I asked Rajan Bala, someone whose presence and wisdom I miss, to sign on a copy of 'The Men Within' and he wrote this. Absolutely gracious for someone as accomplished as him to write this. But he was always kind - he said he would be because it was the first book - but he would not be in the second.
For this Rajan Bala saab, thank you so much.
Sometime over a decade ago the HCA granted us former Ranji players a sum of Rs. 1 lakh for some reason. I don't think I saw a cheque that big then and was looking to see how to get rid of it. Luckily Choudary came home that morning and said we should buy a nice flat screen TV and bullied me into buying this Sony Bravia for some 67K. My heart bled. I would have bought myself a TV for 20K and somehow got rid of the rest.
But Choudary's pushing made me buy something that gave me so much pleasure over the past ten years. Yes, a minor hiccup here and there but that's about it. Hundreds of movies, matches, videos, pictures - ah, it shared so many lovely moments with us.
And then, as any old friend does, it realised despite its failing years, that I wanted nothing more than watch the 2022 FIFA World Cup. It showed me every single match lovingly and two days after the final, retired. It blacked out. My repairman said I should retire it and I i will honour his advice.
Thank you for being with me in some of my most creatively productive years, for making me witness some wonderful stuff with some wonderful people. Golconda High School, the many movies that Sagar gave me to watch which so enhanced my understanding of movies, watching movies on cable TV, finding the world of OTT, keeping us entertained and sane during the pandemic, it has been one hell of a ride.
Good bye my friend. Thanks Koni (he also made me buy a laser printer which was a huge help - still around with me - broken, battered but chugging on).
I was going in my car today and suddenly the thought struck me that if I felt that the car gave me my identity, it was bigger than me. If I gave the car an identity, I was bigger than the car.
Similarly, anything in the world cannot be bigger than me - a house, a hotel, a person, an experience, clothes etc. It is me who gives it value. As long as I am bigger than it, it is made by me. I am not made by it.
It's a freeing thought. I am bigger than it all. Nothing is bigger than me.
I have no need to prove anything then.
This is a memoir of sotrs which actually were written as some 100 plus WhatsApp posts by Dr Vijamuri Surya Prakash for his Life-HRG group. Dr Prakash and his wife Dr Kameshwari, who fully fits the better half role perfectly, have been on an unusual, heartening journey into people's hearts, following their hearts instead of using their medical degrees to accumulate wealth. They have received much acclaim and recognition for their social service.
Dr Prakash is a sensitive man and one gets it when you meet him or even read his stuff. He has been deeply affected by the loss of his elder sister when he was 18 and soon after his medicine, preferred to plough his own path. The loss of his older brother, his father, and others in his life have affected him deeply. That said he has used his pain in the most productive of ways - starting projects for the poor, to encourage the spirit of sharing, of reading and writing. Concepts such as 'Banana Health' where they would load a cart of bananas and people could eat for free and those who could afford could pay for the free ones. He writes how the look on those who ate the free bananas would light up - in gratitude. He started the 100 days, 100 books concept. Most interestingly he started the 'Andari Illu' - a house that is open to all. You can walk in and cook your own food on the stove and material supplied by the house, eat, read etc. A shared house.
It's been a wonderful journey and I wish him all the very best as he walks on with support from Dr Kameshwari. Dr Surya Prakash garu took the trouble of coming home to give me these books and though it took a while I am glad I read them.
This is another collection of poems by Surya Prakash garu. I would think this preceded the other one because there is some amount of simplicity in these. Prakash garu writes about death, about being alive, about early days, eyes, flowers. He writes about 'I Know', 'In Your Hands'.
One poem really impressed me - Stretched Hands. It got me thinking that as we go in life many hands reach out to us and we pass some by. Prakash garu has reached out to perhaps as many hands as were stretched out to him.
His initiatives included the 'Banana Health Project', 'Dance Ballet', 'Project Mercury', 'Open House' and 'Tree House' among others. A fascinating life.
These are books gifted by a unique individual - V Surya Prakash. I met him a long while ago at a coffee house in Srinagar Colony where he was organising a 100 days, 100 books challenge. The idea was that 100 books would be discussed by various people - readers, authors and anyone who had something to say. After a few days we peeped in and I also got to speak about The Men Within. Prakash garu does stuff oike that.
This is a collection of his poems. I have not been able to browse through them all these years. Luckily got a chance to. His poems have the angst of a youngster, the delight of a child. He talks about smiles, laughter, a simple life, and easily gets distressed at the pain in life. He has seen a decent amount of pain and loss and one can understand that. A collection of poignant thoughts - Last Journey, Freedom, Wings. What I expect. Labels and how they fool us. One poem on paan as well.
So many thoughts. So glad he brought them out.
There are ten steps to 'change absolutely anything'.
1. Create the Right Impression.
You need to have them at hello - so make an effort to make a good first impression because it will go a long way and make change easy. People like it when you make a good first impression. They follow you like geese which apparently follow the first thing they set their eyes upon.
So work on your first impression!
2. Decode how you want to be perceived
Use what you 'say and do' to win he says. 55% of communication is non verbal, 38% is vocal (as in tone and expression) and only 8% is about words. So be careful how you use non-verbal and vocal messaging.
We also act according to the image we hold of ourselves (our self concept is the only thing we have). Look at how how behave on your best behaviors, figure how you act on your first date and stay with that.
I loved the 4 minute rule. Damian says we just have to be at our best behavior for 4 minutes and that will set a lot of things right in our relationships. He cites the example of English rugby coach Clive Woodard who would have a specific drill for half time if the team came trailing. 0-2 minutes (silence/think on performance/ change kit) 2-5 minutes (coach assessment, food and fluids), 5-8 minutes (silence, start form zero, visualise kick off)
Consistent winners focus energies on behaviors that lead to their goals.
Exercise -Pick three potential scenarios - remind yourself of your best behavior.
WOPAS is a valuable tool of self assessment because we cannot see what others are seeing - What our peers are saying - valuable feedback. Get it.
Ask this question - what do we do as a group that makes us productive and happy? Can we agree to do these things more frequently?
3. Recognise the power of emotion
Don't look at the mass, look at one, said Mother Teresa (loved that). Don't give big picture, instead focus on one story and go deep so you will touch emotion. Emotions drive decisions and action. We move and create change when our feelings and emotions are touched.
"See - feel - change'.
Whoever you are trying to influence needs to care. They need to feel what you feel. You increase your chance of success figure out their emotional buttons.
Be careful not to mix up feelings with pre-feelings. (Pre feelings are not real feelings, they come from a fight or flee conditioning)
Stress + Stimulus - Perception - Response. Don't respond to false perceptions.
4. Address the 4 important needs of humans
1) Feeling valued (build an emotional bank account - do an exercise where you add to the account and where you take away). Keep positive focus - when attempting to bring about a change in your life, first start by identifying what works. In a Praise vs Criticism exercise with school kids the ones with praise improved by 71%, the ones with criticism improved by 19% and those who were ignored only by 5%
It helps to go with our strengths first.
2) Feeling in control
Make people feel in control. One way for us to feel in control personally is by doing routines. We often act as though we can control the uncontrollable
Churchill famously made two lists - did what he could control and threw the other one away
Olympians have a phrase for that - "that's outside my boat"
3) Sense of belonging
You need to belong to that group, you need to feel like you belong to it. Need or attachment is an important part of our identity
Make these 3 lists
1) People I connect well with
2) People I connect fairly well with
3) People I don't connect well with at all
Check your behaviors with each group and change them.
4) Safety
There is something to be said for feeling confident to speak up and be yourself without fear of attack
Change action
Identify specific acts of courage to facilitate change, what does it cost you to let your anxieties and fear determine
List positive pictures of acts of courage of yours
5) Understand your reaction to change
Attitude - it is nothing but response to facts
Check for energy givers and energy sappers
Look for the controllable and the uncontrollables
E+ R = O
Event + Response = Outcome Change response to change outcome
6) Anticipate how those around you will react to change
Learn to be flexible to get the support you need. Identify whether those who you surround yourself with are hindering or assisting your attitude
The four types
1. Initiator
2.Blocker
3. Observer
4. Adapter
Blockers play a vital role
Change action
List 15 people essential to your change today
Become an initiator
7. Examine your beliefs
The example of Houdini and the locked door - he could not open it but it was not locked in the first place.
Beliefs =Perception
What beliefs do you have about your ability to create the change you want
There are two people within - the thinker and the prover. What the thinker thinks the prover proves.
The Pygmalion effect. Talk positive stuff. People behave not according to reality but based on their perception of reality. Many of our limits are self-imposed or by others.
8. Avoid these 3 Belief Traps
1. Results based beliefs
The time we need self-belief is when things are not going well
2. Ludic fallacy
Belief in only things that are possible. Look at your own change challenge in a naive manner and see how much you can really achieve.
Eg. Ford dealer and his top sales.
3. Shared helplessness
Taking instances of failure and generalising them
Beliefs= behavior = results
What you believe as a deep, sub conscious level will determine how you behave on a constant basis
If you change the belief, you ca change the result
Write feelings about the change like a devil and then like an angel
9. Be aware of where you are sitting
Understanding what influences you to find the key to change. We do the same thing over and over again, making it difficult to spot the chance to change. If all you see are failure and despair, it is very hard to see the possibilities around you.
Change action
Keep tabs on the type of information you consume
Happy couple - coffee offer - reply positively, acknowledge negatively, stay silent, change the subject
Turning towards positive responses. When we are 'turning towards' responses the effects are enormous
Change action
Think of someone who is helping you create change. Your response ratio should be 5:1
Knowledge bank
Identify your best change making behaviors
Change action
Change how you think about your past conditioning
10. Take action
Knowledge appreciates when you share it, creating new insights and more knowledge
Cliff Young, ran the marathon in Australia 550 miles in 5 days without sleeping and won
Now to apply these. I think its valuable information and could really make a big change.
