, organised and scheduled very well by Meghna and Haripriya. The camp had several activities but key takeaways were that the children got to understand the dynamics of a play right from understanding the stage, props, writing, characters, dialogue, music, acting etc. Anjali was part of one of the 5 groups.

Anjali and her team

Her group came up with a play about Guddu. Anjali was chosen as Guddu because she resembled a boy most  with her short hair etc. The group was given a semi written play and they had to complete it. The process of working together on the team - dealing with pushy characters, quiet characters etc - and discovering friends everywhere by the end of it all.

Another group setting up props

So they wrote the play, rehearsed it, acted it, made props and stuff like that. One day she picked up twigs which she thought would work as fire. When I dropped her she changed her mind but then I told her to take it anyway - many times we give up on our own ideas. I don't know what happened after I left though.

A play in action

The story goes a bit like this. Guddu lives with his mom. Mom falls sick. Guddu has to go to the forest to collect firewood. He falls in a ditch which is actually a bear trap. The bear comes. Guddu is stuck. Then a forest officer comes and saves Guddu and all's well that ends well. Costumes, props, narration etc. Nicely done.

Happy children and teachers

On the last day we the parents were all asked to come over to witness the five plays and we did. It was wonderful to see the innocent energy of the children and the confidence and talent on display. How much of it goes away as we grow up thanks to beliefs that adults put in our heads! They sang, emoted, laughed, joked and it was heady fun.

Me sharing my two bits - Haripriya in the background

At the end Haripriya called me over to speak a few words and I said what made sense to me. That as children they are so non judgmental, so full of hope and kindness which is what makes their world so simple and easy. As adults we judge everything and that takes kindness and hope out of the equation. I kept it really short and then handed over the certificates to the children. So impressive were their performances that I could remember almost every single one of their performances - 22 of them!

But what remains in mind is the enthusiasm they bring, the way the other groups helped by holding props or doing all they could to help other groups, the way they all seriously exchanged phone numbers with the best of intentions and one hopes that they never lose this spirit. This is the way of joyfulness, this is how life must be lived. Not transactionally.

Giving away certificates

That is probably Anjali's first play - I don't know if she did any at school - definitely not on this scale I think. Reminds me to mention my one and only play here. It was when I was in my third class studying in St. Joseph's school in Kurnool. The play had a rich boy and a poor boy and I got to play the rich boy because I had a jacket. I was also not the nice guy in the play - I was one of those guys who have a lot but do not share.  So I was given a lunch box filled with cashew nuts, a banana and some chips. The poor guy was hungry but I just eat up my stuff without offering anything. In the end I am taught my lesson and learn to share. I hated eating the soft banana but loved the cashew and chips. More importantly I was all the time looking at our pretty teacher who I was infatuated with then and that ended my short career in theatre. Hopefully Anjali will have a longer stint.

Thank you Meghna and Haripriya. Hope to see you in another camp soon. Anjali is all ready for another one.

Anjali - You Should use These Talents to Make Money

I was driving Anjali home when I was stuck behind this car being driven at an uncertain speed. The only logical answer to me - the driver was speaking on his mobile phone. So I bet Anjali that the driver, whom we could not see, was talking on the phone. It turned out he was.

A couple of days ago while watching an IPL game I saw Umesh Yadav bowl a fabulous delivery and get a batsman out. Something about his rhythm and about the way Rohit Sharma walked to the wicket made me predict that he would get Rohit Sharma out on his first ball. And so it happened - an inside edge that went for a review but was given out. I predicted a few more such review calls correctly.

Having seen all this Anjali told me today after the car incident.
'Nanna, you should use these talents to make money.'
For a moment I was flummoxed.
'What talents?' I asked. I could not see any.
'The way your are predicting things - in cricket and on the road,' she said all seriousness.

How does one put such talents to work and earn money? How long will beginner's luck persist?

But on a serious note, I was quite happy that Anjali noticed something about me that I did not.

Anjali - The Giving Tree and A Promise

Anjali joined a summer camp oganised by the Hindu called STEP Junior League. One of their exercises was to identify someone in their life who is their giving tree. Luckily for me Shobha was away doing some adventurous stuff so Anjali conferred the title on me. I am naturally very pleased with this award of the giving tree.

Thank you Anjali for making me realise that I am capable of giving. Thank you for receiving. And some more. A line that binds me for a lifelong commitment. "You are always there for me".

I am reminded of this story in the first edition of the Chicken Soup series about a young boy and his friend in Armenia. An 8.2 scale earthquake flattens the entire country including the school where the boy is studying. His father goes to the school to find his son and finds flattened buildings. There is no hope but he remembers his promise to his son. "No matter what happens, I  will always be there for you.'
He started digging. To those who told him it was pointless, he only responded - 'Are you going to help me now?' He dug for 38 hours, alone. And then he heard a voice.
His son's.
The boy says - 'I told the others you would come if you were alive Dad. And that when you saved me they would be saved too.' The young son told him that 14 out of the 33 survived because of a wedge that formed in the building when it crashed.
When the father tells his son to come out, the boy lets the others go first.
'Let them got first Dad,' he says. 'Because I know you will get me. No matter what, I know you will be there for me.'

Anjali, I don't know if I said  it before and like so many other things it's you who prods me first - but no matter what, I will always be there for you.

Thanks Chicken Soup.  Lovely story. Thanks Anjali. Lovely card.

Anjali - Script Writing!

Now Anjali wants to write a script and make a short movie. She announced the project and immediately got started. She showed me the first draft. It was pretty good - divided into scenes and with narration and dialogue and all that.

Then she gave that up and worked on another one which she said was better. This one was about Hamara Shehar Hyderabad and was rooted in how we should be proud of what we have and not hanker after things foreign etc. Hyderabad zindabad!

  

Anjali - Don't Say a Word

'I cannot wait for the exams to get over,' said Anjali. 'These days I dream of that feeling when the exams get over and I am enjoying my holidays.'

The fact was that the exams were not over yet. As an adult I felt I must immediately reduce these unwanted happiness and joy at the enjoyment after the exams. It was time to focus on the exams. Not indulge in such fanciful frivolities.

'But first,' I began. 'Finish your exams. Then you can enjoy your holidays...'

Anjali reached out from her seat behind me and closed my mouth before I could say more and completely ruin her fantasy. I stopped as soon as I realised what I had done. She knows it all well. She is doing her best. But I had to put in my two bits and take credit for what she was doing.

How often do we do that? How often do we mess up somebody's beautifully woven dream with such inane, insensitive and useless remarks?

Many times, it is best to remain silent. Let them flow with their happiness. We have no right to take that moment away.

Sorry Anjali. Next time, I will hopefully participate in your happiness. 

Anjali - I Love Those Last few Extra Minutes of Sleep

One of my favorite questions in the morning to people - I don't know why I ask this - is "Did you sleep well?' Mostly they say yes and that's done.

I asked this question to Anjali as usual and she was already up and about so she was chatty.
'Yes, I slept well Nanna. But you know what I like best? It's the few extra minutes that I sleep after you wake me up that is the best. I really enjoy those extra minutes.'

I smiled. Yes, those few extra stolen moments. Is that what all happiness about - those extra stolen moments where you feel you broke away on your own?

She had more to say.

'Because its a short time, I get dreams,' she said. (She has some theory of how you get dreams only when you are not in deep sleep - she told me this many years ago in some interview of hers).

'Today I got the best dream of all. We were playing kho kho at school and no one could catch me. There were 70 people and none could catch me. I was so happy. In reality I get out really early in our school games.'

She was pretty pleased with the dream.