Harsha got two box loads of books to give away and I kept a few aside to browse through. One was 'How to win any argument' a slim self-help by Jaico and I decided to browse through for any tips on winning arguments. I liked a few.
Firstly he says that to win an argument we must not act under influence (bias),see things the way we want to see them (getting stuck in a rigid stance), color things with our expectations (bias), make assumptions (fixed ideas that are not rooted in fact), say I know what I know (which could be inadequate and limiting), being stubborn and getting personal. One must watch for the other person's body language, listen, be alert to verbal cues about what they really mean versus what they are saying. Keep a still centre he says - don't act (or react) under influence.
Once you have some semblance of self-control, he says we must build a Consent Zone by getting them to buy into you as a person - be yourself, don't be a know-all, show appreciation, be enthusiastic, don't complain or sulk, don't look back, don't judge, don't make them defensive. My take - don't make them defensive by pushing them back - go the other way and make them feel secure (by being open).
To build trust, let your guard down a bit, be the first to introduce yourself, use humour, loosen up, be vulnerable, listen 75% and talk 25%, ask about them, build credibility and trust. Keep your messaging simple and relevant and interesting to them, share what's in it for them.
To sell an idea, create choices. Be precise. Get testimonials, tell them if-i-can, so-can-you stories. Don't over repeat a story - once or twice and that's it. Don't seem desperate.
When pitching your idea use the business card test - bring your core idea down to what you can write at the back of your business card. Bring down facts and analysis down to that much - then its clear. Stick to the rule of three - not more than three main points.
Use magic words, phrases, analogies, use words that create images, use good story telling, reinterpret ideas. To close the deal you must call for action - straight to the point, create scarcity of time and opportunity, address their innate need of recognition, nostalgia or whatever. And the best way to negotiate he says - is to be silent.
Many times writing is better than talking to win an argument - and while writing, the less the better.
Final points for winning arguments - keep it short and simple, create mental pictures, use silence, create a harmonious space, watch your tone and voice, be patient, listen a lot, count 1-2-3 before your respond to what they are saying, it's better to call back than to pick up the phone if you're not prepared and finally sum it all up so there's no confusion.
Liked a few ideas - business card, still centre, silence, 1-2-3 before responding, introducing yourself first, listening etc. Thanks Harsha.
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